I’m back!

[-Penny]

Hello! I am back, sorry for being offline all this time. I’ve been trying to focus on myself a bit more, especially getting back into the school routine. Hopefully I should be able to be on here a bit more often now though!

 

 

——————— Tw: Mental struggles ((note: I only put this to be cautious )) ———————-

 

So recently a lot has happened, but as the new school year started I changed into a new class with different people. For a lot of the lessons it’s the same class, so we get to know everyone well throughout the first few terms. I was very happy and thought it was going to be pretty good. A few weeks passed and I started getting very nervous, anxious and sometimes even panicky about going into school, missing lots of days and even receiving letters home about my attendance. Although I’m not entirely sure myself why I was so panicked about going into school, I think it was partly because of the comments I get, sometimes about my appearance, like braces or body shape etc. Lots of people in my school make me feel very uncomfortable or sad, as they don’t seem to think about what they’re saying. They have been homophobic (not to me, but just generally) which I struggle with as someone that is still questioning. 
 

On the days I did go into school, it made me feel quite depressed and I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it, not even my friends. It gets quite irritating when people say: “Yeah I get that too,” or “That’s just school, you’re not different for feeling like that.” (Which are both things that have been said to me when I try to speak about it)

 

It’s gotten to a point where I feel like if I was gone no one would notice, which sounds dramatic but it’s really hard to explain. Lots of people make jokes in my school/class about self-h@rm, which is really hard for me. When I entered high school I honestly didn’t think people would be making those kinds of jokes, knowing someone in the room could actually be seriously affected by that. 

Lots of my friends have drifted away quite a bit after moving classes, since I only see them for about 1hr a day, whereas I used to see them for the whole school day. They have so many other friends I can’t help thinking about how easy it would be to forget about me and just spend time with their other friends instead.

 

 

Anyways sorry for the long paragraphs, it was quite a vent haha. I’ll try to keep posting on here too.

 

 

[Aurora]

15 hours ago, Piper said:

Hello! I am back, sorry for being offline all this time. I’ve been trying to focus on myself a bit more, especially getting back into the school routine. Hopefully I should be able to be on here a bit more often now though!

 

——————— Tw: Mental struggles ((note: I only put this to be cautious )) ———————-

So recently a lot has happened, but as the new school year started I changed into a new class with different people. For a lot of the lessons it’s the same class, so we get to know everyone well throughout the first few terms. I was very happy and thought it was going to be pretty good. A few weeks passed and I started getting very nervous, anxious and sometimes even panicky about going into school, missing lots of days and even receiving letters home about my attendance. Although I’m not entirely sure myself why I was so panicked about going into school, I think it was partly because of the comments I get, sometimes about my appearance, like braces or body shape etc. Lots of people in my school make me feel very uncomfortable or sad, as they don’t seem to think about what they’re saying. They have been homophobic (not to me, but just generally) which I struggle with as someone that is still questioning. 
 

On the days I did go into school, it made me feel quite depressed and I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it, not even my friends. It gets quite irritating when people say: “Yeah I get that too,” or “That’s just school, you’re not different for feeling like that.” (Which are both things that have been said to me when I try to speak about it)

It’s gotten to a point where I feel like if I was gone no one would notice, which sounds dramatic but it’s really hard to explain. Lots of people make jokes in my school/class about self-h@rm, which is really hard for me. When I entered high school I honestly didn’t think people would be making those kinds of jokes, knowing someone in the room could actually be seriously affected by that. 

Lots of my friends have drifted away quite a bit after moving classes, since I only see them for about 1hr a day, whereas I used to see them for the whole school day. They have so many other friends I can’t help thinking about how easy it would be to forget about me and just spend time with their other friends instead.

Anyways sorry for the long paragraphs, it was quite a vent haha. I’ll try to keep posting on here too.

Hi @Piper, lovely to have you back 

I'm sorry you've been having a difficult time at school and that you feel that you can't talk to anyone about it. That must be tough. I noticed that you said that you feel like if you were gone, no one would notice. Can you explain a bit more what you mean by that? I'm probably being a bit overcautious here but I just want to make sure that you're feeling safe. This is a safe space and it's OK to say if you're not. We're here for you. 

[-Penny]

2 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi @Piper, lovely to have you back 

I'm sorry you've been having a difficult time at school and that you feel that you can't talk to anyone about it. That must be tough. I noticed that you said that you feel like if you were gone, no one would notice. Can you explain a bit more what you mean by that? I'm probably being a bit overcautious here but I just want to make sure that you're feeling safe. This is a safe space and it's OK to say if you're not. We're here for you. 

