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I FINALLY UNDERSTAND-


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I now know for sure that I am some form of lesbian.. idk what sexuality specifically, but how do y’all dEaL wItH tHiS?!? 

 

g i r l s .

 

 

 

I can’t make up my mind-

 

 

 

Do I wanna be friends with her??

Or like, do I *ACTUALLY* have a crush on her???

OR IS IT THAT I JUST WISH I COULD BE HER?!?!
 


 

 

I DON’T KNOW.

 

THIS IS WHAT EVERYONE’S BEEN TRYING TO TELL ME ABOUT.

All of the female people out there who are attracted to other females, I legitimately have a whole new level of respect for you because I didn’t know it was this haRD-

 

Edited by TinyDinos
Forgot a word
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I just joined this site for the exact same reason. I think I may be bi or at least pan but I don't know. I know that I just want to love someone truly but I feel pressured to formally define what my sexuality is. I am going to school to be social worker and feel inadequate when counseling/helping others with their sexuality when I don't even know what my own is.

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2 hours ago, Crystaliana said:

I just joined this site for the exact same reason. I think I may be bi or at least pan but I don't know. I know that I just want to love someone truly but I feel pressured to formally define what my sexuality is. I am going to school to be social worker and feel inadequate when counseling/helping others with their sexuality when I don't even know what my own is.

You could use the term queer if ur feeling pressured to define ur sexuality? Some people use it if they don't want a label box around em

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3 hours ago, Crystaliana said:

I just joined this site for the exact same reason. I think I may be bi or at least pan but I don't know. I know that I just want to love someone truly but I feel pressured to formally define what my sexuality is. I am going to school to be social worker and feel inadequate when counseling/helping others with their sexuality when I don't even know what my own is.

Sending support to you ❤️❤️❤️
I legit have no idea either, but hey at least we’re in this together 👍🏽

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3 hours ago, Crystaliana said:

I just joined this site for the exact same reason. I think I may be bi or at least pan but I don't know. I know that I just want to love someone truly but I feel pressured to formally define what my sexuality is. I am going to school to be social worker and feel inadequate when counseling/helping others with their sexuality when I don't even know what my own is.

My thoughts on this rq though: first and foremost, the only person your sexuality should matter to, is YOU. I wouldn’t worry too much or feel pressured to put a label on yourself. You know what it is that you like, and who you like. I saw one of your other posts on the topic and you mentioned that you are in a happy relationship with a male? That’s completely fine. Something my sister told me when I told her I was questioning my sexuality was that if you like one gender more than others, that doesn’t negate that you’re bi, pan, or Omni. You’re female and in a relationship with a male? still bi/pan. In a relationship with another female? Still bi/pan.

Another thing I firmly believe is that there’s no rushing the process. I like being presented with facts, and when I was looking into my sexuality I was uncomfortable with the fact that I couldn’t label myself as one thing because I simply wasn’t sure. That’s okay. We learn as we get older and experience different things, so maybe your interests will change over time. Something that made me feel comfortable with not being set on a label was just tagging the word questioning after my sexuality. It made it feel less daunting and official, like there’s still room to change my mind if I want to. So I identify as lesbian-questioning. Maybe that can make you feel more comfortable too 🥰

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2 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

My thoughts on this rq though: first and foremost, the only person your sexuality should matter to, is YOU. I wouldn’t worry too much or feel pressured to put a label on yourself. You know what it is that you like, and who you like. I saw one of your other posts on the topic and you mentioned that you are in a happy relationship with a male? That’s completely fine. Something my sister told me when I told her I was questioning my sexuality was that if you like one gender more than others, that doesn’t negate that you’re bi, pan, or Omni. You’re female and in a relationship with a male? still bi/pan. In a relationship with another female? Still bi/pan.

Another thing I firmly believe is that there’s no rushing the process. I like being presented with facts, and when I was looking into my sexuality I was uncomfortable with the fact that I couldn’t label myself as one thing because I simply wasn’t sure. That’s okay. We learn as we get older and experience different things, so maybe your interests will change over time. Something that made me feel comfortable with not being set on a label was just tagging the word questioning after my sexuality. It made it feel less daunting and official, like there’s still room to change my mind if I want to. So I identify as lesbian-questioning. Maybe that can make you feel more comfortable too 🥰

Another thing that terrifies me is bringing this topic up with my boyfriend. Like you said, it doesn't have to change anything but I still have no idea how to bring up and still be reassuring that I am happy with him. I honestly feel like it would be easier to talk to his sister about it than talk to him but that seems wrong. I just don't know how he will react.

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4 minutes ago, Crystaliana said:

Another thing that terrifies me is bringing this topic up with my boyfriend. Like you said, it doesn't have to change anything but I still have no idea how to bring up and still be reassuring that I am happy with him. I honestly feel like it would be easier to talk to his sister about it than talk to him but that seems wrong. I just don't know how he will react.

Another thing I learned is that you don’t have to come out.

If it makes you feel more comfortable to be open about your sexuality in your relationship, and that goes for friends and family as well as romantic relationships, then by all means, go for it ❤️


HOWEVER.

If you don’t feel comfortable, or you’re uncertain, you don’t have to rush it. It’s okay to take things slowly before telling other people. Like I said in my previous reply, the only person who your sexuality should matter to is YOU.
 

There are a few articles tackling exactly how to come out to loved ones here on DTL as well if you’re interested in checking those out before coming out to your boyfriend, friends, family etc. I wish I could give advice pertaining to exactly how to do it, but my experience in this area lies in pep talks and reassurance haha.

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Luie
This post was recognized by Luie!

TinyDinos was awarded the badge 'Great Support' and 10 points.

