Dino’s Blog 2

[TinyDinos]

Idk what happened to the first one, but it doesn’t really matter lol. This is a place to chat and write down my thoughts stuff about my day, whatever I feel like, pretty much.
 

Pretty bad day today. I’m not feeling well and I’ve been pretty high anxiety today. I’m exhausted bc I had to get up at 5:30 this morning and I have work in 10 mins

as Mr. D in the Lightning Thief musical sings, “another terrible day ”

[Aurora]

On 7/22/2023 at 7:52 PM, TinyDinos said:

Idk what happened to the first one, but it doesn’t really matter lol. This is a place to chat and write down my thoughts stuff about my day, whatever I feel like, pretty much.
 

Pretty bad day today. I’m not feeling well and I’ve been pretty high anxiety today. I’m exhausted bc I had to get up at 5:30 this morning and I have work in 10 mins

as Mr. D in the Lightning Thief musical sings, “another terrible day ”

I'm sorry to hear you weren't feeling very well over the weekend. I just wanted to check in with you and see how you are feeling today? We're here for you

[TinyDinos]

6 hours ago, Aurora said:

I'm sorry to hear you weren't feeling very well over the weekend. I just wanted to check in with you and see how you are feeling today? We're here for you

Meh.. pretty anxious and tired. Nothing too new, but I’ll be okay 

[TinyDinos]

Really high anxiety. My mom yelled at me bc she doesn’t like my sister being alone in my room with me because we’re “excluding the youngest” even though we invited her to spend time w us several times and she always says she doesn’t want to participate in what we’re doing. My sister came into my room, and I told her to leave and she said she’d leave in a few minutes and then didn’t. My mom yelled at both of us and then after sending my sister away, yelled at me more, blaming it all on me. She said I keep pushing her patience, and then I told her I wasn’t trying to do anything and she got mad at me more and kept blaming me, as well as accused me of wasting her time all day because i didn’t clean my room even though she was working all day and it literally doesn’t affect her if my room is a little messy (it ain’t even that messy, I like have some laundry I have to do and my desk is a mess, but it ain’t trashed or anything). My sister got off mostly scot free. I didn’t say anything when she didn’t leave in the first place because I didn’t want her to get in trouble but now I get all of the backlash. Then when she walked away she slammed the door. My heart is racing and I feel shaky and I want to cry. I’m just so tired of this cycle, she always blames me for what my sisters do. Now I get to deal with this. Cleaning my room despite barely having enough energy to get changed. I needed a rest day so bad but it’s never enough for her. Always more cleaning and more work and more chores and more responsibilities. I’m so tired.

Edited August 1, 2023 by TinyDinos

[TinyDinos]

Then she wants to wonder why I always assume she’s mad at me when she complains over anything and why I have low self esteem and feel like a waste of time space and resources when she’s literally the one planting and watering those ideas. But of course like always, it’s my fault and I’m the one who needs to change my thinking. It’s impossible.

[Megs-]

I’m sorry  

[Aurora]

On 8/1/2023 at 4:07 AM, TinyDinos said:

Really high anxiety. My mom yelled at me bc she doesn’t like my sister being alone in my room with me because we’re “excluding the youngest” even though we invited her to spend time w us several times and she always says she doesn’t want to participate in what we’re doing. My sister came into my room, and I told her to leave and she said she’d leave in a few minutes and then didn’t. My mom yelled at both of us and then after sending my sister away, yelled at me more, blaming it all on me. She said I keep pushing her patience, and then I told her I wasn’t trying to do anything and she got mad at me more and kept blaming me, as well as accused me of wasting her time all day because i didn’t clean my room even though she was working all day and it literally doesn’t affect her if my room is a little messy (it ain’t even that messy, I like have some laundry I have to do and my desk is a mess, but it ain’t trashed or anything). My sister got off mostly scot free. I didn’t say anything when she didn’t leave in the first place because I didn’t want her to get in trouble but now I get all of the backlash. Then when she walked away she slammed the door. My heart is racing and I feel shaky and I want to cry. I’m just so tired of this cycle, she always blames me for what my sisters do. Now I get to deal with this. Cleaning my room despite barely having enough energy to get changed. I needed a rest day so bad but it’s never enough for her. Always more cleaning and more work and more chores and more responsibilities. I’m so tired.

Hi there, I just wanted to check in with you and see how you are doing? I get the sense that you have too much going on and are feeling really exhausted right now. I'm also wondering whether your mom might be feeling a bit stressed and is taking it out on you. Do you think that might be the case? A rest day sounds like a great idea - maybe for your mom as well. What do you think? How do you think your mom would react if you suggested it? Maybe you could do something nice together?

