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I think I'm kind of a jerk.

I lie a lot, and I make up fake personalities specifically to please the people that I'm around.

I like it when I'm sad and when bad things happen to me, which is a bit messed up

I'm probably just overreacting

I'm usually the problem in most negative situations

I feel empty and so . . . angry. All the time. And my life isn't even that bad

I'm really lazy - I don't want to do homework, or chores, or go out in public.

Social environments stress me out way too much and people complain about it a lot

I don't want to bother my friends by saying this stuff, and my family won't react well, but that doesn't matter that much I guess

I feel like an unoriginal nobody.

And...I'm probably never going to post this, because who cares??

Yeah, maybe I want a bunch of random people to tell me that it's okay and that they're here for me,

But that's a little pathetic, isn't it?

Sorry.

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10 hours ago, -Asher- said:

I think I'm kind of a jerk.

I lie a lot, and I make up fake personalities specifically to please the people that I'm around.

I like it when I'm sad and when bad things happen to me, which is a bit messed up

I'm probably just overreacting

I'm usually the problem in most negative situations

I feel empty and so . . . angry. All the time. And my life isn't even that bad

I'm really lazy - I don't want to do homework, or chores, or go out in public.

Social environments stress me out way too much and people complain about it a lot

I don't want to bother my friends by saying this stuff, and my family won't react well, but that doesn't matter that much I guess

I feel like an unoriginal nobody.

And...I'm probably never going to post this, because who cares??

Yeah, maybe I want a bunch of random people to tell me that it's okay and that they're here for me,

But that's a little pathetic, isn't it?

Sorry.

Hi @-Asher-, thank you for opening up and being so honest about the thoughts and feelings you have been having. I wanted to let you know that your feelings are valid. Please know that we care and we are here for you. I get the impression that you are being quite hard on yourself right now. Would you agree? From what you're saying I'm wondering whether you might be feeling anxious and down at the moment. When we're feeling down it is common to have negative thoughts about ourself and to doubt ourselves. What I find helpful in these situation is to think about what I might say to a friend if they told me they were having this thoughts. Also, you've mentioned a few things that you are unhappy about. I am wondering, what would be the one thing you would like to change?  

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2 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi @-Asher-, thank you for opening up and being so honest about the thoughts and feelings you have been having. I wanted to let you know that your feelings are valid. Please know that we care and we are here for you. I get the impression that you are being quite hard on yourself right now. Would you agree? From what you're saying I'm wondering whether you might be feeling anxious and down at the moment. When we're feeling down it is common to have negative thoughts about ourself and to doubt ourselves. What I find helpful in these situation is to think about what I might say to a friend if they told me they were having this thoughts. Also, you've mentioned a few things that you are unhappy about. I am wondering, what would be the one thing you would like to change?  

Yeah, I suppose I am being a bit hard on myself - but the things I said are true.

I think I just want to be happy and comfortable around people and as myself. And I'm a bit too sensitive.

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6 hours ago, Thisboiistrans said:

Hey @Asher

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Is there anything I can do or say to help?

I didn't want to bother any of my friends (we are friends, right?) 

But thanks for caring, that means a lot.

Just being here is enough, I don't expect too much from anyone :))

Thank u

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This post was recognized by Aurora!

MySchoolLesbianZ was awarded the badge 'Great Support' and 20 points.

59 minutes ago, -Asher- said:

I didn't want to bother any of my friends (we are friends, right?) 

But thanks for caring, that means a lot.

Just being here is enough, I don't expect too much from anyone :))

Thank u

You still deserve support from people even if you feel like it doesn't matter how you're feeling. If anything, it's important to still realize the lengths people will go to help you, because otherwise you feel more alone.

Also, about what you were saying before, I'm wondering a couple of things. One, is some part of your home/family life stressing you out somehow? Being on that environment is difficult if so, and I would recommend going on a walk around your neighborhood or wherever just to help get out and relax. Getting outside helps. I do realize that it's getting colder, so on warmer days of course, but still.

Two, do you think that by posting this you're burdening us somehow? If so, you aren't at all, and I just want you to know that if you need anything I'll be here and talk. I'm the type of person who will put others before myself, but I've been working on that so I'm making progress (key phrase) now.

