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Im bi and I wanna come out to one of my friends


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Hi Im a 15 year old girl in highschool. I talked alot like alot, but last year was hard, I kept seeing some girls and felt something I couldnt explain it. Everytime I saw that one girl I hated myself more and more I got so much anxiety and fell into a deep depresion. I stopped talking for the rest of the year. My parent and siblings are all huge homophobics and I was grown up so wrong. My friends kept asking why Im so quiet and whats wrong but I just couldnt. It was a really hard year but little did I know what real saddness is. This year this perfect girl came into my life shes beautifull and funny with the best personality. I could talk to her and at first it was just a normal friendship until... I started getting feeling and I have so much social anxiety when shes near me I cant even walk or talk normal whrn shes near me. Ive never felt anything like that with anyone. I left my friend group feeling so alone and I distracted myself with sport. I pushed myself so much, its the only thing that helped. Then I found people really nice people and they took me in. I moved classes and my life has been going better ever since but I still cant get her out of my mind. I need to tell someone and I think I can tell my friends we have been friends for 6 months almost but we are really close and I think theyll support me. One of my friends are coming over saterday and I think I should tell her there. I dont have any feeling for her or any of my new friends. Im still fuckimg sad and cry alome sooo much. Does anyone have any tips to help me come out or just tips to distract myself from my selfhate.

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  • Digital Mentor
17 hours ago, ... said:

Hi Im a 15 year old girl in highschool. I talked alot like alot, but last year was hard, I kept seeing some girls and felt something I couldnt explain it. Everytime I saw that one girl I hated myself more and more I got so much anxiety and fell into a deep depresion. I stopped talking for the rest of the year. My parent and siblings are all huge homophobics and I was grown up so wrong. My friends kept asking why Im so quiet and whats wrong but I just couldnt. It was a really hard year but little did I know what real saddness is. This year this perfect girl came into my life shes beautifull and funny with the best personality. I could talk to her and at first it was just a normal friendship until... I started getting feeling and I have so much social anxiety when shes near me I cant even walk or talk normal whrn shes near me. Ive never felt anything like that with anyone. I left my friend group feeling so alone and I distracted myself with sport. I pushed myself so much, its the only thing that helped. Then I found people really nice people and they took me in. I moved classes and my life has been going better ever since but I still cant get her out of my mind. I need to tell someone and I think I can tell my friends we have been friends for 6 months almost but we are really close and I think theyll support me. One of my friends are coming over saterday and I think I should tell her there. I dont have any feeling for her or any of my new friends. Im still fuckimg sad and cry alome sooo much. Does anyone have any tips to help me come out or just tips to distract myself from my selfhate.

Hi there. welcome to the Community 🙂. I'm Aurora and I am one of the support mentors here at Ditch the Label. I give support and advice to those who reach out to us. I'm really glad you found us. This is a safe place for you to share your thoughts and feelings and there are lots of others here who understand what you've been going through. 

First of all I wanted to congratulate you on acknowledging your sexuality! Figuring out our sexuality plays an important part in figuring out who we are and  I'm sorry that you've not been able to share this with your family. In fact it sounds like you've been feeling bad and anxious about your sexuality and that's not OK. You shouldn't be made to feel like this. I'm glad to hear though that you've found a really nice friendship group and it's great to hear that  you feel you can come out to them and that they will be supportive. It sounds like you are planning on coming out to your friend on Saturday. Is that right? My advice would be to go with your instincts. Coming out always feels scary but it sounds like you get a sense that your friend will be supportive, which is a really good sign. Also, just remember that this is your journey, which means that you get to decide, when the time feels right. And if it feels like the right time now, maybe you can think about what you want to say to your friend beforehand and how you might want to start the conversation. What do you think? 

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3 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi there. welcome to the Community 🙂. I'm Aurora and I am one of the support mentors here at Ditch the Label. I give support and advice to those who reach out to us. I'm really glad you found us. This is a safe place for you to share your thoughts and feelings and there are lots of others here who understand what you've been going through. 

