rant Hate life.

[randomguy]

i kind of hate my llfe as

 

1. My mum hates me as i got into loads of trobule back at schools and first year of college. (I'm now in my 3rd year) and keeps saying my brother and dad left me because i've mad everyone hate me and that's why they left.There's been times i've made my mum annoyed that's she hit me a couple of times. I've shouted quite a few times and has threatened to kick me out/call police etc....

2. I had to avoid doing one of my hobbies which was taking photography (which i've stopped since last year) because these teenagers were just continuing to just being annoying and blocking the way i cycle to get to areas where i take photos and were just being a pain saying i was taking photos of them when i wasn't. They actually damaged my old bike because they were trying to knock me off with their bike tires. I actually got bruises once because of them and then the've also tried to get water on me and luckily it's missed and laned on bike tire instead and has thrown stuff and i've alwayys been scared to lock it up as they were threatening to steal/damage it. Yesterday i saw two of the people from the group and i heard them over talking and sayinng rude stuff about me.

3. One of my friends nearly got attacked with a kinfe on the 26th but didn't want to get police involve. I didn't/still don't know what to do.

4. I've been in minor trobule with the police (luckily not to the point of court or arrested)

5. I have hardly any life as the jobs i want to do are too far away or require you have a full license and i don't yet. Also i rarely do anything with my family.

6. I'm also diabetic type 1 but this isn't of a point as i'm used to control it as i've had it for 12 years. It just sucks.

To be honest the only thing stopping me from killing is my hamster and friends and cycling and no one knows this but i have tried to kill myself in the past but everyone just thinks it was a mistake.

 

Any advice'?

[peach311]

Hey Randomguy,

 

Thank you for your honesty. When we don't let people know how we really are it is much harder to get the help we need so well done on sharing everything. We will do our best to help in every way we can and you are not alone.

 

If it's ok with you I am going to ask a few more questions to get a better picture of whats going on.

 

Have you told anyone else about how your mum treats you, is there anyone close to you that you trust enough to open up to?

 

Being bullied can be incredibly stressful especially on top of everything else you are going through. You are not the problem or to blame in any way. The main reason I say this is because being bullied over a period of time leaves a lot of people feeling very embarrassed or ashamed and blaming themselves. Do they live near you?

 

I am really sorry to hear what happened to your friend, that must have been horrible. Have they opened up about why they don't want to report it? What does your gut think you should do that you haven't?

 

In terms of your diabetes, I completely agree it does suck and people don't realise the impact it can have on a persons life. Do you have any outside support for it? I had a look online and found https://www.diabetes.org.uk/how_we_help/local_support_groups this site that puts people in touch with local support groups. It could make a big difference talking to people who know exactly what you are going through because they are too. One of the worst parts is feeling alone with it and I have learnt that help is always out there but we have to find it. Exactly like you have done here, in joining and getting honest.

 

How often do you find yourself thinking about suicide and do you have a plan at the moment? What I am really asking is do you feel safe today?

 

The Samaritans are amazing and have a 24hr phone line that you can call whenever you need day or night, their contact info is here: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

 

Also, there is another organisation called Grassroots and they have an app called Staying Alive which you can download and have on your phone. It is full of really important information all in one place and has strategies for staying safe as well as much much more. Would you be up for getting it and having a look?

http://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/stay_alive_suicide_prevention_mobile_phone_application.html

 

I know that is a lot of questions to be asked in one go and you can answer them, however, feels right for you, I really heard in your post that right now life is very overwhelming and you need some support and we want to help in any way we can.

 

Sending you so much support

-Peach311

?

[randomguy]

Nope as my dad lives in different country and my brothers busy with uni, my grandads ill. Etc.. and my other realatives are too far.

 

They live a bit close as i see them every time i go up that area where i collect my prescription for diabetic supplies and do photography. Another thing is after doing my work experience at the stables not far from that area last year. They say i can volunteer when i want to. I do want to but the thing stopping me is it might end up seeing those bullies again but the last time i went up there was back in october because i just couldn't take what was happening.

 

I can't seem to get hold of my friend as somethings happened to his facebook account and before when i talked to him he just changed subject and didn't want to talk about it. So no he hasn't said a reason. Like my gut said i should of just reported it to either the police or security guards (the security guards are in charge of that area and the mall) but i feel if it get reported to police my friend might not want to be friends anymore because he doesn't want to. But then i'm also a bit afraid myself to report things like this as ever since i got into minor trobule with the law not to point of arrest or court.

