rant Can someone please tell me if this is normal?

[Mica]

Okay so everyone already knows about the schools closing due to COVID-19 and I’m kinda struggling with it at the minute so I gotta get some stuff off my chest.

I never wanted the schools to close cus I didn’t want to be isolated with my family for however long because I knew it would start getting bad again. I just didn’t expect it to happen this fast. We’re on day 10 now and last night my dad decided he was sick of being around his kids. He’d been in a bad mood all day but when my mum got home he was immediately screaming bloody murder to her about how his kids are lazy and selfish and ungrateful and that he couldn’t spend quarantine with us. Next thing I know he’s coming upstairs and into my room and screams at me that he’s had enough. He throws everything off my desk and pushed my shelves over (he targets the books because he knows how much they mean to me) then grabs me by the shoulders and starts shaking me screaming “do you understand?� Over and over in my face. At times like these it’s easiest to say yes and not speak unless asked a question so I do that but he didn’t calm down. He shoved me over then moved onto to my sisters. I kinda just sat there a while after that I’m shock trying to calm my breathing down (I get panic attacks a lot and was trying not to have one now). When I calmed down I went to check on my younger sister. I’d heard more crashing and screaming so I wanted to make sure she was alright. She was sobbing and said he’d grabbed her bye the hair threw her to the floor and hit her in the face. i tried to calm her down a little but we had to clean up before he came back up. When I went back to my room I saw that he had snapped the door handle off in his hand in a blind rage. By the end of the night I’d had two panic attacks, cried for over an hour, self harmed and had another psychotic episode (nothing to bad. Just seeing things that aren’t there. I used to get them as a kid). I still don’t know why he did it or why I get so scared of him when he starts yelling but I don’t think I’m gonna get through this quarantine if things keep happening like this.

I wanna go back to school and see my friends and get out of this house but there’s nowhere to turn.

I need to know if this is normal and I’m just over reacting. I don’t know anymore. Things aren’t usually like this. At times my parents act so sweet and tell us they love us so I feel like I’m betraying them for even coming on here but I need to know. I don’t know if this is gaslighting or abuse of some kind or if it’s just completely normal. I’d anyone can offer an insight or anything please do.

is this normal?

Edited September 25 by Daisie

[Blondie]

Hey Mica, I'm glad you shared with us as this sounds like a scary and horrible situation to have been in - I'm going to separately email you now.

[dewberry and stars]

hey mica, the way your dad is treating you is not normal. It is abusive and disgusting and you do not deserve to be treated this way. But, how you feel towards this, being overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, and everything, is normal. Please don't think that you're overreacting, because you're not. I also have panic episodes and they're not because of a problem as big as yours. I know it's hard, but please hold on. Go on video chats with your friends, or do anything to distract yourself from the harsh world in your house. I'm also here if you need to talk about anything, here or discord is fine, just ask me. Also, you're not betraying you're parents for going on here and talking about this. Because if anything, it's giving other people the chance to help you. I don't know how painful it is but please hold on and stay. I'm here if you need me, ok?