I don't know where to go from here

[Boom]

I'm a christian for most of my adult life. But i just can't reconcile my sexuality and my faith. I just knew and accepted to myself I'm a bi just this year. I feel like I have to abandon my church life so I can live life with the woman I love. I'm not yet out and I still don't know how to do it by now. I'm already working, earning decent income but I'm really afraid what would my mom tell me if I come out. I don't know what to do. 

 

[Aurora]

33 minutes ago, Boom said:

I'm a christian for most of my adult life. But i just can't reconcile my sexuality and my faith. I just knew and accepted to myself I'm a bi just this year. I feel like I have to abandon my church life so I can live life with the woman I love. I'm not yet out and I still don't know how to do it by now. I'm already working, earning decent income but I'm really afraid what would my mom tell me if I come out. I don't know what to do. 

Hi @Boom, welcome to the Community . It's lovely to have you here. I'm Aurora, I'm one of the Support Mentors here at Ditch the Label and I give advice and support to those that reach out to us. 

Thank you for opening up about how you feel. It sounds like it must be a really confusing and difficult time for you. Please know that you are not alone. We are here for you. 

Can I check, when you say that you feel like you need to abandon your church life so you can live life with the woman you love - is that your choice or do you feel you have to? I'm not sure where you live, but I was just wondering whether you've had a look if there are any LGBTQ+ friendly churches in your area? There are more and more churches, who are trying to be inclusive of everyone, including the LGBTQ+ community.  Some also have a separate group within their church, especially for those who are LGBTQ+. Do you think that this is something that you would find helpful? 

[Boom]

Hi Aurora, thank you for responding. 

I am from the Philippines, and right now I don't know other churches open for LGBTQ+ community.  

Leaving my church life, it's something I have to, not really my choice. Should i talk to some of the pastors there and come out to them?

[Aurora]

13 minutes ago, Boom said:

Hi Aurora, thank you for responding. 

I am from the Philippines, and right now I don't know other churches open for LGBTQ+ community.  

Leaving my church life, it's something I have to, not really my choice. Should i talk to some of the pastors there and come out to them?

Hi @Boom, thanks very much for clarifying. I have not been to the Philippines myself but from what I've heard it's one of the most LGBTQ friendly countries in Asia. Is that right? The reason why I am asking is because I want to make sure that you are safe and that any advice I give doesn't put you in any kind of danger. From what you are saying I get the impression that you would like you would like to find a way of being bisexual and keeping your faith. And that is absolutely fine - the two don't need to exclude each other! If there aren't any churches in your area that are LGBTQ+ friendly, then you might want to join an online LGTBQ+ friendly community?

You were asking whether you should talk to some of the pastors and come out to them. My advice would be, this is your journey and you should only come out to them if you feel comfortable to. Please don't feel you have to. Is there maybe one pastor in particular who you trust and who you feel might be able to support you? If you do decide to talk to them you could start by asking about their general attitude towards LGBTQ+ people first and see what they say. This might give you an idea as to how they would respond and how supportive they might be. What do you think? 

[Boom]

Yes, I'm looking for a way of being a bi and keep my faith. Online LGBTQ+ community sounds cool. 

Thank you so much, Aurora! Yeah, I don't have to feel to have to come out to them. For now, I still don't have anyone I know I cant trust to tell them about my sexuality. 

 

Thank you for being there Aurora, kudos!

[Aurora]

6 hours ago, Boom said:

Yes, I'm looking for a way of being a bi and keep my faith. Online LGBTQ+ community sounds cool. 

Thank you so much, Aurora! Yeah, I don't have to feel to have to come out to them. For now, I still don't have anyone I know I cant trust to tell them about my sexuality. 

Thank you for being there Aurora, kudos!

Not at all . It sounds like it doesn't feel like the right time for you to open up to one of the pastors. I think it is important that it feels like the right time for you and you don't feel pressure to do it if you're not ready yet. 

You mentioned as well that you don't know what your Mum would say if you came out. Does she know that you are in a relationship with a woman? And if not, would you like her to know? I know that coming out can be a very scary thought but the pay off is that you can live your life more authentically, which can be very freeing for a lot of people. What do you think? 

[Boom]

Yeah you're right, it's important that it feels like it's the right time to open up to one of the pastors. 

My mum doesn't know I'm in a relationship with a woman, but I would love for her to know. What do you think?

 

Yeah, I really want to be true to myself and live authentically. 

 

Thank you so much Aurora, you have no idea how comforting you are to me at this moment.

[Aurora]

On 7/13/2022 at 1:51 PM, Boom said:

Yeah you're right, it's important that it feels like it's the right time to open up to one of the pastors. 

My mum doesn't know I'm in a relationship with a woman, but I would love for her to know. What do you think?

Yeah, I really want to be true to myself and live authentically. 

Thank you so much Aurora, you have no idea how comforting you are to me at this moment.

I'm glad to hear that. Please know that we are here for you 

If you would love for your Mum to know than I think you should tell her! Do you think she might already know or do you think this will come as a surprise to her?