Little currant Posted September 22, 2023 Share Posted September 22, 2023 Here we are again…cant say I feel okay but growing up in a family of beautiful people and constantly being compared to them like im an outcast because i dont look like them (considered well not so good looking) is taking a toll on me …all my life ive had to deal with my insecurities from being bullied to being constantly reminded of how im different and not “beautiful “ !! Ive been told what i deserve and what i dont when it comes to being with people because somehow they are always too good for me and let me tell you its scary to even think of ever being someones mother because God knows i wouldnt want my children to go through what i have …wouldnt wish it on anyone because mentally im trying to tell myself otherwise but theres always someone to point that out…i didnt ask for any of this i stay out of peoples way but people always have something to say …all my dreams are slowly fading away because if the people around me say these things and it hurts so bad if i step out there in the spotlight or even to see the world im afraid i will hear it from even more people …they say you cant please everyone but i cant even make my ownself happy because ive never felt true happiness or true love from anyone or from myself because no matter what i do its just never enough! i mean its hard to when your not the prettiest and even though looks shouldnt be the only thing that matter all my life its always been people telling me how im not beautiful and different from the beautiful family i come from it really takes a toll especially in an era where aesthetic matters…i keep asking God why im the different one why me …truthfully i just want to be seen in a different light because im struggling more and more to see the good in me… MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsup Posted September 22, 2023 Share Posted September 22, 2023 8 hours ago, Little currant said: Here we are again…cant say I feel okay but growing up in a family of beautiful people and constantly being compared to them like im an outcast because i dont look like them (considered well not so good looking) is taking a toll on me …all my life ive had to deal with my insecurities from being bullied to being constantly reminded of how im different and not “beautiful “ !! Ive been told what i deserve and what i dont when it comes to being with people because somehow they are always too good for me and let me tell you its scary to even think of ever being someones mother because God knows i wouldnt want my children to go through what i have …wouldnt wish it on anyone because mentally im trying to tell myself otherwise but theres always someone to point that out…i didnt ask for any of this i stay out of peoples way but people always have something to say …all my dreams are slowly fading away because if the people around me say these things and it hurts so bad if i step out there in the spotlight or even to see the world im afraid i will hear it from even more people …they say you cant please everyone but i cant even make my ownself happy because ive never felt true happiness or true love from anyone or from myself because no matter what i do its just never enough! i mean its hard to when your not the prettiest and even though looks shouldnt be the only thing that matter all my life its always been people telling me how im not beautiful and different from the beautiful family i come from it really takes a toll especially in an era where aesthetic matters…i keep asking God why im the different one why me …truthfully i just want to be seen in a different light because im struggling more and more to see the good in me… Hi, I'm Catsup, one of the support mentors here. It sounds like some people have really brought your self-esteem down with how they've treated you. Who are these people that told you that you are not beautiful? And are you still being bullied? It's hard to feel good about ourselves when other people are frequently bullying us. It's important to stick up for yourself when possible and also remove as much negativity as you can in your life, even if it means cutting off certain people or interacting with them less. Whatever your appearance is, there are people who can appreciate it, and the people don't really do not need to be saying negative things about you. I'm sure there is so much good in you. Can you think of any good things about yourself right now? Listing a few of these things, even if you're not 100% sure about them could be a start in improving self-esteem. What do you think about doing that? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little currant Posted September 22, 2023 Author Share Posted September 22, 2023 The bullying was mostly in highschool and when i left it stopped and the people who say these things are kinda hard to avoid because its always someone new …like i meet a family friend I’ve never met with like my siblings or mom and they go like this one doesnt look anything like you is she really related to you which i had started to get used to especially when it comes to my family having lighter skin and im the dark one …i think I mentioned some of these things in my previous post a few years ago to sum it all up because its kinda deeprooted! The thing is i had made peace with it or tried to ignore and forget the past experiences but no matter how hard i do it always comes right back at me and im going through