Dino’s Blog 2

[Catsup]

On 8/26/2023 at 1:10 AM, TinyDinos said:

If losing family members was a competition I’d be the winner. 

Im currently the champion of “Being Disowned by Your Own Biological Family Bingo”! 

as we stand as of tonight, I have now been disowned by my bio dad, my older uncle (his brother) and his wife, my younger uncle (his youngest brother), my grandmother on his side, my great cousin and his wife on my mom’s side, and my grandmother on my moms side, and aunt on my moms side :D

also according to my grandmother, I’m a dictator and I’m corrupting my sisters into hating her.

Fml

Hi there, I'm sorry to hear about your family struggles, it must be incredibly hard.  Many families can have dysfunction, sometimes a lot of it.  You're not alone in this, and it's not your fault at all.  You are still young and for the adults in your life who have disowned you, that is on them.  What does this disowning look like in your life?  I hope you are able to find lots of love and support elsewhere, since you deserve that.  Some people have to even "make" their own families.  Who are the people in your life who truly feel like family?

[TinyDinos]

9 hours ago, Catsup said:

Hi there, I'm sorry to hear about your family struggles, it must be incredibly hard.  Many families can have dysfunction, sometimes a lot of it.  You're not alone in this, and it's not your fault at all.  You are still young and for the adults in your life who have disowned you, that is on them.  What does this disowning look like in your life?  I hope you are able to find lots of love and support elsewhere, since you deserve that.  Some people have to even "make" their own families.  Who are the people in your life who truly feel like family?

I feel pretty meh, I’m overall okay though, I’ve got some pretty good people in my life, it just still hurts that these people who have known me since I was born want nothing to do with me because I stood up for myself

basically the disowning for us is them telling us that they want nothing to do with us, and not to contact them anymore because we’re no longer worthy of being a part of their family. My dad’s exact words were “I don’t need a disrespectful daughter like you. From now on, as far as I’m concerned, you’re to me, and you’re not a (last name) anymore, don’t call me for anything, don’t contact me ever again.” My grandmother’s exact words were “never in my family would I allow someone to spread rumors about my son. You are no longer in my family. One day you girls (my sisters and I) are gonna grow up and mature and see what’s right and what’s not. When you turn 18 and that happens, THEN you’re allowed to talk to me again,” 

truly shitty people at their core those people are. It scares me that a part of them is permanently embedded into my dna, but hey no use dwelling on what I can’t change, only what I will and won’t do and where I set my boundaries. We on different levels. They ain’t at my status. My dad lost his wife and his kids because of his greed. His brothers have all been imprisoned at least once for drug sales and violent behavior, my bio grandfather passed away from his drug abuse, my cousin is on his 5th wife, my grandmother never graduated middle school, had my dad at sixteen, and is currently married to a drunkard. My aunt (grandmothers daughter, only 2 months older than me, it’s weird ik) is constantly talking to predators online and is a pathological liar. Some family I want to be a part of. Fr told them like y’all doin me a favor. I don’t need to work as hard as I do just to make their name better. Nah man, I’m a college student now. I’m on a whole other level. I ain’t got time for their toxic BS and the drama. I just don’t.

[Catsup]

13 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

I feel pretty meh, I’m overall okay though, I’ve got some pretty good people in my life, it just still hurts that these people who have known me since I was born want nothing to do with me because I stood up for myself

basically the disowning for us is them telling us that they want nothing to do with us, and not to contact them anymore because we’re no longer worthy of being a part of their family. My dad’s exact words were “I don’t need a disrespectful daughter like you. From now on, as far as I’m concerned, you’re to me, and you’re not a (last name) anymore, don’t call me for anything, don’t contact me ever again.” My grandmother’s exact words were “never in my family would I allow someone to spread rumors about my son. You are no longer in my family. One day you girls (my sisters and I) are gonna grow up and mature and see what’s right and what’s not. When you turn 18 and that happens, THEN you’re allowed to talk to me again,” 

truly shitty people at their core those people are. It scares me that a part of them is permanently embedded into my dna, but hey no use dwelling on what I can’t change, only what I will and won’t do and where I set my boundaries. We on different levels. They ain’t at my status. My dad lost his wife and his kids because of his greed. His brothers have all been imprisoned at least once for drug sales and violent behavior, my bio grandfather passed away from his drug abuse, my cousin is on his 5th wife, my grandmother never graduated middle school, had my dad at sixteen, and is currently married to a drunkard. My aunt (grandmothers daughter, only 2 months older than me, it’s weird ik) is constantly talking to predators online and is a pathological liar. Some family I want to be a part of. Fr told them like y’all doin me a favor. I don’t need to work as hard as I do just to make their name better. Nah man, I’m a college student now. I’m on a whole other level. I ain’t got time for their toxic BS and the drama. I just don’t.

