Dino’s Blog 2

[TinyDinos]

On 2/11/2024 at 11:14 AM, Luie said:

It's totally understandable that you've developed a perspective on feelings that doesn't fit into the neat timeline some might expect @TinyDinos. Trust me when I say this, emotions are complex and don't adhere to a schedule, and it's important to allow ourselves the time and space to process them in a way that feels right for us.

It's great that you're not only aware of your feelings but also considering healthier ways to deal with them. Giving emotions the space they need without bottling them up is a healthy approach. Your perspective on this seems really mature and insightful. And hey, dyeing your hair purple sounds like an exciting and positive step! Embracing things that bring you joy, especially when it comes to self-expression, is fantastic. It's these small, personal victories that matter and contribute to your overall well-being, real proud of you fam!

I'm sorry to hear that your mom's comments, especially about your friends and appearance, were hurtful. It's tough when you're putting in effort to improve in areas that matter to you, and those efforts aren't being acknowledged. Something I've learned over time is that your value isn't determined solely by these external factors, it's about the progress and growth you're making, even if it's not immediately visible to others, easier said than actually believing it, but yeah. Have any thoughts on this?

Dealing with driving anxiety and the pressure to have everything figured out at 17 can indeed be overwhelming. It's okay not to have everything sorted right now; life is a journey, and everyone progresses at their own pace. It's commendable that you're acknowledging your anxieties and challenges, but try not too pressure yourself too much on this.

I am wondering what kind of support or understanding do you feel would be helpful for you right now? Also, when it comes to your relationships and self-expression, what are some aspects you're proud of, regardless of external evaluations?

Thank you. I also wound up cutting my hair too. It used to be down a bit past my shoulder blades curly, and down to my hips straight. Now it’s just at my shoulders curly and just before my shoulder blades straight. I also got bangs which made me happy because I hadn’t had bangs for almost 7 years and I missed it. And the color is cool. I don’t remember what it’s called but I got where my hair looks black indoors, but when the sun hits it, it turns vibrant purple and it’s really cool. (perks of having a hairstylist auntie ) My mom was a bit upset and I don’t think she liked it, but I didn’t get in trouble or anything, I’m allowed to do whatever I want to my hair as long as I don’t do it myself haha. I just think she didn’t like how it looked, but she said she was glad that I love it. 

it really hurts knowing she doesn’t really care about my progress and I don’t know how to feel about that. But my bio dad asked about me and she was bragging so I think she’s at least a little bit proud haha. I just wonder why she doesn’t tell me that more often.

I’m working on renewing my permit and have an appt. for this Thursday. Wish me luck  

I guess I’m glad I reconnected with my best friend. We talk a bunch now and we get to graduate together in May and I can’t wait. I’m also planning a fun trip w my mom soon and I think we could use the quality time. Idk what can help me atm. I’m just stressed between college and work. I’m scared that I’m being rushed into growing up when I haven’t been able to really be a teenager. I went through hell in my own home from age 12-14, and then was dealing with awful manipulation and just toxicity up until last April (wow almost a year since cutting my dad off now that I realize it.) and then now here I a, on the brink of adulthood at three months into 17 and I haven’t been a teenager, I’ve just been scared and sad and anxious. I’ve done some cool things during the span of the past 5 years don’t get me wrong, but my mind was elsewhere. The majority of my memories from this period of my life have been the worst. I can’t even envision what real adulthood would look like because I don’t know how how I’m ever going to be a “real adult”. I can’t see myself ever leaving my mom. I have no idea what I’m doing

 

[Luie]

On 3/4/2024 at 5:45 PM, TinyDinos said:

Thank you. I also wound up cutting my hair too. It used to be down a bit past my shoulder blades curly, and down to my hips straight. Now it’s just at my shoulders curly and just before my shoulder blades straight. I also got bangs which made me happy because I hadn’t had bangs for almost 7 years and I missed it. And the color is cool. I don’t remember what it’s called but I got where my hair looks black indoors, but when the sun hits it, it turns vibrant purple and it’s really cool. (perks of having a hairstylist auntie ) My mom was a bit upset and I don’t think she liked it, but I didn’t get in trouble or anything, I’m allowed to do whatever I want to my hair as long as I don’t do it myself haha. I just think she didn’t like how it looked, but she said she was glad that I love it. 

it really hurts knowing she doesn’t really care about my progress and I don’t know how to feel about that. But my bio dad asked about me and she was bragging so I think she’s at least a little bit proud haha. I just wonder why she doesn’t tell me that more often.

