How to come out to my Christian parents

[3erry]

So, I'm biologically a male, and identify as a male. And recently I started dating someone that is biologically a female, and identifies as non binary. I want to tell my parents but my mom has opinions that are not in favor, for example she thinks that if you don't identify as what you were born as you're confused, and she complains about all this lgbtq stuff and says it's "out of hand" and stuff like that. I am a Christian myself and I had asked my pastor about it and he said it's okay. In short, his opinion is it doesn't matter as long as biologically it's different, that is if you're doing sexual activity. So basically I'm asking for advice on how I should tell my parents, or if I should wait a little while, just anything really. Oh yeah, I'm 16 and my partner is 15.

[Aurora]

6 hours ago, 3erry said:

So, I'm biologically a male, and identify as a male. And recently I started dating someone that is biologically a female, and identifies as non binary. I want to tell my parents but my mom has opinions that are not in favor, for example she thinks that if you don't identify as what you were born as you're confused, and she complains about all this lgbtq stuff and says it's "out of hand" and stuff like that. I am a Christian myself and I had asked my pastor about it and he said it's okay. In short, his opinion is it doesn't matter as long as biologically it's different, that is if you're doing sexual activity. So basically I'm asking for advice on how I should tell my parents, or if I should wait a little while, just anything really. Oh yeah, I'm 16 and my partner is 15.

Hi @3erry, welcome to the community.  It's great to have you here . I'm Aurora and I am one of the support mentors here at Ditch the Label. I give support and advice to those who reach out to us. This is a really welcoming community and it's a safe place to talk about anything that's on your mind.

It sounds like you would like to tell your parents about your partner but you are unsure how they will react, because of their views towards the LGBTQ+ community. I can understand that you're unsure how to go about telling them. Do you mind telling me a little more about your situation? For example, do your parents know your partner and do they know that they identify as non-binary? How do you and your parents get on generally? 

[3erry]

My parents know of my partner but they don't actually know them, they've just heard the name and stuff. And they think we're friends not dating, Also yes my parents know that they identify as non-binary. I'd say I don't have a bad relationship with my parents, but we've been getting a bit distant recently because I don't enjoy doing the same things as them.

Edited October 18, 2022 by 3erry

[Aurora]

16 hours ago, 3erry said:

My parents know of my partner but they don't actually know them, they've just heard the name and stuff. And they think we're friends not dating, Also yes my parents know that they identify as non-binary. I'd say I don't have a bad relationship with my parents, but we've been getting a bit distant recently because I don't enjoy doing the same things as them.

HI @3erry, I think it's quite normal that we distance ourselves from our parents and start to do our own things and develop our own interest. And It's nice to hear that you don't have a bad relationship with your parents. I'm wondering, whether your parents might become more open minded if they knew that you were dating your partner. It might not happen straight away but hopefully once they get to know your partner and see them for who they truly are this might help to change their view towards the lgbtq+ community. What do you think? 

[3erry]

8 hours ago, Aurora said:

HI @3erry, I think it's quite normal that we distance ourselves from our parents and start to do our own things and develop our own interest. And It's nice to hear that you don't have a bad relationship with your parents. I'm wondering, whether your parents might become more open minded if they knew that you were dating your partner. It might not happen straight away but hopefully once they get to know your partner and see them for who they truly are this might help to change their view towards the lgbtq+ community. What do you think? 

I had thought if they would change their opinions once I told them, but I'm just not sure. I feel like it could go either way. I've also talked with my partner about all this and we're thinking it will be better to tell my parents sooner vs later, because we don't want a bad response by keeping it a secret for so long. Which means I wouldn't have to hide it anymore, and maybe it would open up more opportunities. Also just to get it over with.

Edited October 19, 2022 by 3erry

[Aurora]

On 10/19/2022 at 9:32 PM, 3erry said:

I had thought if they would change their opinions once I told them, but I'm just not sure. I feel like it could go either way. I've also talked with my partner about all this and we're thinking it will be better to tell my parents sooner vs later, because we don't want a bad response by keeping it a secret for so long. Which means I wouldn't have to hide it anymore, and maybe it would open up more opportunities. Also just to get it over with.

Yes, I totally get what you're saying about not having to hide it anymore and that it might open up more opportunities if your parents know. In my experience a parents love for their child will often lead to them changing their views and becoming more open minded as they ultimately want their child to be happy. This might not happen straight away and it might take time so you might have to be patient.  

It's great that you and your partner are in agreement about telling your parents sooner rather than later. Have you thought about how you might want to tell them and if you want to tell them together or on their own?