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How am I supposed to talk to him?


Madeleine_357
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Ok so some of you may have remembered my last post a while ago about my problem. If you come across this and you haven't seen it yet, go look at it because there's a lot of stuff to explain. The problem is not fixed. It's been a few months, but I am determined to fix things between us before the new semester starts and I have to see him period 1 every day. I always see him look at me, but I can't ever really look at him. I freeze up every time I pass him in the hallway, and pretend to look at my phone or turn my head to talk to one of my friends. I feel bad even though I have no control over what I do when I see him. He never does anything to me either, so I think he's just as nervous as I am about talking to me. I never had this problem before with my friends, I was always just friends with them. I'm starting to think something more is between us, since I can't bring myself to move on completely or just give up. He seems to be waiting for me to initiate something, I just don't know what he wants. I'm very confused, and not sure if I'm the only one of us who gets butterflies or freezes up. I want to talk about solving it with him, but I don't know how to start it off. Over text right now is my best bet, because I would not survive talking about it in person, but he can also lie to me over text. I do trust him, but it would make me doubt if everything he's saying is true. I really, really, really want to fix things. It doesn't help he lives a few houses down from me, so everytime I look outside I'm reminded of the problem. I really do miss him, and am happier when he's around, but I just don't know what to do. If neither of us want to let go, how the heck are we supposed to fix things if neither of us know what to do? 

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Hey there,

It's nice to hear from you again.

I remember talking to you about this and what you said about how he just stopped talking to you which would be confusing for anyone, and I remember the conversation you shared with him. I got the impression that he was pretty distant in the message, but he could also be playing hard to get. It sounds like you really need an answer, and if you do talk over text, I think you may then doubt how truthful he is being. Therefore, with that in mind, I really do think it would be best to try and talk in person because you will get a better sense of how he feels. What do you think? Also, if you do it in person, what is both the best and worst thing that could happen?

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On 1/13/2023 at 5:22 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

It's nice to hear from you again.

I remember talking to you about this and what you said about how he just stopped talking to you which would be confusing for anyone, and I remember the conversation you shared with him. I got the impression that he was pretty distant in the message, but he could also be playing hard to get. It sounds like you really need an answer, and if you do talk over text, I think you may then doubt how truthful he is being. Therefore, with that in mind, I really do think it would be best to try and talk in person because you will get a better sense of how he feels. What do you think? Also, if you do it in person, what is both the best and worst thing that could happen?

If I talk to him in person, the best thing that could happen would be solving the problem. But I literally do not think I could talk to him in person just yet. I texted him on snapchat and I'm waiting for a response. I think maybe later on we could talk in person, but I think it's too early for me to be able to face him in person. The most likely scenario of us talking in person would be me rambling on and not making much sense and then eventually accusing him of everything and shooting everything at once and then he closes up and shuts me out even further and then it just gets worse.

I do think he is playing hard to get tho. He started talking with this other girl who's in my english class and he walked her to the class. I sit right in front of the door so when he dropped her off he stared at me and then walked away. I do wonder if he's talking to all these girls to make me jealous, and also to play hard to get, but it's hard to tell. 

I do still think it's too early to talk in person, but I know I will have to eventually. I'll just wait until he repsonds and then go from there. I just hope he doesn't respond with an "ok" or I'm gonna lose it.

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Hey there,

Yeah, I definitely sense the frustration here which I think is coming from the uncertainty of it all. Really, you need to know what his thinking is around you and there appears to be mixed signals which is confusing. I hope that he responds with an answer that is helpful for you. I'm wondering, as you have taken the next step and reached out to him, would you like anymore support for now, or are you okay?

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On 1/18/2023 at 4:27 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, I definitely sense the frustration here which I think is coming from the uncertainty of it all. Really, you need to know what his thinking is around you and there appears to be mixed signals which is confusing. I hope that he responds with an answer that is helpful for you. I'm wondering, as you have taken the next step and reached out to him, would you like anymore support for now, or are you okay?

He responded. And I'm not sure if I'm ok. He responded on iMessage after I texted him several times trying to get him to respond. This is our conversation:

.....

Me: Please just answer

Him: HI

Him: HI

Me: Jesus Christ

Him: SORRY NEW PHKNE FORGOT TONSET UP MESSAGES

Me: Wtf

Him: And my phone has to be open for notis

Me: Jesus Christ dude you stressed me out

Me: Majorly.

Me: I had several heart attacks over the last few days.

Him: Sorry

Me: Did you realize I've been trying to talk to you on SnapChat too?

Him: No bec I have to have snap open to see notis

Me: Then how tf have you been seeing me stories but not my chats. I am very confused as you can see.

Me: ???

Him: well I didn't see that you sent me sum

Him: I only look at snap for like two people

Him: (his friends name) and my brother

Me: Wdym "you look like at snap for to people"? Like you only snap two people?