It is very sad to hear that members of your family have said those things to you.  It's definitely not healthy, and I think it's very wise of you to see it for what it is, and to distance yourself from them if needed.  Considering all of the problems you have had to deal with in your family, I think it's amazing you are breaking those generational problems and making a better life for yourself.  Do you have a major, or plan of study planned for college right now?

You sound like you are motivated to move forward and I can tell that you are a very kind person. Even if there are times when you are unwell, or life gets challenging, know that it never changes who you are!

[TinyDinos]

On 8/28/2023 at 5:51 AM, Catsup said:

It is very sad to hear that members of your family have said those things to you.  It's definitely not healthy, and I think it's very wise of you to see it for what it is, and to distance yourself from them if needed.  Considering all of the problems you have had to deal with in your family, I think it's amazing you are breaking those generational problems and making a better life for yourself.  Do you have a major, or plan of study planned for college right now?

You sound like you are motivated to move forward and I can tell that you are a very kind person. Even if there are times when you are unwell, or life gets challenging, know that it never changes who you are!

Thanks for the words of encouragement, it really does mean a lot. 

As of right now, I will graduate in December, with 25 college credits. So I’ll only have to do one year of college after high school to get my AA because I’m doing all of my high school classes through college. After that then I’ll figure out my major. I’m not quite sure what I want to do yet, and I know I’m definitely not moving away from home bc I’m 16 haha. I’m just kinda keeping busy for now while still being productive :)

thank you again for your kind words. I’m trying to remember that they don’t make me who I am, I do. It’s still hard but I am working on it  

on a happier note I’m excited today. I have a gig later tonight with the rock band I’m a part of and it’ll be the first time the band plays at an open mic. We sound awesome and I can’t wait to play! I don’t get to perform on bass much because guitar is my main, so it’s very exciting!

[Catsup]

20 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Thanks for the words of encouragement, it really does mean a lot. 

As of right now, I will graduate in December, with 25 college credits. So I’ll only have to do one year of college after high school to get my AA because I’m doing all of my high school classes through college. After that then I’ll figure out my major. I’m not quite sure what I want to do yet, and I know I’m definitely not moving away from home bc I’m 16 haha. I’m just kinda keeping busy for now while still being productive :)

thank you again for your kind words. I’m trying to remember that they don’t make me who I am, I do. It’s still hard but I am working on it  

on a happier note I’m excited today. I have a gig later tonight with the rock band I’m a part of and it’ll be the first time the band plays at an open mic. We sound awesome and I can’t wait to play! I don’t get to perform on bass much because guitar is my main, so it’s very exciting!

 

20 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Thanks for the words of encouragement, it really does mean a lot. 

As of right now, I will graduate in December, with 25 college credits. So I’ll only have to do one year of college after high school to get my AA because I’m doing all of my high school classes through college. After that then I’ll figure out my major. I’m not quite sure what I want to do yet, and I know I’m definitely not moving away from home bc I’m 16 haha. I’m just kinda keeping busy for now while still being productive :)

thank you again for your kind words. I’m trying to remember that they don’t make me who I am, I do. It’s still hard but I am working on it  

on a happier note I’m excited today. I have a gig later tonight with the rock band I’m a part of and it’ll be the first time the band plays at an open mic. We sound awesome and I can’t wait to play! I don’t get to perform on bass much because guitar is my main, so it’s very exciting!

You're very welcome, and that's great hat you have a head start on college. :) It sounds like no matter what major you end up choosing, you're a hard worker and there is a bright future ahead of you.  But as always, it's okay to reach out when things aren't going well too.

The rock band sounds really cool also! How did it all go?  Hopefully you had an amazing time.

[TinyDinos]

On 8/30/2023 at 6:53 AM, Catsup said:

You're very welcome, and that's great hat you have a head start on college. :) It sounds like no matter what major you end up choosing, you're a hard worker and there is a bright future ahead of you.  But as always, it's okay to reach out when things aren't going well too.

The rock band sounds really cool also! How did it all go?  Hopefully you had an amazing time.

Hopefully haha. I’m feeling pretty numb rn ig. I feel so stressed out over trying to please everyone and just frustrated at not getting that same kind of care in return y’know? I am kinda in a weird place like just a huge resounding “what’s the point?” If that makes sense. No matter what I do I feel like I’m just below an acceptable performance. And if nobody cares anyways then why do I work so hard?

college is okay so far, I’m enjoying getting organized, it’s a bunch of work though for sure. I have a lot to do today. Rock band was good, our performance went well, although the singer was nervous and moved fast and skipped both of my solos :/

its alright though, we did a good job and she sounded great. Overall a good experience. I have class again today and I’m excited since I haven’t had a lesson in two weeks. I missed my teacher

[Catsup]