Three, I don't think you're being lazy, or a jerk. (Not a question, but I'll get to it.) Everyone has things to work on, remember that before you mentally destroy yourself. And there's no finish line, because other obstacles can come up from what we do to fix something. Most times though, good things happen and there's no harm done. So my question is: why do say that your life isn't so bad if you yourself are struggling inside? That seems like enough to say that you aren't okay. It's for a reason, you're valid and it's fine to feel the way you do, even though it sucks, because people can help and that's why I'm glad you shared this. Without others help, it's a lot harder to make progress.

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Just now, MySchoolLesbianZ said:

You still deserve support from people even if you feel like it doesn't matter how you're feeling. If anything, it's important to still realize the lengths people will go to help you, because otherwise you feel more alone.

Also, about what you were saying before, I'm wondering a couple of things. One, is some part of your home/family life stressing you out somehow? Being on that environment is difficult if so, and I would recommend going on a walk around your neighborhood or wherever just to help get out and relax. Getting outside helps. I do realize that it's getting colder, so on warmer days of course, but still.

Two, do you think that by posting this you're burdening us somehow? If so, you aren't at all, and I just want you to know that if you need anything I'll be here and talk. I'm the type of person who will put others before myself, but I've been working on that so I'm making progress (key phrase) now.

Three, I don't think you're being lazy, or a jerk. (Not a question, but I'll get to it.) Everyone has things to work on, remember that before you mentally destroy yourself. And there's no finish line, because other obstacles can come up from what we do to fix something. Most times though, good things happen and there's no harm done. So my question is: why do say that your life isn't so bad if you yourself are struggling inside? That seems like enough to say that you aren't okay. It's for a reason, you're valid and it's fine to feel the way you do, even though it sucks, because people can help and that's why I'm glad you shared this. Without others help, it's a lot harder to make progress.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

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7 minutes ago, MySchoolLesbianZ said:

You still deserve support from people even if you feel like it doesn't matter how you're feeling. If anything, it's important to still realize the lengths people will go to help you, because otherwise you feel more alone.

Also, about what you were saying before, I'm wondering a couple of things. One, is some part of your home/family life stressing you out somehow? Being on that environment is difficult if so, and I would recommend going on a walk around your neighborhood or wherever just to help get out and relax. Getting outside helps. I do realize that it's getting colder, so on warmer days of course, but still.

Two, do you think that by posting this you're burdening us somehow? If so, you aren't at all, and I just want you to know that if you need anything I'll be here and talk. I'm the type of person who will put others before myself, but I've been working on that so I'm making progress (key phrase) now.

Three, I don't think you're being lazy, or a jerk. (Not a question, but I'll get to it.) Everyone has things to work on, remember that before you mentally destroy yourself. And there's no finish line, because other obstacles can come up from what we do to fix something. Most times though, good things happen and there's no harm done. So my question is: why do say that your life isn't so bad if you yourself are struggling inside? That seems like enough to say that you aren't okay. It's for a reason, you're valid and it's fine to feel the way you do, even though it sucks, because people can help and that's why I'm glad you shared this. Without others help, it's a lot harder to make progress.

I - Thank you. You know, reading all that, it took me a minute to realize that all of that was...for me. And some people care. And that - matters.

I feel like I do have pretty bad anxiety, and everyone I'm close too in real life is harsh to me, so I kinda just picked up the habit of being mean to myself and I have become a bit of a selfish perfectionist. But a lot of the time it just feels like I'm a lifeless lump.

I usually don't talk about what's going on in my head / life because when I have in the past, it only caused the people around me to feel stressed or negative, and I don't want to hurt other people by hurting. So I'm not used to people saying that it's not a burden. Thank you

Well, my life isn't that bad - I'm doing well in school, I have friends, and I know that my family doesn't hate me most of the time. I just think I'm weak, because being in a social environment either drains my energy, tires me, or both. This is really idiotic, but I hate talking to strangers in public, and the other day when I was out with my family, a nice lady walked up and complimented my mom on her sweater, and it felt like my soul LEFT MY BODY. It felt terrible. The lady was kind, and hadn't jump scared me either. I felt a rush of adrenaline and a shooting pain in my stomach and complete fear. It's childish and unexplainable. And then when I say I don't want to go out in public, my parents and friends get annoyed. I get annoyed at myself too.

I know that sounded super dramatic, so I apologize.

And thank you both

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3 minutes ago, -Asher- said:

I - Thank you. You know, reading all that, it took me a minute to realize that all of that was...for me. And some people care. And that - matters.

I feel like I do have pretty bad anxiety, and everyone I'm close too in real life is harsh to me, so I kinda just picked up the habit of being mean to myself and I have become a bit of a selfish perfectionist. But a lot of the time it just feels like I'm a lifeless lump.