 

yeah i have support with my diabeties t's fine as there's a forum about diabeties etc.... which i'm on and also i have my diabetic clinic etc...

 

i only think of sucide when bad things happen. Apart from the problems i've already mentioned i do feel safe.

[Harper]

Hey Randomguy,

Some great advice from Peach311. Just to let you know that the phone number for The Samaritans is 116 123 - it's free to call, won't show on your bill and there's always somebody at the other end of the phone. Please, please, please do not hesitate to call them - they are fully trained and will just listen and give advice where appropriate.

 

It may be a good idea to store the number in your phone so that you have quick and easy access to it.

 

Know that this will pass. I have been there and things will and do get better. Please remain vocal and utilise us - although for specific advice surrounding suicide, I cannot recommend The Samaritans enough.

 

Harper

[randomguy]

sorry guys i thought i replied to this.

Yeah they live in the same area. The other day i saw the bullies but all they did was swear but i think they didn't want to do anything as if they did they knew i could of told the PCSO's as i just passed them and also there were loads of delivery cyclists that would .of seen. So when ever they annoy me they always pick a area where there's no CCTV or not many people around or it's because not all of them were there it was only 2 out of the 5.

 

My gut says i should off told the police but my friend doesn't want to and i don't like talking to police unless it's a emergencey (as i've been in minor trobule myself). i don't really know but he does have a bit of apeech impairment (but i can still understand him) so mabye that's reason.

 

My diabeties i do have support as i'm on a forum for diabeties and also have my diabeties clinic.

 

i only think of suicide when bad things happen.

 

 

[Harper]

Hey Randomguy,

That's okay! Could I ask how old you are please and if you've spoken about your relationship with mum to anybody else? Have you ever spoken to her about how you feel, or do you have anyone else close to you in your family who you can speak to about it? With regards to the people bullying you: it's okay if your friend doesn't want to report it, but if people are either attacking you or threatening you, or damaging/stealing your things - you really must report it. I understand it isn't a direct, immediate emergency, but your safety is important and they may be doing worse things to others. Would you consider reporting it without your friend? Are you also able to tell me a little more about the people bullying you? I don't need names or anything personally identifiable about them - but it would be helpful to know how you know them, where you see them, how old they are and if there is much history with them?

 

Thanks! I hope you are finding it helpful talking about these issues.

 

Harper

[randomguy]

I'm 19 and nope i haven't told anyone about my relationship as my dad's in a different country and doesn't care. My brothers at Uni and has his own life and also doesn't care and my other relatives are too far.

 

I just assume the guys harrasing me in that area are students as i don't recognize them but they could of joined late or moved schools or they might know me from my friends events as one of them goes to my friends youth club and my friend went to a different school. They just started being annoying to me when i first went up that area.. I don't know their exact age but i guessing their around 13-16. last year it happened everytime i went up there. from Oct-Dec. There are signs in that area saying Anti-Social behaivour will not be acceptable but yet the area in my county i live in is the least likely place where crimes least likely to happen. So they might of caused trobule before hand.

[Blondie]

Hi Randomguy, maybe have a look at this guide: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/parents-emotionally-bully-me/ which gives some excellent advice around dealing with bullying from a parent or parents. There really isn't an excuse for anyone hitting you and no one deserves this. It could well be that your mum needs some support too so if you were able to reach out for some outside help it would be good for her too and hopefully help the relationship between you.

[Harper]

Thank you for sharing this Randomguy. Blondie has some great advice regarding mum. In terms of the people who are harassing you - how do you feel about reporting the assault to the Police? Is there an adult at the youth club who you could speak to about it? I would highly recommend something called mediation - which is where an adult would sit down with you and them in a room and give each side an opportunity to talk calmly about the issues and it will give you an opportunity to tell them how it makes you feel. I know it sounds scary, but there is a lot of evidence to show that it can be a really effective way of combatting bullying. Do you think that sounds like it could be a possibility?

 

In the interim, do you have close friends who you could arrange to do things with? Are there any cycling groups or classes that you are a member of? It would be great for us to start thinking about things you can do for you and ways to meet some new people with shared interests.