16 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Hopefully haha. I’m feeling pretty numb rn ig. I feel so stressed out over trying to please everyone and just frustrated at not getting that same kind of care in return y’know? I am kinda in a weird place like just a huge resounding “what’s the point?” If that makes sense. No matter what I do I feel like I’m just below an acceptable performance. And if nobody cares anyways then why do I work so hard?

college is okay so far, I’m enjoying getting organized, it’s a bunch of work though for sure. I have a lot to do today. Rock band was good, our performance went well, although the singer was nervous and moved fast and skipped both of my solos :/

its alright though, we did a good job and she sounded great. Overall a good experience. I have class again today and I’m excited since I haven’t had a lesson in two weeks. I missed my teacher

That makes sense, people can be hard to please and it's stressful to try to make everyone else happy.  Who are the people you find you are trying to please?  Are there some boundaries you might need to draw with certain people?

Also, I can sense you're incredibly hard on yourself, since you said you feel like you're always below acceptable performance.  Do you find you are working too hard?  Sometimes we need breaks, and it's perfectly okay to take care of yourself first. Ultimately, we're the ones who care the most about what we accomplish.  What do you think about finding a middle ground, between putting less pressure on yourself, while still prioritizing your goals?

I'm glad college is going well for you so far, and that the rock band performance went well too!

[TinyDinos]

Guess who’s got COVID again

my brain is mush and I have only eaten a single slice of pizza in the past two days. I hate being sick. I’m not at high risk or anything and I don’t have breathing problems so I should be fine I’m just quarantining at home. Both of my little sisters had it and I caught it while taking care of them. The youngest has respiratory issues so I’m super grateful that she doesn’t have it anymore and she was okay while she did have it, and my other sister is doing pretty good too. I’m the only one left. :/

[Catsup]

16 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Guess who’s got COVID again

my brain is mush and I have only eaten a single slice of pizza in the past two days. I hate being sick. I’m not at high risk or anything and I don’t have breathing problems so I should be fine I’m just quarantining at home. Both of my little sisters had it and I caught it while taking care of them. The youngest has respiratory issues so I’m super grateful that she doesn’t have it anymore and she was okay while she did have it, and my other sister is doing pretty good too. I’m the only one left. :/

Oh no! I'm glad you and your sisters are overall okay, but being sick is still the worst.  If you are in a good state to talk about things, how are you doing with everything else right now?  Definitely hoping you feel better soon.

[TinyDinos]

5 hours ago, Catsup said:

Oh no! I'm glad you and your sisters are overall okay, but being sick is still the worst.  If you are in a good state to talk about things, how are you doing with everything else right now?  Definitely hoping you feel better soon.

Feeling meh. I tested positive initially on Sunday, and I tested again this morning and I still have it  

 

im just really tired. I ate more yesterday though so im glad that at least my appetite is coming back little by little. Just taking it easy. Lots of water and orange juice. Occasional pain killers for the headaches and body aches. Otherwise im okay. Just sick

[Megs-]

Heyy @TinyDinos how’re you? Sending my love & support to you, always here for you always

[TinyDinos]

Feeling super triggered right now.

my sister is awful and super sensitive over the stupidest things so I have to deal with her nasty attitude right now on top of my own emotions so she’s got me in a bad mood. My main issue though is kinda stupid in and of itself. It’s the most idiotic thing but i was triggered by an ABC mouse ad. The reason is because it kinda shoved some memories into mind that make me feel so anxious and hurt and im so overwhelmed by this stupid thing. My bio dad’s gf’s daughter used it all of the time when we used to go over their house, and just seeing the ad reminded me and all of a sudden im in my head sitting on his gf’s bed with her daughter sitting next to me on her iPad playing these games while her mom paints my nails. I was so happy and calm when it happened and now im literally shaking as I type this with how many emotions im having over this stupid memory. That woman lied to me the whole time she knew me, she manipulated me and acted like she could relate to me, I trusted her and she violated that trust so badly I feel sick just thinking about her. I almost actually loved her I think. And her poor daughter is innocent. She thought we were her sisters. I helped her with her homework, brushed her hair, picked her up from school, celebrated her birthday. I even got a matching costume with her for Halloween last year and took her to the pumpkin patch. We were at their house on Christmas morning last year, opening gifts with the gfs mom. I met her mother and their cousins and we spent the whole day there. It felt like we were family. I celebrated my birthday with them, his gfs birthday is the day before. We said we were birthday twins. She taught me how to make tamales, and bought all my favorite snacks. She said she was grateful to meet me and I told her that I hoped she would marry my dad because I wanted her to be my step mom. I hate these stupid memories so much and they make me hate everything I wish I could forget this ever happened. I hate all of it. 