Hi @Aurora, 

Thanks for replying, what I meant by that is if I were de@d or just not there with the people I care about that they wouldn’t notice/care. It’s quite hard to explain, but they’re all so happy with their other friends it feels like I should just leave them all alone. At this point it’s like I’m just bothering/following them around. 
Thanks for being here for me, I want to be OK but I don’t think I’m going to be for a while yet.

[Luie]

2 hours ago, Piper said:

Hi @Aurora, 

Thanks for replying, what I meant by that is if I were de@d or just not there with the people I care about that they wouldn’t notice/care. It’s quite hard to explain, but they’re all so happy with their other friends it feels like I should just leave them all alone. At this point it’s like I’m just bothering/following them around. 
Thanks for being here for me, I want to be OK but I don’t think I’m going to be for a while yet.

Heyy @Piper, I am Luie, one of the other support mentors with Ditch the Label. I know you and @Aurora are having an ongoing conversation. I just wanted to jump in for a bit because what you said really caught my attention, I won't ask you to be okay because I personally understand how difficult it is coping with moving schools, new people, and having triggering comments around you, it's hard to shelter yourself from them and not let it impact you. 

You know something interesting and maybe even an unpopular opinion about the whole feelings of bothering/following other people is how it stems from us, and I don't mean it's always untrue, I mean it's an assumption we have made about the people in our lives and how we are being a burden to them perhaps or that they're so much better off without us, but in fact we don't really know this do we? I'd appreciate you giving this a thought and sharing what comes up (p.s. you do not have to agree with this thought process, be as honest as you need, this is a safe space to explore what you're thinking and feeling). We are here and will do our best to figure it out. How does this all sound to you?

[-Penny]

1 hour ago, Luie said:

Heyy @Piper, I am Luie, one of the other support mentors with Ditch the Label. I know you and @Aurora are having an ongoing conversation. I just wanted to jump in for a bit because what you said really caught my attention, I won't ask you to be okay because I personally understand how difficult it is coping with moving schools, new people, and having triggering comments around you, it's hard to shelter yourself from them and not let it impact you. 

You know something interesting and maybe even an unpopular opinion about the whole feelings of bothering/following other people is how it stems from us, and I don't mean it's always untrue, I mean it's an assumption we have made about the people in our lives and how we are being a burden to them perhaps or that they're so much better off without us, but in fact we don't really know this do we? I'd appreciate you giving this a thought and sharing what comes up (p.s. you do not have to agree with this thought process, be as honest as you need, this is a safe space to explore what you're thinking and feeling). We are here and will do our best to figure it out. How does this all sound to you?

Hi @Luie, I get what you’re saying, and it sounds good.
 

My friends are always saying in text how I’m one of their best friends, but tend to leave me out / forget about me when they’re talking to others about their friends. That’s the reason I feel that I might be just a bother to them, or at least some kind of ‘backup friend’ if you get what I mean.

I’m constantly thinking about maybe asking one of the friends about it, but I’m scared about what their reaction would be. I’m always anxious and nervous at school because of past incidents of bullying and rumours that ended some of my best friendships, and I don’t think I could cope at all without my friends. I honestly couldn’t manage school without them but I’m worried they might not feel the same. 

 

[Aurora]

On 11/30/2022 at 9:23 PM, Piper said:

Hi @Luie, I get what you’re saying, and it sounds good.
 

My friends are always saying in text how I’m one of their best friends, but tend to leave me out / forget about me when they’re talking to others about their friends. That’s the reason I feel that I might be just a bother to them, or at least some kind of ‘backup friend’ if you get what I mean.

I’m constantly thinking about maybe asking one of the friends about it, but I’m scared about what their reaction would be. I’m always anxious and nervous at school because of past incidents of bullying and rumours that ended some of my best friendships, and I don’t think I could cope at all without my friends. I honestly couldn’t manage school without them but I’m worried they might not feel the same. 

Hi there, I think that sounds like a really good idea to ask one of your friends about it. Can you think of one friend, who you trust the most? Maybe you could speak to them about it. Once your friend is aware of how you feel, they might be more mindful and try and include you more. What do you think?

Do you mind me asking, if you are fairly quiet in big group situations and do you feel like you hold back? I find there are usually a couple of people who tend to dominate the conversations and then there are others who hold back. And the ones that hold back, are often ignored a bit - purely because of the group dynamics. However, that doesn't mean that the other's don't like them or don't care about them. Does that make sense? I'm wondering, what is it like, when you're just with one or two of your friends? Do you still feel like you're just following them around or do you feel like they noticed you then? 

I noticed that you said that your friends are always saying how you are one of their best friends in text but it sounds like you're finding that difficult to believe. Is that right? I'm just wondering, would you text someone that they are one of your best friends, if you didn't mean it? 

[-Penny]

7 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi there, I think that sounds like a really good idea to ask one of your friends about it. Can you think of one friend, who you trust the most? Maybe you could speak to them about it. Once your friend is aware of how you feel, they might be more mindful and try and include you more. What do you think?