First of all I wanted to congratulate you on acknowledging your sexuality! Figuring out our sexuality plays an important part in figuring out who we are and  I'm sorry that you've not been able to share this with your family. In fact it sounds like you've been feeling bad and anxious about your sexuality and that's not OK. You shouldn't be made to feel like this. I'm glad to hear though that you've found a really nice friendship group and it's great to hear that  you feel you can come out to them and that they will be supportive. It sounds like you are planning on coming out to your friend on Saturday. Is that right? My advice would be to go with your instincts. Coming out always feels scary but it sounds like you get a sense that your friend will be supportive, which is a really good sign. Also, just remember that this is your journey, which means that you get to decide, when the time feels right. And if it feels like the right time now, maybe you can think about what you want to say to your friend beforehand and how you might want to start the conversation. What do you think?

Thanks aurora. I just wanna share that yesterday we went on this tennis thing with the friend I wanna tel and I kinda hinted that I was bi on the bus (very subtle) and she asked if I was bi and I pretended that I didnt hear her but it sounded like she was supportive so Ive decided Im going to tell her tonmorow 100 percent. Im really exited to not share this alone. I live in South africa and my family is so homophobic and I cant handle it. Every time I see that girl I hate myself more and more and I know its wrong but I dont have a good relationship with my parents and I know theyll disown me if they ever found out. I have this fear that my friend wont want to be friends anymore and I dont ever want to feel so alone like I did last year.

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  • Digital Mentor
On 8/26/2022 at 6:11 PM, ... said:

Thanks aurora. I just wanna share that yesterday we went on this tennis thing with the friend I wanna tel and I kinda hinted that I was bi on the bus (very subtle) and she asked if I was bi and I pretended that I didnt hear her but it sounded like she was supportive so Ive decided Im going to tell her tonmorow 100 percent. Im really exited to not share this alone. I live in South africa and my family is so homophobic and I cant handle it. Every time I see that girl I hate myself more and more and I know its wrong but I dont have a good relationship with my parents and I know theyll disown me if they ever found out. I have this fear that my friend wont want to be friends anymore and I dont ever want to feel so alone like I did last year.

Thanks for sharing. From what you are saying it really sounds like you're friend will be supportive. Did you speak to her about it over the weekend and if yes, how did it go? 

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8 hours ago, Aurora said:

Thanks for sharing. From what you are saying it really sounds like you're friend will be supportive. Did you speak to her about it over the weekend and if yes, how did it go? 

Something came up and she couldnt come over. I just never find the right time I cant just come out at school. What if she tells people I dont want to. Its so hard and I dont know how to tell her. Today I made that girl laugh and I felt so good for the whole day who does that, I just really like her and I think she might be bi aswell (Ive heard stories) but that just makes it worse. I saw her dressing in the bathroom the other day  and left immediatly without looking because I felt bad, why dont I feel like this with all girls. Its just some girls I feel normal with and other I cant even talk to without freaking out in my head, hoe does that work,Im afraid things are going to be difrent with my friends if I tell them.

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  • Digital Mentor
16 hours ago, ... said:

Something came up and she couldnt come over. I just never find the right time I cant just come out at school. What if she tells people I dont want to. Its so hard and I dont know how to tell her. Today I made that girl laugh and I felt so good for the whole day who does that, I just really like her and I think she might be bi aswell (Ive heard stories) but that just makes it worse. I saw her dressing in the bathroom the other day  and left immediatly without looking because I felt bad, why dont I feel like this with all girls. Its just some girls I feel normal with and other I cant even talk to without freaking out in my head, hoe does that work,Im afraid things are going to be difrent with my friends if I tell them.

I'm sorry she couldn't come over. It really sounded like you were ready to tell her and from what you are saying I get the impression that you would really like to talk to someone about how you feel. Is that right? It's also really normal to feel scared about come out as we don't know for sure how the other person will react. But from what you've been telling me it sounds like your friend would be really supportive. You said that you are worried she might tell people you don't want to. What if you asked her not to tell anyone, do you think she would do that? Is she usually quite good at keeping things to herself? I understand that you don't want to come out at school. Maybe you could make plans to meet up another day. What do you think?

