Recently figured out that I’m an Atheist, and everything has become so confusing

[Asher]

I grew up in a traditional Christian family, so I didn’t allow myself to question my identity until about a year and a half ago. When I first realized that I probably wasn’t straight or cis, it scared the living heck out of me. After all, I wasn’t allowed to be anything other than cis and straight, or I wouldn’t be allowed through the gates of Heaven. For so long I felt guilty about who I was, like I was flawed in some way that I couldn’t control. But a few months ago I figured out that I don’t really believe in God, and let me tell you, I have never felt so light and free. Because of this, I can finally continue exploring my identity without this dark cloud of guilt hovering over my head. But now, everything that I thought I knew about my gender identity has simply drifted away, and it feels like I’m back at square one. I used to be so sure that I was nonbinary, but now I’m thinking that I might be a demiboy, or maybe I’m just a trans guy who likes feminine things. But what if I’m not? I mean, it seems like my gender identity just keeps changing with each season, so I’m not exactly sure what I am anymore. (I applaud you if you have read this far. It seems like my posts always end up turning into entire essays lol.) Any advice/kind words would be greatly appreciated!

[Blondie]

2 hours ago, Asher said:

I grew up in a traditional Christian family, so I didn’t allow myself to question my identity until about a year and a half ago. When I first realized that I probably wasn’t straight or cis, it scared the living heck out of me. After all, I wasn’t allowed to be anything other than cis and straight, or I wouldn’t be allowed through the gates of Heaven. For so long I felt guilty about who I was, like I was flawed in some way that I couldn’t control. But a few months ago I figured out that I don’t really believe in God, and let me tell you, I have never felt so light and free. Because of this, I can finally continue exploring my identity without this dark cloud of guilt hovering over my head. But now, everything that I thought I knew about my gender identity has simply drifted away, and it feels like I’m back at square one. I used to be so sure that I was nonbinary, but now I’m thinking that I might be a demiboy, or maybe I’m just a trans guy who likes feminine things. But what if I’m not? I mean, it seems like my gender identity just keeps changing with each season, so I’m not exactly sure what I am anymore. (I applaud you if you have read this far. It seems like my posts always end up turning into entire essays lol.) Any advice/kind words would be greatly appreciated!

Hey @Asher ! Thanks so much for opening up. It sounds like with this new freedom that you feel, for the first time you can truly explore who you are - which is a wonderful thing! I would take the time to enjoy the journey and don't rush yourself. Many people are very fluid in their gender over their lives and it's not uncommon for this to change and develop.