aroace crisis help me

[mikasa]

 

okay so i know i'm asexual. and i'm pretty sure i'm aro. but there's this friend i had and whenever i was around them id get butterflies and id want to hold their hand. apparently this is a sign of romantic attraction, but isnt necessarily. anyway i was completely repulsed to the idea of dating them (mostly) and anything romantic repulses me A LOT. like kissing, cuddling, touching- all of that repulses me. and i can't figure out the difference between romantic and platonic attraction. i think im quoiromantic?? idk- i feel broken like i'm missing out on romantic attraction, and society puts so much emphasis on sex. kids are already talking about dating and stuff, and for me it's all something i can't relate to. and i think i've experienced alterous attraction, platonic attraction, and aesthetic attraction. sensual attraction seems to also blur lines with romantic attraction for me. it all makes no sense- someone help. i feel like i might want a queerplatonic relationship at some point in my life but im not ready for that yet. yeah someone help i'm identity crisising all over the place

one sentence to describe my current orientation: "why have a gf/bf/enbyfriend when you can have garlic bread"

 

[Aurora]

9 hours ago, mikasa said:

okay so i know i'm asexual. and i'm pretty sure i'm aro. but there's this friend i had and whenever i was around them id get butterflies and id want to hold their hand. apparently this is a sign of romantic attraction, but isnt necessarily. anyway i was completely repulsed to the idea of dating them (mostly) and anything romantic repulses me A LOT. like kissing, cuddling, touching- all of that repulses me. and i can't figure out the difference between romantic and platonic attraction. i think im quoiromantic?? idk- i feel broken like i'm missing out on romantic attraction, and society puts so much emphasis on sex. kids are already talking about dating and stuff, and for me it's all something i can't relate to. and i think i've experienced alterous attraction, platonic attraction, and aesthetic attraction. sensual attraction seems to also blur lines with romantic attraction for me. it all makes no sense- someone help. i feel like i might want a queerplatonic relationship at some point in my life but im not ready for that yet. yeah someone help i'm identity crisising all over the place

one sentence to describe my current orientation: "why have a gf/bf/enbyfriend when you can have garlic bread"

Hi @mikasa, welcome to the community! It's lovely to have you here . I'm Aurora and I am one of the support mentors here. I give support and advice to those that reach out to us. 

Thank you so much for opening up about what's been going on for you. I love the sentence you've chosen to describe your current orientation. That's brilliant and so true! I can tell that you've been thinking a lot about your sexuality. Figuring out our sexuality is a really important part of getting to know who we are and finding our own identity. However, I totally agree with you that society does put a lot of emphasis on sexuality and this means that we start to think and talk about this from a much younger age than we used to. I also feel that this can sometimes put too much pressure on us to label ourselves when we don't feel ready yet. Figuring out our sexuality often takes time and there is no rush. I'm just wondering whether it might help if you take a step back from everything and just let some of the feelings happen without trying to analyse what they mean. And then with time, things will feel much clearer. I really don't want this to sound like someone who says "you're too young to know" and please know that what you are feeling is valid. I just think that taking some of the pressure off might help you figure things out in the long run. What do you think?

[mikasa]

oh my god thank you, it feels freeing to hear that. but simultaneously i really really want to figure out my orientation because it's a part of my identity. so if allo society is saying that romantic relationships are inherently better deeper and closer than platonic ones does that mean when I grow up im gonna have this whole giant hole in my heart and will never be able to experience this thing called romantic love??? bc society says it’s the most powerful and intense kind of love and im pretty comfy w being aro but this is like wow im never gonna have this experience I feel broken- the strongest emotions I feel are platonic love which is really confusing because does this means that im loveless?? or the love I feel is nothing compared to romantic love???? and when I grow up all my friends will have partners and ill be single and ill always be everyones #2 even tho theyre my #1 so does that mean i have to force myself into a romantic relationship??? 

there's a lot more going on with this crisis

i really want to be able to just feel what i feel without analysing them but i tend to overanalyse stuff a lot and i just want an orientation, even if its a very vague one, that i can hold on to, so i can feel accepted and part of a community

[Aurora]

18 hours ago, mikasa said:

oh my god thank you, it feels freeing to hear that. but simultaneously i really really want to figure out my orientation because it's a part of my identity. so if allo society is saying that romantic relationships are inherently better deeper and closer than platonic ones does that mean when I grow up im gonna have this whole giant hole in my heart and will never be able to experience this thing called romantic love??? bc society says it’s the most powerful and intense kind of love and im pretty comfy w being aro but this is like wow im never gonna have this experience I feel broken- the strongest emotions I feel are platonic love which is really confusing because does this means that im loveless?? or the love I feel is nothing compared to romantic love???? and when I grow up all my friends will have partners and ill be single and ill always be everyones #2 even tho theyre my #1 so does that mean i have to force myself into a romantic relationship??? 

there's a lot more going on with this crisis

i really want to be able to just feel what i feel without analysing them but i tend to overanalyse stuff a lot and i just want an orientation, even if its a very vague one, that i can hold on to, so i can feel accepted and part of a community

I get what you're saying and totally understand why you would like to know your orientation and get a sense of belonging. However, figuring out our sexual orientation does take time and my advise would be not to put any pressure on yourself to know straight away. It's really normal to feel confused and there will be others around you, who will feel the same. I'm wondering, have you spoken to any of your friends about how you feel? 

It sounds like you are really worried about the allo society saying that romantic relationships are better, deeper and closer than platonic one. Personally, I think it's very difficult to measure any of these things. I think that everyone is different and unique and this means that we have different longings, different needs and a different understanding as to what we would consider a healthy and fulfilling relationship. What do you think?