Opening up on my disorders for the first time.

[quietplace]

Im not really sure how to start this but I suffer from long term psychosis going on 11 years as well as having depression, and anxiety. With the years ive had these hallucinations I could never understand why it was me, why I had to be the one dealing with everything in my head. I would hear a lot of voices tell me different things but only recently have I truly heard what they were saying. Ive had episodes of fear and panic, rage, sadness, and extreme paranoia. Ive also started to see things that I didn't see before such as shadows in the corners of any room or having peoples faces change while i talk to them, but that doesn't scare me as much as seeing real people crowd around me and constantly yelling at me. I though living with it for so long could only make me less afraid of it but honestly im just scared but hopeful. Im not a very easy person to talk to off screen and ive had my share of bad habits in school but this ive never felt so trapped in my own head then I do now. Ive taken time to write down what I hear and sometimes attempt to draw what I see (though im a very bad artist). Finding this website and seeing how everyone is so kind and respectful I truly feel for once that im not alone in any of this. my only goal now is to finally speak up about what I feel, see, and hear without feeling like a burden on others.

[Emberfrost12]

Hi quietplace! I think you're really brave for reaching out, and I'm sure that one of our trained mentors will be around shortly @Monsoon and @Blondie. 

Welcome to the community!

[Monsoon]

14 hours ago, quietplace said:

Im not really sure how to start this but I suffer from long term psychosis going on 11 years as well as having depression, and anxiety. With the years ive had these hallucinations I could never understand why it was me, why I had to be the one dealing with everything in my head. I would hear a lot of voices tell me different things but only recently have I truly heard what they were saying. Ive had episodes of fear and panic, rage, sadness, and extreme paranoia. Ive also started to see things that I didn't see before such as shadows in the corners of any room or having peoples faces change while i talk to them, but that doesn't scare me as much as seeing real people crowd around me and constantly yelling at me. I though living with it for so long could only make me less afraid of it but honestly im just scared but hopeful. Im not a very easy person to talk to off screen and ive had my share of bad habits in school but this ive never felt so trapped in my own head then I do now. Ive taken time to write down what I hear and sometimes attempt to draw what I see (though im a very bad artist). Finding this website and seeing how everyone is so kind and respectful I truly feel for once that im not alone in any of this. my only goal now is to finally speak up about what I feel, see, and hear without feeling like a burden on others.

Hey there,

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I think it’s really important what you said about being ready to open up and not feel like a burden, and I just want you to know that you will never be a burden here; we are here to support you in whatever way we can. 
 

How does it feel sharing your story here? Also, can I ask, are you getting any support for your mental health at the moment? 

[quietplace]

thank you so much for the kind words, it feels heartwarming being able to talk about my experiences,  I am getting treatment now (the correct treatment) and hopefully be able to share more of my story when the time comes!

[Monsoon]

19 hours ago, quietplace said:

thank you so much for the kind words, it feels heartwarming being able to talk about my experiences,  I am getting treatment now (the correct treatment) and hopefully be able to share more of my story when the time comes!

Hey,

I'm glad to hear you're getting the correct treatment. When you're ready to share more, we will be here for you. Also, if you'd prefer to talk confidentially, you can click the 'Confidential Support' tab at the top of the page :) 

[quietplace]

I’ll be glad to open up more talking seems to help now that I have people who listen!

[Monsoon]

17 hours ago, quietplace said:

I’ll be glad to open up more talking seems to help now that I have people who listen!

Exactly, that's what we do here. We have plenty of experience in helping people with a range of issues, so when you're ready, you know where to find us!