I’m working on renewing my permit and have an appt. for this Thursday. Wish me luck  

I guess I’m glad I reconnected with my best friend. We talk a bunch now and we get to graduate together in May and I can’t wait. I’m also planning a fun trip w my mom soon and I think we could use the quality time. Idk what can help me atm. I’m just stressed between college and work. I’m scared that I’m being rushed into growing up when I haven’t been able to really be a teenager. I went through hell in my own home from age 12-14, and then was dealing with awful manipulation and just toxicity up until last April (wow almost a year since cutting my dad off now that I realize it.) and then now here I a, on the brink of adulthood at three months into 17 and I haven’t been a teenager, I’ve just been scared and sad and anxious. I’ve done some cool things during the span of the past 5 years don’t get me wrong, but my mind was elsewhere. The majority of my memories from this period of my life have been the worst. I can’t even envision what real adulthood would look like because I don’t know how how I’m ever going to be a “real adult”. I can’t see myself ever leaving my mom. I have no idea what I’m doing

 

Heyy @TinyDinosFirst off, your new hair sounds amazing - vibrant purple in the sun, that's so cool! It's awesome that you're embracing self-expression in ways that bring you joy, especially with the support of your hairstylist auntie. I am super happy for you. However, I'm sorry to hear that your mom's reactions to your changes have been a bit mixed  It's tough when you're expressing yourself, and it doesn't align with others' expectations. But it's fantastic that you have the freedom to experiment with your hair the way you want. I totally get that it's hurtful when you feel your progress isn't acknowledged, especially by someone close like your mom. It's a mixed bag when she talks about you to your bio dad, but it's a good sign that she's at least expressing some pride. I was thinking maybe having a heart-to-heart with her about your feelings could help bridge that gap - would that be a possibility, what do you think?

Also, renewing your permit? That's a big step, and good luck with it! Also, graduating with your best friend sounds like a wonderful milestone. And planning a trip with your mom sounds like a great idea to strengthen your bond. Do lemme know how it goes.

I can sense the stress and pressure you're feeling about college and growing up. It's a lot, especially given your challenging past. Your journey has been tough, and it's completely understandable that you're anxious about what comes next. What's something you do, or would like to do, to take a break and destress? Also, considering the tough experiences you've had, what's a small goal you can set for yourself that feels achievable right now?

 

 

[TinyDinos]

On 3/6/2024 at 9:24 AM, Luie said:

Heyy @TinyDinosFirst off, your new hair sounds amazing - vibrant purple in the sun, that's so cool! It's awesome that you're embracing self-expression in ways that bring you joy, especially with the support of your hairstylist auntie. I am super happy for you. However, I'm sorry to hear that your mom's reactions to your changes have been a bit mixed  It's tough when you're expressing yourself, and it doesn't align with others' expectations. But it's fantastic that you have the freedom to experiment with your hair the way you want. I totally get that it's hurtful when you feel your progress isn't acknowledged, especially by someone close like your mom. It's a mixed bag when she talks about you to your bio dad, but it's a good sign that she's at least expressing some pride. I was thinking maybe having a heart-to-heart with her about your feelings could help bridge that gap - would that be a possibility, what do you think?

Also, renewing your permit? That's a big step, and good luck with it! Also, graduating with your best friend sounds like a wonderful milestone. And planning a trip with your mom sounds like a great idea to strengthen your bond. Do lemme know how it goes.

I can sense the stress and pressure you're feeling about college and growing up. It's a lot, especially given your challenging past. Your journey has been tough, and it's completely understandable that you're anxious about what comes next. What's something you do, or would like to do, to take a break and destress? Also, considering the tough experiences you've had, what's a small goal you can set for yourself that feels achievable right now?

I have to cook dinner rn, but I DID see this and will come back to it I promise  

[Luie]

On 3/12/2024 at 2:43 AM, TinyDinos said:

I have to cook dinner rn, but I DID see this and will come back to it I promise  

No worries at all, take your time! 

[TinyDinos]

My sister is being a real bitch rn. More in a min

 

[Megs-]

I MISSED YOU

[Megs-]

8 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

My sister is being a real bitch rn. More in a min

Sisters are bitches, are you okay?

[TinyDinos]

TW: Vent post, swearing
 

Tf why this 13 year old thinks she can tell me what to do? Like, I ain’t scared of a 13yo with an attitude issue. Why are you purposefully trying to get under my skin?? She’s being an absolute bitch and I’m so done with having to deal with her nasty attitude whenever she’s in a mood. My mom won’t do anything about it and my stepdad tries to and she won’t listen to him. She’s bossy and selfish and petty and I wish I wouldn’t have to let her treat me however she wants without getting in trouble myself. 
 

selfishly I really wanna crush her little ego and make her understand how small and insignificant she really is so she stops acting like she’s hot shit when she’s really a pick-me who pisses other people off. 
 

But morally? I genuinely hate myself for thinking that at all. I remember being 13 and it’s hard. I know how hard it is to handle insecurity. I know nobody’s perfect and everyone has off days.

