God, I need help

[vega]

Dear god there has been so much i have been holding in so I have to say something

 

I have been struggling with communicating

It just dosent come natural to me and i feel so awkward like everyone is always judging me

I'm the type that waits to see if someone else throws something out to see if I'm allowed to

I mumble and mess up words and hate myself for it

And I hate friends

I like my friends, but not having friends

I feel they will leave me and I will be alone so I want to stop wasting my time being friends with them, because they are too good for me

 

also i tell myself that I dont need to eat at school then I load myself with food at home, especially when im stressed

And im scared that I eat gross and look gross and act gross and am utterly unlikeable

So screw wanting to date someone, thats never happening

I dont even like myself

I probably am so unlikeable because I act superior, I think thats how everyone views me

I just hate myself so much

 

[Monsoon]

6 hours ago, vega said:

Dear god there has been so much i have been holding in so I have to say something

I have been struggling with communicating

It just dosent come natural to me and i feel so awkward like everyone is always judging me

I'm the type that waits to see if someone else throws something out to see if I'm allowed to

I mumble and mess up words and hate myself for it

And I hate friends

I like my friends, but not having friends

I feel they will leave me and I will be alone so I want to stop wasting my time being friends with them, because they are too good for me

also i tell myself that I dont need to eat at school then I load myself with food at home, especially when im stressed

And im scared that I eat gross and look gross and act gross and am utterly unlikeable

So screw wanting to date someone, thats never happening

I dont even like myself

I probably am so unlikeable because I act superior, I think thats how everyone views me

I just hate myself so much

Hey Vega,

Thank you for opening up to us about how you're feeling. I can really tell how negative you're being towards yourself at the moment, and I can then see how this is impacting the rest of your life, such as how you view your friendships, dating, and how others perceive you. I'm wondering, how long have you been feeling this way for? How did it all start?

[-Leila-]

8 hours ago, vega said:

Dear god there has been so much i have been holding in so I have to say something

I have been struggling with communicating

It just dosent come natural to me and i feel so awkward like everyone is always judging me

I'm the type that waits to see if someone else throws something out to see if I'm allowed to

I mumble and mess up words and hate myself for it

And I hate friends

I like my friends, but not having friends

I feel they will leave me and I will be alone so I want to stop wasting my time being friends with them, because they are too good for me

also i tell myself that I dont need to eat at school then I load myself with food at home, especially when im stressed

And im scared that I eat gross and look gross and act gross and am utterly unlikeable

So screw wanting to date someone, thats never happening

I dont even like myself

I probably am so unlikeable because I act superior, I think thats how everyone views me

I just hate myself so much

Hey lovely,

I'm so so sorry you think about yourself like this, you've done the right thing by coming here and expressing how you feel, here at DTL you cab express how you feel, and you can get confidential support by a lovely member of the digital mentors! Going to echo what Monsoon said, how long has this been happening for, and can you remember a time you didn't feel like this? We are here for you vega, take care lovely,

Lulu

[vega]

I don't even know, maybe last year? I feel it just intensifies everyday

I just feel stupid and weak, I could hardly get up today

[Monsoon]

13 hours ago, vega said:

I don't even know, maybe last year? I feel it just intensifies everyday

I just feel stupid and weak, I could hardly get up today

Hey,

Thank you for getting back to me. I can really see how negative you are towards yourself at the moment, and it seems like you're definitely at a low point. However, the good thing is that you've come to us and you've opened up. By opening up, you will help yourself to process your feelings and then think of next steps.

I'm wondering, did something happen last year that might have made you start being so negative towards yourself? If so, would you like to tell me about that? A lot of the time, there can be a negative experience that knocks your confident which then grows and makes you more negative generally. Have a think about that. Speak soon. 

[vega]

10 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Thank you for getting back to me. I can really see how negative you are towards yourself at the moment, and it seems like you're definitely at a low point. However, the good thing is that you've come to us and you've opened up. By opening up, you will help yourself to process your feelings and then think of next steps.

I'm wondering, did something happen last year that might have made you start being so negative towards yourself? If so, would you like to tell me about that? A lot of the time, there can be a negative experience that knocks your confident which then grows and makes you more negative generally. Have a think about that. Speak soon. 

Everyone has just been acting like an idiot while i work so hard for everything, and still am never enough, and yet the idiots have always done so well at everything, maybe im just some stuck up idiot and they are being fun. They may get introuble a lot and are highly discrimitory, but they are living better than me and never have regrets. I still regret accdently closing a door on someone who didnt even get mad at me

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

That's an interesting example you gave around how you regret closing the door on someone who didn't even get mad at you. To me, this shows how down you are on yourself at the moment, and it sounds like you are really tuned into that negative voice and could do with some support to turn down the volume on it and tune into the positive side more. What do you think?