22 minutes ago, Crystaliana said:

Another thing that terrifies me is bringing this topic up with my boyfriend. Like you said, it doesn't have to change anything but I still have no idea how to bring up and still be reassuring that I am happy with him. I honestly feel like it would be easier to talk to his sister about it than talk to him but that seems wrong. I just don't know how he will react.

Another thing that might help would be to talk to one of the support mentors here on DTL. They’re seriously the best and have helped me through a bunch of stuff. It’s also nice to just vent sometimes to someone who’ll listen without judgement and they provide that. They can also help you make a game plan if you do wind up deciding that you want to come out, or help work with you to find what the best next steps are for you, after all everyone’s journey is different 🥰

I’ll tag a few that have helped me out personally, below. And if you’d prefer to talk to one of the mentors in private rather than these community chats, you can have a one-on-one conversation with one of the mentors by clicking on “Confidential Support” on the top of the page next to “Blogs”. It’s great for getting help and talking about uncomfortable topics :)

I hope this helps 💖

@Aurora @Luie @Monsoon

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3 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

Another thing that might help would be to talk to one of the support mentors here on DTL. They’re seriously the best and have helped me through a bunch of stuff. It’s also nice to just vent sometimes to someone who’ll listen without judgement and they provide that. They can also help you make a game plan if you do wind up deciding that you want to come out, or help work with you to find what the best next steps are for you, after all everyone’s journey is different 🥰

I’ll tag a few that have helped me out personally, below. And if you’d prefer to talk to one of the mentors in private rather than these community chats, you can have a one-on-one conversation with one of the mentors by clicking on “Confidential Support” on the top of the page next to “Blogs”. It’s great for getting help and talking about uncomfortable topics :)

I hope this helps 💖

@Aurora @Luie @Monsoon

Thank you again for your advice and kind words. This is something that came out of no where, hit me like a freight train, and made it so I couldn't think of anything else. However, I already feel better after posting here. The situation is not resolved yet but I feel like I have what I need to move forward. It's a nice feeling. You're awesome!

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Just now, Crystaliana said:

Thank you again for your advice and kind words. This is something that came out of no where, hit me like a freight train, and made it so I couldn't think of anything else. However, I already feel better after posting here. The situation is not resolved yet but I feel like I have what I need to move forward. It's a nice feeling. You're awesome!

Of course! I’m glad I was able to help. I totally understand the feeling and the relief that comes with having a plan ❤️ Thank you so much!

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4 minutes ago, AceOfSpades said:

@TinyDinos How are you so mature? You're 16 for god's sake, I know 18 year olds that I still have to keep from licking the railing when it's 10 degrees outside!

To put it simply: Trauma :D 

 

 

But in all seriousness, I’ve just been through some stuff and it makes you grow up. Plus being the oldest kid in your family plays a part in it too. It sucks, but I’m glad I’m able to use it to help others 🥰

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30 minutes ago, AceOfSpades said:

@TinyDinos How are you so mature? You're 16 for god's sake, I know 18 year olds that I still have to keep from licking the railing when it's 10 degrees outside!

As someone who lives on a college campus, I can confirm that some 18 - 22 year old people do still lick poles. They also swim in fountains, snowball offices, and ride bikes indoors. Gotta love college.

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1 hour ago, Crystaliana said:

As someone who lives on a college campus, I can confirm that some 18 - 22 year old people do still lick poles. They also swim in fountains, snowball offices, and ride bikes indoors. Gotta love college.

Hahaha I don’t envy you on that 🤣

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  • Digital Mentor
18 hours ago, Crystaliana said:

Thank you again for your advice and kind words. This is something that came out of no where, hit me like a freight train, and made it so I couldn't think of anything else. However, I already feel better after posting here. The situation is not resolved yet but I feel like I have what I need to move forward. It's a nice feeling. You're awesome!

Heyy @Crystaliana, I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. I can see how our members are here doing a fantastic job in giving you suggestions which have been helpful to you. If you ever need to speak to any of the support mentors feel free to tag us on community or message on CS. Here for you. 

I wanted to take a moment to say thank you to our community members @TinyDinos @_Kai_ @AceOfSpades for being thoughtful and helping each other out with their own lived experiences. 

group hug friends GIF

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5 hours ago, Luie said:

Heyy @Crystaliana, I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. I can see how our members are here doing a fantastic job in giving you suggestions which have been helpful to you. If you ever need to speak to any of the support mentors feel free to tag us on community or message on CS. Here for you. 

I wanted to take a moment to say thank you to our community members @TinyDinos @_Kai_ @AceOfSpades for being thoughtful and helping each other out with their own lived experiences. 

group hug friends GIF

Thank you Luie!!! You’re the best. ❤️

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6 hours ago, BreeKJM123 said:

Do you like boys/men? Do you like girls/women? If you like both than u are bai, if u just like girls u are lesbian, and if u just like guys than u are just straight.

Heyy @BreeKJM123, I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. Thanks for mentioning the exact definitions of some of the identities that you have mentioned. To add to this for @Crystaliana I do want to say that I hear you in terms of your internal conflicts with the pressure of having to figure out, however, know that sexuality exists on a continuum and there might very well me times where you feel 'in-between' something or perhaps not feel anything at all, or maybe all. Whatever it might be it's all normal and okay, the label you choose for yourself can change over time according to the connections you come across in your life.

About what you mentioned in terms of working towards becoming a social worker? Firstly, that is awesome! It's such as noble progression to go in, what made you choose this career pathway for yourself? I did want to say that I admire your insight into wanting to know more about yourself so that it translates into your training and work, but also, a gentle reminder that do give yourself the space to explore and gradually build compassion towards your journey, everything is figureoutable, it doesn't have to be right away though. 

How does this all sound to you? P.s. If I've misunderstood anything, please do correct me. Thank you. 

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