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athens
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I'm really really tired I guess. Um for context I'm in my gap year preparing for med school entrance and yeah the academic pressure is high. My first attempt was right after 12th grade- and I didn't get in, my parents reacted so badly that I'll never forget it and so did my siblings. Anyways I'm working hard now and I feel very detached to them now because they made me feel like a burden and stuff, but they do talk to me and stuff and my siblings are home -my eldest sis didn't come for 2-3 years so it's quite an event. I feel kinda guilty for not spending time with her and analysing her texts and stuff but I feel so angry too. I feel so tired that the only thing I've done in my entire life is study, and please everyone and I'm slipping and need help because now I'm randomly having breakdowns in the middle of everything. I don't know how to fix this anymore and I wish I could ask for help, and everything is so blurry and tiring that even breathing hurts sometimes. My sis told me yesterday that she really needed meto do some stuff and "I just want you to remember that" and I just had a breakdown day before that. Right after I stopped crying she told me to analyse the texts. I feel so angry and tired and vulnerable and I don't want to do anything I don't want to interact and whenever I see at them and my parents all I can remember is how sh-tty they made me feel when I failed. I was always good at academics always good at most things but they were never proud or anything and the moment I failed everything came crashing down. Tomorrow is my sister's doctor appointment but I don't wish to go because all I feel is that everyone has a career and a job and I can't help but remember everyone's reactions to my failure. Am I overreacting in being detached to everyone? What would you do in this situation? 

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18 hours ago, athens said:

I'm really really tired I guess. Um for context I'm in my gap year preparing for med school entrance and yeah the academic pressure is high. My first attempt was right after 12th grade- and I didn't get in, my parents reacted so badly that I'll never forget it and so did my siblings. Anyways I'm working hard now and I feel very detached to them now because they made me feel like a burden and stuff, but they do talk to me and stuff and my siblings are home -my eldest sis didn't come for 2-3 years so it's quite an event. I feel kinda guilty for not spending time with her and analysing her texts and stuff but I feel so angry too. I feel so tired that the only thing I've done in my entire life is study, and please everyone and I'm slipping and need help because now I'm randomly having breakdowns in the middle of everything. I don't know how to fix this anymore and I wish I could ask for help, and everything is so blurry and tiring that even breathing hurts sometimes. My sis told me yesterday that she really needed meto do some stuff and "I just want you to remember that" and I just had a breakdown day before that. Right after I stopped crying she told me to analyse the texts. I feel so angry and tired and vulnerable and I don't want to do anything I don't want to interact and whenever I see at them and my parents all I can remember is how sh-tty they made me feel when I failed. I was always good at academics always good at most things but they were never proud or anything and the moment I failed everything came crashing down. Tomorrow is my sister's doctor appointment but I don't wish to go because all I feel is that everyone has a career and a job and I can't help but remember everyone's reactions to my failure. Am I overreacting in being detached to everyone? What would you do in this situation? 

Hi @athens, welcome to the community. It's lovely to have you here 😀. I'm Aurora and I'm one of the support mentors here at Ditch the Label. I offer support and advice to those who reach out to us. I'm glad you found us!

Thank you so much for sharing what's been going on in your life. I know it can be difficult to open up about how we feel and it sounds like you've been under a lot of pressure for a while now. From what you're describing I'm wondering if you might be experiencing burnout? Have you heard of burnout before? This can happen when we've been under a lot of stress and we've been working hard for a long time, without allowing ourselves enough time to relax and recuperate. Signs of burnout are that we feel tired, exhausted and overwhelmed with certain areas of our life. We might also find it difficult to concentrate, feel anxious and might have difficulty sleeping. If you like, you could read up on burnout yourself and let me know your thoughts? 

It sounds to me like you are not getting much support from your family and that they are adding additional stress to how you feel. Is that right? I'm wondering if you have tried talking to them about it?  Maybe they aren't aware of how you are feeling and how much this is affecting you? What do you think? Also, you mentioned your sister's doctor appointment. Do you mind me asking if she is unwell? 

 

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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Self-Harm

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@Aurorayeah I kinda have that. My sis is fine she had to get some stuff checked. I was..better yesterday that today tbh. Today I was kinda okay, slept tons didn't do much (I've a day off) and well, dad's report came and it was bad. Like we've to wait for 15 days to know that it's okay and dad cried and well I've been clean since 17th june, but I was so stressed and scared I kinda self harmed if using your nails counts as it? I didn't quite break the skin so,,, anyways I cried a lot. I'm scared af I feel kinda helpless. My sis hugged me and stuff and I hugged dad but idk what will happen, I'm just tired still. My parents don't really believe in therapy and stuff and I can't afford to lose this exam so I've no choice but to work it through I guess. Idk what to even think, my brain is all muddled and tired I wanna sleep but can't I'll cry a bit and feel better then sleep. >_< family is always so complicated oomf.

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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Self-Harm

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On 11/8/2022 at 4:48 PM, athens said:

@Aurorayeah I kinda have that. My sis is fine she had to get some stuff checked. I was..better yesterday that today tbh. Today I was kinda okay, slept tons didn't do much (I've a day off) and well, dad's report came and it was bad. Like we've to wait for 15 days to know that it's okay and dad cried and well I've been clean since 17th june, but I was so stressed and scared I kinda self harmed if using your nails counts as it? I didn't quite break the skin so,,, anyways I cried a lot. I'm scared af I feel kinda helpless. My sis hugged me and stuff and I hugged dad but idk what will happen, I'm just tired still. My parents don't really believe in therapy and stuff and I can't afford to lose this exam so I've no choice but to work it through I guess. Idk what to even think, my brain is all muddled and tired I wanna sleep but can't I'll cry a bit and feel better then sleep. >_< family is always so complicated oomf.

I think most of us would agree with you there - family life is very complicated!! I'm glad to hear your sis is fine. Do you mind me asking, what's happening with your dad? You said that his report came and it was bad. Is that a report related to his health or something else? Whatever it is, it sounds like you have a lot going on as a family at the moment! 

Have you spoken to your family about how you feel? They might not realise how much pressure you're under at the moment. You mentioned that you hadn't self harmed since 17th June but that you kinda self harmed again. I just wanted to reassure you that there is nothing to feel bad about. Self harm is often used as a coping mechanism and when we're feeling really stressed we often go back to ways of responding to that pressure, that we've used before. If you feel like you want to self harm again, it might be helpful to think about things that have helped you to stop self harming before. These strategies have worked for you in the past, so they might work again. What do you think? 

It sounds like you are under a lot of pressure at the moment and that you're feeling exhausted and that your brain is muddled. I know it might not feel like it now but I just wanted to reassure you that things will get better again. And we are here for you 

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