[TinyDinos]

Super triggered rn

[TinyDinos]

On a totally unrelated note I’ve been painting my nails so I stop biting them and they’ve grown a bunch. It’s too bad I have to cut them soon because of the instruments I play. I also am finally COVID free but now my mom has it

[Duckie]

12 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Feeling super triggered right now.

my sister is awful and super sensitive over the stupidest things so I have to deal with her nasty attitude right now on top of my own emotions so she’s got me in a bad mood. My main issue though is kinda stupid in and of itself. It’s the most idiotic thing but i was triggered by an ABC mouse ad. The reason is because it kinda shoved some memories into mind that make me feel so anxious and hurt and im so overwhelmed by this stupid thing. My bio dad’s gf’s daughter used it all of the time when we used to go over their house, and just seeing the ad reminded me and all of a sudden im in my head sitting on his gf’s bed with her daughter sitting next to me on her iPad playing these games while her mom paints my nails. I was so happy and calm when it happened and now im literally shaking as I type this with how many emotions im having over this stupid memory. That woman lied to me the whole time she knew me, she manipulated me and acted like she could relate to me, I trusted her and she violated that trust so badly I feel sick just thinking about her. I almost actually loved her I think. And her poor daughter is innocent. She thought we were her sisters. I helped her with her homework, brushed her hair, picked her up from school, celebrated her birthday. I even got a matching costume with her for Halloween last year and took her to the pumpkin patch. We were at their house on Christmas morning last year, opening gifts with the gfs mom. I met her mother and their cousins and we spent the whole day there. It felt like we were family. I celebrated my birthday with them, his gfs birthday is the day before. We said we were birthday twins. She taught me how to make tamales, and bought all my favorite snacks. She said she was grateful to meet me and I told her that I hoped she would marry my dad because I wanted her to be my step mom. I hate these stupid memories so much and they make me hate everything I wish I could forget this ever happened. I hate all of it. 

Hi @TinyDinos,

Thank you for sharing this. It sounds like you have really complex feelings about your dad's gf and it sounds like this add really trigger you. Please know that this is normal. Sometimes something that seems innocent and insignificant can trigger something big and complex. Did you see this add on TV or on some kind of social media? If it was the latter, I would suggest blocking such content so that you don't have to see it again. Would you like to talk some more about what your dad's gf did to you? It sounds like you were all really close and that you adopter her daughter like a little sister. Are you still close with the little girl?

Please know that you can always reach out on confidential support if you would prefer to talk in private.

[TinyDinos]

17 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @TinyDinos,

Thank you for sharing this. It sounds like you have really complex feelings about your dad's gf and it sounds like this add really trigger you. Please know that this is normal. Sometimes something that seems innocent and insignificant can trigger something big and complex. Did you see this add on TV or on some kind of social media? If it was the latter, I would suggest blocking such content so that you don't have to see it again. Would you like to talk some more about what your dad's gf did to you? It sounds like you were all really close and that you adopter her daughter like a little sister. Are you still close with the little girl?

Please know that you can always reach out on confidential support if you would prefer to talk in private.

I was worried, because it seems like such a stupid thing to be triggered over. I’ve been triggered over violent memories in the past (like yelling triggers past trauma responses for me, even if it’s not directed at me or angry at all) , not happy ones turned bitter. I saw the ad on my ipad because I have to use Duolingo for school and don’t pay for the ad-free version of the app so it popped up.

my dad’s gf got really really close with me. It’s been almost two years since I met her (pretty weird to think about) and she immediately took a liking to me. Looking back on it, most of our interactions feel weird not just because of the betrayal of trust but because I think she was grooming me. (I think it’s important to note that she did a lot of grooming behavior, but never abused me physically or otherwise. I however don’t know what would’ve happened if I were still seeing her.) She always singled out spending time with me alone (grocery trips, teaching me recipes, running errands with me, hanging out with me in her room, staying home with me while my dad took my sisters out to do stuff I didn’t want to do, etc.) and got me lots of gifts saying that they made her think about me. I remember loving this because she seemed to remember everything about me. She knew me better than my dad (he hadn’t seen me in years and still treated me as if I were 6 rather than 16, and I liked that she treated me my age and seemingly saw me for who I really was). She told me I reminded her a lot of herself when she was my age, and she took me seriously when I confessed to her my biggest secret (my depression) and said she had it too. She spoke with me about sensitive topics such as her past marriage and the divorce she had with her daughter’s father, and about the miscarriage she had before having her daughter. She said she trusted me with her secrets and showed me things she said she’d never shown anyone before like diary entries during her depressive episodes, or pictures of her old dog and things like that. She said she’d never tell my sisters but that I was her favorite because I was the most like her and we thought similarly. She said she was exactly like me at my age when her parents divorced and she shielded her siblings from the trauma and how she helped my dad see my perspective through all of this. She was my advocate, a mother figure even for a time. I trusted her so much and when she said she hoped for a future where she could be my stepmom I really believed her. 