[vega]

On 10/5/2022 at 9:11 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

That's an interesting example you gave around how you regret closing the door on someone who didn't even get mad at you. To me, this shows how down you are on yourself at the moment, and it sounds like you are really tuned into that negative voice and could do with some support to turn down the volume on it and tune into the positive side more. What do you think?

i am meeting with my consler more and she is helping me learn how to be more assertive and have a higher self esteem, dose that count

 

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Yeah, that counts a lot. Can you tell me more about what you're doing to build your self-esteem together? What does that look like?

[vega]

On 10/8/2022 at 4:34 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, that counts a lot. Can you tell me more about what you're doing to build your self-esteem together? What does that look like?

we are working on a booklet.

[Monsoon]

7 hours ago, vega said:

we are working on a booklet.

That sounds interesting. What kind of things are you putting in the booklet? Are you finding it helpful?

[vega]

11 hours ago, Monsoon said:

That sounds interesting. What kind of things are you putting in the booklet? Are you finding it helpful?

no, i still feel like shit and my grades are spiraling

[vega]

23 minutes ago, vega said:

no, i still feel like shit and my grades are spiraling

I jsut want to feel really ok, not fake ok

[Monsoon]

10 hours ago, vega said:

no, i still feel like shit and my grades are spiraling

Hey,

I'm wondering, have you told your counsellor that you're still feeling like this? If you haven't, it might be worth thinking about because they know you best and will be able to help you out more. What do you think?

[vega]

On 10/13/2022 at 12:22 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey,

I'm wondering, have you told your counsellor that you're still feeling like this? If you haven't, it might be worth thinking about because they know you best and will be able to help you out more. What do you think?

maybe

 

[Monsoon]

13 hours ago, vega said:

maybe

Hey,

You might find it helpful, but there's no pressure. Is there anyone else you can talk to as well?

[vega]

On 10/16/2022 at 4:00 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey,

You might find it helpful, but there's no pressure. Is there anyone else you can talk to as well?

DTL is the only place i only discuss these things. It's like talking to people i will never meet will not hurt me

[Monsoon]

13 hours ago, vega said:

DTL is the only place i only discuss these things. It's like talking to people i will never meet will not hurt me

Hey there,

That's interesting that it's like talking to people you'll never meet will not hurt you, and I'm wondering, what has your experience been like of talking to people about your feelings that you've met before?

[vega]

On 10/18/2022 at 9:35 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

That's interesting that it's like talking to people you'll never meet will not hurt you, and I'm wondering, what has your experience been like of talking to people about your feelings that you've met before?

it has never mattered before,or it was fake. Recently I thought I was being bullyed because people have been meowing at me. I thought it was because there is a rumour that i'm a furry, but i'm not. then it turned out that i was just being paranoid and these people are just meowing everywhere for fun, but i ending draging in the principal and getting all these kids in trouble and i feel so bad. What if I'm always wrong? what if I am just fake. I hate goimg anywhere now but I hate staying cooped up in my house. I'm just so tierd and so scared. On top of that I hate myself even more and hate my friendds for includding me but at the same time I ALWAYS feel excluded. Why can't I just feel ok, It's not like anything bad has haapened. I'm scared if I reveal something my life will never be the same but at the same time I want things to change so bad

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

It's completely normal to feel scared that things will change if you reveal how you're feeling, but actually, do those changes have to be a bad thing? When you let your feelings out, you're helping yourself and those around you to understand you more which will then help you to build the connections you need and strategies to cope with your emotions. What do you think about that? What is you spoke to your friends about how you feel excluded?

[vega]

On 10/24/2022 at 4:20 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

It's completely normal to feel scared that things will change if you reveal how you're feeling, but actually, do those changes have to be a bad thing? When you let your feelings out, you're helping yourself and those around you to understand you more which will then help you to build the connections you need and strategies to cope with your emotions. What do you think about that? What is you spoke to your friends about how you feel excluded?

I feel that my input dossen't matter, that they are just letting me hang out. And I don't know, I'm hoping i'll speak to my conslur soon

[Monsoon]

22 hours ago, vega said:

I feel that my input dossen't matter, that they are just letting me hang out. And I don't know, I'm hoping i'll speak to my conslur soon

Hey there,

When face-to-face and telling someone something you don't like about the way they treat you, they can get quite defensive and shut down. It can be better to write a letter so they can read your perspective alone and have time to calm down before responding. What do you think? This is a really helpful technique and I think it will support your situation and get you all to a better place with it.