rant am i really annoyed and a mood spolier

[lonlywalker]

sorry for the bad grammar

 

every time im joined in a community, i make some new friends, happy day happy life....story ends.

 

but sometime there a problem, while in the small group there are small argument while we all chit chating, such as

1) probably not intentionally pissing off one of the member

2) might have said something wrong or doing something stupid that could offend someone

 

sometime my friend or the member will private told me that she are not happy, so i notice that im doing really wrong when im in the group conversation previously and i apologized with the member directly, the member said "thats ok, not a big deal, i forgive you"...

 

it usually will have to outcome after apologized, nothing happend or bad things happends like below

 

first i will began to notice when i tried to join in the conversation as usual, some member in the group just completely ignore me all the way or they all stop talking like the conversation never happends before, from that moment i felt im probaly being isolated from the community.

 

so i felt anxious and start thinking what am i doing wrong or what is going on, i wanted to know why so i asked my friend but they just said "nothing, is not your problem dont mind about it", but the isolation just keep going on...and they never told why

 

at the end im getting really paranoid and blamming myself this is all my fault and this is their revenge because i dunno how to maintain a happy relationship in the group, it is my fault so the group dont like me anymore because im a mood spoiler and annoying.

 

 

im just wanted to make new friend, am i doing something wrong? should i just better be alone?

[Willow]

Hi there LonlyWalker!

 

Welcome to our Community. We want to provide a safe space for people to work through whatever's on their minds, and offer advice and support where we can. I hope this can be a place like that for you, too.

 

I'm glad you have found some communities where you have good friendships! I think they're great examples that there are some communities that you will benefit from, and maybe others that aren't right for you.

 

It's really so hard to build completely online friendships-- so much can be misunderstood. I can tell you don't try to offend anyone. And maybe your friend is right in saying it's nothing about you, it's their own problem. -- It's hard to judge when I haven't been able to observe the situation.

 

If you find yourself in more of these kinds of conversations, and you want to try to save the friendship, here's a guide on how to talk to someone when there is conflict:

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/speak-anyone-anything-conflict-resolution/

 

Do you have many friends offline?

 

I can't tell if you are "annoying" or a "mood spoiler"... We all have things we're working through to try to be better people-- and this is you doing your best to be a better community member! That's fantastic, and really self-aware!

 

-willow

[lonlywalker]

i got offline friends, but not many, most of them are really nice people, really lucky to have them, there are two really closed friend but live far away from me, one in singapore, another one in nz, mainly i join the online community is to find some new friend within the hobby group, i thought we all sharing the same hobby so we able to talk quite happily because we had the same topic, but some times turn out to be like disaster when i not intentionally step on their mine field, and boom, they decided to blow me out and shut the door.

[Willow]

Heya LonlyWalker,

 

What kind of hobby groups do you join?

 

The beautiful thing about meeting people who like similar things to you, is that their perspective and experiences are something totally different than your own.

 

Do you feel like you're open to their opinions? -- And are they open to yours'... Because thats what makes a good friendship!

 

Here's an article on healthy friendships:

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/are-they-really-your-friend-15-signs-that-suggest-otherwise/

 

I know it can be hard to gauge when it's online, but comparing people's ability to communicate to your offline friends might be a good start. They're not worth the effort, if they can't be a good friend!

 

-willow