Also, I'm wondering have you tried having a conversation with your family about how everyone seems quite stressed at the moment and that you would like to think about how you can support each other and find a better way to communicate with each other? Don't worry if you haven't - I know it can be tricky to talk about these things and to find the right time to bring it up. I just thought it might be worth mentioning it in case it is still something you are thinking about doing. 

[TinyDinos]

4 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi there, I just wanted to check in with you and see how you are doing? I get the sense that you have too much going on and are feeling really exhausted right now. I'm also wondering whether your mom might be feeling a bit stressed and is taking it out on you. Do you think that might be the case? A rest day sounds like a great idea - maybe for your mom as well. What do you think? How do you think your mom would react if you suggested it? Maybe you could do something nice together?

Also, I'm wondering have you tried having a conversation with your family about how everyone seems quite stressed at the moment and that you would like to think about how you can support each other and find a better way to communicate with each other? Don't worry if you haven't - I know it can be tricky to talk about these things and to find the right time to bring it up. I just thought it might be worth mentioning it in case it is still something you are thinking about doing. 

Yeah I am really exhausted. At this point? I’m not even sure if it’s the stress anymore, I don’t know what’s causing her to behave like this. I wanna try talking to her about how it’s affecting me but I can’t bring myself to actually stat the conversation because I’m scared of how she might react, and I don’t want to be yelled at anymore or made to feel like I’m being over dramatic because it is genuinely important to me. It’s only been worse over the past two days.

two days ago she was yelling at us over the living room being cleaned but none of it was my mess (remember the day before I was in my room all day and I got scolded for being in my room all day :/) and there were only a few things that my sisters had left out that they were using. It wasn’t trashed, or even, in my opinion, messy. It was a general living area that had a few items the members of the family were using. Which is annoying for her to be on my back about because 1. It ain’t even my belongings, and 2. If she wants us to be in the living room all day instead of our bedrooms, our stuff is gonna be in the living room, instead of our bedrooms. But whatever, that’s the lesser of two evils compared to what she did yesterday.

I had a reeeeeeeeeally bad anxiety attack yesterday ti the point of crying in my room because I asked for help pertaining to bank stuff (I’m 16 idk wth I’m doing) and I tell her I need my SSN in order to request a card. She reels on me and scolds me for not having it memorized even though I’ve literally seen the number once in my entire life and was told to give the paper back to my parents immediately so it doesn’t get lost and I never had any time. She also scolded me for “being irresponsible with my money” because I left it in my virtual account instead of putting it all immediately on my debit card, even though she knows I don’t see my balance on my debit card, she does. She went off about how irresponsible I am and how I’m just making excuses about why I haven’t done everything and how I need to figure this stuff out. I ask for advice and like, “what should I do then?” And she says “idk. What do you think?” All snippy and and clearly upset with me. I say “idk, put it all on my debit card?” Trying to figure out what she wants me to do, and she says it doesn’t matter bc I can’t instant transfer and I tell her that I can, that I’ve done it before and she yells at me more saying that I don’t know what I’m talking about and how wrong I am and then stops and says that she’s not gonna worry or pay attention to this anymore, and tells ti to go figure it out by myself. I try ti tell her that I don’t know what I’m doing and she talks over me and cuts me off saying goodbye over and over again and telling me ti leave her room. And then she tells me to give something to my sister and says that I need ti figure this out by myself and then added in a judge mental tone “and in your position, I wouldn’t be so hardheaded when I tell you something”. 
 

all of this even though she knows I was already anxious about the future as it is and that I’m scared ti be an adult and I don’t know what I’m doing because nobody’s ever taught me and all of this, but she still chose ti say all of those things and didn’t apologize. Keep in mind, I’m graduating at 16, most people do not learn all of this for at least another 2 years. She wants me to figure it out by myself.

And then to top it all off, she signed me up for a last minute babysitting gig- without talking to me first. so now I get ti do that. The kid is easy and it’s a family ive sat for before but still. And she still expected me to clean the house last night so I was up until midnight to avoid being yelled at. It’s been a really rough week for me

[TinyDinos]

Worse today. Been up and working since 6am today. Babysat and taught, only to be scolded over another mess I didn’t make. Had to take care of the dogs a majority of the afternoon. My sisters wouldn’t leave me alone either. Pestering and pushing even when I said I didn’t want to talk. Then had to cook dinner and everything that could’ve gone wrong went wrong and I have to do dishes later. At the very least my stepdad gave me the stuff I needed to solve my bank issues from yesterday but I’ve just been in a really low mood all day. Couldn’t even catch a break to decompress and I feel like crying, I really need alone time. To top it all off, I can’t find my headphones so I can’t disassociate. Might steal some alone time to cry and whatever later when I shower, but idk.