 

It may also help you to know that our research shows that those who bully others often have issues you may not know about. There could be problems at home or perhaps they don't feel good about themselves. I just want to reaffirm to you that the reason they are unkind to you isn't because of you - it's because of them. So please remind yourself of that regularly. You are hugely welcome to our community and it is clear that you are kind and compassionate and great at articulating.

 

As a side note, do you have any idea of the sort of job you would like to have or any interests that you are keen to develop?

 

Harper

[bingabong]

i agree with the advice here and would also tell u to not beat urself up about being in trouble with the police. if u haven't been arrested it's ok and also - we all make mistakes and it's ok to make mistakes, so don't punish yourself over it and let it go

[randomguy]

In general I just find It hard to open up and i find it hard talking to authorites and I don't go to my friends youth club. My friend has told me she knows her from her youth club but when she's with the boys she usually get's in trobule, I find It easier to talk about stuff with my friends or online but not to authorities in person or by mobile (unless it's emergency)

 

I had to go up that area today as it;s the closest area where I can get some milk and I didn't seem them but I think that's only because it's the holidays and they might be on holiday or away. As last time I saw them was last year during term time and two of the girls the other day

 

Nope I'm not part of a group or cycling club, I have a college group but only my friends and a couple of teachers know about the harrasment but weren't helpful as there's nothing they can do since it's outside of college and no one knows about my mum's relationship.

 

I only have one friend in my area and she's usually out most of the time all the others are a 30 or 1 hour or longer bus route away

[Harper]

Hey Randomguy,

Would you be interested in meeting new people with shared interests offline? If so, would you be happy for me to email you to help find some local places you could try?

 

Harper

[randomguy]

i've already met new people from previous things and colllege . So .i don't really feel like meeting anyone knew.

 

Ever since that day there's been more attacks/threats with knives. i'm worried about my fried as i have not heard from him since after that day. and that day aftterwards he was more open to telling the pollice about the 26th but his facebook account's disssapeard and my mobile stupidly didn't save his number and he hasn't texted me so i haven't heard from him since.

 

Also there's been a few attacks with knifes recently on knews articles and a few of the descriptions actually match of them above apart from i dunno what knife he had so i need to get hold of my friend but can't because if i got hold of him he has more info.

 

Also another things is yesterday there was different grroup of kids but one of them as harrased me before but this time they were just verbal bullying saying very rude things but when i confronted them to stop bullying me. I had my bike and when i was lifting my bike up onto pavement i accidentally knocked one of their bikes and he thought i did on purpose and one of them was going to get something out and said you know what i have? i just replied not a knife or another weapon if so i'll tell the Police and then he looked at his friend and his friend told him not to get it out. and then that's when they stopped bullying. (So he probably did have a knife)

I thought of telling PCSO's as there ussually around that area but they weren't there as this happend right opposite where they ussually stand.

 

I know this is stupid but i haven't even told my mum about all of this as i'm too scared too. My mum has said before some of the neighbours (I live on a hill) are police but i dunno which ones and if they work in same or different department.

 

If anything happens on saturday as me and two old school friends (Who know about these things) are going to the cinema which happens to be in the same place as where my friend nearly got attacked. If anything happens we have agreed to tell police.

[Willow]

Hi Randomguy,

 

I've been watching this thread. Thank you so much for continuing to share about the things going on in your life. I'm really glad you're trying so hard to fix parts of your life that are struggling.?

 

You seem to have a lot on your shoulders.

 

Something that's stood out from the beginning, to me, is your relationship with your mom. It sounds like a frustrating situation-- you want to be able to confide in your mom, but if she is blaming you for your brother and dad leaving, it's hard to rely and trust in her, emotionally. At the same time, though, she seems like she is the one person you really need to talk to--- and find another person with authority that you can trust in. I don't know your mom, but I have a feeling she would be able to give you support-- she doesn't want anything bad to happen to you, or for you to feel unhappy and worried!

 

I'm really worried about your friend that you haven't been able to get in contact with ? I know you want to do what's right around this.