I found out at the beginning of this year that she lied to my face on multiple occasions to cover my bio dad’s drug addiction. She also confirmed my dads story that he was gonna move across the country without telling my sisters and I and that he only stayed so he could be with her. When the truth came out about my dad’s drug use she stopped contacting me and blocked my number, she didn’t respond when I tried to talk to her about my bio dad disowning me. She abandoned me when I needed her most. She abandoned me just like how he did. 

as far as her daughter goes, she’s entirely innocent and it hurts my heart so much that she’s living with those awful people and that I can’t even be a safe place for her like I was for my bio sisters. I really do think of her as a little sister. Her bio dad was physically abusive and left her. I hate that i have to leave her too. She’s only 6 so she doesn’t have any way for me to talk to her unless it’s through my bio dad since his gf doesn’t talk to me anymore. It hurts so badly I hate it. I wish none of these things ever happened so it wouldn’t hurt so badly. It’s making holiday season so hard to get through. Obviously thee are so many things I love about this time of year, but all of these previously good but now tainted memories are so much more painful than the bad ones. I was actually happy on those days with my fake family. My dad fought with my mom on Christmas two years ago. The year after that he begged me to see him to give him a second chance and he gave me a key to his house because he kicked me out of it the week before. The happy memories hurt so much worse.

[Duckie]

6 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

I was worried, because it seems like such a stupid thing to be triggered over. I’ve been triggered over violent memories in the past (like yelling triggers past trauma responses for me, even if it’s not directed at me or angry at all) , not happy ones turned bitter. I saw the ad on my ipad because I have to use Duolingo for school and don’t pay for the ad-free version of the app so it popped up.

my dad’s gf got really really close with me. It’s been almost two years since I met her (pretty weird to think about) and she immediately took a liking to me. Looking back on it, most of our interactions feel weird not just because of the betrayal of trust but because I think she was grooming me. (I think it’s important to note that she did a lot of grooming behavior, but never abused me physically or otherwise. I however don’t know what would’ve happened if I were still seeing her.) She always singled out spending time with me alone (grocery trips, teaching me recipes, running errands with me, hanging out with me in her room, staying home with me while my dad took my sisters out to do stuff I didn’t want to do, etc.) and got me lots of gifts saying that they made her think about me. I remember loving this because she seemed to remember everything about me. She knew me better than my dad (he hadn’t seen me in years and still treated me as if I were 6 rather than 16, and I liked that she treated me my age and seemingly saw me for who I really was). She told me I reminded her a lot of herself when she was my age, and she took me seriously when I confessed to her my biggest secret (my depression) and said she had it too. She spoke with me about sensitive topics such as her past marriage and the divorce she had with her daughter’s father, and about the miscarriage she had before having her daughter. She said she trusted me with her secrets and showed me things she said she’d never shown anyone before like diary entries during her depressive episodes, or pictures of her old dog and things like that. She said she’d never tell my sisters but that I was her favorite because I was the most like her and we thought similarly. She said she was exactly like me at my age when her parents divorced and she shielded her siblings from the trauma and how she helped my dad see my perspective through all of this. She was my advocate, a mother figure even for a time. I trusted her so much and when she said she hoped for a future where she could be my stepmom I really believed her. 

I found out at the beginning of this year that she lied to my face on multiple occasions to cover my bio dad’s drug addiction. She also confirmed my dads story that he was gonna move across the country without telling my sisters and I and that he only stayed so he could be with her. When the truth came out about my dad’s drug use she stopped contacting me and blocked my number, she didn’t respond when I tried to talk to her about my bio dad disowning me. She abandoned me when I needed her most. She abandoned me just like how he did. 

as far as her daughter goes, she’s entirely innocent and it hurts my heart so much that she’s living with those awful people and that I can’t even be a safe place for her like I was for my bio sisters. I really do think of her as a little sister. Her bio dad was physically abusive and left her. I hate that i have to leave her too. She’s only 6 so she doesn’t have any way for me to talk to her unless it’s through my bio dad since his gf doesn’t talk to me anymore. It hurts so badly I hate it. I wish none of these things ever happened so it wouldn’t hurt so badly. It’s making holiday season so hard to get through. Obviously thee are so many things I love about this time of year, but all of these previously good but now tainted memories are so much more painful than the bad ones. I was actually happy on those days with my fake family. My dad fought with my mom on Christmas two years ago. The year after that he begged me to see him to give him a second chance and he gave me a key to his house because he kicked me out of it the week before. The happy memories hurt so much worse.

