rant IT'S LIKE I DONT KNOW MYSELF ANYMORE.

[misstystic]

For a long while, I've felt like I am this strong character. I mean, I know for a fact that I am not quite like everyone else, and I love myself for all that I am. In the sense, I see my friends would rather spend a day binge-watching some Netflix series rather than go out on a pleasant morning, and I love myself for just doing what I want without regrets.

 

At times, in class, I would rather spend my time with my books, rather than make small talk with my friends. It's only very very rarely do I chose the opposite, and quite often I've regretted it.

 

I have a best friend who calls me a robot. For quite a lot of reasons. Many a time, when somebody gave me reasons to get angry or hurt, I just pushed it aside like it didn't matter. She thinks I'm kind of this emotionless person (but she loves me for all that I am don't get me wrong) , and honestly, I just accepted it as me being quirky and moved on.

 

And all was fine.

Until quite recently.

 

As of late, I've had self doubt and a sense that I am lacking in self esteem eating me up. I don't really like this side of me.

 

It's like I am this person I know I shouldn't really be but can't help but be.

Help please!

[misstystic]

I feel like I am doing things differently as an effort to be "different" rather than just be me. Honestly, my thoughts are so muddled up that I don't even know.

 

And because of this, of late, I've been wasting up so much of my time that this sense of low self esteem is honestly eating me up.

[Anthony IV]

Hey Misstystic ( I hope I spelled that right)

 

I get what your saying about people calling you emotionless. I am the same way. I bottle up all the sadness, sometimes happiness, pride, pain, and anger (I usually let that one out though), so people think of me as this big though guy. Then, at the end if the day, I let it all out in the shower. I cry, I make my own songs, I get mad, and scream into a towel. It helps to let stuff out at the end of every day, especially if it was a bad day. Also, something that helped ground myself when I was playing with the thought of suicide was talking to a friend you trust. Invite him to a sleepover, where it's just you and him/her. Tell them how you feel and let them try and help you. Listening to music every day helps to. I listen to music 24/7 just to try and distract myself from the problems I have. Hope this helped, leave me a question if you have any

[Remi]

Hello @misstystic,

 

A big welcome to our community.

 

I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling with your self-esteem. The way in which you describe your life of being more calm and introverted and preferring your own company and to be in nature - makes it sound that doing these things is truly who you are and like to be.

 

We all feel peer pressure at certain points to conform to what everyone around us is doing and feeling like an outsider. But in truth, we are all unique and it's so so important to be true to yourself and beat to the rhythm of your own drum. Don't think of it as wasting time, self-reflection is healthy and sometimes we are just more down than at other times. Think of this time as a challenge to yourself to maintain yourself and your identity and try not be be afraid of change, we are all supposed to change in little ways as we get older.

 

I always like to say to myself: "It's okay, you are exactly where and who you are supposed to be"" \

 

I hope this helps,

 

-Remi