Him: Well mo but mainly yea only (insert same friends name) and my brother

Me: Ok well did you see them now bec I don't know if I wanna type what I said out again. I'm not having the best week as you can clearly see.

Him: ok sure

**ON SNAPCHAT**

I said something about wanting to fix the problem before semester two and asked him if he thought I was ignoring him and he said no and I said ok good and he said we don't see eachother all the time and that's ok or something the chats deleted so I can't see them anymore but that's the long story short.

And then today he had his arm around this girl from my english and I heard someone ask him if they're a thing and I didn't quite hear what he said. The thing is she literally just had a bf. They broke up like a month ago. And it hurts to see him with someone else who I have to see every day. I don't even know what's going on between us. I can't tell if he wants me to be jealous, or if he just wants to be friends. He took the bus home today, and even tho there were like 20 other empty seats on the bus he decided to sit on the seat next to the one my friend and I were sitting in. And he walked behind me when we were walking up the street. I don't know how far back he was though. I didn't look back to check. He still keeps looking at me even though I now avoid eye contact. I can't tell if he thinks everything between us is ok, or if he's pretending it is. I can't talk to him during lunch because he's always with that girl and I don't want to have to see him with her like that, and whenever I want  to hangout after school, he says he can't. Last night I asked him if he wanted to play fortnite with me and he only said "I can't," Normally there's a reason so I don't know why he just said "I can't." This boy is very confusing and all the mixed signals are driving me insane. I am afraid that if I try and talk to him he won't understand why I am confused bec he seems to think everything is ok. He doesn't think I'm ignoring him. With every passing day this gets more complicated and I'm very sorry to make you read all of that. I just don't know what's going on. And I don't know what he wants. So yes I guess you could say I would like some more support considering I had an emotional breakdown the other day. Thanks for taking the time out of your day to read this and help me. :)

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18 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

He responded. And I'm not sure if I'm ok. He responded on iMessage after I texted him several times trying to get him to respond. This is our conversation:

.....

Me: Please just answer

Him: HI

Him: HI

Me: Jesus Christ

Him: SORRY NEW PHKNE FORGOT TONSET UP MESSAGES

Me: Wtf

Him: And my phone has to be open for notis

Me: Jesus Christ dude you stressed me out

Me: Majorly.

Me: I had several heart attacks over the last few days.

Him: Sorry

Me: Did you realize I've been trying to talk to you on SnapChat too?

Him: No bec I have to have snap open to see notis

Me: Then how tf have you been seeing me stories but not my chats. I am very confused as you can see.

Me: ???

Him: well I didn't see that you sent me sum

Him: I only look at snap for like two people

Him: (his friends name) and my brother

Me: Wdym "you look like at snap for to people"? Like you only snap two people?

Him: Well mo but mainly yea only (insert same friends name) and my brother

Me: Ok well did you see them now bec I don't know if I wanna type what I said out again. I'm not having the best week as you can clearly see.

Him: ok sure

**ON SNAPCHAT**

I said something about wanting to fix the problem before semester two and asked him if he thought I was ignoring him and he said no and I said ok good and he said we don't see eachother all the time and that's ok or something the chats deleted so I can't see them anymore but that's the long story short.

And then today he had his arm around this girl from my english and I heard someone ask him if they're a thing and I didn't quite hear what he said. The thing is she literally just had a bf. They broke up like a month ago. And it hurts to see him with someone else who I have to see every day. I don't even know what's going on between us. I can't tell if he wants me to be jealous, or if he just wants to be friends. He took the bus home today, and even tho there were like 20 other empty seats on the bus he decided to sit on the seat next to the one my friend and I were sitting in. And he walked behind me when we were walking up the street. I don't know how far back he was though. I didn't look back to check. He still keeps looking at me even though I now avoid eye contact. I can't tell if he thinks everything between us is ok, or if he's pretending it is. I can't talk to him during lunch because he's always with that girl and I don't want to have to see him with her like that, and whenever I want  to hangout after school, he says he can't. Last night I asked him if he wanted to play fortnite with me and he only said "I can't," Normally there's a reason so I don't know why he just said "I can't." This boy is very confusing and all the mixed signals are driving me insane. I am afraid that if I try and talk to him he won't understand why I am confused bec he seems to think everything is ok. He doesn't think I'm ignoring him. With every passing day this gets more complicated and I'm very sorry to make you read all of that. I just don't know what's going on. And I don't know what he wants. So yes I guess you could say I would like some more support considering I had an emotional breakdown the other day. Thanks for taking the time out of your day to read this and help me. :)

Hey there,

I just want to reassure you that you don't have anything to apologise for to us; we want to read and we want to help you :)

From an outsider's point of view, I get the impression he is trying to keep a distance for some reason which we do not know. The messages you have sent show that he is not really trying to carry on the conversation, and that can be a sign that the person may not want to have that chat. What do you think? I know that this might be hard to read, but it seems like he is pulling away from you. Speak soon. 

