bullying Is what they're doing wrong?

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

Vent ahead: 

I'm beyond angry and hurt by this and I really don't know if this is bullying or just teenage boys being stupid. 

A couple of weeks ago I was told by this boy that his friend had a "crush" on me. (For the sake of not saying his name we will just call this boy Joey). I go to lunch and sit down with my friends and start talking to them and then one of Joey's friends comes up to my table and says that Joey likes me a lot and cannot stop staring at me. I brush it off and go back to my table  because I'm really just trying to better myself and my mental health right now and I'm in no position to get in a relaitionship right now. 

Next Day: I sit at my table per usual and noticed Joey and his friends moved to the table right next to me. I just go on with my day and eat lunch with my friends. This continues on with Joey and his friends. 

Yesterday: Joey acts like I don't exist to him and I find out this was a joke between him and his friends to set me up to be humiliated.

Today: Im just so hurt and upset and I don't know what to do.

Edited October 1 by elizabeth (Bluey)
spelling and forgot a detail

[Lennie]

2 hours ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

Vent ahead: 

I'm beyond angry and hurt by this and I really don't know if this is bullying or just teenage boys being stupid. 

A couple of weeks ago I was told by this boy that his friend had a "crush" on me. (For the sake of not saying his name we will just call this boy Joey). I go to lunch and sit down with my friends and start talking to them and then one of Joey's friends comes up to my table and says that Joey likes me a lot and cannot stop staring at me. I brush it off and go back to my table  because I'm really just trying to better myself and my mental health right now and I'm in no position to get in a relaitionship right now. 

Next Day: I sit at my table per usual and noticed Joey and his friends moved to the table right next to me. I just go on with my day and eat lunch with my friends. This continues on with Joey and his friends. 

Yesterday: Joey acts like I don't exist to him and I find out this was a joke between him and his friends to set me up to be humiliated.

Today: Im just so hurt and upset and I don't know what to do.

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey) -- I'm sorry to hear that these boys upset you like this. In answer to your initial question: I think this is a form of bullying, although I suspect the boys doing this believe it is just a "prank". 

The difficulty is that in the early teenage years, people understand enough about others to play with their emotions if they want to, for example, annoy someone for entertainment. However, their sense of empathy often lags behind. Meaning that  in this case, they are not considering how this "prank" might have made you feel, but just that they knew that it would get a reaction out of you.

This is by no means a justification for what they did, but just a possible explanation. In terms of what to do next, would it help you to try to avoid these boys for a little while? Or do you think it would help to explain to them that this was hurtful to you? What do you think? 

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

21 hours ago, Lennie said:

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey) -- I'm sorry to hear that these boys upset you like this. In answer to your initial question: I think this is a form of bullying, although I suspect the boys doing this believe it is just a "prank". 

The difficulty is that in the early teenage years, people understand enough about others to play with their emotions if they want to, for example, annoy someone for entertainment. However, their sense of empathy often lags behind. Meaning that  in this case, they are not considering how this "prank" might have made you feel, but just that they knew that it would get a reaction out of you.

This is by no means a justification for what they did, but just a possible explanation. In terms of what to do next, would it help you to try to avoid these boys for a little while? Or do you think it would help to explain to them that this was hurtful to you? What do you think? 

I think explaining to them what they did is wrong but honestly I'm just so angry and upset.

[Lennie]

1 hour ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I think explaining to them what they did is wrong but honestly I'm just so angry and upset.

I'm sorry this has upset you so much. It's okay to take some time and just give yourself the space away from them to feel a little more calm and composed before addressing this with them. These kinds of situations can take an emotional toll on us, so please give yourself the time and space to heal a little first, if that's what you need. 

Is there anyone else you are close with who you can talk to when you are feeling upset like this?

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

On 10/2/2024 at 12:15 PM, Lennie said:

I'm sorry this has upset you so much. It's okay to take some time and just give yourself the space away from them to feel a little more calm and composed before addressing this with them. These kinds of situations can take an emotional toll on us, so please give yourself the time and space to heal a little first, if that's what you need. 

Is there anyone else you are close with who you can talk to when you are feeling upset like this?

I've been talking to my best friend but the more I go to school the more the look at me and laugh. I honestly just don't understand how people could want to make someone's life so missrable to the point that they go home and cry themselves to sleep every night and wonder why they aren't  good enough for this world.

[Lennie]

1 hour ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I've been talking to my best friend but the more I go to school the more the look at me and laugh. I honestly just don't understand how people could want to make someone's life so missrable to the point that they go home and cry themselves to sleep every night and wonder why they aren't  good enough for this world.

This must be so difficult and I can understand how them treating you so coldly and unkindly must leave you doubting yourself. However, please know that the issue here doesn't lie with you. I cannot infer their motives, unfortunately, but as mentioned before, sometimes people do these things thinking it's funny while not paying attention to the pain it's causing. 

I'm wondering if it might help to put some distance between you and this group for a few days. Is this possible, and might it help? Perhaps spending time with your best friend instead could help you to feel a little better, at least for now. 