 

Awesome job for considering telling PCSO and the police! It demonstrates that you're really making an effort-- and that the danger for yourself and others is bigger than your worries about the police. Authority figures-- whether police, teachers, or parents-- can only observe so much. They don't know the depths of problems, usually, and can't take action unless they know about something. Remind yourself this is coming from a place of worry and concern-- you haven't done anything wrong. What is sounds like you may be worried about is the possibilities of authorities making you feel bad for everything you ?didn't? do, or was out of your control. But, remember, your intentions are good! You want people to stop harassing you and others (I was really impressed to see that you let those people, who were bullying you, know your boundaries-- that you stated you were not afraid to tell the police if they had a knife/weapon on them).

 

You are really observant and caring, but this is a lot of burden to carry! Especially when there's not much else you can do. I don't want you to live in fear. It's time to protect yourself by stating boundaries, sharing information with your mom, and sharing information with authority. The worst the police can do is not take it seriously-- and if they don't, we can talk about it, again.

 

Having spoken to the police a few times, myself, my advice for talking with the police is:

? Gather as many facts as you can. Writing a list is helpful, so that each of your points is clear and able to be looked at. This includes people's names, phone numbers, addresses, dates of events, etc.

? Have a friend/family member with you when speaking to the police. Someone else's presence has a relaxing effect-- it helps a person feel safe.

? Whether speaking to the police, in person, or over the phone, remain calm and give them all of the facts about things you have witnessed/experienced.

***By the way, have you checked-- there may be a ?non-emergency? phone number for the police in your area, so it doesn't come off as an immediate emergency.

? Tell the police if you are feeling nervous talking to them, and why. They will try to help relax you.

? Let the police know what you think would be helpful for them to do. Understand this may not be completely possible, but it demonstrates that you are thinking about what could make your community better.

? Ask them what they think you should do if you continue to witness/experience bullying/harassment/assault.

? Ask the officer to update you, if they find, or do, anything that may affect you.

 

I don't think you should wait to see if something happens this weekend to then tell the police. The police need to know about everything that's happened before, too, not just something that may or may not happen at the movies. Please, consider talking to them even if nothing happens at the movies.

 

Let me know what you think!

 

-willow

[randomguy]

because of the problem with my mum that's why i find it hard to tell her about stuff, she doesn't even know about any of this stuff.

 

All the info of police department contact details are on the page of the local community centres and also through their website. So yes there is a non emergency number as well as reporting crime through online forms or email and as i said the police station isn't far from town centre.

 

One of the reason i think i'm observant is because i cycle around a lot and i've avoided accidents due to reacting in time to possible hazards and one of my friends is partially blind.

 

 

All of this has started to affect me at college (especially in english lessons) which i don't want it to as i have exams soon and don't feel comfortable talking to the teachers there even though their nice.

 

Thats another reason why i've considered telling the police/PCSO's to get it off the back of my mind so i can concentrate on more important things and whenever things happen i always stand up because of dangers too myself and others. The only thing stopping me is i feel like i'm outnumbered as the bullies who have harassed me always pick a area without CCTV. So if i'm report them it's like my word against theirs. :/

 

 

Thanks Willow.

[randomguy]

Ugh this is really pissing . me off they (some off same bullies tried to knock off my bike. If i hadn't slammed my bike brakes on quickly enough it would of caused an accident and i luckily there the car behind was back further but if it was a bus or closer. It could of easily got another driver involved because as bikes don't have brake lights and with this being a quiet road wear it happend at the time not one expects a cyclist to stop suddenly and also some veichles have longer stopping distances like buses etc... and when i told them to be more careful they just started to verbal bullying/make threats about damaging/stealing/buying my bike etc...

 

I'm just worried one day they might cause an accident and then that would affect everyone involved and other road users.

 

I feel like i should mention something to local police but since this was on road there was no CCTV cameras and although where i confront them was by a CCTV area this was words but correct me if i'm wrong but CCTV doesn't pick up words. : So if i was to report them there's no evidence and then it's just my word against them and again i would be outnumbered.

 

Just feels like if i stop cycling because of them there's nothing in my life.

[Willow]

Hey Randomguy,

 

I am so sorry to hear that you were almost in a bike accident! I'm glad you're safe. Do you wear protective gear when riding your bike?