Can I check, the girl you made laugh, is that the same girl you are thinking of coming out to, or a different girl? And it's interesting that you said that you think she might be bi as well and that that makes it worse. I'm curious as to why you think it makes it worse? 

 

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6 hours ago, Aurora said:

I'm sorry she couldn't come over. It really sounded like you were ready to tell her and from what you are saying I get the impression that you would really like to talk to someone about how you feel. Is that right? It's also really normal to feel scared about come out as we don't know for sure how the other person will react. But from what you've been telling me it sounds like your friend would be really supportive. You said that you are worried she might tell people you don't want to. What if you asked her not to tell anyone, do you think she would do that? Is she usually quite good at keeping things to herself? I understand that you don't want to come out at school. Maybe you could make plans to meet up another day. What do you think?

Can I check, the girl you made laugh, is that the same girl you are thinking of coming out to, or a different girl? And it's interesting that you said that you think she might be bi as well and that that makes it worse. I'm curious as to why you think it makes it worse? 

My friend is generally great at keeping things to herself its just scary to think what would happen if it came out, I think she wil come over friday and I think thats the right time Ive just been doubting myself.I really scared things wont be the same if I tell them.

I felt really alone and never even thought of ever coming out to my friends in the past, but then I got these really amazing friends and I feel like theyll support me. We talk about boys and I just start thinking how it would feel if I could talk to them about her (the girl who I like) and how they couldve helped so much in the past if they just knew.

The girl I made laugh is the girl who basicly made me question my gender(the girl who I talked about in my first message) It makes it worst because It makes me hopeful when even if she might be bi aswell she wont ever choose me. I dont think of myself as unattractive I just think shes way out of my league.

 

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  • Digital Mentor
16 hours ago, ... said:

My friend is generally great at keeping things to herself its just scary to think what would happen if it came out, I think she wil come over friday and I think thats the right time Ive just been doubting myself.I really scared things wont be the same if I tell them.

I felt really alone and never even thought of ever coming out to my friends in the past, but then I got these really amazing friends and I feel like theyll support me. We talk about boys and I just start thinking how it would feel if I could talk to them about her (the girl who I like) and how they couldve helped so much in the past if they just knew.

The girl I made laugh is the girl who basicly made me question my gender(the girl who I talked about in my first message) It makes it worst because It makes me hopeful when even if she might be bi aswell she wont ever choose me. I dont think of myself as unattractive I just think shes way out of my league.

It's really normal to feel scared. And things probably won't be the same if you come out to your friends,  but hopefully in a good way 🙂.  From everything you've told me, it sounds like your friends will be really supportive and hopefully, once they know, you can live authentically around them. Like you said, you could eg start telling them about the other girl you like. What do you think? 

What makes you think that the girl you like is out of your league? From what you've been telling me it sounds like the two of you get on well and have a great connection. Is that right? I'm wondering whether some of the experiences you've had in the past year, that left you feeling really lonely and sad has also knocked your confidence a bit. What you think?  

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 8/31/2022 at 2:05 PM, Aurora said:

It's really normal to feel scared. And things probably won't be the same if you come out to your friends,  but hopefully in a good way 🙂.  From everything you've told me, it sounds like your friends will be really supportive and hopefully, once they know, you can live authentically around them. Like you said, you could eg start telling them about the other girl you like. What do you think? 

What makes you think that the girl you like is out of your league? From what you've been telling me it sounds like the two of you get on well and have a great connection. Is that right? I'm wondering whether some of the experiences you've had in the past year, that left you feeling really lonely and sad has also knocked your confidence a bit. What you think?  

Shes beautifull and funny and Im just me. We get on well yes but I dont think she wil ever think of me like that and that makes me so sad and angry. My confidence has definitely gone down the past 2 years and it makes me sad to think who I used to be was so amazing and now Im a no one.