Hi @TinyDinos,

It is exactly like that. The happy memories can hurt more because you might think of them as lies in hindsight. A broken promise of safety and security. But it does sound like the love you all shared was real and maybe you can reconnect with her and her daughter in time to really get some answers about what happened and why she lied to you. Do you see a possibility of ever reconnecting with them? They both sound like important people in your life and even though things might not be the same after everything that's happened, there might be a reason behind everything. What do you think?

Do you live with your dad at the moment?

[TinyDinos]

4 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @TinyDinos,

It is exactly like that. The happy memories can hurt more because you might think of them as lies in hindsight. A broken promise of safety and security. But it does sound like the love you all shared was real and maybe you can reconnect with her and her daughter in time to really get some answers about what happened and why she lied to you. Do you see a possibility of ever reconnecting with them? They both sound like important people in your life and even though things might not be the same after everything that's happened, there might be a reason behind everything. What do you think?

Do you live with your dad at the moment?

Yeah I get that now, I didn’t realize it was a real thing though up until recently. Unfortunately it wasn’t real. She uses drugs as well. She lied to us because she cares more about her relationship with my dad than with my sisters and I. She manipulated us into liking her and her daughter because she saw us as a way in with my dad. I can’t be around someone like that ever. It makes me feel sick even thinking about it because I don’t have one memory where she isn’t trying to get close with me and then telling my dad about it. I was never meant to be her daughter, I was an extra credit assignment that she could use to be with my dad. On top of it all, even if I wanted to get in touch with her, she won’t talk to me, she’s completely blocked me on both my tablet and cell phone. I wish I still had contact with baby sister, but I can’t even get ahold of her mother to do so, and I’m not talking to my dad ever. I don’t live with him, my mom has full custody. He has visitation rights, but we haven’t seen him since early June, and haven’t heard from him in a month. I’ve talked here before about him disowning me as well, so talking to him is out of the picture. even if he did want me though I wouldn’t interact. He’s worse than his gf is, he always has been. So no, I don’t see any of them anymore.

[TinyDinos]

Such a bad day already and I’m only halfway through it. I have so much work to get done and I’m so stressed. I woke up feeling awful so I decided to shower to make myself feel better. I do that and feel a bit better. My mom yells at me saying that I do nothing around the house to keep it clean and how I never help even though it I didn’t have anything out in the general living area (she was mad bc she works out of our living room but gets mad if anything is in the living room.) and said I was grounded from video games until next Monday because of this, whatever. then I take out the garbage (there was literally nothing else for me to do) and go to use my diffuser on my hair (I’ve never used it before and was excited for the act of self care because of how stressed I was this whole morning) so I get it from my sister (I let her borrow it because she doesn’t have one, and I’ve never used it before) it’s broken. She said she didn’t break it and doesn’t know why it’s not working. I don’t have enough energy to argue with her so I just say I believe her and I’m not blaming her and just put it away. I order a new one with my own money because I got the first one as a gift. Then I get back to the ridiculous amount of schoolwork I have and I’m still stressed. I make myself a coffee to try to relax and focus on work. I had to go to my drum lesson because I missed them while my teacher and I were sick, so I do that for an hour, and my mom comes in afterwards to see my progress and starts talking to my teacher about her work schedule, my teacher tells me to show her what we went over and she snapped at me when I started playing telling me that she has a student in a few minutes and she doesn’t want to hear it. I leave to return to my work and come back to my coffee watered down (there was ice in it). It feels like every single thing I try to do to remedy my awful mood today has been ruined. I must be destined to have a horrible day and that’s it. I hate all of this. Worst part is I can’t even go to my room, because my mom is working and in order to get to my room I have to go through her office. Why can’t I just be happy?

[Catsup]

21 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Yeah I get that now, I didn’t realize it was a real thing though up until recently. Unfortunately it wasn’t real. She uses drugs as well. She lied to us because she cares more about her relationship with my dad than with my sisters and I. She manipulated us into liking her and her daughter because she saw us as a way in with my dad. I can’t be around someone like that ever. It makes me feel sick even thinking about it because I don’t have one memory where she isn’t trying to get close with me and then telling my dad about it. I was never meant to be her daughter, I was an extra credit assignment that she could use to be with my dad. On top of it all, even if I wanted to get in touch with her, she won’t talk to me, she’s completely blocked me on both my tablet and cell phone. I wish I still had contact with baby sister, but I can’t even get ahold of her mother to do so, and I’m not talking to my dad ever. I don’t live with him, my mom has full custody. He has visitation rights, but we haven’t seen him since early June, and haven’t heard from him in a month. I’ve talked here before about him disowning me as well, so talking to him is out of the picture. even if he did want me though I wouldn’t interact. He’s worse than his gf is, he always has been. So no, I don’t see any of them anymore.