Do you mind me asking, if you are fairly quiet in big group situations and do you feel like you hold back? I find there are usually a couple of people who tend to dominate the conversations and then there are others who hold back. And the ones that hold back, are often ignored a bit - purely because of the group dynamics. However, that doesn't mean that the other's don't like them or don't care about them. Does that make sense? I'm wondering, what is it like, when you're just with one or two of your friends? Do you still feel like you're just following them around or do you feel like they noticed you then? 

I noticed that you said that your friends are always saying how you are one of their best friends in text but it sounds like you're finding that difficult to believe. Is that right? I'm just wondering, would you text someone that they are one of your best friends, if you didn't mean it? 

Hello, I am definitely one of the more quiet ones in the group and tend to hold back quite a lot. Whenever I’m in a group of around 2-3 people, I feel like I’m still the one that gets the least recognition and I always seem to be a bit left out, or forgotten. 
 

Sometimes I do feel like they are just saying I’m one of their best friends without really meaning it. I definitely wouldn’t want to text that to someone if I didn’t feel that way, to avoid any arguments or rumours (if you get what I mean.) Lots of people call me ‘stiff’ or ‘dry’ because of the way I don’t show as much physical affection, but that’s simply due to the fact I don’t feel comfortable hugging or saying ‘love you’ to friends. I worry a lot that they think I don’t appreciate them as much as I really do, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be as comfortable as everyone else doing those things.

 

[Aurora]

On 12/2/2022 at 9:07 PM, Piper said:

Hello, I am definitely one of the more quiet ones in the group and tend to hold back quite a lot. Whenever I’m in a group of around 2-3 people, I feel like I’m still the one that gets the least recognition and I always seem to be a bit left out, or forgotten. 
 

Sometimes I do feel like they are just saying I’m one of their best friends without really meaning it. I definitely wouldn’t want to text that to someone if I didn’t feel that way, to avoid any arguments or rumours (if you get what I mean.) Lots of people call me ‘stiff’ or ‘dry’ because of the way I don’t show as much physical affection, but that’s simply due to the fact I don’t feel comfortable hugging or saying ‘love you’ to friends. I worry a lot that they think I don’t appreciate them as much as I really do, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be as comfortable as everyone else doing those things.

 

Hi there, thank you for explaining a bit more what's going on. I think one of the difficulties with friendships is that we often tend to assume things but we don't know for sure how the other person is feeling/what they are thinking. Does that make sense? For example I once was convinced that one of my friends was angry with me, because she was ignoring me and not really talking to me but being nice and friendly to others around us. When I spoke to her about it she told me that she was just feeling really low and she felt like she could be her true self around me, because we are such good friends, whereas she was pretending to be fine in front of other people.

I noticed that you said you wouldn't text someone that they are your best friend, without meaning it but you sometimes feel like your friends are just saying it without really meaning it. Can I ask, why you think that is? Also, you mentioned that you thinking about talking to one of your friends about it. Do you mind me asking, if you have spoken to them and if so, how did it go? 

[-Penny]

On 12/6/2022 at 1:20 PM, Aurora said:

Hi there, thank you for explaining a bit more what's going on. I think one of the difficulties with friendships is that we often tend to assume things but we don't know for sure how the other person is feeling/what they are thinking. Does that make sense? For example I once was convinced that one of my friends was angry with me, because she was ignoring me and not really talking to me but being nice and friendly to others around us. When I spoke to her about it she told me that she was just feeling really low and she felt like she could be her true self around me, because we are such good friends, whereas she was pretending to be fine in front of other people.

I noticed that you said you wouldn't text someone that they are your best friend, without meaning it but you sometimes feel like your friends are just saying it without really meaning it. Can I ask, why you think that is? Also, you mentioned that you thinking about talking to one of your friends about it. Do you mind me asking, if you have spoken to them and if so, how did it go? 

I just feel like they forget about me a lot, and because we aren’t in the same classes it really drains me when they don’t even realise I’m there, or talk to me and then suddenly walk off. I’m planning to speak to one of my friends about it this week, but I’m still quite nervous about it.

[Aurora]

On 12/8/2022 at 7:24 AM, Piper said:

I just feel like they forget about me a lot, and because we aren’t in the same classes it really drains me when they don’t even realise I’m there, or talk to me and then suddenly walk off. I’m planning to speak to one of my friends about it this week, but I’m still quite nervous about it.

I can imagine. Our friendships are really important to us and it sounds like this is something you've been thinking about a lot. Is that right?  Have you had a chance to speak to one of your friends. And if so, can I ask how it went?