body changes and the ones that not only make me feel worse but make all these mean comments sound true …its quite alot tbh i could go on and on but i just hope that someday i wont have to be compared or belittled by people like i mean im grateful for alot of other things in my life i almost feel ungrateful for feeling this way but ive heard these things one too many times im sick of it and i dont hate my family or other gorgeous people around me its great that they were made that way but to seat there minding my business going about my day only for someone to say something so mean and they always do … i dont know it breaks my heart for me and anyone who goes through this because the amount of strength it takes to not breakdown whenever it happens to smile and laugh it off like its nothing ……only God knows how many times ive had to cry myself to sleep thinking maybe what they say is true and that’s why alot of things in my life didnt go as I thought or hoped they would like it would have been different if i looked different … MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsup Posted September 22, 2023 Share Posted September 22, 2023 18 minutes ago, Little currant said: The bullying was mostly in highschool and when i left it stopped and the people who say these things are kinda hard to avoid because its always someone new …like i meet a family friend I’ve never met with like my siblings or mom and they go like this one doesnt look anything like you is she really related to you which i had started to get used to especially when it comes to my family having lighter skin and im the dark one …i think I mentioned some of these things in my previous post a few years ago to sum it all up because its kinda deeprooted! The thing is i had made peace with it or tried to ignore and forget the past experiences but no matter how hard i do it always comes right back at me and im going through body changes and the ones that not only make me feel worse but make all these mean comments sound true …its quite alot tbh i could go on and on but i just hope that someday i wont have to be compared or belittled by people like i mean im grateful for alot of other things in my life i almost feel ungrateful for feeling this way but ive heard these things one too many times im sick of it and i dont hate my family or other gorgeous people around me its great that they were made that way but to seat there minding my business going about my day only for someone to say something so mean and they always do … i dont know it breaks my heart for me and anyone who goes through this because the amount of strength it takes to not breakdown whenever it happens to smile and laugh it off like its nothing ……only God knows how many times ive had to cry myself to sleep thinking maybe what they say is true and that’s why alot of things in my life didnt go as I thought or hoped they would like it would have been different if i looked different … I noticed you mentioned you have darker skin tone than the rest of your family, and that people who know your family are quick to point it out. The bullying you faced in high school could have really damaged your sense of self-esteem, and maybe made you more sensitive to those kinds of comments, but is it possible that these people who know your family are only pointing out the skin tone difference rather than being insulting? Either way it's not a great comment to make, but I wonder if things just feel very raw and sensitive in terms of your appearance. I think it's really important to know that you're likely your own worst critic. You might see yourself as "ugly" when you really aren't to other people, and you might put more importance on your own looks than other people do. Do you think this is a possibility? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little currant Posted September 22, 2023 Author Share Posted September 22, 2023 3 hours ago, Catsup said: I noticed you mentioned you have darker skin tone than the rest of your family, and that people who know your family are quick to point it out. The bullying you faced in high school could have really damaged your sense of self-esteem, and maybe made you more sensitive to those kinds of comments, but is it possible that these people who know your family are only pointing out the skin tone difference rather than being insulting? Either way it's not a great comment to make, but I wonder if things just feel very raw and sensitive in terms of your appearance. I think it's really important to know that you're likely your own worst critic. You might see yourself as "ugly" when you really aren't to other people, and you might put more importance on your own looks than other people do. Do you think this is a possibility? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little currant Posted September 22, 2023 Author Share Posted September 22, 2023 My reply was so long i dont know why it hasnt come through MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsup Posted September 25, 2023 Share Posted September 25, 2023 On 9/22/2023 at 12:48 PM, Little currant said: My reply was so long i dont know why it hasnt come through Oh no! I hope you are feeling okay today. Is there more I can support you with here? