gender What do I do with my life?

[Ryebread]

 

(Posting to a different section because I got no responses)
So I am AFAB, trans and non-binary, and I have decided that in the future I will get top surgery and start dressing more androgynous/masculine. There’s just a few obstacles. First of all, my parents are transphobic, and I live in the same house as them, and probably will for a couple more years. I’m kinda scared of medically transitioning while living in the same house with them.  Even when I do leave the house, I have this constant fear that one day, while I’m busy living my life, my parents will ask to see me again and I’ll have no response. I don’t hate my parents to the point where I’d disown them (even if they’re LGBTQ-phobic). Secondly, because of my gender, being genderfluid, my chest dysphoria fluctuates, making me question whether I should really get top surgery or not.  I have considered other surgeries like vocal coaching and non-surgical options and I am undecided on them. Even figuring out what my new full name should be is hard. Does anyone have any advice for me?

 

[-Leila-]

5 hours ago, Ryebread said:

(Posting to a different section because I got no responses)
So I am AFAB, trans and non-binary, and I have decided that in the future I will get top surgery and start dressing more androgynous/masculine. There’s just a few obstacles. First of all, my parents are transphobic, and I live in the same house as them, and probably will for a couple more years. I’m kinda scared of medically transitioning while living in the same house with them.  Even when I do leave the house, I have this constant fear that one day, while I’m busy living my life, my parents will ask to see me again and I’ll have no response. I don’t hate my parents to the point where I’d disown them (even if they’re LGBTQ-phobic). Secondly, because of my gender, being genderfluid, my chest dysphoria fluctuates, making me question whether I should really get top surgery or not.  I have considered other surgeries like vocal coaching and non-surgical options and I am undecided on them. Even figuring out what my new full name should be is hard. Does anyone have any advice for me?

Hello there,

Thank you for posting, but also sorry you didnt get any responses, I can hear you feel scared to have top surgery because of your parents, do you think they'd support you if you told them that you would like it?

I hear that you are questioning whether top surgery is right for you, how far have you looked into top surgery? My friends had it, and one said that there parents didn't support them and they did it, but got supported with friends. Have you got anyone else you can tell? 

 

Sending my love,

Leila x

[Ryebread]

1 hour ago, Leila2 said:

do you think they'd support you if you told them that you would like it?

Definitely not. I've discussed transgender issues with them before and each time they have been very against it. Hell, once they showed me an RT documentary all about detransitioners to paint trans people in a bad light to me.

2 hours ago, Leila2 said:

how far have you looked into top surgery?

I mean, I know roughly how much it costs, the fact that it'll be irreversible, there may be scars, etc. One thing that I know is that I would definitely want to avoid scars, but considering my chest size, that probably won't be possible. I'm currently trying to transition through "womens clothing" that's masculine-ish, pronoun pins and buying binders (though I've had to sneak my mum's card a couple of times which is really bad and shouldn't continue, but I don't really have the money, I can't ask my mum to buy it, and every free binder scheme in UK is either closed or requires parental consent).

 

2 hours ago, Leila2 said:

My friends had it, and one said that there parents didn't support them and they did it, but got supported with friends. Have you got anyone else you can tell? 

Oh yeah, my school is very supportive, and I have lots of gay or trans friends, so there are lots of people I could talk with. The only reason I haven't brought this issue up in person with anyone yet is because I fear I might break down and cry while telling them, and I know crying is fine, but I don't want to worry others or make it seem like life is far worse living in my house than it actually is. I'm glad I've managed to talk about it via a forum because it at least gives me confidence.

 

Oh right, another issue. My parents are considering pulling me out of my current school at some point because of their homophobia and transphobia. They're unliely to try this until I reach Sixth Form (I'm in the UK) but I am also worried about what may happen if they try to do it forcefully.

[-Leila-]

15 minutes ago, Ryebread said:

Definitely not. I've discussed transgender issues with them before and each time they have been very against it. Hell, once they showed me an RT documentary all about detransitioners to paint trans people in a bad light to me.

I mean, I know roughly how much it costs, the fact that it'll be irreversible, there may be scars, etc. One thing that I know is that I would definitely want to avoid scars, but considering my chest size, that probably won't be possible. I'm currently trying to transition through "womens clothing" that's masculine-ish, pronoun pins and buying binders (though I've had to sneak my mum's card a couple of times which is really bad and shouldn't continue, but I don't really have the money, I can't ask my mum to buy it, and every free binder scheme in UK is either closed or requires parental consent).