[-Penny]

8 hours ago, Aurora said:

I can imagine. Our friendships are really important to us and it sounds like this is something you've been thinking about a lot. Is that right?  Have you had a chance to speak to one of your friends. And if so, can I ask how it went?

I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and it’s really stressing me out. It’s been snowing so I haven’t been able to go to school to talk to my friends, and I think it’s better in person than over text. 

[Aurora]

15 hours ago, Piper said:

I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and it’s really stressing me out. It’s been snowing so I haven’t been able to go to school to talk to my friends, and I think it’s better in person than over text. 

Yes, it has been really cold and snowy, hasn't it? Are you still off school at the moment? Once you're back in school, have you thought about whether you'll find it easier to talk to just one friend or all your friends together? 

[-Penny]

7 hours ago, Aurora said:

Yes, it has been really cold and snowy, hasn't it? Are you still off school at the moment? Once you're back in school, have you thought about whether you'll find it easier to talk to just one friend or all your friends together? 

I’m back in school tomorrow. I might talk to one of my friends alone, and see how it goes. Really nervous, and I’m still not sure exactly what I should say so it doesn’t sound like an accusation. 

[Aurora]

18 hours ago, Piper said:

I’m back in school tomorrow. I might talk to one of my friends alone, and see how it goes. Really nervous, and I’m still not sure exactly what I should say so it doesn’t sound like an accusation. 

Hi there, it's totally understandable that you feel nervous. Our friends mean a lot to us and it's only natural to worry about what they might say. I  I'm not sure if you've spoken to your friend yet. If you have then I really hope it went well. If not then let me know if you would like some help with this?  If you like, we can think about what you can say or how you can say it together

[-Penny]

6 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi there, it's totally understandable that you feel nervous. Our friends mean a lot to us and it's only natural to worry about what they might say. I  I'm not sure if you've spoken to your friend yet. If you have then I really hope it went well. If not then let me know if you would like some help with this?  If you like, we can think about what you can say or how you can say it together

Hi, I tried speaking to my friend about it today, but I’m not too sure if she really got what I meant, so any advice on how to start the conversation would be really appreciated. 

[Aurora]

16 hours ago, Piper said:

Hi, I tried speaking to my friend about it today, but I’m not too sure if she really got what I meant, so any advice on how to start the conversation would be really appreciated. 

Sure, no problem at all. Maybe you could summarise for me, what it is you would like your friend to know. That could be a good starting point. I know you mentioned before that you don't want it to sounds like an accusation. I find what can really help in those situations is to try and avoid placing blame and instead let your friend know how you're feeling. You can do this by not saying things like "you've been doing this or that" and instead tell them how you are feeling from your perspective eg "I've noticed..." or "I get upset when..." An example would be something like "When I don't get heard in the group I feel like no one cares." rather than saying something like "you guys never listen to what I say and no one cares". What do you think? 

[-Penny]

7 hours ago, Aurora said:

Sure, no problem at all. Maybe you could summarise for me, what it is you would like your friend to know. That could be a good starting point. I know you mentioned before that you don't want it to sounds like an accusation. I find what can really help in those situations is to try and avoid placing blame and instead let your friend know how you're feeling. You can do this by not saying things like "you've been doing this or that" and instead tell them how you are feeling from your perspective eg "I've noticed..." or "I get upset when..." An example would be something like "When I don't get heard in the group I feel like no one cares." rather than saying something like "you guys never listen to what I say and no one cares". What do you think? 

That sounds like a good idea. It’s the last day of term for me tomorrow so I might just try then. I’ll message on here how it went 

[-Penny]

So I talked to my friend about it. She didn’t really react the way I thought, but I’m not sure if it was good or bad. 

It seemed like she ignored what I was saying, but I’m hoping it might change after winter break. Either she just listened and didn’t know how to reply, or she didn’t get what I was talking about.

[-Leila-]

9 hours ago, -Piper said:

So I talked to my friend about it. She didn’t really react the way I thought, but I’m not sure if it was good or bad. 

It seemed like she ignored what I was saying, but I’m hoping it might change after winter break. Either she just listened and didn’t know how to reply, or she didn’t get what I was talking about.

Hugs piper!

im sorry your friend didn’t react well to you telling her. Hugs.

Like you said hopefully in the future hopefully things sort themselves out!

take care. 
 

Leila

[Aurora]

15 hours ago, -Piper said:

So I talked to my friend about it. She didn’t really react the way I thought, but I’m not sure if it was good or bad. 

It seemed like she ignored what I was saying, but I’m hoping it might change after winter break. Either she just listened and didn’t know how to reply, or she didn’t get what I was talking about.

Hi there, I'm glad you talked to your friend. I'm sorry she didn't react the way you were hoping for though. It sounds like she might either need a bit of time to process, what you said or she didn't quite understand what you were trying to tell her. How have the last few days been? Have you noticed a difference?