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Inside my mind, anxiety


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I'm 20 year old male living in the UK and I have rather bad anxiety. It gets me down, it's made me self harm, it's made me lose friends & it's certainly made my view on the world change, negatively.


Though I don't self harm anymore thanks to the weirdly cure from myself, I am really struggling. This has been going on for YEARS now. I'm in a loving relationship with a male and we live together. Been going on for about 3 years now. It's absolutely perfect but at the same time makes me feel worthless and awful. My partner has been working his ass off (he's a nursery practitioner) and he honestly deserves everything in the world. He pays the bills, he pays me to basically keep alive! He's an absolute gem but honestly inside I feel heartbroken and so upset because as much as I want to, I can't provide or give back to him. I don't have a job, I've been jobless for like over 2 years now and since then, my partner has been providing even though he is on like the brink of minimum wage.


I would really like a job and this just heartbreaks me. Not many good opportunities are around my area and I don't travel. I rarely leave the house, I go out about twice every month or so and that's at night time. I don't like being around people at all, I'm so anxious and I feel my heart pumping like formula 1 engines roaring. I've had mental breakdowns, panic attacks outside. Even on a night out.... Though alcohol does help me communicate better, it's obviously not a good way to 'cure' yourself.


At most, it's the job thing getting me down I think but I think he does understand this but I just honestly can't get out there. I would really LOVE a home job and please don't see this as a cry for a job because I really don't expect any remote-jobs going at all and this isn't a place to really apply for a job at all. It's just basically me raging out all my feelings and how I am.


I'm just wanting to see if you have any advise on what to do. I don't claim any benefits because it's embarrassing and harsh on those who pay tax and I would probably get slammed for it. I'm struggling and it's very upsetting. I wish I could just work from home and do emails or something like that, but those that I've looked into are just scams and want money upfront which is a shame also the trust is the major issue here.


I don't know why I'm even typing this like I'm venting or hinting for a job. I'm really not, at this point i'm just typing what's on my mind right now and currently it's sadness, upset and heartbroken.



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  • Ditch the Label Staff

@statmonkey Hi, thanks so much for being so honest as I know how hard it can be to share. Have you had a really open and honest conversation with your partner about all of this? It could really help as you would be able to share your concerns and for him to reassure you on some things and to share any of his concerns.


Opening up like this can help you to formulate a plan for moving forward and for him to be able to support you in a way that really helps you both. It could be that he wants to help but isn't sure how so approaching it together can be really useful and keep the partner connection strong.


It also allows him to be able to reassure you on things that you may be worrying about unnecessarily and to tell you, even small things, that you already do, or can do for him.


Sometimes a good start on getting back into the workplace is to try volunteering as it removes a huge amount of pressure and allows you to build confidence.


What are you good at? What do you like to do?




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