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Does this exactly count as bullying, and is it my fault?


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Hello, and thank you if you decide to read all of this, and if you respond to me.

Since March/April I was good friends with a boy, I slowly became very close with him, to the point where people thought we were dating when we weren't, but oh well. School was actually fun, I had been bullied a few times that same year by the same people, but I wasn't since I was friends with him. We would always talk, go to after school clubs together, sit next to eachother in lessons etc. We spent everyday with eachother, now looking back it makes me upset since I'll never have that memory with him ever again.

Like most schools in the UK, we had 6-7 weeks off school for our summer holidays. Over that amount of time, we weren't as close anymore since we never really hung out after school, but we would text. We spoke about it eventually and said 'maybe at school we will be closer again, the more we talk and see eachother' So we agreed on that and texted like normal. That was whilst I was on holiday too, but once I got back, this happened

I added him to a groupchat with other people from our school, he wasn't that bothered. But he gets annoyed easily and its kinda funny, keep in mind I have done this one time before with my friend, and hes always chill once we stop.

So, me and my friend joke around with calling him gay and saying he goes by 'it/its' its only funny because hes fine after its over, but mean during it. As usual, he ends up leaving the groupchat, but he told one of MINE and HIS friends to leave too, not just that but also block me. And what happened that same day?

We were texting and he said 'You have changed a lot' (He messaged me elsewhere since I blocked him after that)  He said he meant the way I act, but I dont like it when people talk about my personality or my looks (and more). After a bit of texting about that, I said 'No, thats just mean' and he said 'Please' 'Yk what fuck it i dont wanna be your friend anymore, youre so mean to me'

We carried on texting and he said 'You take it too far sometimes' Wanna know what he meant? Me calling him gay. He also kept apolagising right after he said that, and a day later (this happened twice) he kept asking to be my friend again, and apolagising. I never forgave him and I still won't, considering what has happened since we have started going back to school

Please give me advice for now, and I will give an update on what happened last week, the week before and what WILL happen this week

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21 hours ago, lovqnaom1 said:

Hello, and thank you if you decide to read all of this, and if you respond to me.

Since March/April I was good friends with a boy, I slowly became very close with him, to the point where people thought we were dating when we weren't, but oh well. School was actually fun, I had been bullied a few times that same year by the same people, but I wasn't since I was friends with him. We would always talk, go to after school clubs together, sit next to eachother in lessons etc. We spent everyday with eachother, now looking back it makes me upset since I'll never have that memory with him ever again.

Like most schools in the UK, we had 6-7 weeks off school for our summer holidays. Over that amount of time, we weren't as close anymore since we never really hung out after school, but we would text. We spoke about it eventually and said 'maybe at school we will be closer again, the more we talk and see eachother' So we agreed on that and texted like normal. That was whilst I was on holiday too, but once I got back, this happened

I added him to a groupchat with other people from our school, he wasn't that bothered. But he gets annoyed easily and its kinda funny, keep in mind I have done this one time before with my friend, and hes always chill once we stop.

So, me and my friend joke around with calling him gay and saying he goes by 'it/its' its only funny because hes fine after its over, but mean during it. As usual, he ends up leaving the groupchat, but he told one of MINE and HIS friends to leave too, not just that but also block me. And what happened that same day?

We were texting and he said 'You have changed a lot' (He messaged me elsewhere since I blocked him after that)  He said he meant the way I act, but I dont like it when people talk about my personality or my looks (and more). After a bit of texting about that, I said 'No, thats just mean' and he said 'Please' 'Yk what fuck it i dont wanna be your friend anymore, youre so mean to me'

We carried on texting and he said 'You take it too far sometimes' Wanna know what he meant? Me calling him gay. He also kept apolagising right after he said that, and a day later (this happened twice) he kept asking to be my friend again, and apolagising. I never forgave him and I still won't, considering what has happened since we have started going back to school

Please give me advice for now, and I will give an update on what happened last week, the week before and what WILL happen this week

Hi @lovqnaom1, Welcome to Ditch the Label 🙂. I'm Aurora and I'm one of the support mentors here. I give support and advise to those that reach out to us. Thank you for sharing what has been going on with your friend.

From what you've been telling me I get the impression that there are lots of different feelings and emotions that have been playing into this. I get the impression that you are feeling sad that you and your friend aren't as close anymore as you were before the summer holidays and I can tell that you were hurt by your friend saying that you had changed and that you were mean to him. However, it also sounds like he wanted to let you know how he felt and it's nice that he feels comfortable and secure enough in your friendship to tell you his feelings. I think joking about someone's sexuality is always a very sensitive subject, especially when it happens on a group chat. What might help in this situation is if you think about it from your friends perspective. Let's say your friend and one of his friends had made fun of you on the group chat, how would that have made you feel and how do you think you would have reacted? 

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  • 1 month later...

Calling someone gay when they may or not be and if are and have not come out is mean. Not what a friend does. Then say joking. Is not funny. Can see why bothered him. Probably said sorry

 after when he was not at fault because had noone but you or would be alone. Now not together and just as well. He's sensitive as am I. You aren't so don't get it  that you hurt people by

 your behavior.

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