bullying Is what they're doing wrong?

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

Vent ahead: 

I'm beyond angry and hurt by this and I really don't know if this is bullying or just teenage boys being stupid. 

A couple of weeks ago I was told by this boy that his friend had a "crush" on me. (For the sake of not saying his name we will just call this boy Joey). I go to lunch and sit down with my friends and start talking to them and then one of Joey's friends comes up to my table and says that Joey likes me a lot and cannot stop staring at me. I brush it off and go back to my table  because I'm really just trying to better myself and my mental health right now and I'm in no position to get in a relaitionship right now. 

Next Day: I sit at my table per usual and noticed Joey and his friends moved to the table right next to me. I just go on with my day and eat lunch with my friends. This continues on with Joey and his friends. 

Yesterday: Joey acts like I don't exist to him and I find out this was a joke between him and his friends to set me up to be humiliated.

Today: Im just so hurt and upset and I don't know what to do.

Edited Tuesday at 03:03 PM by elizabeth (Bluey)
spelling and forgot a detail

[Lennie]

2 hours ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

Vent ahead: 

I'm beyond angry and hurt by this and I really don't know if this is bullying or just teenage boys being stupid. 

A couple of weeks ago I was told by this boy that his friend had a "crush" on me. (For the sake of not saying his name we will just call this boy Joey). I go to lunch and sit down with my friends and start talking to them and then one of Joey's friends comes up to my table and says that Joey likes me a lot and cannot stop staring at me. I brush it off and go back to my table  because I'm really just trying to better myself and my mental health right now and I'm in no position to get in a relaitionship right now. 

Next Day: I sit at my table per usual and noticed Joey and his friends moved to the table right next to me. I just go on with my day and eat lunch with my friends. This continues on with Joey and his friends. 

Yesterday: Joey acts like I don't exist to him and I find out this was a joke between him and his friends to set me up to be humiliated.

Today: Im just so hurt and upset and I don't know what to do.

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey) -- I'm sorry to hear that these boys upset you like this. In answer to your initial question: I think this is a form of bullying, although I suspect the boys doing this believe it is just a "prank". 

The difficulty is that in the early teenage years, people understand enough about others to play with their emotions if they want to, for example, annoy someone for entertainment. However, their sense of empathy often lags behind. Meaning that  in this case, they are not considering how this "prank" might have made you feel, but just that they knew that it would get a reaction out of you.

This is by no means a justification for what they did, but just a possible explanation. In terms of what to do next, would it help you to try to avoid these boys for a little while? Or do you think it would help to explain to them that this was hurtful to you? What do you think? 

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

21 hours ago, Lennie said:

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey) -- I'm sorry to hear that these boys upset you like this. In answer to your initial question: I think this is a form of bullying, although I suspect the boys doing this believe it is just a "prank". 

The difficulty is that in the early teenage years, people understand enough about others to play with their emotions if they want to, for example, annoy someone for entertainment. However, their sense of empathy often lags behind. Meaning that  in this case, they are not considering how this "prank" might have made you feel, but just that they knew that it would get a reaction out of you.

This is by no means a justification for what they did, but just a possible explanation. In terms of what to do next, would it help you to try to avoid these boys for a little while? Or do you think it would help to explain to them that this was hurtful to you? What do you think? 

I think explaining to them what they did is wrong but honestly I'm just so angry and upset.

[Lennie]

1 hour ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I think explaining to them what they did is wrong but honestly I'm just so angry and upset.

I'm sorry this has upset you so much. It's okay to take some time and just give yourself the space away from them to feel a little more calm and composed before addressing this with them. These kinds of situations can take an emotional toll on us, so please give yourself the time and space to heal a little first, if that's what you need. 

Is there anyone else you are close with who you can talk to when you are feeling upset like this?

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

On 10/2/2024 at 12:15 PM, Lennie said:

I'm sorry this has upset you so much. It's okay to take some time and just give yourself the space away from them to feel a little more calm and composed before addressing this with them. These kinds of situations can take an emotional toll on us, so please give yourself the time and space to heal a little first, if that's what you need. 

Is there anyone else you are close with who you can talk to when you are feeling upset like this?

I've been talking to my best friend but the more I go to school the more the look at me and laugh. I honestly just don't understand how people could want to make someone's life so missrable to the point that they go home and cry themselves to sleep every night and wonder why they aren't  good enough for this world.

[Lennie]

1 hour ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I've been talking to my best friend but the more I go to school the more the look at me and laugh. I honestly just don't understand how people could want to make someone's life so missrable to the point that they go home and cry themselves to sleep every night and wonder why they aren't  good enough for this world.

This must be so difficult and I can understand how them treating you so coldly and unkindly must leave you doubting yourself. However, please know that the issue here doesn't lie with you. I cannot infer their motives, unfortunately, but as mentioned before, sometimes people do these things thinking it's funny while not paying attention to the pain it's causing. 

I'm wondering if it might help to put some distance between you and this group for a few days. Is this possible, and might it help? Perhaps spending time with your best friend instead could help you to feel a little better, at least for now. 

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

9 hours ago, Lennie said:

This must be so difficult and I can understand how them treating you so coldly and unkindly must leave you doubting yourself. However, please know that the issue here doesn't lie with you. I cannot infer their motives, unfortunately, but as mentioned before, sometimes people do these things thinking it's funny while not paying attention to the pain it's causing. 

I'm wondering if it might help to put some distance between you and this group for a few days. Is this possible, and might it help? Perhaps spending time with your best friend instead could help you to feel a little better, at least for now. 

how long exactly because they are good people Im just not enough for them