17 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Such a bad day already and I’m only halfway through it. I have so much work to get done and I’m so stressed. I woke up feeling awful so I decided to shower to make myself feel better. I do that and feel a bit better. My mom yells at me saying that I do nothing around the house to keep it clean and how I never help even though it I didn’t have anything out in the general living area (she was mad bc she works out of our living room but gets mad if anything is in the living room.) and said I was grounded from video games until next Monday because of this, whatever. then I take out the garbage (there was literally nothing else for me to do) and go to use my diffuser on my hair (I’ve never used it before and was excited for the act of self care because of how stressed I was this whole morning) so I get it from my sister (I let her borrow it because she doesn’t have one, and I’ve never used it before) it’s broken. She said she didn’t break it and doesn’t know why it’s not working. I don’t have enough energy to argue with her so I just say I believe her and I’m not blaming her and just put it away. I order a new one with my own money because I got the first one as a gift. Then I get back to the ridiculous amount of schoolwork I have and I’m still stressed. I make myself a coffee to try to relax and focus on work. I had to go to my drum lesson because I missed them while my teacher and I were sick, so I do that for an hour, and my mom comes in afterwards to see my progress and starts talking to my teacher about her work schedule, my teacher tells me to show her what we went over and she snapped at me when I started playing telling me that she has a student in a few minutes and she doesn’t want to hear it. I leave to return to my work and come back to my coffee watered down (there was ice in it). It feels like every single thing I try to do to remedy my awful mood today has been ruined. I must be destined to have a horrible day and that’s it. I hate all of this. Worst part is I can’t even go to my room, because my mom is working and in order to get to my room I have to go through her office. Why can’t I just be happy?

Hey there, it really does sound like your dad's girlfriend is not a person you want in your life.  She has broken your trust completely and cut off contact with you, which I think shows a lot about her character.  You didn't deserve any of this and I'm glad you are drawing these limits mentally with her and your dad, even though it must be incredibly difficult.  Considering all you've gone through, I think you have a lot of clarity and courage dealing with everything.  Being able to share all this and have that perspective are things I believe will help you get through this.

I'm sorry to hear today was rough too.  Some days are the worst, and our only purpose in them is to just get through.  It sounds like there are things you are really trying to do to improve your mood.  It might help to think of this for exactly what it is: a bad day.  Do you have some hope that the days after can be better?  How are you doing right now?

[TinyDinos]

1 hour ago, Catsup said:

Hey there, it really does sound like your dad's girlfriend is not a person you want in your life.  She has broken your trust completely and cut off contact with you, which I think shows a lot about her character.  You didn't deserve any of this and I'm glad you are drawing these limits mentally with her and your dad, even though it must be incredibly difficult.  Considering all you've gone through, I think you have a lot of clarity and courage dealing with everything.  Being able to share all this and have that perspective are things I believe will help you get through this.

I'm sorry to hear today was rough too.  Some days are the worst, and our only purpose in them is to just get through.  It sounds like there are things you are really trying to do to improve your mood.  It might help to think of this for exactly what it is: a bad day.  Do you have some hope that the days after can be better?  How are you doing right now?

Yeah she really isn’t. I tried to rationalize why she did what she did for weeks following cutting off contact with them, but I know I can’t take responsibility for this because it isn’t my fault. I always appreciate your help, insight and kind words, so thank you so much for saying that about me.

I do think that things get better with time eventually, and I already think today is gonna be better. The only thing I’m worried about is my dentist appointment because I’m nervous

[TinyDinos]

TW: TMI, Allergic reaction desc.

Spoiler

Ugggghhhhh. 

im so itchyyyyyy.

I’ve got like six mosquito bites right now and it’s so annoying. 

plus I’m allergic to them, so the bites swell to the size of golf balls, and I get a rash around the whole area. Then it blisters over the top of the bites, and bruises the area, and eventually leave scars when they heal up. 

im lucry rn though, because my blood type attracts the most mosquitoes. So six is great as opposed to what I normally get each year which is about 20-25. All having the reaction listed above. I hate this 

 

Edited September 24, 2023 by TinyDinos
Typo

[Duckie]

On 9/22/2023 at 3:10 PM, TinyDinos said:

Yeah she really isn’t. I tried to rationalize why she did what she did for weeks following cutting off contact with them, but I know I can’t take responsibility for this because it isn’t my fault. I always appreciate your help, insight and kind words, so thank you so much for saying that about me.

I do think that things get better with time eventually, and I already think today is gonna be better. The only thing I’m worried about is my dentist appointment because I’m nervous

Hi @TinyDinos,

How was your dentist appointment? Where they nice to you? Has you allergy calmed down?

It sounds like you had a really tough day last week. I appreciate that you did everything you could to make yourself feel better. Self-care is so important but somehow it's the first thing we neglect when we feel bad. I've always wanted to try a diffuser, but I don't have one. Sorry yours broke. Sometimes those things get overheated if hair gets stuck or something. It might be that your sister didn't break it (at least not on purpose), but it's very mindful of you to let it slide. I hope the new diffuser arrives soon.