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On 1/20/2023 at 12:07 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I just want to reassure you that you don't have anything to apologise for to us; we want to read and we want to help you :)

From an outsider's point of view, I get the impression he is trying to keep a distance for some reason which we do not know. The messages you have sent show that he is not really trying to carry on the conversation, and that can be a sign that the person may not want to have that chat. What do you think? I know that this might be hard to read, but it seems like he is pulling away from you. Speak soon. 

Yeah I kinda suspected that too. He has a girlfriend now so.... I don't really know what's going on because I can't read him as well as I used to, but I kind of got that impression as well. I also do not know the reason he's pulling away. I also feel like if I ask him about it he'll think I'm too clingy. As you just read in my above comment,  I tried to "fix things" but he just shut it down. Maybe he doesn't want to acknowledge that something's not right, I don't know. I really don't know. Guys are confusing. And he probably thinks I'm confusing too. He leaves his geography class, (which 2 of my friends are in and they see him leave) and comes into my english class because his gf is in my class. And my teacher's chill and doesn't care. I'm studying for my french exam in my english class because we don't do anything in english and I sit right by the door and he walks in and doesn't say anything to me. To be fair, I didn't say anything to him either, but I WAS studying. Is it too much to ask for him to acknowledge my existance? I don't know. But I still always see him look at me when I pass him in the hallways. I really have no clue what's going on, but I'm not ready to give up. When the new semester starts I have first period with him so that'll be interesting and maybe we'll patch some things up, but idk.

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22 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

Yeah I kinda suspected that too. He has a girlfriend now so.... I don't really know what's going on because I can't read him as well as I used to, but I kind of got that impression as well. I also do not know the reason he's pulling away. I also feel like if I ask him about it he'll think I'm too clingy. As you just read in my above comment,  I tried to "fix things" but he just shut it down. Maybe he doesn't want to acknowledge that something's not right, I don't know. I really don't know. Guys are confusing. And he probably thinks I'm confusing too. He leaves his geography class, (which 2 of my friends are in and they see him leave) and comes into my english class because his gf is in my class. And my teacher's chill and doesn't care. I'm studying for my french exam in my english class because we don't do anything in english and I sit right by the door and he walks in and doesn't say anything to me. To be fair, I didn't say anything to him either, but I WAS studying. Is it too much to ask for him to acknowledge my existance? I don't know. But I still always see him look at me when I pass him in the hallways. I really have no clue what's going on, but I'm not ready to give up. When the new semester starts I have first period with him so that'll be interesting and maybe we'll patch some things up, but idk.

Hey,

Yeah, he definitely seems like he is pulling away. You have given him a few opportunities now to open up, and although he is being unclear, that is a message in itself really as he doesn't seem to be reaching out and making those kinds of moves. What do you think? 

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23 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, he definitely seems like he is pulling away. You have given him a few opportunities now to open up, and although he is being unclear, that is a message in itself really as he doesn't seem to be reaching out and making those kinds of moves. What do you think? 

Honestly, he's a complicated person. We are doing these time capsules in religion and I asked him to write me a letter so I can put it in. I told him I wouldn't read it until we got the time capsules back which would be when we graduated. He left it on my front porch last night. It was folded and said on the front "For Maddy. P.S Do not open pls." Honestly, I was always planning on reading it, thinking that if he thought I wasn't going to read it he might say something he thought I would not see until we graduated. The letter was short, but this is what it said, "Dear Maddy's time capsule, I don't really know what to write but you were an amazing person in elementary and high school. You sucked at fortnite tho. Kirby is a W dog always wanted him." then he signed his name with a winking happy face. Before the line "Kirby is a W dog always wanted him" there were the words "I wa" crossed out like I've shown. This makes me think he wanted to say something else, but didn't. The thing is, he's also not very good at describing his feelings, so this letter is the equivalent of him saying I'm a good friend to him. I wrote him a letter I'm going to give to him when  semester two starts that he can put in his time capsule, and I honestly think he needs to hear what it says. This letter did give me hope. He's also not one to reach out first. And if he was ignoring me completely, or didn't want to be friends anymore, why would he have written the letter? I think he's pulling away for a reason even he doesn't know, but this letter gave me hope that I can fix. And I'm sorry that I never really answer the "what do you think?" question at the end of all your replying, but like I said in an earlier comment, this gets more complex every day and things happen that may change any advice you might give me. I really appreciate the help. :) The letter meant a lot coming from him, even if it was short but sweet.