 

That does sound like a great idea to report everything to get it off your shoulders. Yes, usually, CCTV does not pick up sound, but don't let that stop you from reporting-- there's a lot of information that can be picked up from body language/facial expressions. Also, you have multiple instances to tell the police, regarding the bullying and harassment-- you don't need to wait for proof. Did you know, most countries even have a way to report an ?Anonymous Crime Tip'? That way you wouldn't have to worry about you being targeted because you reported.

 

It sounds like you're worried your schoolwork is being affected. Maybe you can speak to your teachers about how you can make sure to maintain good grades?

 

Hope things are going better!

 

 

-willow

[randomguy]

Thanks and yeah , it's not the law in England but i always wear helmet and gloves.

 

A few passerby's might of seen. When i did confront them to tell them to stop back then that would be on CCTV because it happened right outside the a cafe and a lot of pedestrains/cyclists walked past then but didn't say anything.

If it actually caused an accident then the police legally have to get involved;. So if they ever do knock me off then i will also get police involved.

 

I know i should at college but i find it hard to open up about this things.

 

Another thing is because of the minor trouble with police. My police department made a mistake when dealing with that. So one of them is coming round Sunday and to just follow up on things. So unless it happens again i could just mention it on Sunday,

 

Also my college has PCSO's because they work with safeguarding team and security (Most uk colleges do).. Saw one of them on weds as one of my friends was talking to them. I thought of mentioning something then but didn't want to disturb my friend.

 

I know i should of told college but as i said i find it hard to open up about things in person but easily can online.

 

 

=

I

[Willow]

Hey Randomguy,

 

Glad you are safe on your bike-- I know the roads can be tricky, sometimes!

 

Man, I know it's hard to jump in and ask for help. We can vent and come up with a plan online, all day, but eventually we'll have to step out of the comfort zone if we want anything to change. Once everything is operated by robots, though, we'll be able to fix everything through technology ?

 

But Sunday sounds like the perfect day to dip your toe into asking for help/informing someone!

 

Remember, your past doesn't define you. You are growing and bettering yourself-- have confidence in that!

 

 

-willow

 

[randomguy]

Thanks and yeah. Just waiting till tomorrow.

[Willow]

How'd it go, yesterday?

 

-willow

[randomguy]

Well this is a update:

 

Nothing happened as a lot of officers got sick that day. So they had a lack of police.

 

I did tell college.

 

Anyway i haven't see those boys again yet (my friend saw them in town today). However i don't see them often at weekends mostly weekdays and the forcast as been it's supposed to rain which is why i haven't seen them yet.

 

But weird thing is i just went to a corner shop to talk to my friend and get snack and then a police car came past (No sirens) and that road etiher ends up by my house or my old secondary (Where the bullies are from) because there's a shortcut cars can't go through to get to my friends area. It couldn't of be going to the school as it's saturday. But it was the usssuall time i see the boys. Also where i live it's not very common for crime. So either it was lost or looking for the boys etc...

Just found that a coquincedence,

 

Unless my college or neighbours (some of my neighbours work in a different police department not my area) mentioned something or just people in that area that did see things happening

[randomguy]

Saw them again still being rude and annoying. There was something the kids didn't know last sunday after they left someone else who saw things happen. Told a police car partrolling the area. So the police do know a little about them.

Turns out even at the stables where i help out. One of the colleagus saw things happening that day but didn't decide to intervene. So this time i'm not as outnumbered. So this time when they saw me. I just told them to go away and that the local police got involved. They just said rude stuff afterwards and making threats. If they tell me to go off first i don't as i don't feel safe because they've tried to knock me off. I didn't even have my camera out this time. .

 

There's time's i just don't feel safe even in the morning when cycling too i leave a bit later to avoid seeing them as i have to cycle past their school. In afternoon they seem to find me. I also want to help out at the stables more in the holidays but then i don't as i feel like i'll see them more.

 

I know i still need to report it but i just find it hard. Like this has been happenings since October. Pretty much started after i got in minor trobule with the police (I know this might stupid that's one of the reasons i don't want to go into polices station to report it as they have my details on their system and i'm not comfortable talking on the mobile)

 

(I was also meant to finish my english homework yesterday but i just couldn't because of these youths) and it's really annoying as sometimes i just like going out and up into that area so i can do revision as well as photography especially since weathers been nice recently.

 

I know it sounds this might sound stupid but it makes me want to move back to a country i used to live in, like my home country (where i was born) Holland but then i also don't want to.

 

 

 

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