relationship fails How to deal with Breakups ?

[Yashi29]

Hello everyone, hope you all are doing great!
There is constant sudden triggers in my heart from last 2 years, i can't move on from a breakup as the 2 people ( my ex and our mutual female bestie) left me, and don't even care whether i exist or not, they are in same class as me, and they both are happy being together! It makes me feel more worse, and i get panic, anxiety attacks going to my college, i only go when i have to, to avoid eye contacts, even after watching them from so far i can't shivering in my legs, i guess what they might be talking about! i left him because our relationship got so much toxic in last 2 months before breakup, i have a feeling of guilt at times that i could have put more efforts and sometimes i am very much angry on the fact that he doesn't care about me at all now, he is visiting every places with her bestie, enjoying his life to the fullest, and here i am still stuck!

Just like in the image, the girl in black top grey coat used to me my bestie in college from 1st year, i never thought this could happen! Although they both are not officially in relationship but they act like they like each other.

Edited December 2, 2023 by Yashi29

[Yashi29]

@digitalkatie

[Duckie]

23 hours ago, Yashi29 said:

Hello everyone, hope you all are doing great!
There is constant sudden triggers in my heart from last 2 years, i can't move on from a breakup as the 2 people ( my ex and our mutual female bestie) left me, and don't even care whether i exist or not, they are in same class as me, and they both are happy being together! It makes me feel more worse, and i get panic, anxiety attacks going to my college, i only go when i have to, to avoid eye contacts, even after watching them from so far i can't shivering in my legs, i guess what they might be talking about! i left him because our relationship got so much toxic in last 2 months before breakup, i have a feeling of guilt at times that i could have put more efforts and sometimes i am very much angry on the fact that he doesn't care about me at all now, he is visiting every places with her bestie, enjoying his life to the fullest, and here i am still stuck!

Just like in the image, the girl in black top grey coat used to me my bestie in college from 1st year, i never thought this could happen! Although they both are not officially in relationship but they act like they like each other.

Hi @Yashi29,

It sounds like you were going through two rather heartbreaking separations at the same time. Losing a lover is just as bad as losing a friend and it might not help you mourn and get over them when they are just around all the time. 

How is your relationship with your ex bf and ex friend at the moment? Do you talk at all?

[Yashi29]

9 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi @Yashi29,

It sounds like you were going through two rather heartbreaking separations at the same time. Losing a lover is just as bad as losing a friend and it might not help you mourn and get over them when they are just around all the time. 

How is your relationship with your ex bf and ex friend at the moment? Do you talk at all?

Not at all , from 2 years they just pass near me in college by avoiding any eye contact and i avoid going to college, but they are confident and extrovert people so they have whole class as a friend so i can't talk to other people as well , so that is the reason i don't go college at all except exams

Edited December 3, 2023 by Yashi29

[jazzy.sky]

Sorry to hear about your situation Yashi, dealing with the grief that surrounds losing people closest to you is very difficult and takes a long time to heal and move on from

The few things I can suggest that may help you coming to terms with it all is surrounding yourself with family and doing things you enjoy as this increases serotonin and dopamine which in turn makes you happy :) Do things that make you feel good and focus on other areas of your life that excite you

Don't try to bottle up your feelings though as that might make it harder to heal faster,  a bit like if you have a wound, you need it to dry and form a scab and bottling it up is like placing a giant plaster on the wound to hide it but overtime the wound gets infected because it's not being properly looked after and hasn't had time to dry out so it actually gets worse (idk if any of that makes sense lol but i hope u get the analogy)

Things that helped me when i lost my best friend was to talk it out and to think about how the situation made me the way I am today and overtime you will feel better, just take it slow, take each day as it comes and don't forget we are always here for you!! 

 

 

[Yashi29]

10 hours ago, jazzy.sky said:

Sorry to hear about your situation Yashi, dealing with the grief that surrounds losing people closest to you is very difficult and takes a long time to heal and move on from

The few things I can suggest that may help you coming to terms with it all is surrounding yourself with family and doing things you enjoy as this increases serotonin and dopamine which in turn makes you happy :) Do things that make you feel good and focus on other areas of your life that excite you

Don't try to bottle up your feelings though as that might make it harder to heal faster,  a bit like if you have a wound, you need it to dry and form a scab and bottling it up is like placing a giant plaster on the wound to hide it but overtime the wound gets infected because it's not being properly looked after and hasn't had time to dry out so it actually gets worse (idk if any of that makes sense lol but i hope u get the analogy)

Things that helped me when i lost my best friend was to talk it out and to think about how the situation made me the way I am today and overtime you will feel better, just take it slow, take each day as it comes and don't forget we are always here for you!! 