I usually don't talk about what's going on in my head / life because when I have in the past, it only caused the people around me to feel stressed or negative, and I don't want to hurt other people by hurting. So I'm not used to people saying that it's not a burden. Thank you

Well, my life isn't that bad - I'm doing well in school, I have friends, and I know that my family doesn't hate me most of the time. I just think I'm weak, because being in a social environment either drains my energy, tires me, or both. This is really idiotic, but I hate talking to strangers in public, and the other day when I was out with my family, a nice lady walked up and complimented my mom on her sweater, and it felt like my soul LEFT MY BODY. It felt terrible. The lady was kind, and hadn't jump scared me either. I felt a rush of adrenaline and a shooting pain in my stomach and complete fear. It's childish and unexplainable. And then when I say I don't want to go out in public, my parents and friends get annoyed. I get annoyed at myself too.

I know that sounded super dramatic, so I apologize.

And thank you both

1 hour ago, -Asher- said:

 

That's not childish at all, in fact, I would say that it's normal for people with pretty bad social anxiety. Someone you don't know walking up to you? Yeah, sounds reasonably scary. I can partly relate, though it's not as bad for me. Although I can feel that that sometimes, in a lot of ways, I thrive in social situations. But that also means that when I'm left alone for a long time my brain feels fuzzy and almost melted. I have to make sure I'm talking to people to keep that from happening, because I'm a very particular person about that. Does that sound like what you feel in the reverse? Is that sort of the way that get about socialization? I would say it's also possible that I have some separation anxiety, and I've gotten panic attacks before, so I can understand how it must feel to be out and about for you. If I were to give you my best advice? Do things that are very creative. It gets your mind working in a relaxing way, while also not putting you in a social position. Don't stress about it either. If you want to draw but can't, just draw random lines all over the paper and afterward think, "Nobody could replicate exactly what this is and what it shows." Sorta cliche advice, but maybe I explained it where it makes more sense. I listen to music a lot, I'm writing a book, all things that have words, voices, etc. because that's where I'm most happy. That's the cool thing about it, there are so many options for how to get your mind wandering that can be particular to you.

Hopefully that helped, I have to get out of bed and do something now though, otherwise I'll start feeling like a rotten platypus.

Also be weird sometimes. It makes life more fun. Even only around yourself, it might help you feel more courageous and look at things a different way.

Idk why this all sounded so inspirational to me, but hopefully it was..? Yeah, I just hope that this helped, and if you want other suggestions I can totally figure that out for you :)

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1 hour ago, -Asher- said:

I - Thank you. You know, reading all that, it took me a minute to realize that all of that was...for me. And some people care. And that - matters.

I feel like I do have pretty bad anxiety, and everyone I'm close too in real life is harsh to me, so I kinda just picked up the habit of being mean to myself and I have become a bit of a selfish perfectionist. But a lot of the time it just feels like I'm a lifeless lump.

I usually don't talk about what's going on in my head / life because when I have in the past, it only caused the people around me to feel stressed or negative, and I don't want to hurt other people by hurting. So I'm not used to people saying that it's not a burden. Thank you

Well, my life isn't that bad - I'm doing well in school, I have friends, and I know that my family doesn't hate me most of the time. I just think I'm weak, because being in a social environment either drains my energy, tires me, or both. This is really idiotic, but I hate talking to strangers in public, and the other day when I was out with my family, a nice lady walked up and complimented my mom on her sweater, and it felt like my soul LEFT MY BODY. It felt terrible. The lady was kind, and hadn't jump scared me either. I felt a rush of adrenaline and a shooting pain in my stomach and complete fear. It's childish and unexplainable. And then when I say I don't want to go out in public, my parents and friends get annoyed. I get annoyed at myself too.

I know that sounded super dramatic, so I apologize.

