Privacy and the lack thereof

[Bisexual Soprano]

So the other day, I confronted my dad about something.  

One thing my dad does is he comes into my room (which I don't share with anyone else) whenever he wants unless I'm asleep or getting dressed.  If the door is open, he takes it as an invitation to come in.  He takes a lot of pictures of me (he's a camera guy and loves messing with his camera settings) or of the view out my front window.  He also will just stare out the window and sometimes he will climb on my bed and lay next to where I'm sitting.  He says it's because I rarely leave my room, which is true, but that's because my family is kind of judgemental of everyone who isn't like them so I don't like to be around them, it sets me off.

My mom and brother also don't really respect my room as my space, although it's to a lesser degree.  I have told my mom more than once that I don't like people coming into my room when I'm not in there but she doesn't listen;  she usually doesn't stay very long though.   And my brother occasionally will walk in and be obnoxious to annoy me, which pisses me off because I don't do anything like that to him.

Anyways, the other day I told my dad that I don't like him coming into my room for no reason, and asked him to stop doing it.  He said that because it's his house, my right to privacy is whatever he says it is.  My mom and brother heard us and decided to join in (they sided with my dad of course, heaven forbid we make him mad).  They eventually left but nothing has changed.

Is my dad's behavior bad?  My best friend thinks it's pervert behavior and I know my dad wouldn't try anything weird, but that scares me.  I'm not sure what's up with my dad and why he feels he can come in my room whenever he wants.

[catgal05]

Hi ,

I like to sometimes stay in my room too, but I do spend a lot of time down stairs to either help out or i like to watch TV with my family. 

But now and then I like being in my own space listening to music or doing a craft .  

I can understand that maybe your dad wants to see if you're ok? But he should definitely knock first or call from the stairs .  And you can give him an answer. That's what my family do if I'm in my room. Like if maybe they need me for something, or see if im ok? They never walk in they always knock on my door or call me first. 

I do think it is a little strange when you said he lies next to you and that it's annoying you ,especially when you asked him to stop going in your room . Maybe you could have a chat to your mum about it? And ask her to have a word .  As I don't understand why she can't see it's making you uncomfortable. Maybe he could just text you instead and ask if you're ok? 

Edited January 20 by catgal05

[Duckie]

On 1/20/2024 at 6:50 AM, Bisexual Soprano said:

So the other day, I confronted my dad about something.  

One thing my dad does is he comes into my room (which I don't share with anyone else) whenever he wants unless I'm asleep or getting dressed.  If the door is open, he takes it as an invitation to come in.  He takes a lot of pictures of me (he's a camera guy and loves messing with his camera settings) or of the view out my front window.  He also will just stare out the window and sometimes he will climb on my bed and lay next to where I'm sitting.  He says it's because I rarely leave my room, which is true, but that's because my family is kind of judgemental of everyone who isn't like them so I don't like to be around them, it sets me off.

My mom and brother also don't really respect my room as my space, although it's to a lesser degree.  I have told my mom more than once that I don't like people coming into my room when I'm not in there but she doesn't listen;  she usually doesn't stay very long though.   And my brother occasionally will walk in and be obnoxious to annoy me, which pisses me off because I don't do anything like that to him.

Anyways, the other day I told my dad that I don't like him coming into my room for no reason, and asked him to stop doing it.  He said that because it's his house, my right to privacy is whatever he says it is.  My mom and brother heard us and decided to join in (they sided with my dad of course, heaven forbid we make him mad).  They eventually left but nothing has changed.

Is my dad's behavior bad?  My best friend thinks it's pervert behavior and I know my dad wouldn't try anything weird, but that scares me.  I'm not sure what's up with my dad and why he feels he can come in my room whenever he wants.

Hi @Bisexual Soprano,

I agree I don't think they should just wander into your room whenever they're bored or have nothing better to do. You need your privacy and you shouldn't have to justify why. Sure, it's his house, but this is hardly a fair argument - because you are not in a position to buy your own house - and this doesn't entitle him to walk into your room and treat it like his room. He says it's because you spend so much time in there. What does he mean by that? Does he think you should spend more time in the communal areas, like the kitchen or the living room? It sounds like he wants to talk to you, but that he isn't being very considerate about it. So sorry that your mom and brother overheard him say this - it sounds like they took advantage of this situation. It also makes me wonder how they would react to find you suddenly walking into their rooms and treating their things the same way? Has this ever come up?

Do you have a key for your room that you could start using? I mean it might not go down well, but they clearly aren't understanding the message. You shouldn't have to justify needing privacy. 

[swiftie_am_i?]

On 1/20/2024 at 12:50 AM, Bisexual Soprano said:

So the other day, I confronted my dad about something.  

One thing my dad does is he comes into my room (which I don't share with anyone else) whenever he wants unless I'm asleep or getting dressed.  If the door is open, he takes it as an invitation to come in.  He takes a lot of pictures of me (he's a camera guy and loves messing with his camera settings) or of the view out my front window.  He also will just stare out the window and sometimes he will climb on my bed and lay next to where I'm sitting.  He says it's because I rarely leave my room, which is true, but that's because my family is kind of judgemental of everyone who isn't like them so I don't like to be around them, it sets me off.

My mom and brother also don't really respect my room as my space, although it's to a lesser degree.  I have told my mom more than once that I don't like people coming into my room when I'm not in there but she doesn't listen;  she usually doesn't stay very long though.   And my brother occasionally will walk in and be obnoxious to annoy me, which pisses me off because I don't do anything like that to him.

Anyways, the other day I told my dad that I don't like him coming into my room for no reason, and asked him to stop doing it.  He said that because it's his house, my right to privacy is whatever he says it is.  My mom and brother heard us and decided to join in (they sided with my dad of course, heaven forbid we make him mad).  They eventually left but nothing has changed.

Is my dad's behavior bad?  My best friend thinks it's pervert behavior and I know my dad wouldn't try anything weird, but that scares me.  I'm not sure what's up with my dad and why he feels he can come in my room whenever he wants.

hey! putting a lock (if you have one) could really help. if you don't have one, i'd recommend just calmly talking to your dad and saying "hey, i totally get this is your house but, i want a little more privacy. i feel i'm getting older and i want to have my own space where just me is allowed." idk if this'll help but this is what i'd do!