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little currant Posted November 11, 2023 Author Share Posted November 11, 2023 On 9/25/2023 at 3:06 PM, Catsup said: Oh no! I hope you are feeling okay today. Is there more I can support you with here? Hi there … its been alot of ups and downs since the last time i was here and for the most part been trying to ignore my past and focus on whats infront of me because no matter what i do i cant change my past and i need to let go its still hard to but baby steps i guess… MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Megs- Posted November 11, 2023 Share Posted November 11, 2023 9 hours ago, Little currant said: Hi there … its been alot of ups and downs since the last time i was here and for the most part been trying to ignore my past and focus on whats infront of me because no matter what i do i cant change my past and i need to let go its still hard to but baby steps i guess… Hi, Well done for looking at the positive side of things, like they say, onwards and upwards! We’re here for you, @Catsup will be online soon ( not sure when but she’ll reply as soon as she can ), hugs . MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsup Posted November 13, 2023 Share Posted November 13, 2023 On 11/11/2023 at 4:34 AM, Little currant said: Hi there … its been alot of ups and downs since the last time i was here and for the most part been trying to ignore my past and focus on whats infront of me because no matter what i do i cant change my past and i need to let go its still hard to but baby steps i guess… Hey that's a great point about not being able to change the past, and taking baby steps. Would you want to share more here about your ups and downs? Also feel free to reach out on Confidential Support if you would like. Good to hear from you again! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little currant Posted November 27, 2023 Author Share Posted November 27, 2023 On 11/13/2023 at 7:11 PM, Catsup said: Hey that's a great point about not being able to change the past, and taking baby steps. Would you want to share more here about your ups and downs? Also feel free to reach out on Confidential Support if you would like. Good to hear from you again! Hi there @Catsup @Megs- ups and downs …for starters this year has really brought me to my knees tbh im grateful for all the good i have in my life but somehow the bad keeps trying to outweigh it all …i have been trying to train myself to literally detach ,ignore and not care about what people do or say to me especially if it had a negative impact on my wellbeing overall basically being nonchalant and it worked for abit but the people pleaser in me kept creeping in as i have been and probably still putting up with so much that hurts me just so i could keep the peace and be less confrontational and even worse i lost trust in my own decision making because i have made alot of decisions that have left me in nothing but pain and back to the drawing board trying to figure out how to accept and love my old and new self and insecurities especially those that i could have avoided if i didn’t give into peoples opinions about me aswell as those that i decided to do on my own so theres been alot of crying Myself to sleep but in all of this going on its sad but im leaving this all to God i think i have tried and i just cant do it all alone because all i hope for is to see myself in the same lens that he sees me and to continue strengthening my relationship with God because i dont know where i would be without him… 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsup Posted November 29, 2023 Share Posted November 29, 2023 On 11/27/2023 at 1:35 PM, Little currant said: Hi there @Catsup @Megs- ups and downs …for starters this year has really brought me to my knees tbh im grateful for all the good i have in my life but somehow the bad keeps trying to outweigh it all …i have been trying to train myself to literally detach ,ignore and not care about what people do or say to me especially if it had a negative impact on my wellbeing overall basically being nonchalant and it worked for abit but the people pleaser in me kept creeping in as i have been and probably still putting up with so much that hurts me just so i could keep the peace and be less confrontational and even worse i lost trust in my own decision making because i have made alot of decisions that have left me in nothing but pain and back to the drawing board trying to figure out how to accept and love my old and new self and insecurities especially those that i could have avoided if i didn’t give into peoples opinions about me aswell as those that i decided to do on my own so theres been alot of crying Myself to sleep but in all of this going on its sad but im leaving this all to God i think i have tried and i just cant do it all alone because all i hope for is to see myself in the same lens that he sees me and to continue strengthening my relationship with God because i dont know where i would be without him… Hey @Little currant! It sounds like you've been doing a lot of self-reflection and spiritual searching. And I'm glad you are putting less importance on what others think of you, since ultimately, you are the one who is with yourself 24/7 and you know who you are more than they do. We all have insecurities, and it's really powerful when we can acknowledge them and start overcoming them. Thank you for updating us here and sharing some of the things that keep you strong. If you ever feel you need any other support, know we're here! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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