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Ah, I really am sorry to hear about how things are at home right now. It does sound quite overwhelming and like you don't have much time and space to yourself at the moment. We all need that time to rest and get back to our normal selves. It kind of sounds like you're burnt out - is that fair to say? You touched on something really important at the end of your second message 'Might steal some alone time to cry and whatever later when I shower'. There are two things to do this: 1) Having some time to yourself, and 2) To have time to process feelings and let them out. What do you think about that?

[TinyDinos]

12 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Ah, I really am sorry to hear about how things are at home right now. It does sound quite overwhelming and like you don't have much time and space to yourself at the moment. We all need that time to rest and get back to our normal selves. It kind of sounds like you're burnt out - is that fair to say? You touched on something really important at the end of your second message 'Might steal some alone time to cry and whatever later when I shower'. There are two things to do this: 1) Having some time to yourself, and 2) To have time to process feelings and let them out. What do you think about that?

Yeah that’s accurate. Those are good points. Unfortunately I didn’t get any alone time to shower as I was so tired I pretty much passed out as soon as I was off of my feet. I’m hopefully gonna have some me time today, but we had a family outing to the safari park today. More scoldings and failures to be heard. I’m gonna try to sleep 

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

How are you doing today? I hope you had a nice time at the safari park. I'm sorry to hear that you didn't get the alone time to shower, but it sounded like you needed a good sleep! If you can, it might be worth having a think about how to get more regular time on your own if you can. We all need that space to just have time to ourselves and relax, especially when things are difficult, such as at home. What do you think?

[TinyDinos]

3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

How are you doing today? I hope you had a nice time at the safari park. I'm sorry to hear that you didn't get the alone time to shower, but it sounded like you needed a good sleep! If you can, it might be worth having a think about how to get more regular time on your own if you can. We all need that space to just have time to ourselves and relax, especially when things are difficult, such as at home. What do you think?

Hey. Unfortunately not so good. We had a virtual meeting with our new teacher for the school year yesterday while we were out and my mom got mad at me about something we talked about and it was an awful day. I feel like things just keep getting worse. I don’t even have a rest day in between because today she woke me up and told me I have to clean up my room and clean out my closet, as well as tomorrow I have church but I’ll leading worship so I have to be up at 6 and work all day, plus I have band class and bass lessons after church so I’m busy all day tomorrow too. Then I have to clean the house on monday, and I have work on Tuesday, all of this not mentioning that my dogs will want attention and I have to spend quality time with my family, and I have chores on certain days as well as days that I cook dinner. On top of that, Tuesday officially marks a week left until I start school again, not counting my other work days that week leading up to school. I’m so exhausted.

back to work I go

[TinyDinos]

Ugggggggggghhhhhhhhh. My mom went on this whole rant, yelling at me over a JOKE.

I understand how the joke could have offended her, but she like, went off about how awful I’ve been to her and how she doesn’t like how I made it seem like she doesn’t have a valid reason to be upset when she literally did that exact thing to me earlier today while I was having an anxiety attack. She’s now giving me the silent treatment, AGAIN. I don’t know which I hate more. The silent treatment or when she’s yelling. I’m so angry and anxious and sad and overall feeling icky. I hate being here :(

 

[Megs-]

I’m here for you, I’m sorry things are so tough. Maybe try doing something in your room to soothe yourself? Have you got face masks, or any kind of fiddle toy you could use to clam yourself down? Have you got any favourite tv shows you could watch? Maybe going for a walk could help, what do you enjoy doing? 

[TinyDinos]

2 hours ago, Megs- said:

I’m here for you, I’m sorry things are so tough. Maybe try doing something in your room to soothe yourself? Have you got face masks, or any kind of fiddle toy you could use to clam yourself down? Have you got any favourite tv shows you could watch? Maybe going for a walk could help, what do you enjoy doing? 

Thanks.. it’s fine. At this point I’m used to my mother’s behavior, I’ve just accepted that there’s nothing I can do about it. I wasn’t allowed to go to my room because she made me sort through some laundry that we hadn’t organized since we moved (i.e. added something else to my already long to-do list and making me more anxious about the amount of work I have to do today and still get up early tomorrow. I don’t have any soothing things really. I guess laying in bed helps, but like I said, no alone time today. I’m also not allowed to go out by myself, even if it’s just around the neighborhood, I still have to ask my mom and I have to at least bring the dog or my sisters.

im struggling with motivation and interests. I don’t really have anything that I like or look forward to anymore yk? I did however accidentally wind up venting to my little sister earlier and she was awesome and just listened without judgement and tried to help me stay positive without being rude. She handled it better than I expected, she’s really mature.

I really hope things get better soon, between everything with my mom this week, and my dad stirring up trouble bc he’s mad 2/3 of us aren’t talking to him anymore I’m really stressed and anxious on top of everything. 

