adviceplease My friend refuses to speak to me over something that isn't my fault...

[Tiebunny]

 

So my fiance and I live with a pair of friends who are also together. Last week her boyfriend did something awful to me (I won't go into details because I might make myself cry/feel sick again) but he feels incredibly guilty and is even hand writing an apology for me so I don't have to feel uncomfortable speaking to him right now. His girlfriend however is calling me a liar and despite the fact that the big issue has been resolved is refusing to speak to me, thus making the situation 10x worse. I felt so threatened by her that I left the apartment and am staying with my parents for the week, also because I felt it would be good for us girls to have some space from each other. However she refuses to let me come home (she legally can't do that but both of the guys agree that I should just wait it out, but are on my side in the situation of us ladies). I just want to have a conversation like the adults we are but she is acting childish and has blocked me on all social media and I have to get her number from her boyfriend through my fiance. Regardless of how she feels I AM going home at the end of this week and I am well aware of any and all repercussions and am ready and willing to hash it out with her even if it means a screaming match has to happen. I will not be forced away from the man I love OR our home. As the oldest and only girl of five kids I know how to handle tantrums and anger, I'm just not sure if she can handle me defending myself or having my OWN tantrum... I'm not even sure I know how to handle me defending myself, I haven't felt the need to in so long...

 

 

[Eden2023J]

Give her distance. 

[Aurora]

On 5/18/2023 at 6:23 AM, Tiebunny said:

So my fiance and I live with a pair of friends who are also together. Last week her boyfriend did something awful to me (I won't go into details because I might make myself cry/feel sick again) but he feels incredibly guilty and is even hand writing an apology for me so I don't have to feel uncomfortable speaking to him right now. His girlfriend however is calling me a liar and despite the fact that the big issue has been resolved is refusing to speak to me, thus making the situation 10x worse. I felt so threatened by her that I left the apartment and am staying with my parents for the week, also because I felt it would be good for us girls to have some space from each other. However she refuses to let me come home (she legally can't do that but both of the guys agree that I should just wait it out, but are on my side in the situation of us ladies). I just want to have a conversation like the adults we are but she is acting childish and has blocked me on all social media and I have to get her number from her boyfriend through my fiance. Regardless of how she feels I AM going home at the end of this week and I am well aware of any and all repercussions and am ready and willing to hash it out with her even if it means a screaming match has to happen. I will not be forced away from the man I love OR our home. As the oldest and only girl of five kids I know how to handle tantrums and anger, I'm just not sure if she can handle me defending myself or having my OWN tantrum... I'm not even sure I know how to handle me defending myself, I haven't felt the need to in so long...

 

Hi @Tiebunny, I noticed that you are new here and I wanted to say a huge big welcome to the community. I'm really glad you found us and it's lovely having you here !! I'm Aurora and I am one of the support mentors here. I give advice and support to those who reach out to us. 

Thanks so much for opening up about what's been going on for you. It sounds like you are having a really tough time at the moment and I am very sorry you're going through this. It sounds like not only has your friends boyfriend done something really awful to you but now you also have to deal with the fallout with regards to your friend. I would like to start off by asking you if you are OK, after what happened with your friends boyfriend? I understand that you don't want to talk about what happened and respect that but I just wanted to acknowledge that it must be a lot for you to deal with and process. If you ever do want to talk about it and feel more comfortable doing it in confidence then you can always send us a message via confidential support. Just click on the confidential support tab at the top of the page and send us a message there. 

Can I also asked you whether you would feel safe being around your friends boyfriend? Your safety is the most important thing to us and I want to make sure that you're OK. 

I'm so sorry that your friend won't believe you and on top of that is being threatening towards you. I can reassure you that you did nothing wrong and you don't deserve to be treated like this. I don't know what her boyfriend did to you but I am wondering whether, if she admitted to herself, that it happened whether it would mean the end of her relationship with her boyfriend. And maybe that is why she is having such a strong reaction? What do you think? 

I get the impression that you are a really resilient person and it's great that you want to resolve this. Can I ask, what does your fiancé say to all of this?  Is he OK with her not wanting to let you come home? Also are you getting any support from him or your parents at the moment? It really sounds like you could do with some support from them. Is that right? 

I hope you don't mind me asking so many questions. Please don't feel you have to answer them if you don't feel comfortable to. This is a safe space and it's up to you to decide what you would like to share with us.