I feel like your mom could have given examples of exactly what she felt wasn't tidied up enough. I work mostly from my own living room and it is true that I notice all the things lying around a lot more when I'm working from home, so I kinda get that. But that said I think it is always better to be clear about what exactly is the issue, because otherwise the punishment just seems a bit random. I can tell you have a lot of respect for your mom and that you don't want to cause unnecessary disruption by walking through the living room when she is working. But it is your home too and I'm sure it would be alright if you just kept passing through to a minimum. Have you spoken to your mom since?

[TinyDinos]

3 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @TinyDinos,

How was your dentist appointment? Where they nice to you? Has you allergy calmed down?

It sounds like you had a really tough day last week. I appreciate that you did everything you could to make yourself feel better. Self-care is so important but somehow it's the first thing we neglect when we feel bad. I've always wanted to try a diffuser, but I don't have one. Sorry yours broke. Sometimes those things get overheated if hair gets stuck or something. It might be that your sister didn't break it (at least not on purpose), but it's very mindful of you to let it slide. I hope the new diffuser arrives soon.

I feel like your mom could have given examples of exactly what she felt wasn't tidied up enough. I work mostly from my own living room and it is true that I notice all the things lying around a lot more when I'm working from home, so I kinda get that. But that said I think it is always better to be clear about what exactly is the issue, because otherwise the punishment just seems a bit random. I can tell you have a lot of respect for your mom and that you don't want to cause unnecessary disruption by walking through the living room when she is working. But it is your home too and I'm sure it would be alright if you just kept passing through to a minimum. Have you spoken to your mom since?

Hi! I missed you over the weekend for sure :)

my dentist appt. went fine, I was kinda anxious but was able to calm down, the people were nice, and my main dentist was the same as my sisters’ so I’d met him before and that helped. My allergy is still on the rampage unfortunately, so it was a little bit hard to sleep yesterday even with the help of calamine lotion and cortisone gel :( It’ll heal eventually though so im trying to just ignore it and not let it scar if I can help it.

usually im not too good about being mindful of it, but that day it just happened to go that way and im grateful for that even if things didn’t quite work out. The diffuser is great! I got a new one (one for me and another for my sister as a Christmas gift so she doesn’t have to use mine) and used it yesterday and my hair looked amazing! It made my day honestly. Yeah I don’t know quite why it stopped working, but I figured it was either an accident or she didn’t realize something she did broke it because she quickly offered to help me pay for a new one and she doesn’t do that unless she’s genuine. I reassured her I wasn’t upset with her and not to worry about it, and honestly it’s true, even if she came to me saying that she broke it she obviously didn’t do it on purpose and it was bound to happen eventually. Plus I wasn’t really mad at her as much as the situation, so I just tried to treat it as if I wasn’t extra sensitive and emotional that day and she feels better about it.

There was dog hair that had to be swept up and that was the only specific thing. She complained about other stuff that was already cleaned up, and when it comes to sweeping, she said we’ve never done it (even though we have several times) and then when I offer to help so she doesn’t have to do it, so snaps at me that she’s already doing it and tells me to go be useful somewhere else. There’s no winning when she’s in a mood like that unfortunately. Something similar happened last night too and it’s annoying but harmless. As far as the passing through goes even if it’s to a minimum she says i do it all of the time and that I know better so I just don’t bother unless I have to leave for the restroom which she doesn’t care about. Yeah I’ve spoken with her. She usually just acts like everything’s fine after we fight which is irritating in the moment but I guess I prefer that to when she gives me silent treatment which thankfully isn’t often. But we’ve talked a bunch over the past several days, just not about anything like this y’know? Just casual life stuff

[TinyDinos]

I’m so stressed out over school right now. My college English class has disappeared from my roster. My graduation is hinged on that class and now it’s just gone out of nowhere. I contact IT and they say it looks like I was dropped for inactivity despite the fact that I was active in the course yesterday. They say to contact my instructor, I call, no answer, I email, no reply. My mom told me she thinks I’m overreacting, and to calm down. I try to calm down and she asks how things are going and I tell her, and she asks why it would be showing me as inactive, and I tell her what I’ve done today to handle it, I told her I don’t understand why I would be dropped because I was active yesterday and I had a grade of B in the class. She starts hounding me asking why it was only a B and not an A, and I told her it was because I missed replies to a discussion post and she starts pressing as to why I missed it and then scolded me saying “I told you this wasn’t like high school, I told you” instead of helping. Then she wonders why I was panicking in the first place. I just had to work too. Im so exhausted and just feel like crying but I have nowhere to go right now. Just overall wanting to disappear just like that stupid class because I’m failing so hard right now I don’t know  the point even is in trying