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Hey there,

I love the idea of writing letters for a time capsule - it's lovely :)

It is interesting that he began to write something and then stopped. If he did want to say something, this would have been the perfect opportunity for him to share that, given that it was only supposed to be read in the distant future. I know how much it means to you to get an answer and how the letter has given you hope, but I think it's important to remember that the reason the letter was wrote because it's for a religion project, so it might not necessarily have meant something significant to him. What do you think? 

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On 1/27/2023 at 12:41 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I love the idea of writing letters for a time capsule - it's lovely :)

It is interesting that he began to write something and then stopped. If he did want to say something, this would have been the perfect opportunity for him to share that, given that it was only supposed to be read in the distant future. I know how much it means to you to get an answer and how the letter has given you hope, but I think it's important to remember that the reason the letter was wrote because it's for a religion project, so it might not necessarily have meant something significant to him. What do you think? 

I do think you're right. It's  not like he did it on his own, but I also kinda sorta maybe deciphered the whole thing and to me, knowing him, it kinda seems like he's downplaying his feelings, and then trying to almost laugh it off even though he knows I might not think it's very significant. But I do think you're right and that's exactly why I told him I would read it in the future, but he also knows me and must not have trusted 100% that was I wasn't going to read it. 

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Hey there,

Yeah, he could be downplaying his feelings which definitely adds to the confusion, doesn't it? I'm wondering, do you think there is anything else you can do to help the situation, or have you pretty much tried everything you can to get him to open up?

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5 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, he could be downplaying his feelings which definitely adds to the confusion, doesn't it? I'm wondering, do you think there is anything else you can do to help the situation, or have you pretty much tried everything you can to get him to open up?

I honestly don't think there's much else I can do except make small talk over text when I can, and snap him back, and try and have conversations with him in real life when the new semester starts on friday and I have first period with him. There isn't really much else I can do other than show him I'm still his friend and I'm still here for him, and I'm not going to try and initiate anything else, especially while he has a gf. I'm just going to wait and try and be the best friend I can.

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5 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

I honestly don't think there's much else I can do except make small talk over text when I can, and snap him back, and try and have conversations with him in real life when the new semester starts on friday and I have first period with him. There isn't really much else I can do other than show him I'm still his friend and I'm still here for him, and I'm not going to try and initiate anything else, especially while he has a gf. I'm just going to wait and try and be the best friend I can.

Hey there,

I think that from what you've told us, it sounds like he is keeping a distance and pulling away which might communicate that he needs space; I know we have spoken about this before, and it might not be true, but it's just a thought. With that in mind, I'm wondering, could it be a good idea to maybe give him some space, perhaps?

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10 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I think that from what you've told us, it sounds like he is keeping a distance and pulling away which might communicate that he needs space; I know we have spoken about this before, and it might not be true, but it's just a thought. With that in mind, I'm wondering, could it be a good idea to maybe give him some space, perhaps?

You might be right, but I also don't know if he's doing in on purpose, and based off what I know about him, I know how to be there for him while letting him have space. I wasn't planning on being on his case 24/7, just being there enough that at the end of the day we still have something to hold on to. It's also been like 8 months of this, so if he really wanted that much space, he wouldn't be doing the things he's doing. I'm still planning on, yes giving him some space, while also letting him know I'm still there. After 8 months of both of us doing our own thing, I'd like to let him know he can still count on me. With all the signs he's given me. I really don't think he wants me to give up completely. if you know what I mean. I hope this comes across the way I mean it to and not like I'm trying to be clingy.

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3 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

You might be right, but I also don't know if he's doing in on purpose, and based off what I know about him, I know how to be there for him while letting him have space. I wasn't planning on being on his case 24/7, just being there enough that at the end of the day we still have something to hold on to. It's also been like 8 months of this, so if he really wanted that much space, he wouldn't be doing the things he's doing. I'm still planning on, yes giving him some space, while also letting him know I'm still there. After 8 months of both of us doing our own thing, I'd like to let him know he can still count on me. With all the signs he's given me. I really don't think he wants me to give up completely. if you know what I mean. I hope this comes across the way I mean it to and not like I'm trying to be clingy.

Hey there,

Yeah, it's hard to know that his intentions are because he is being pretty confusing, and I can sense how frustrating this is for you. I'm wondering then, as you are now planning on giving him space, would you like anymore support for this, or are you okay? Also, just to let you know, if you would like more support, I am off from 2nd to the 7th February. If you need more support, please create another topic or send a message on confidential support, thanks :) 

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2 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, it's hard to know that his intentions are because he is being pretty confusing, and I can sense how frustrating this is for you. I'm wondering then, as you are now planning on giving him space, would you like anymore support for this, or are you okay? Also, just to let you know, if you would like more support, I am off from 2nd to the 7th February. If you need more support, please create another topic or send a message on confidential support, thanks :) 

I think I'm fine for now. although stuff seems to keep happening everyday, so if something else happens I'll just create a new post. Thanks so much for helping and thanks for letting me know when you're off! :)

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