That's so sweet of you : ) Yea i am working on myself on my personal growth, like i am interested in being a frontend developer so i do make websites and also working on a webapp for myself, it distracts my mind and also designing makes you more focus on the detailings, i used to love spending time with my friends but after this thing happened i made no new friends, i have trust issues and a strong feeling that everyone leaves and it's truth, so i don't feel the same as i used to, it don't excite me much :/ in college too my new group people do gossip about me, and tagged me as cry baby, so i don't involve much, tomorrow i have final exam in college, and i am going after so long, let's see how it goes! Hoping for the best : )

[Duckie]

2 hours ago, Yashi29 said:

That's so sweet of you : ) Yea i am working on myself on my personal growth, like i am interested in being a frontend developer so i do make websites and also working on a webapp for myself, it distracts my mind and also designing makes you more focus on the detailings, i used to love spending time with my friends but after this thing happened i made no new friends, i have trust issues and a strong feeling that everyone leaves and it's truth, so i don't feel the same as i used to, it don't excite me much :/ in college too my new group people do gossip about me, and tagged me as cry baby, so i don't involve much, tomorrow i have final exam in college, and i am going after so long, let's see how it goes! Hoping for the best : )

Hi @Yashi29,

Best of luck with your exams today! I hope it goes well. Does that mean you will be graduating soon?

It soons like your classmates are a bunch of bullies and I'm really sorry to hear that. They don't get to define you  What are your friendships outside of school like?

[Yashi29]

4 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @Yashi29,

Best of luck with your exams today! I hope it goes well. Does that mean you will be graduating soon?

It soons like your classmates are a bunch of bullies and I'm really sorry to hear that. They don't get to define you  What are your friendships outside of school like?

Thankyou i have my exam tomorrow on 5th dec ( diff time zones lol) i messaged after 12 am so acc to it! 
My friend outside my college is only 1 and she is my best friend from 7th standard we do talk once in a week and i go outside once in a month with her, lucky to have her and you guys too in online mode! : )
and yes I am graduating soon from college my final exams will end on 15th dec i guess, and then 6 months break for internship outside college i have to find, and then in july 2024 i will be graduated! : D 

[Duckie]

4 hours ago, Yashi29 said:

Thankyou i have my exam tomorrow on 5th dec ( diff time zones lol) i messaged after 12 am so acc to it! 
My friend outside my college is only 1 and she is my best friend from 7th standard we do talk once in a week and i go outside once in a month with her, lucky to have her and you guys too in online mode! : )
and yes I am graduating soon from college my final exams will end on 15th dec i guess, and then 6 months break for internship outside college i have to find, and then in july 2024 i will be graduated! : D 

That's so exciting! And it sounds like just what you need to be out of there finally!

I wish you the best for your exams! I'm sure you will do great! Internships are a great opportunity so I am excited for this as well! Do you know where you will be going yet or do you have to wait for a placement?

[jazzy.sky]

11 hours ago, Yashi29 said:

That's so sweet of you : ) Yea i am working on myself on my personal growth, like i am interested in being a frontend developer so i do make websites and also working on a webapp for myself, it distracts my mind and also designing makes you more focus on the detailings, i used to love spending time with my friends but after this thing happened i made no new friends, i have trust issues and a strong feeling that everyone leaves and it's truth, so i don't feel the same as i used to, it don't excite me much :/ in college too my new group people do gossip about me, and tagged me as cry baby, so i don't involve much, tomorrow i have final exam in college, and i am going after so long, let's see how it goes! Hoping for the best : )

Awww, well, those people in college are missing out on a truly wonderful friend like u and don't pay them any attention, stay true to yourself. 

Also, im so proud of you, im sure your webapp is amazing!! Im sorry I saw this a bit late, how did you find the exam? I'm certain u did really well !!

[Yashi29]

9 minutes ago, Duckie said:

That's so exciting! And it sounds like just what you need to be out of there finally!

I wish you the best for your exams! I'm sure you will do great! Internships are a great opportunity so I am excited for this as well! Do you know where you will be going yet or do you have to wait for a placement?