[Megs-]

16 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Thanks.. it’s fine. At this point I’m used to my mother’s behavior, I’ve just accepted that there’s nothing I can do about it. I wasn’t allowed to go to my room because she made me sort through some laundry that we hadn’t organized since we moved (i.e. added something else to my already long to-do list and making me more anxious about the amount of work I have to do today and still get up early tomorrow. I don’t have any soothing things really. I guess laying in bed helps, but like I said, no alone time today. I’m also not allowed to go out by myself, even if it’s just around the neighborhood, I still have to ask my mom and I have to at least bring the dog or my sisters.

im struggling with motivation and interests. I don’t really have anything that I like or look forward to anymore yk? I did however accidentally wind up venting to my little sister earlier and she was awesome and just listened without judgement and tried to help me stay positive without being rude. She handled it better than I expected, she’s really mature.

I really hope things get better soon, between everything with my mom this week, and my dad stirring up trouble bc he’s mad 2/3 of us aren’t talking to him anymore I’m really stressed and anxious on top of everything. 

I know we don’t know each other well, but I really do care about you! You can vent to me!

[Catsup]

On 8/5/2023 at 8:29 PM, TinyDinos said:

Thanks.. it’s fine. At this point I’m used to my mother’s behavior, I’ve just accepted that there’s nothing I can do about it. I wasn’t allowed to go to my room because she made me sort through some laundry that we hadn’t organized since we moved (i.e. added something else to my already long to-do list and making me more anxious about the amount of work I have to do today and still get up early tomorrow. I don’t have any soothing things really. I guess laying in bed helps, but like I said, no alone time today. I’m also not allowed to go out by myself, even if it’s just around the neighborhood, I still have to ask my mom and I have to at least bring the dog or my sisters.

im struggling with motivation and interests. I don’t really have anything that I like or look forward to anymore yk? I did however accidentally wind up venting to my little sister earlier and she was awesome and just listened without judgement and tried to help me stay positive without being rude. She handled it better than I expected, she’s really mature.

I really hope things get better soon, between everything with my mom this week, and my dad stirring up trouble bc he’s mad 2/3 of us aren’t talking to him anymore I’m really stressed and anxious on top of everything. 

Hi there, I was reading over this a bit and wondering if regularly getting out to walk your dog is an option?  That would hopefully be appreciated at least a little by the household and also would give you more alone time but that is just an idea!  It's really hard to not have motivation or interests struggling with mental health.  Sometimes it's really important to sometimes do something you maybe used to enjoy or have any interest in, even if it's really hard to start.  I'm really happy your sister was supportive though!

Family trouble can cause a lot of anxiety and stress.  How are things right now?

[TinyDinos]

I’m feelin lonely but at the same time I’m lacking social motivation. I just feel sad now. I’m gonna practice my bass to help maybe

[TinyDinos]

On 8/7/2023 at 4:53 AM, Catsup said:

Hi there, I was reading over this a bit and wondering if regularly getting out to walk your dog is an option?  That would hopefully be appreciated at least a little by the household and also would give you more alone time but that is just an idea!  It's really hard to not have motivation or interests struggling with mental health.  Sometimes it's really important to sometimes do something you maybe used to enjoy or have any interest in, even if it's really hard to start.  I'm really happy your sister was supportive though!

Family trouble can cause a lot of anxiety and stress.  How are things right now?

Walking her is an option, but I live in Southern CA, so it gets really hot and the ground is too hot for her feet.

however I did apply for my behind the wheel test, so if all goes well, I’ll have my drivers license by Nov.

[Catsup]

4 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

Walking her is an option, but I live in Southern CA, so it gets really hot and the ground is too hot for her feet.

however I did apply for my behind the wheel test, so if all goes well, I’ll have my drivers license by Nov.

It sounds like things have been hard not having motivation to do things with people.  I hope today is better and that maybe you can do something enjoyable.  

And hey that's neat about getting your license fairly soon, are you looking forward to it?

[TinyDinos]

34 minutes ago, Catsup said:

It sounds like things have been hard not having motivation to do things with people.  I hope today is better and that maybe you can do something enjoyable.  

And hey that's neat about getting your license fairly soon, are you looking forward to it?

Yeah I’m spending time w my sister’s friend today and being relaxed. :)

im kinda looking forward to it but I’m kinda anxious about it. I’m just trying to not overthink it haha

[TinyDinos]

TW: Caps

I START PROFESSIONAL DRUM LESSONS TODAY IM SO HYPED

[TinyDinos]

This is the most excited for something I’ve been all week!!! I can’t wait to start,

my lesson is in an hour :D

[Catsup]

5 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

This is the most excited for something I’ve been all week!!! I can’t wait to start,

my lesson is in an hour :D

Oh that sounds so cool! How was the lesson? :D