Some people thinks Im gay (I dont really know why) and that makes me just wanna jump of a building so much. Someone called me gay in a bad way in my language and I almost broke down right there on the hockey field. Today I was left alone with my thougts too long and accidentally hit a rail on the stairs way too hard (I didnt want to hit that hard) my hand started bleeding and I just kinda accepted it.

I dont feel like I ever want to come out to anyone ever. The lgbtq+ community is so small and hated in my enviroment and I dont even feel like telling my friends. Its just been kinda hard this week

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  • Digital Mentor
2 hours ago, ... said:

Shes beautifull and funny and Im just me. We get on well yes but I dont think she wil ever think of me like that and that makes me so sad and angry. My confidence has definitely gone down the past 2 years and it makes me sad to think who I used to be was so amazing and now Im a no one.

Some people thinks Im gay (I dont really know why) and that makes me just wanna jump of a building so much. Someone called me gay in a bad way in my language and I almost broke down right there on the hockey field. Today I was left alone with my thougts too long and accidentally hit a rail on the stairs way too hard (I didnt want to hit that hard) my hand started bleeding and I just kinda accepted it.

I dont feel like I ever want to come out to anyone ever. The lgbtq+ community is so small and hated in my enviroment and I dont even feel like telling my friends. Its just been kinda hard this week

Hey there,

I just wanted to jump in to support you while Aurora is off for the weekend and check if you're safe or not? I noticed what you said about wanting to jump off a building when people think you're gay, and I just want you to know that we are here for you. I get the sense you feel this only when people think this about you, and not all the time, but better safe than sorry. Take care and speak soon. Also,  just incase you need it, here is some safety information if you are in crisis: 

  • UK - The Samaritans: 116 123 (24/7 service)
  • USA - NSPL: 1-800-273-8255
  • A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org
  • An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful. 
  • If you’re in the UK, you can text SHOUT to 85258 when you are struggling, and a trained crisis volunteer will text you back. This is great if you find talking on the phone challenging, and it’s completely free 24/7

 

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7 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I just wanted to jump in to support you while Aurora is off for the weekend and check if you're safe or not? I noticed what you said about wanting to jump off a building when people think you're gay, and I just want you to know that we are here for you. I get the sense you feel this only when people think this about you, and not all the time, but better safe than sorry. Take care and speak soon. Also,  just incase you need it, here is some safety information if you are in crisis: 

  • UK - The Samaritans: 116 123 (24/7 service)
  • USA - NSPL: 1-800-273-8255
  • A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org
  • An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful. 
  • If you’re in the UK, you can text SHOUT to 85258 when you are struggling, and a trained crisis volunteer will text you back. This is great if you find talking on the phone challenging, and it’s completely free 24/7

Im ok I think about it alot but I wont actually do it. To make it worse its my old friends that thinks this and says it, I always deny it. But somehow they know Im gay or bi and Im ashamed of being bi. Im sad about losing my old friends, but I knew my current friends are better.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

I'm glad to hear that your current friends are better; can you tell me more about what you prefer about them? 

Also, just incase, you might want to think about filling out this safety plan. It's for when people feel suicidal and it helps to keep them safe and grounded. What do you think? It's great that you won't actually do it, and this can just be an extra safety net. 

 

What I need to do to reduce the risk of me acting on the suicidal thoughts:

 

What warning signs or triggers are there that make me feel more out of control?

 

What have I done in the past that helped? What ways of coping do I have?

 

What I will do to help calm and soothe myself:

 

What I will tell myself (as alternatives to the dark thoughts):

 

What would I say to a close friend who was feeling this way?

 

What could others do that would help?

 

Who can I call:

 

A safe place I can go to:

 

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  • Digital Mentor
On 9/10/2022 at 6:21 AM, ... said:

Im ok I think about it alot but I wont actually do it. To make it worse its my old friends that thinks this and says it, I always deny it. But somehow they know Im gay or bi and Im ashamed of being bi. Im sad about losing my old friends, but I knew my current friends are better.

Hi there, I just wanted to check in and see how you are doing? Please know that we are here for you. 

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