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

9 hours ago, Lennie said:

This must be so difficult and I can understand how them treating you so coldly and unkindly must leave you doubting yourself. However, please know that the issue here doesn't lie with you. I cannot infer their motives, unfortunately, but as mentioned before, sometimes people do these things thinking it's funny while not paying attention to the pain it's causing. 

I'm wondering if it might help to put some distance between you and this group for a few days. Is this possible, and might it help? Perhaps spending time with your best friend instead could help you to feel a little better, at least for now. 

how long exactly because they are good people Im just not enough for them

[Lennie]

On 10/5/2024 at 1:28 AM, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

how long exactly because they are good people Im just not enough for them

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey) - this really depends on you and how you're feeling. I suggested having a little time and space away from the group because it's been upsetting you each time you've seen them recently. Even after you've expressed that you don't like them teasing you, they've continued to do so. As such, I suggested having a little break away from them.

Hopefully this will stop them upsetting you, and you can give yourself a little time to think over what you want from the group and whether you can get that. What do you think, would having a few days apart help to collect your thoughts?

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

5 hours ago, Lennie said:

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey) - this really depends on you and how you're feeling. I suggested having a little time and space away from the group because it's been upsetting you each time you've seen them recently. Even after you've expressed that you don't like them teasing you, they've continued to do so. As such, I suggested having a little break away from them.

Hopefully this will stop them upsetting you, and you can give yourself a little time to think over what you want from the group and whether you can get that. What do you think, would having a few days apart help to collect your thoughts?

I've been avoiding them and honestly I feel a little better, I realize I  need the following things

• A sincere apology
• An explanation of why they thought this was funny
• affirmation that they realize what they did was wrong

[Mestizo]

2 hours ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I've been avoiding them and honestly I feel a little better, I realize I  need the following things

• A sincere apology
• An explanation of why they thought this was funny
• affirmation that they realize what they did was wrong

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey). Thank you for sharing the very clear things you feel you need from the group. I like @Lennie’s suggestion about taking a break as well. I hope in time things begin to change for you with this group. 

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

2 hours ago, Mestizo said:

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey). Thank you for sharing the very clear things you feel you need from the group. I like @Lennie’s suggestion about taking a break as well. I hope in time things begin to change for you with this group. 

I am for sure taking a break from them.

[Lennie]

14 hours ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I am for sure taking a break from them.

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey) -- I saw your post highlighting the three changes you'd like to see from your friends, and they are completely reasonable.

I think you have been very mature and fair about this situation but have obviously reached a breaking point, so I agree that taking time and space away from the group would be helpful. 

Looking forward, I hope the group also have some time to reflect on how they've treated you, and they can meet your requirements by explaining and apologising for their behaviour. Until then, do you have another friend or friends you can spend time with?

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

3 hours ago, Lennie said:

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey) -- I saw your post highlighting the three changes you'd like to see from your friends, and they are completely reasonable.

I think you have been very mature and fair about this situation but have obviously reached a breaking point, so I agree that taking time and space away from the group would be helpful. 

Looking forward, I hope the group also have some time to reflect on how they've treated you, and they can meet your requirements by explaining and apologising for their behaviour. Until then, do you have another friend or friends you can spend time with?

I have my best friend and other friends that I can hang out with. Im spending time with her alot recently

[Lennie]

On 10/8/2024 at 1:52 PM, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I have my best friend and other friends that I can hang out with. Im spending time with her alot recently

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey) -- that's great to hear you've been getting to spend more time with your best friend. Have you been feeling a little better the past few days then?

 

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

6 hours ago, Lennie said:

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey) -- that's great to hear you've been getting to spend more time with your best friend. Have you been feeling a little better the past few days then?

I've been feeling a little better but it still hurts

[Aurora]

11 hours ago, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I've been feeling a little better but it still hurts

I can imagine. I think you've done everything you can from your end and it doesn't sound like they have treated you with the respect you deserve. Hopefully by taking a break and spending more time with your other friend you will continue to feel better and better. We're here for you if you want to talk about it some more (or anything else that's on your mind) 

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

On 10/10/2024 at 4:21 AM, Aurora said:

I can imagine. I think you've done everything you can from your end and it doesn't sound like they have treated you with the respect you deserve. Hopefully by taking a break and spending more time with your other friend you will continue to feel better and better. We're here for you if you want to talk about it some more (or anything else that's on your mind) 

I have most definatly ignored these boys.

[elizabeth (Bluey)]

On 10/11/2024 at 7:35 AM, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

I have most definatly ignored these boys.

Update: Its been a couple weeks and things have changed and i have chosen to forgive them

[Aurora]

On 10/18/2024 at 5:01 PM, elizabeth (Bluey) said:

Update: Its been a couple weeks and things have changed and i have chosen to forgive them

Hi @elizabeth (Bluey), thank you so much for your update. Sorry it's taken me a few days to get back to you. I'm only online Tuesday, Thursday and Fridays. 

That's great to hear. Would you like to tell us a bit more? No pressure of course