Jealous Brother Possibly

[TwilightStarDragon]

I think my brother is jealous of my friend/s or rather he's jealous of me having the friend/s I have
So basically when I was about 8 I met this girl I'm going to call her A we both loved harry potter and used to play it together we were close until my brother he didn't mean to (he's my twin and we have very similar interests) at the time he and A were both a lot more confident than me and had lots of similar interests and I felt that he was 'stealing' her he didn't mean to but that is what 9 year old me thought. Then we lost contact in lockdown :(.

Now me and my friend are back in touch. My twin is not allowed to talk to A until her and I have reforged our friendship. But I think my twin (W) is jealous of me because of A he doesn't like me to talk about her which is fair enough. But I do think I should be able to have something he doesn't without feeling bad that he doesn't have it and he might want it. He has been going to a club once a week in the evening so at least he's had human contact outside of family. I don't want my worry about his jealousy to impact my relationship with my friend/s.

[Luie]

12 hours ago, TwilightStarDragon said:

I think my brother is jealous of my friend/s or rather he's jealous of me having the friend/s I have
So basically when I was about 8 I met this girl I'm going to call her A we both loved harry potter and used to play it together we were close until my brother he didn't mean to (he's my twin and we have very similar interests) at the time he and A were both a lot more confident than me and had lots of similar interests and I felt that he was 'stealing' her he didn't mean to but that is what 9 year old me thought. Then we lost contact in lockdown :(.

Now me and my friend are back in touch. My twin is not allowed to talk to A until her and I have reforged our friendship. But I think my twin (W) is jealous of me because of A he doesn't like me to talk about her which is fair enough. But I do think I should be able to have something he doesn't without feeling bad that he doesn't have it and he might want it. He has been going to a club once a week in the evening so at least he's had human contact outside of family. I don't want my worry about his jealousy to impact my relationship with my friend/s.

Heyy @TwilightStarDragon, It sounds to me like you’re dealing with a really tricky situation, and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling conflicted about it. It’s clear that you care a lot about both your friendship with A and your relationship with your twin brother, W. Balancing these relationships can be tough, especially when feelings like jealousy come into play. It’s interesting that you noticed these feelings from such a young age, and it's great that you’ve reconnected with A. Rebuilding that friendship must feel really good, especially after losing contact during lockdown. It’s also understandable that you’re concerned about W feeling left out or jealous, especially given your close relationship as twins.

You’re totally right in thinking that it’s okay for you to have something special that’s just yours, like your friendship with A. It’s important for you to enjoy that without feeling guilty. It’s also good to hear that W has his own social outlet with the club he attends, which might help him feel more balanced too.

Here are a few thoughts and questions that might help: 

• How do you feel when you spend time with A now that you’ve reconnected? Does it feel different than before, or is it like picking up where you left off?
• Have you had a chance to talk to W about how he’s feeling?
• Do you ever do things together as a trio, or do you prefer to keep your time with A separate?
• It’s important to enjoy your time with A without worrying too much, but do you think there’s a way to include W in some way that feels comfortable for you?

You’re navigating this with a lot of thoughtfulness, and it’s great that you’re considering both your own feelings and your brother’s. It sounds like you’re finding your way, and it’s okay to have friendships that are just yours. I've just put those questions above to allow you to reflect a bit more on things, you can choose to answer all or none, or maybe a few in private and share whatever you are comfortable with. 

Here for you to brainstorm and think out loud. 

 

[TwilightStarDragon]

question answers:
1 I enjoy spending time with A it is different as we are into different things now

2 no

3 not yet me and A are separate at the moment

4 yes at some point we will play DnD together

 

[Lennie]

On 8/15/2024 at 2:40 PM, TwilightStarDragon said:

question answers:
1 I enjoy spending time with A it is different as we are into different things now

2 no

3 not yet me and A are separate at the moment

4 yes at some point we will play DnD together

Hi @TwilightStarDragon - I'm glad to hear that you've been able to reconnect with your old friend, A.

Do you both need a little more time together to catch up and feel comfortable with one another first? I know it can take a little time if you have been apart for a while.  If so, perhaps it's worth explaining this to your brother and just letting him know that this friendship is important to you, but that you'd also be up for doing something like playing D&D as a group in future. 

Would having a conversation like this with your brother help you both feel a little more comfortable with this situation, do you think?