Jump to content

am i lesbian or bi?


paige.h73    

Recommended Posts

Hi!

So I am currently in 7th grade and very confused about my sexuality. I have had a few 'boyfriends' but none of them I really liked, these were really just friends. I never really felt particularly interested in someone until this girl. I can't exactly remember when I realized I liked her but she was one of my best friends, I have never liked a boy as I liked her. Then I lost interest but remain very good friends with her. I remember always thinking about her and often found myself looking at her during class. Now I like another girl, I think about her every night and again, she's one of my best friends. At one point my friend and I had a conversation about her because he is concerned for her mental health for other reasons and someone asked if she likes me. This made me feel awkward and hopeful but I acted like it was the worst thing that could've happened because I hadn't come out to my friends. But then one of them asked her and she said she didn't and distanced herself for the day. I found myself panicking, thinking I ruined our friendship and all chances for it to become more, but she thought that too. She thought she was being clingy and annoying. That made me certain she didn't like me back. Anyway, I have never liked a boy like that, I thought it was just because none of the boys at my school are mature and I'm almost hoping I'm not lesbian because I still want kids and a family when I'm older. I said for a long time I like this boy, but I feel like I only liked him because he said hi to me on Snapchat when he added me. I'll admit he's not and ugly boy but I don't like him as much as these girls. I also think I might be bi with a preference for girls or just like girls more at the moment. I have taken almost every sexuality test and the results are a mix of Bisexual and Lesbian. I know for certain I like girls but I'm trying to figure out if I like guys too. I think that I'm too young to know for sure but I have already kinda told about 4 of my friends so I feel like I need a label soon or they might tell people. Any advice or opinions you can give me would be very helpful.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hey, i know it's stressful to be questioning. especially if you feel the pressure that you have to come up with a label or your friends might tell people. they have no right to do that. have you asked them to not tell anyone? it's completely normal if you need more time to figure this out and they should be respectful of that. outing someone else without their consent is an awful thing to do. i recommend having a conversation with them about this.

additionally, it worried me that you said you have to come up with a label to please others. you definitely don't have to! it's your own private matter, if you find the right label, that's for you and you only :)

i think you should give yourself some time. finding a label for yourself doesn't happen overnight - it's more of a process. for me, it took me a few years to figure out my sexuality and i'm still keeping an open mind that i can change my label in the future. sexuality is fluid, and it's really common and normal for people to change how they identify over time, while they get to know themselves and their preferences better. you're very young and like you said, it could be that you haven't met the right boy yet because they're so immature at that time. it could also be that you just don't like boys. both options are valid, regardless which one is true. you will find out with time. i know it's uncomfortable to remain unlabeled for some people, especially when you are under social pressure. it can also be frustrating to just not know something about yourself. but attaching oneself too much to one's label and thinking a label is what defines us can turn out to be a hurtful mindset. labels are tools that we use to express ourselves, they are there for us, not the other way around.

for now, the situation with that girl is pretty unclear, but if in the future it turns out she likes you, and you feel like you like her back, i say go for it? just make sure to tell her first if you aren't sure about your sexuality. but i think if you have feelings for her, it could work.

i'm not sure if this was helpful, but this is the advice i would give to anyone your age, including my younger self lol. some of what i said might not resonate with you, but i hope that i still managed to help just a little bit <3 navigating identities is very hard, even harder when you're young, so kudos to you and good luck :)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you so much!

I agree with you that it doesn't happen overnight, but it would be awesome if it did. I am a person who loves labels and I find it's easier for me to explain it to others and myself that way but I really need to stop and just take the pressure off myself.

with my friends telling people im pretty sure that three of the four won't say anything it's just one, shes not pressuring me at all but I dont trust her as much as others and she doesn't go to my school so she probably thinks theres no harm in telling people but rumors travel fast.

Thank you so much for your help!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

21 minutes ago, paige.h73 said:

Thank you so much!

I agree with you that it doesn't happen overnight, but it would be awesome if it did. I am a person who loves labels and I find it's easier for me to explain it to others and myself that way but I really need to stop and just take the pressure off myself.

with my friends telling people im pretty sure that three of the four won't say anything it's just one, shes not pressuring me at all but I dont trust her as much as others and she doesn't go to my school so she probably thinks theres no harm in telling people but rumors travel fast.

Thank you so much for your help!

i totally understand the need to have a label, i also don't like being unlabeled. i used to feel a lot of pressure to label every piece of my identity, not because of others pressuring me, but because of my personal need. it was a bit hard but i did manage to let it go. taking the pressure off yourself is definitely a good idea.

do you think a conversation with that friend would help? like would she listen to you? a lot of times people who aren't aware of lgbt+ issues don't realize what rumors like that can do and why outing others is bad. maybe if you explained she would understand it betrer?

i'm glad i could help! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, paige.h73 said:

Hi!

So I am currently in 7th grade and very confused about my sexuality. I have had a few 'boyfriends' but none of them I really liked, these were really just friends. I never really felt particularly interested in someone until this girl. I can't exactly remember when I realized I liked her but she was one of my best friends, I have never liked a boy as I liked her. Then I lost interest but remain very good friends with her. I remember always thinking about her and often found myself looking at her during class. Now I like another girl, I think about her every night and again, she's one of my best friends. At one point my friend and I had a conversation about her because he is concerned for her mental health for other reasons and someone asked if she likes me. This made me feel awkward and hopeful but I acted like it was the worst thing that could've happened because I hadn't come out to my friends. But then one of them asked her and she said she didn't and distanced herself for the day. I found myself panicking, thinking I ruined our friendship and all chances for it to become more, but she thought that too. She thought she was being clingy and annoying. That made me certain she didn't like me back. Anyway, I have never liked a boy like that, I thought it was just because none of the boys at my school are mature and I'm almost hoping I'm not lesbian because I still want kids and a family when I'm older. I said for a long time I like this boy, but I feel like I only liked him because he said hi to me on Snapchat when he added me. I'll admit he's not and ugly boy but I don't like him as much as these girls. I also think I might be bi with a preference for girls or just like girls more at the moment. I have taken almost every sexuality test and the results are a mix of Bisexual and Lesbian. I know for certain I like girls but I'm trying to figure out if I like guys too. I think that I'm too young to know for sure but I have already kinda told about 4 of my friends so I feel like I need a label soon or they might tell people. Any advice or opinions you can give me would be very helpful.

Hey there,

I'm one of the digital support mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out to us. It sounds like you're really keen to understand your sexuality which is totally normal; we all want to have those answers, because knowing ourselves makes us feel secure and grounded. I noticed what you said about how you feel you need a label soon, but it's because of other people, and it made me think, finding out should be for yourself only, not other people; what do you think? In these kinds of situations, I think it can be really helpful to acknowledge the fact that it won't always be like this, and one day you'll have the answers. Therefore, try to put your trust in the process that things will be okay eventually. 

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Unfortunately, your content contains terms that we do not allow. Please edit your content to remove the highlighted words below.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...