rant I feel like im in a toxic enviroment

[harristheheretic]

Hey guys, I've been really excited about going to uni for some time now.

New friends, a bigger range of veiws, larger acceptance, people who are open minded and passionate about learning. sounds like my place.

 

This is where I hit a snag. All my new friends are a little bit toxic.

 

Multiple of them are racist, and have made inappropriate remarks about asians. At first I stood up and told them talk like that was not okay, but I was ganged up on and argued down. One of my closest new friends told me she didnt like gay people. I'm bisexual and now I'm scared to have a relationship. They judge me for smoking pot, and going to parties with my old friends. One in particular has made it his personal mission to belittle me. He's always telling the others how I wouldn't pass uni without his help. Going on about how I don't know anything, even in fields where I have much more experiance then him. For clarity, my GPA is higher then his, and he has never helped me with anything.

 

Should I wait for them to become more accepting and open minded? should I stand up for my veiws even though it hasn't worked out in the past? or am i better of leaving?

 

I don't have any other friends a uni, I want to have a healthy social life... but am I better off on my own?

 

 

[Willow]

Hey there HarrisTheHeretic,

 

Welcome! Thank you for bringing this to Community-- that transition into a new school environment, and new friendship circles are ones that we all go through. So I'm glad we can learn through your exprience!

 

I can see you value other people's perspective, but you have clear moral values regarding what you're willing to endure around arrogance. That's a really powerful characteristic. So, if you're spidey-senses are tingling regarding these 'friends,' I think you're right to want to have a deeper look at if the friendships are worth it.

 

What brought you into this friendship circle, in the first place? Are there ways to hang out with just some of the people you get along best with?

 

Have you read this article?

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/are-they-really-your-friend-15-signs-that-suggest-otherwise/

 

In my experience, it's not idea to 'wait' for them to become more accepting and open-minded. Who knows how long that will take! All you can do is model acceptance, and offer your perspective.

 

I can see you're ready to meet people who are more your 'tribe'... What kinds of things can you get involved with at uni? Something that you have a passion for-- or are just curious about-- may bring you around more like-minded people!

 

 

-willow