Greetings :)

[xxDJxx]

Hi! My name is DJ.  I am twenty-four years old, and I have recently discovered (4 or 5 months ago) that I may possibly be bisexual or gay/queer. Just taking it one day at a time, I'm still new to this. I barely have friends irl, so I'm hoping to make some on here and seek advice as well.

[Monsoon]

2 hours ago, xxDJxx said:

Hi! My name is DJ.  I am twenty-four years old, and I have recently discovered (4 or 5 months ago) that I may possibly be bisexual or gay/queer. Just taking it one day at a time, I'm still new to this. I barely have friends irl, so I'm hoping to make some on here and seek advice as well.

Hey DJ,

Thanks for sharing this here. I'm wondering, can you tell me more about how you discovered this, and how are you feeling about this possibility? 

[xxDJxx]

8 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey DJ,

Thanks for sharing this here. I'm wondering, can you tell me more about how you discovered this, and how are you feeling about this possibility? 

Started working at this new job 4 or 5 months ago (I no longer work there), started liking this stud/dyke. Came out of nowhere, hit me like a train. Every time I saw her my whole body would tremble, extremely shy around her. Developed a huge ass crush on this girl, had two dreams about her. After three days, I gathered the courage to ask for her number, she gave me her number. After a month, it went dead and thought she wasn't that into me. I was sad about it for a minute but now I see it wasn't meant to be and that's okay (I wrote three poems about her). Assuming I might be gay because I absolutely did not know how to act around this girl, my brain was scattered. Before this, I had no experience with a girl before (not even a kiss), had internalized homophobia (thanks to my mother) AND had programmed into being a heterosexual. This new discovery about myself is quite funny to me, because looking back growing up THERE WERE A LOT OF OBVIOUS SIGNS OF QUEERNESS LOL. I feel a lot of emotions about this for example: scared, anxious, optimistic, lost (questioning if I'm bisexual or gay/queer), cheerful, speechless, etc.  I look at women in a new light now and watch queer movies/shows in a new light as well. The thought of marrying a woman one day doesn't seem that bad to me, I feel happier and more at peace with that. But with all that being said, I still have a lot of learning AND unlearning to do.

[Monsoon]

That was so lovely to read. It sounds like you've really been on a journey recently and it's so wonderful to hear that you're feeling happier and more at peace. I'm wondering, what would you like to learn and unlearn? 

[xxDJxx]

15 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

That was so lovely to read. It sounds like you've really been on a journey recently and it's so wonderful to hear that you're feeling happier and more at peace. I'm wondering, what would you like to learn and unlearn? 

What I want to learn how to love myself enough to not need validation from others (men), learn how to be unapologetically myself, face homophobia with a smile, learn how to take a compliment without overthinking it, how to flirt with girls, unlearn compulsory heterosexuality. There's many more but I have a healing journey to do as well before wanting a relationship with a woman.

[Monsoon]

I think you've identified loads of really good areas to build on in order to get to where you want to be. This shows me how reflective and emotionally intelligent you are which is great :)

Do you have any thoughts as to how you can work on some of those areas? Which one would you say is the absolute priority? 

[xxDJxx]

On 2/15/2022 at 12:39 PM, Monsoon said:

I think you've identified loads of really good areas to build on in order to get to where you want to be. This shows me how reflective and emotionally intelligent you are which is great :)

Do you have any thoughts as to how you can work on some of those areas? Which one would you say is the absolute priority? 

I am currently doing journaling, writing down affirmations. Affirmations for self-love, confidence, shadow work, and etc.
  I quit vaping and started reading more (Just bought three books I'm excited to read). And also journaling could help with my writing because I write poetry sometimes. It's hard to say which one is the absolute priority because I'm such a flawed person and I have MUCH work to do. But I'm going to say loving/accepting myself,
 forgiving others who've done me wrong,
 and accepting what has been (past) and what is(present). Living in the present moment.

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

It sounds like you've really turned a corner and I'm so pleased for you. Your story is a great example of how you can take charge of your own wellbeing and make things better for yourself :)

Also, yes, loving and accepting yourself is so important to a happy and healthy life. What do you think needs to change for you to start loving and accepting yourself more?

[xxDJxx]

8 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

It sounds like you've really turned a corner and I'm so pleased for you. Your story is a great example of how you can take charge of your own wellbeing and make things better for yourself :)

Also, yes, loving and accepting yourself is so important to a happy and healthy life. What do you think needs to change for you to start loving and accepting yourself more?

Honestly, stop being so hard on myself (Because no one is perfect). And stop comparing myself to people because everyone's journey is different. Speak more positively to myself rather than speaking negatively (one of my worst habits). And do something for myself once in a while (paint my nails, read a book, meditate, etc.).

Edited February 19, 2022 by xxDJxx

[Monsoon]

Hey. Yeah, that’s a really good point about speaking nicely to yourself. I think we can be really harsh and critical towards ourselves. We wouldn’t treat a loved one the same way. My advice is to try and treat yourself the way you treat someone you care about and love deeply. What do you think? 

[xxDJxx]

On 2/19/2022 at 8:46 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey. Yeah, that’s a really good point about speaking nicely to yourself. I think we can be really harsh and critical towards ourselves. We wouldn’t treat a loved one the same way. My advice is to try and treat yourself the way you treat someone you care about and love deeply. What do you think? 

Yes, I completely agree with your advice. I'll try to practice that and incorporate it into my morning affirmations. 

[Monsoon]

That sounds great. Why don't you try it for a couple of weeks and let me know how you get on? :) 

[xxDJxx]

18 hours ago, Monsoon said:

That sounds great. Why don't you try it for a couple of weeks and let me know how you get on? :) 

Sure thing!

[Monsoon]

14 hours ago, xxDJxx said:

Sure thing!

Good stuff! Is there anything else you'd like support with for now?