social problems & feeling lonley

[sstaygoldponiii]

Lately I have been feeling very confused and in my head about things.
To start things off, my best friend got a boyfriend which left me feeling jealous and a bit worried about the future. I feel as if I am second best now and that nothing will ever be the same as it was before. I have been here for her all this time and it doesn't feel fair that a boy gets to take her away from me. Not to mention, I feel unlovable sometimes. I wonder why I'm not the one getting into a relationship that I want with a guy I want.
To add, I recently started talking to a guy friend whom I have complicated history with. At one point we did date for a few weeks, but I called it off when I felt it wasn't right. We stopped contact completely about 6 months ago when I decided that he was behaving narcissistically and wasn't respecting my personal boundaries. However, now we're talking again and I don't mind it at all, in fact, I like hanging out with him and being his friend. But I have noticed lately that there are problems with how I behave when I don't receive a text from him. I know I don't have romantic feelings for him but he's always in the back of my mind. I hate the horrible feeling of obsessing over him when I know, A, I don't want a relationship with him, and B, that I don't have any other close enough friends to message on a daily basis to get him off of my mind. I want to get these negative feelings out but I'm not really sure how, and I don't want to go back into the dark place that I was last year. 

[Aurora]

On 8/31/2024 at 6:15 PM, sstaygoldponiii said:

Lately I have been feeling very confused and in my head about things.
To start things off, my best friend got a boyfriend which left me feeling jealous and a bit worried about the future. I feel as if I am second best now and that nothing will ever be the same as it was before. I have been here for her all this time and it doesn't feel fair that a boy gets to take her away from me. Not to mention, I feel unlovable sometimes. I wonder why I'm not the one getting into a relationship that I want with a guy I want.
To add, I recently started talking to a guy friend whom I have complicated history with. At one point we did date for a few weeks, but I called it off when I felt it wasn't right. We stopped contact completely about 6 months ago when I decided that he was behaving narcissistically and wasn't respecting my personal boundaries. However, now we're talking again and I don't mind it at all, in fact, I like hanging out with him and being his friend. But I have noticed lately that there are problems with how I behave when I don't receive a text from him. I know I don't have romantic feelings for him but he's always in the back of my mind. I hate the horrible feeling of obsessing over him when I know, A, I don't want a relationship with him, and B, that I don't have any other close enough friends to message on a daily basis to get him off of my mind. I want to get these negative feelings out but I'm not really sure how, and I don't want to go back into the dark place that I was last year. 

Hi @sstaygoldponiii, I'm Aurora and I am one of the support mentors. I can see that you are new here so I wanted to start off by welcoming you to Ditch the Label. It's great to have you here .

Thanks so much for opening up about what's been going on for you. I know it's not always easy to talk about these kinds of things and I can understand why you are feeling very confused. I get the impression that you and your best friend are very close and that you have been through quite a lot together. Is that right? I wanted to reassure you that it can be quite common to feel jealous and a bit worried about how things will be, when our best friend starts seeing someone. This is because there is a chance that the relationship between you and your friend will change and it's OK to feel sad about that. Do you mind me asking, what are you most worried about that might happen and have you spoken to your friend about this? Can you think of any positives that might come from her being in a relationship? 

I get the impression, that your best friend getting a boyfriend has knocked your confidence a little? Is that fair to say and do you think this might be part of the reason why it keeps bothering you when the guy you have been texting with doesn't reply? I might be completely wrong of course - it's just something I thought I picked up on, when I was reading through your message. 

You mentioned about not wanting to go back into the dark place you were in last year. I don't know what happened but I can imagine it must be tough for you to have to worry about that. Please know that we are here for you if you want to talk about it some more (no pressure of course). You can also send us a message on confidential support if you could prefer to talk about it 1-2-1. To do this, either scroll down to the bottom of the page and click on Get Confidential Support now or you can send us a message here https://forums.ditchthelabel.org/support/