Doubting sexuality or religion

[itsalianaa]

I am (was?) A Christian. I am struggling a lot right now. I keep trying to surpress my feelings for women. I have a wonderful boyfriend. But I can't push away that I like women too. He knows this and is so supportive and I am really grateful for this. He also knows of my struggle with my sexuality and religion. But sadly enough in most religions it is a sin to be with the same gender.

What do I do..? Just continue surpressing my feelings? Or leave my religion.. which is also very dear to me.. so I can be myself? I don't know and all it does is make me so depressed. This is my last resort, I just joined this website. I don't know anymore.

[Lennie]

14 hours ago, itsalianaa said:

I am (was?) A Christian. I am struggling a lot right now. I keep trying to surpress my feelings for women. I have a wonderful boyfriend. But I can't push away that I like women too. He knows this and is so supportive and I am really grateful for this. He also knows of my struggle with my sexuality and religion. But sadly enough in most religions it is a sin to be with the same gender.

What do I do..? Just continue surpressing my feelings? Or leave my religion.. which is also very dear to me.. so I can be myself? I don't know and all it does is make me so depressed. This is my last resort, I just joined this website. I don't know anymore.

 

Hi @itsalianaa, I'm Lennie, one of the Support Mentors here. I can see you joined us recently, so let me be the first to say, welcome to Ditch The Label!! It's great to have you with us.

The feelings you are having are completely natural but sadly this clashing of sexuality and religious identity/values you've described is not uncommon and can cause a lot of anguish. It strikes me that there are two parts to this situation: firstly, how do you personally reconcile these differences. Secondly, how do you think you go about communicating this information - if at all - with people in your religious community (friends, family, etc.). Is this fair to say?

To start with the first point, as mentioned many people face this challenge and each deal with it in their own specific way. Sometimes this involves making peace with these differences in a way that doesn't force them to ignore their sexuality nor renounce their religion. After all, there are parts of religious scripture that no longer fit with modern life and have been adjusted in the minds of believers to accommodate modern values. Gay rights are a good example of this and many prominent figures within the church have spoken about creating a more inclusive and accepting attitude to relationships outside of heteronormative ones.

Do you feel personally that you could make space for your sexuality while holding onto your religion? Or perhaps you have had thoughts of leaving your religion? Any of these options are completely fine to explore but can of course be difficult. There are also some useful online resources out there on this topic (e.g. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/navigating-lgbtq-identities-and-religion/).

In terms of how accepting those around you will be - your well-being will likely benefit from sharing how you feel with those close to you. You may have to do this selectively though if you feel, for example, that if your parents found out they would kick you out of the house. In circumstances like this, it can be better to withhold the natural and healthy urge to share your feelings, at least until you have sufficient financial independence to support yourself should they react badly.

So in large part, it comes down to who you think would be accepting and trustworthy.  it sounds like your boyfriend has been supportive, which is great because suppressing feelings takes a toll on mental health. So perhaps you could start by telling one other person in your life that most fits this description. Do you have someone else like that? And do you think this might help you to begin being more open about this topic and feel less stressed as a result?

Please do let us know your thoughts, as we are here for you and will help in whichever way we can. If you would like to speak with a support mentor on a more private platform, you can also reach us on confidential support (https://forums.ditchthelabel.org/support) 

 

[ribbon]

On 7/22/2024 at 11:54 PM, itsalianaa said:

I am (was?) A Christian. I am struggling a lot right now. I keep trying to surpress my feelings for women. I have a wonderful boyfriend. But I can't push away that I like women too. He knows this and is so supportive and I am really grateful for this. He also knows of my struggle with my sexuality and religion. But sadly enough in most religions it is a sin to be with the same gender.

What do I do..? Just continue surpressing my feelings? Or leave my religion.. which is also very dear to me.. so I can be myself? I don't know and all it does is make me so depressed. This is my last resort, I just joined this website. I don't know anymore.

Every human is a sinner, and yet humans still have a religion.

You shouldnt abandon a religion you like just because you sin.

Maybe seek help from a priest, he should tell you more about such struggles.