Yea Duckie you are correct, i was waiting from last 1 year to get out of this horrible place, so i am going to give exam tomorrow but not as anxious as i used to be before because these are last days! : ) 
Thankyou let's see how it goes, it's not final where i will be doing internship it can be remote too, but whatever it is, i am also excited for it, after the exam i will do internship may be from Dec last or jan start! Looks like 2024 will be my year after 2 years! : ) 

[jazzy.sky]

5 hours ago, Yashi29 said:

Thankyou i have my exam tomorrow on 5th dec ( diff time zones lol) i messaged after 12 am so acc to it! 
My friend outside my college is only 1 and she is my best friend from 7th standard we do talk once in a week and i go outside once in a month with her, lucky to have her and you guys too in online mode! : )
and yes I am graduating soon from college my final exams will end on 15th dec i guess, and then 6 months break for internship outside college i have to find, and then in july 2024 i will be graduated! : D 

Ohhhhh different timezones, in that case, im not too late, good luck on your big exam!!! I'll be praying for you and I just know you're gonna ace it, take deep breaths, eat breakfast and sleep plenty

Try your best as that is all you can do! Keep us updated on how u found the exam :)

 

[Yashi29]

7 minutes ago, jazzy.sky said:

Awww, well, those people in college are missing out on a truly wonderful friend like u and don't pay them any attention, stay true to yourself. 

Also, im so proud of you, im sure your webapp is amazing!! Im sorry I saw this a bit late, how did you find the exam? I'm certain u did really well !!

I do think the same, they are if they were nice to me i will give them the best i could do to a friend, always there to listen them but don't want it's there life although i am not paying much attention to them , after some time i learned how to live and enjoy alone! : )
And yea my webapp looks amazing for now , i will show you the home page i made for sure and also the journalling section is user friendly, and my exam is at 3 pm sweetie it's currently 1:25 am here in india!

[Yashi29]

3 minutes ago, jazzy.sky said:

Ohhhhh different timezones, in that case, im not too late, good luck on your big exam!!! I'll be praying for you and I just know you're gonna ace it, take deep breaths, eat breakfast and sleep plenty

Try your best as that is all you can do! Keep us updated on how u found the exam :)

Sure i will tell you tomorrow how it went : ) , i am not worrying much about it as it is conducted every 6 months , so habit of giving them from last 3 years! 

[Yashi29]

19 hours ago, jazzy.sky said:

Ohhhhh different timezones, in that case, im not too late, good luck on your big exam!!! I'll be praying for you and I just know you're gonna ace it, take deep breaths, eat breakfast and sleep plenty

Try your best as that is all you can do! Keep us updated on how u found the exam :)

It went really well : ) thankyou for you support guys! <3 Btw how are you doin'?

[jazzy.sky]

2 hours ago, Yashi29 said:

It went really well : ) thankyou for you support guys! <3 Btw how are you doin'?

YAYYYYY I'm so proud of youuuu! A huge well done and I hope you treat yourself to celebrate your fantastic achievement

I'm doing really well knowing your test went well, im extremely happy for you Yashi :D

[Yashi29]

1 hour ago, jazzy.sky said:

YAYYYYY I'm so proud of youuuu! A huge well done and I hope you treat yourself to celebrate your fantastic achievement

I'm doing really well knowing your test went well, im extremely happy for you Yashi :D

Thanks sweetie, I am also happy to meet such kind hearted people here like you! <3 I was confident enough that at the end of the day yo guys have my back, so the day in college went really well :)

[Duckie]

4 hours ago, Yashi29 said:

It went really well : ) thankyou for you support guys! <3 Btw how are you doin'?

Well done hon! I am so proud of you! I knew you would ace it! You kept your head high and you didn't let anyone steal your thunder. How are you celebrating?

[Yashi29]

9 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Well done hon! I am so proud of you! I knew you would ace it! You kept your head high and you didn't let anyone steal your thunder. How are you celebrating?

It wouldn't be possible without you people, ( i am not talking about the exam here) , i didn't got anxious today as i used to be !
Btw i listened to all my fav songs today, binge watch youtube, will watch a sitcom named , "Mind your language" it's a 90's sitcom of  England's teacher teaching foreigners english ( it's very funny btw XD) , there are foreigners from most of the countries. 

Edited December 5, 2023 by Yashi29

[jazzy.sky]

12 minutes ago, Yashi29 said:

Thanks sweetie, I am also happy to meet such kind hearted people here like you! <3 I was confident enough that at the end of the day yo guys have my back, so the day in college went really well :)

Awwww that has made my whole week <3 you're so sweet and I'm so glad that your day went really well :)) we are all here for you and once again, very proud of you, well done!!

[Duckie]

34 minutes ago, Yashi29 said:

It wouldn't be possible without you people, ( i am not talking about the exam here) , i didn't got anxious today as i used to be !
Btw i listened to all my fav songs today, binge watch youtube, will watch a sitcom named , "Mind your language" it's a 90's sitcom of  England's teacher teaching foreigners english ( it's very funny btw XD) , there are foreigners from most of the countries. 

Bless you  You have a bunch of friends here that's got your back, my lovely.

Oooh, I want to watch that! Sounds like my kind of series, being a foreigner in the UK (and having had to mind my language since moving here!).