 

but logically, I know at 13 I NEVER behaved as awfully as she does. I would have never gotten away with half of the shit she does without getting in trouble. I’m the oldest, I was expected to keep it together and taught to treat people better than how they treat me. I was taught my side of the story doesn’t matter unless I tell it first. I was expected to be responsible and take care of the younger ones. Why is it all my responsibility?

 

aside from the self pity party, she also cries her drama to me saying I’m the only one who cares about her and listens to her and doesn’t hate her, but them tells me how she’s jealous of me and secretly hates me and gets mad when I get upset. How tf am I supposed to be around her when this is what she’s like? I wish I were an only child.

[TinyDinos]

3 minutes ago, Megs- said:

I MISSED YOU

Heyyy! Tbh I forgot about this site haha. Life has been shit lately in a lot of ways but also kinda fun in other ways yk? Good to hear from you :)

Edited April 22 by TinyDinos

[TinyDinos]

2 minutes ago, Megs- said:

Sisters are bitches, are you okay?

Yeah they are. It sucks though when you can’t even bitch back and you just gotta suck it up and “be mature”

but yeah for the most part I’m okay, just petty bs that’s been going on since yesterday and I’m finally at my breaking point

[Megs-]

Just now, TinyDinos said:

Heyyy! Tbh I forgot about this site haha. Life has been shit lately in a lot of ways but also kinda fun in other ways yk? Good to hear from you :)

I’m so happy to hear from you! Honestly, I remember those times we used to talk so much haha!! My bestiessss backkkk! . Aww im sorry dino, im here if you want to talk? If not, remember how awesome you are and that im always thinking of you

[Megs-]

Just now, TinyDinos said:

Yeah they are. It sucks though when you can’t even bitch back and you just gotta suck it up and “be mature”

but yeah for the most part I’m okay, just petty bs that’s been going on since yesterday and I’m finally at my breaking point

I’m sorry, are you able to go somewhere separate from your sister? Like, is she older than you? Have you got your own room where you can maybe put some music on, I remember you like your teddies like me and when im at breaking  point i hug then! Hugs dino

[TinyDinos]

Just now, Megs- said:

I’m so happy to hear from you! Honestly, I remember those times we used to talk so much haha!! My bestiessss backkkk! . Aww im sorry dino, im here if you want to talk? If not, remember how awesome you are and that im always thinking of you

Thanks haha it means a lot. We really did!!! I’ve gotten so busy with work it feels like I hardly talk to anyone for fun anymore. Adulting is a nightmare and I’m not even an adult yet :(

but I got my drivers license two Fridays ago, and I graduate in like 4 more weeks so I’m pretty close :(

[Megs-]

Just now, TinyDinos said:

Thanks haha it means a lot. We really did!!! I’ve gotten so busy with work it feels like I hardly talk to anyone for fun anymore. Adulting is a nightmare and I’m not even an adult yet :(

but I got my drivers license two Fridays ago, and I graduate in like 4 more weeks so I’m pretty close :(

Omg congrats on your drivers license!! Aww I bet you’ve done so well! You are always smashing it, remember, held that head high as you should be so proud of yourself! I’m definitely proud of you, always will

[TinyDinos]

Just now, Megs- said:

I’m sorry, are you able to go somewhere separate from your sister? Like, is she older than you? Have you got your own room where you can maybe put some music on, I remember you like your teddies like me and when im at breaking  point i hug then! Hugs dino

Yeah I’m the oldest (17) and she’s the middle child (13). I went to my room the first time she was pissing me off with her meltdown (mine is downstairs and she was doing chores downstairs) and she got mad that I wasn’t engaging with her drama so she literally followed me to my room and burst in without knocking (my parents have told her she has to knock before, so she definitely knows better) and told me to put our dogs away in their kennels (she likes to try to boss me around when she’s mad so she has a sense of control over me, and she uses chores to do that so if I don’t do it, she can cry to my mom that she asked me for help and I said no, then I get in trouble) I told her she didn’t knock and that I’d do it in a minute. She rolled her eyes and sarcastically knocked on the door while it was still open and then reeled on me asking why I said that when it doesn’t matter I told her it does and she stormed off angrily. 
 

then I went to put the dogs away and she was alr doing it even though I waited like a minute before going out there and she tried to accuse me of waiting to come out until she was already doing it (you can hear to door to the dogs’ room from my bedroom) and I told her that wasn’t the case, that I was already walking out when she went to put them away and she tried to bitch about it again so I said I wasn’t gonna argue with her and went back to my room and she got mad and started telling me not to ignore her, telling me she reeeeeally wants a reaction so I just went back to my room and she hasn’t come back yet,

[TinyDinos]

7 minutes ago, Megs- said:

