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Bisexual guy worried about the future


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Hi there, 

I’m new to the site but I’ve been reading posts for a while and decided to make an account and hopefully receive some advice for my own problem!

I’m a 24 year old bisexual male - probably say I’m 75% gay and 25% straight. I’m not out, although a couple of friends know and are supportive.

I think it’s all fun and games to date guys now and not chase after women, but I think I don’t want to end up with a guy when I’m older. I also don’t want to be alone either.

So that leaves me with the only option of finding a woman I’m attracted to and trying to make a marriage and family work with her, even though I think my heart will never be 100% in it.

Is this the right thing to do? Is it fair to the woman or even fair to myself? I just don’t want to be an outcast for my whole life so if there is even a slim chance of being able to live a straight forward life shouldn’t I go for it? 
I thought I would have figured this out by now but I feel like I’m just getting more stressed as I get older.

Any help or advice would be really appreciated. 

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  • Digital Mentor
2 hours ago, idontevenknow said:

Hi there, 

I’m new to the site but I’ve been reading posts for a while and decided to make an account and hopefully receive some advice for my own problem!

I’m a 24 year old bisexual male - probably say I’m 75% gay and 25% straight. I’m not out, although a couple of friends know and are supportive.

I think it’s all fun and games to date guys now and not chase after women, but I think I don’t want to end up with a guy when I’m older. I also don’t want to be alone either.

So that leaves me with the only option of finding a woman I’m attracted to and trying to make a marriage and family work with her, even though I think my heart will never be 100% in it.

Is this the right thing to do? Is it fair to the woman or even fair to myself? I just don’t want to be an outcast for my whole life so if there is even a slim chance of being able to live a straight forward life shouldn’t I go for it? 
I thought I would have figured this out by now but I feel like I’m just getting more stressed as I get older.

Any help or advice would be really appreciated. 

Hey,

Welcome to the community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give support to our members. I'm wondering, can you tell me why you don't want to end up with a guy when you're older? Does it relate to what you said about not wanting to be an outcast? 

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Hi there, thanks for the reply!

 

I guess one part of it is that I’m worried about being seen as an outcast/different in the eyes of not only family and friends but also by society. I’d worry about having kids who are bullied for having two dads. And being married to another man could have consequences in that people at work may treat me differently etc.

Also, I guess as a kid I was taught being gay is wrong, by classmates and family members.

so wouldn’t marrying a woman just be the easy way out of all this? 

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2 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Welcome to the community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give support to our members. I'm wondering, can you tell me why you don't want to end up with a guy when you're older? Does it relate to what you said about not wanting to be an outcast? 

Sorry forgot to quote you

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  • Digital Mentor
15 hours ago, idontevenknow said:

Hi there, thanks for the reply!

I guess one part of it is that I’m worried about being seen as an outcast/different in the eyes of not only family and friends but also by society. I’d worry about having kids who are bullied for having two dads. And being married to another man could have consequences in that people at work may treat me differently etc.

Also, I guess as a kid I was taught being gay is wrong, by classmates and family members.

so wouldn’t marrying a woman just be the easy way out of all this? 

Hey there,

I'm wondering, with those worries you have, do you think there might be a link between them and being taught that gay was wrong as a kid? If so, can you tell me more about that? 

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16 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm wondering, with those worries you have, do you think there might be a link between them and being taught that gay was wrong as a kid? If so, can you tell me more about that? 

Maybe there is a link, but I don’t think it’s just from being taught gay = wrong/bad by other people.

for example when I look at biology it’s obvious that a man and a woman are meant to be together so they can reproduce. But a man and a man together, well there’s no biological reason! 
it just makes me question what must be wrong with me in order for me to not be as attracted to women as I wish I was! 
Thanks for talking to me about this

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