i dont want pity I’ve made a mistake

[Secretforme]

Ok I want to say This before I explain anything I in no way want pity or sympathy I don’t deserve it. 
now if you’ve read my other post you know I don’t believe I’m human so my whole life I’ve struggled with not having emotions the same way as everyone as, I also have voices and hallucinations as well as anger issues though this hadn’t been a problem until today. I was at work and I felt unusual today normally I feel disgust and fear but today I felt annoyed and angry which is not normal for me. I was already late annoying me already but at work I do fries I’m the fry guy and I take my job seriously without this job I would have nowhere to go so of course I take it serious. I have told my coworkers that when I work on fries don’t touch anything it annoys me and messes up everything I’ve done. They listen for the most part but until today, I’ve had to tell multiple people to leave my station unless they need something, im usually kind about this but something was just aggravating me, I had made fresh fries and had some fries made already one of my coworkers came over grab a medium fry and put it in the bag that’s fine but then she grab another one(that she didn’t need) and dumped it in the bag leaving three fries and putting it back on the rack. Of course that made me livid because I e told her before to stop doing that and just tell me she needs something, I let it go now I need to specify the front counter takes care of the online orders but this lady refuses to do her job properly I’ve asked her that when she puts a back on the counter she tells me what she needs and still she ignores me. I of course got angry when she did this I yelled out to her what she needed, she continued to ignored me it floored me I looked at the ticket but it was blank she was the only one who knew what was needed. So I walked up to her and said “what fries are in that order” mind you we are looking in each others eyes. She scoffs and turns away, oh I was mad so I said move I looked up the order and walked away I figured that was the end of that but I was wrong. She did it 6 different times 6. I walked away and had someone watch over that station multiple times just so I can calm down and not loose my job. I am ashamed or ok I assume I should feel ashamed for this I truly canning feel it but I hit the wall by our trash and outside a lot I have not done anything like this since I was in school(I dropped out). I walked back into the store with my hand bloodied and bruised washed it and put my gloves on trying to ignore the pain( I truly dislike pain) but we got into another ut rush and everybody started to swarm the fry station touching everything one person pushed me out of the way and got a small fry that was already made. So I left I told my boss that if I stayed any longer I would end up hitting someone he agreed to let me leave. My fiancé picked me up (I’m not allowed to drive) I explained the situation to her and once we made it home she cleaned my hand and let me cry into her. I have not cried for a long time I did not think it was possible for me to cry considering I’m not human. Anyways thank you for reading again I don’t want pity or sympathy what I did was wrong and I know that so please understand this is me owning up to my wrongdoing 

[Luie]

6 hours ago, Secretforme said:

Ok I want to say This before I explain anything I in no way want pity or sympathy I don’t deserve it. 
now if you’ve read my other post you know I don’t believe I’m human so my whole life I’ve struggled with not having emotions the same way as everyone as, I also have voices and hallucinations as well as anger issues though this hadn’t been a problem until today. I was at work and I felt unusual today normally I feel disgust and fear but today I felt annoyed and angry which is not normal for me. I was already late annoying me already but at work I do fries I’m the fry guy and I take my job seriously without this job I would have nowhere to go so of course I take it serious. I have told my coworkers that when I work on fries don’t touch anything it annoys me and messes up everything I’ve done. They listen for the most part but until today, I’ve had to tell multiple people to leave my station unless they need something, im usually kind about this but something was just aggravating me, I had made fresh fries and had some fries made already one of my coworkers came over grab a medium fry and put it in the bag that’s fine but then she grab another one(that she didn’t need) and dumped it in the bag leaving three fries and putting it back on the rack. Of course that made me livid because I e told her before to stop doing that and just tell me she needs something, I let it go now I need to specify the front counter takes care of the online orders but this lady refuses to do her job properly I’ve asked her that when she puts a back on the counter she tells me what she needs and still she ignores me. I of course got angry when she did this I yelled out to her what she needed, she continued to ignored me it floored me I looked at the ticket but it was blank she was the only one who knew what was needed. So I walked up to her and said “what fries are in that order” mind you we are looking in each others eyes. She scoffs and turns away, oh I was mad so I said move I looked up the order and walked away I figured that was the end of that but I was wrong. She did it 6 different times 6. I walked away and had someone watch over that station multiple times just so I can calm down and not loose my job. I am ashamed or ok I assume I should feel ashamed for this I truly canning feel it but I hit the wall by our trash and outside a lot I have not done anything like this since I was in school(I dropped out). I walked back into the store with my hand bloodied and bruised washed it and put my gloves on trying to ignore the pain( I truly dislike pain) but we got into another ut rush and everybody started to swarm the fry station touching everything one person pushed me out of the way and got a small fry that was already made. So I left I told my boss that if I stayed any longer I would end up hitting someone he agreed to let me leave. My fiancé picked me up (I’m not allowed to drive) I explained the situation to her and once we made it home she cleaned my hand and let me cry into her. I have not cried for a long time I did not think it was possible for me to cry considering I’m not human. Anyways thank you for reading again I don’t want pity or sympathy what I did was wrong and I know that so please understand this is me owning up to my wrongdoing 

Heyy @Secretforme, I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing. It must be incredibly tough to experience these emotions and struggles, especially when they impact your work and personal life. It's essential to recognize that you're not alone in this, and there are people who genuinely care about your well-being. It's completely normal to seek help and support when you're going through difficult times. It takes courage to reach out, and your willingness to share your experiences here is a positive step. I want to emphasize that your feelings and experiences are valid, even if you believe you're not human or have difficulty connecting with emotions in the same way as others. Mental health issues can manifest differently in each person, and there's no one "right" way to experience them.

I was wondering, if you'd like more 1-1 support through confidential support platform?