Omg congrats on your drivers license!! Aww I bet you’ve done so well! You are always smashing it, remember, held that head high as you should be so proud of yourself! I’m definitely proud of you, always will

Thank you! I still have a strong aversion to driving but I can do it now if necessary

Nah haha I’m like, failing both my classes for this semester

It’s just so boring and stressful at the same time, I’m struggling to stay afloat but trying to push through  

Edited April 22 by TinyDinos

[Megs-]

1 minute ago, TinyDinos said:

Yeah I’m the oldest (17) and she’s the middle child (13). I went to my room the first time she was pissing me off with her meltdown (mine is downstairs and she was doing chores downstairs) and she got mad that I wasn’t engaging with her drama so she literally followed me to my room and burst in without knocking (my parents have told her she has to knock before, so she definitely knows better) and told me to put our dogs away in their kennels (she likes to try to boss me around when she’s mad so she has a sense of control over me, and she uses chores to do that so if I don’t do it, she can cry to my mom that she asked me for help and I said no, then I get in trouble) I told her she didn’t knock and that I’d do it in a minute. She rolled her eyes and sarcastically knocked on the door while it was still open and then reeled on me asking why I said that when it doesn’t matter I told her it does and she stormed off angrily. 
 

then I went to put the dogs away and she was alr doing it even though I waited like a minute before going out there and she tried to accuse me of waiting to come out until she was already doing it (you can hear to door to the dogs’ room from my bedroom) and I told her that wasn’t the case, that I was already walking out when she went to put them away and she tried to bitch about it again so I said I wasn’t gonna argue with her and went back to my room and she got mad and started telling me not to ignore her, telling me she reeeeeally wants a reaction so I just went back to my room and she hasn’t come back yet,

Oh my, are your parents there? That is very strange that she wants a reaction from you! Is she normally like this? Of course, don’t forget YOUR feelings & thoughts ALSO matters in this!

[Megs-]

1 minute ago, TinyDinos said:

Thank you! I still have a strong aversion to driving but I can do it now if necessary

Nah haha I’m like, failing both my classes for this semester

It’s just so boring and stressful at the same time, I’m struggling to stay afloat but trying to  

Aww, all you can do is try your best! Never give-up! You’ve got this, I believe in you :)!

[TinyDinos]

Just now, Megs- said:

Oh my, are your parents there? That is very strange that she wants a reaction from you! Is she normally like this? Of course, don’t forget YOUR feelings & thoughts ALSO matters in this!

Yeah my mom is upstairs and my sister alr complained about me before all the extra stuff and came back angrier (presumably my mom didn’t agree with her and I didn’t get in trouble so my sister is extra mad at me apbc there was no reaction from our mom either). My stepdad is working in the office down the hall from my room but he’s on a zoom meeting and can’t step away. When going back to my room the second time I told him she was being extra and he nodded in agreement but can’t really handle her atm. So yes, they’re both here and they both know. 
 

and she’s a little drama queen, she is like this often, just not usually with me unless I tell her to knock it off. She just has an awful attitude issue, and we just try not to set her off, but also correct her which isn’t going well bc she just gets worse

[TinyDinos]

4 minutes ago, Megs- said:

Oh my, are your parents there? That is very strange that she wants a reaction from you! Is she normally like this? Of course, don’t forget YOUR feelings & thoughts ALSO matters in this!

I replied but it needs moderation.. basically yes, they’re both home and both know she’s on a rampage. My stepdad is on a zoom call so can’t really help but he’s right down the hall from my room and heard her behavior at the very least by my bedroom. My sister complained to my mom and it seems like my mom doesn’t agree with her, hence why she’s behaving worse than usual because she didn’t get the reaction from my mom that she wanted either.

[TinyDinos]

6 minutes ago, Megs- said:

Oh my, are your parents there? That is very strange that she wants a reaction from you! Is she normally like this? Of course, don’t forget YOUR feelings & thoughts ALSO matters in this!

Omg I’ve replied to this twice now and it needs moderation

in short, yes they’re both here

[TinyDinos]

Just now, TinyDinos said:

Omg I’ve replied to this twice now and it needs moderation

in short, yes they’re both here

My stepdad isn’t too far and heard everything but is doing a work meeting virtually

[Megs-]

Just now, TinyDinos said:

Omg I’ve replied to this twice now and it needs moderation

in short, yes they’re both here

Have they said anything!? I would hope they have as it’s really not fair on you that she’s doing this!

[Megs-]

Just now, TinyDinos said:

My stepdad isn’t too far and heard everything but is doing a work meeting virtually

Ohhh, how long has he got left? 

[TinyDinos]

Just now, TinyDinos said:

My stepdad isn’t too far and heard everything but is doing a work meeting virtually

My sister alr complained to my mom and didn’t get a reaction from her either so that’s why she’s extra mad