Oh yeah, my school is very supportive, and I have lots of gay or trans friends, so there are lots of people I could talk with. The only reason I haven't brought this issue up in person with anyone yet is because I fear I might break down and cry while telling them, and I know crying is fine, but I don't want to worry others or make it seem like life is far worse living in my house than it actually is. I'm glad I've managed to talk about it via a forum because it at least gives me confidence.

Oh right, another issue. My parents are considering pulling me out of my current school at some point because of their homophobia and transphobia. They're unliely to try this until I reach Sixth Form (I'm in the UK) but I am also worried about what may happen if they try to do it forcefully.

I'm so sorry to hear that, you are going through a lot sending love x

[Pais]

15 hours ago, Ryebread said:

(Posting to a different section because I got no responses)
So I am AFAB, trans and non-binary, and I have decided that in the future I will get top surgery and start dressing more androgynous/masculine. There’s just a few obstacles. First of all, my parents are transphobic, and I live in the same house as them, and probably will for a couple more years. I’m kinda scared of medically transitioning while living in the same house with them.  Even when I do leave the house, I have this constant fear that one day, while I’m busy living my life, my parents will ask to see me again and I’ll have no response. I don’t hate my parents to the point where I’d disown them (even if they’re LGBTQ-phobic). Secondly, because of my gender, being genderfluid, my chest dysphoria fluctuates, making me question whether I should really get top surgery or not.  I have considered other surgeries like vocal coaching and non-surgical options and I am undecided on them. Even figuring out what my new full name should be is hard. Does anyone have any advice for me?

i think you should do what you want to do  when you want to do it and dont listen to your parents, its your body not theirs. As to your name you could do Lukas or Joelwith your middle name your first name now and your last name your middle name now

[Ryebread]

2 hours ago, Pais said:

i think you should do what you want to do  when you want to do it and dont listen to your parents, its your body not theirs

I would agree with this, but even if I wanted chest surgery now I legally CAN'T until I turn 16. The good thing is that once I turn 16, I can transition without my parents' consent. The bad thing is that I'll still be living with them at that point. I may have to get the school or other serious organisations involved if I start to feel extremely unsafe, but as I said earlier, I dont hate my parents to the point of disownment, I just want them to not be so phobic...

 

2 hours ago, Pais said:

As to your name you could do Lukas or Joelwith your middle name your first name now and your last name your middle name now

Thanks for the suggestion, but actually I already had name ideas, and I'm trying to narrow them down. They're based on my culture (I'm Nigerian) as well as things I like(d), but I had to make some drastic changes as I later realised that maybe names like "Harmony" and "Chord" are super out of place within my name. My full name is/will be as long if not slightly longer than my current full name (which is 6 names long, including surname). I could send you what I have as names via an Evernote? (I would send an image but the iPad that has the image is kinda dead).

[Pais]

8 hours ago, Ryebread said:

I would agree with this, but even if I wanted chest surgery now I legally CAN'T until I turn 16. The good thing is that once I turn 16, I can transition without my parents' consent. The bad thing is that I'll still be living with them at that point. I may have to get the school or other serious organisations involved if I start to feel extremely unsafe, but as I said earlier, I dont hate my parents to the point of disownment, I just want them to not be so phobic...

Thanks for the suggestion, but actually I already had name ideas, and I'm trying to narrow them down. They're based on my culture (I'm Nigerian) as well as things I like(d), but I had to make some drastic changes as I later realised that maybe names like "Harmony" and "Chord" are super out of place within my name. My full name is/will be as long if not slightly longer than my current full name (which is 6 names long, including surname). I could send you what I have as names via an Evernote? (I would send an image but the iPad that has the image is kinda dead).

i under stand the parent thing kinda (im yet to come out to them) how long until you are 16? um whats evernote? how many names are you thinking about?

[Ryebread]

On 5/21/2022 at 3:23 PM, Pais said:

i under stand the parent thing kinda (im yet to come out to them) how long until you are 16? um whats evernote? how many names are you thinking about?

3 years.

Evernote is basically a digital notebook. The link is here *****************

There are only four names there. There used to be 8. Bear in mind that I’m black, nb and transmasc

Edited May 25, 2022 by Monsoon
Just a reminder that we do not allow the sharing of links on our community. Thank you!

[Ryebread]

I just gave you permission to see the link btw

[Pais]

4 hours ago, Ryebread said:

I just gave you permission to see the link btw

those are cool i dont understand them or anything but i like them