And thank you both

You're more than welcome. Of course I cant take the credit for what @MySchoolLesbianZ wrote but yeah

You weren't dramatic at all

:)

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7 minutes ago, Thisboiistrans said:

You're more than welcome. Of course I cant take the credit for what @MySchoolLesbianZ wrote but yeah

You weren't dramatic at all

:)

I hope not :'3

I know you would've said the same and I thank u for that

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6 hours ago, MySchoolLesbianZ said:

That's not childish at all, in fact, I would say that it's normal for people with pretty bad social anxiety. Someone you don't know walking up to you? Yeah, sounds reasonably scary. I can partly relate, though it's not as bad for me. Although I can feel that that sometimes, in a lot of ways, I thrive in social situations. But that also means that when I'm left alone for a long time my brain feels fuzzy and almost melted. I have to make sure I'm talking to people to keep that from happening, because I'm a very particular person about that. Does that sound like what you feel in the reverse? Is that sort of the way that get about socialization? I would say it's also possible that I have some separation anxiety, and I've gotten panic attacks before, so I can understand how it must feel to be out and about for you. If I were to give you my best advice? Do things that are very creative. It gets your mind working in a relaxing way, while also not putting you in a social position. Don't stress about it either. If you want to draw but can't, just draw random lines all over the paper and afterward think, "Nobody could replicate exactly what this is and what it shows." Sorta cliche advice, but maybe I explained it where it makes more sense. I listen to music a lot, I'm writing a book, all things that have words, voices, etc. because that's where I'm most happy. That's the cool thing about it, there are so many options for how to get your mind wandering that can be particular to you.

Hopefully that helped, I have to get out of bed and do something now though, otherwise I'll start feeling like a rotten platypus.

Also be weird sometimes. It makes life more fun. Even only around yourself, it might help you feel more courageous and look at things a different way.

Idk why this all sounded so inspirational to me, but hopefully it was..? Yeah, I just hope that this helped, and if you want other suggestions I can totally figure that out for you :)

Well, heck. That was inspirational. 

I do actually enjoy being creative - I sing, write songs, and I do draw. Looking at it from that perspective helps a lot

What you said about being a social person and wondering if what you're feeling is what I'm feeling in reverse is actually kinda true. I don't exactly feel like my brain is fuzzy/melting, more like there's an overwhelming fiery sensation in my chest, and it feels like the terror is going to devour me. eek. It's like a burning fear, almost. It doesn't necessarily hurt, but it makes me want to scream which is odd

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Okay, that's cool!

When I said the fuzzy/melted brain thing I was mostly talking about how you said you felt tired. I may have worded it strangely. With things like panic, everyone has different reactions, and what you said about it feeling a fiery sensation makes sense. And wanting to scream? I can definitely understand that. It may be different situations for me, but I get what you mean :)

I honestly didn't think that me saying what I did would help so much, because I'm used to people taking what I say or the fact I care and it not actually mattering to them. Of course I know that I didn't say one thing and POOF, but you get what I'm saying. I feel like the lengths I've gone to be kind to others in the past just weren't enough for people, so knowing that it was for you? Well, you just helped me too.

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17 hours ago, MySchoolLesbianZ said:

Okay, that's cool!

When I said the fuzzy/melted brain thing I was mostly talking about how you said you felt tired. I may have worded it strangely. With things like panic, everyone has different reactions, and what you said about it feeling a fiery sensation makes sense. And wanting to scream? I can definitely understand that. It may be different situations for me, but I get what you mean :)

I honestly didn't think that me saying what I did would help so much, because I'm used to people taking what I say or the fact I care and it not actually mattering to them. Of course I know that I didn't say one thing and POOF, but you get what I'm saying. I feel like the lengths I've gone to be kind to others in the past just weren't enough for people, so knowing that it was for you? Well, you just helped me too.

I'm glad we could help each other :)

Kindness is very beneficial to you and those around you, so keep being awesome.

I think you will find that the good people that you find will appreciate your kindness, no matter how small. 

And, of course, problems don't just disappear, but they can fade.

They can fade.

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This post was recognized by Aurora!

Cal_The_Oyster was awarded the badge 'Helpful' and 15 points.

1 hour ago, -Asher- said:

I'm glad we could help each other :)

Kindness is very beneficial to you and those around you, so keep being awesome.

I think you will find that the good people that you find will appreciate your kindness, no matter how small. 

And, of course, problems don't just disappear, but they can fade.

They can fade.

REPEAT THIS IN FRONT OF A MIRROR 

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On 11/26/2022 at 4:09 PM, -Asher- said:

I - Thank you. You know, reading all that, it took me a minute to realize that all of that was...for me. And some people care. And that - matters.

I feel like I do have pretty bad anxiety, and everyone I'm close too in real life is harsh to me, so I kinda just picked up the habit of being mean to myself and I have become a bit of a selfish perfectionist. But a lot of the time it just feels like I'm a lifeless lump.

I usually don't talk about what's going on in my head / life because when I have in the past, it only caused the people around me to feel stressed or negative, and I don't want to hurt other people by hurting. So I'm not used to people saying that it's not a burden. Thank you

Well, my life isn't that bad - I'm doing well in school, I have friends, and I know that my family doesn't hate me most of the time. I just think I'm weak, because being in a social environment either drains my energy, tires me, or both. This is really idiotic, but I hate talking to strangers in public, and the other day when I was out with my family, a nice lady walked up and complimented my mom on her sweater, and it felt like my soul LEFT MY BODY. It felt terrible. The lady was kind, and hadn't jump scared me either. I felt a rush of adrenaline and a shooting pain in my stomach and complete fear. It's childish and unexplainable. And then when I say I don't want to go out in public, my parents and friends get annoyed. I get annoyed at myself too.

I know that sounded super dramatic, so I apologize.

And thank you both

Hi there @-Asher-, I just wanted to check in and see how you are feeling now? I saw that you've already received great support from @MySchoolLesbianZ and @Thisboiistrans. One of the things I noticed is that you mentioned that that being in a social environment drains your energy or tires you. I'm wondering whether you might be more of an introverted person? Introverted people often direct their energy to their own feelings and thoughts and receive energy from alone time or small groups. That's why social situations can feel very tiring. Whereas extroverted people tend to feel energised from interacting with others and socialising. What do you think? 

You mentioned that you would like to be happy and confident around others and that you are a bit too sensitive. Do you mind explaining a bit more what you mean by too sensitive? 

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2 minutes ago, Aurora said:

Hi there @-Asher-, I just wanted to check in and see how you are feeling now? I saw that you've already received great support from @MySchoolLesbianZ and @Thisboiistrans. One of the things I noticed is that you mentioned that that being in a social environment drains your energy or tires you. I'm wondering whether you might be more of an introverted person? Introverted people often direct their energy to their own feelings and thoughts and receive energy from alone time or small groups. That's why social situations can feel very tiring. Whereas extroverted people tend to feel energised from interacting with others and socialising. What do you think? 

You mentioned that you would like to be happy and confident around others and that you are a bit too sensitive. Do you mind explaining a bit more what you mean by too sensitive? 

I am an introvert, yes, so I do feel more energized when I'm alone. I also have a lot of social anxiety, which doesn't  help :,)

What I mean by I'm sensitive, is that I tend to overthink things, and when I get insulted or something awkward happens, I always think it's my fault and I feel terrible about it, which is silly, because I insult myself all the time, and it doesn't bother me. And I get really mad and fight over stupid things, which is a bit childish.

Also, yeah, I want to thank @MySchoolLesbianZ and @Thisboiistrans :) And you! @Aurora

You all have been wonderful about everything.

Of course I'm not feeling amazing, but I think I'll get there

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10 minutes ago, -Asher- said:

I am an introvert, yes, so I do feel more energized when I'm alone. I also have a lot of social anxiety, which doesn't  help :,)

What I mean by I'm sensitive, is that I tend to overthink things, and when I get insulted or something awkward happens, I always think it's my fault and I feel terrible about it, which is silly, because I insult myself all the time, and it doesn't bother me. And I get really mad and fight over stupid things, which is a bit childish.

Also, yeah, I want to thank @MySchoolLesbianZ and @Thisboiistrans :) And you! @Aurora

You all have been wonderful about everything.

Of course I'm not feeling amazing, but I think I'll get there

You're very welcome 🙂. Please know that we are here for you! 

I'm glad to hear that things are looking up 😃. Thank you for explaining what you mean by sensitive. I get what you mean. When we're feeling low or anxious we often get these negative thoughts - -also known as unhelpful thoughts. If you like I can give you some suggestions on how you can change some of these thoughts into more helpful thoughts. Just let me know and we can either continue talking about it here or if you prefer, in confidential support. I will be logging off soon but I will be back online on Friday.  

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1 hour ago, -Asher- said:

I am an introvert, yes, so I do feel more energized when I'm alone. I also have a lot of social anxiety, which doesn't  help :,)

What I mean by I'm sensitive, is that I tend to overthink things, and when I get insulted or something awkward happens, I always think it's my fault and I feel terrible about it, which is silly, because I insult myself all the time, and it doesn't bother me. And I get really mad and fight over stupid things, which is a bit childish.

Also, yeah, I want to thank @MySchoolLesbianZ and @Thisboiistrans :) And you! @Aurora

You all have been wonderful about everything.

Of course I'm not feeling amazing, but I think I'll get there

Absolutely welcome 

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