Finding Myself

[Blc]

You probably won't read this but I miss you Sam, I hope you're ok

[Aurora]

On 6/2/2023 at 9:10 PM, Blc said:

You probably won't read this but I miss you Sam, I hope you're ok

Hi there, I just wanted to check in with you and see how you are feeling, BLC? 

[Blc]

5 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi there, I just wanted to check in with you and see how you are feeling, BLC? 

Not great if I'm being honest 

[Duckie]

4 hours ago, Blc said:

Not great if I'm being honest 

Hi @Blc, sorry to hear that you aren't feeling well. Would you like to talk about it?

[Blc]

WirhIt's just, I thought I knew what I wanted from a relationship, but I still really love the person I was with before, and I, don't know why.

 

I ended it in the first place, and all that's done has caused me so much pain I've suffered so much all alone, even in new relationships I'm still thinking about her, I love her like I don't know how to describe it, because words wouldn't be enough, I say it a lot, you've probably seen me say it a lot but with her, I can't get her out of my head, and I checked up on her through posts she puts on this thing I talk to her on, and I just feel worse, the reason I ended it In the first place was because everyone was on my case, they slammed the relationship saying that the girl isn't who she says she is, yet they know what I'm like when it comes to these things, they know I over think and yet that's what they kept saying, they were probably were trying to protect me, but you could see from a distance how much I loved this girl, nothing has even come close, I just feel So awful because I've been with two people since then, Jae and Sam who you've both seen our messages but it feels like I'm playing with their hearts because I'm still in love with her. 

 

 

I've been meaning to message said girl, but I just can't bring myself to, one, I'm scared, two, I don't think she'll care anymore, I feel awful it feels like all I do in these relationships is hurt people because I can't just stay in one place with one person because either everyone else has something to say about how it should be, which is what happened with said girl in the first place, they all scared me into doing something I regret doing, everyday I regret listening to them  she probably won't care enough to look at this but to her, I'm sorry, to Jae and Sam, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I failed you as your bf, I'm sorry I'm the worst person in the world, and especially to her, I'm sorry I can't help you with your problems, I'm such a burden and nothing is working, all my thoughts always somehow return to her, I hate myself 

[Duckie]

15 minutes ago, Blc said:

WirhIt's just, I thought I knew what I wanted from a relationship, but I still really love the person I was with before, and I, don't know why.

I ended it in the first place, and all that's done has caused me so much pain I've suffered so much all alone, even in new relationships I'm still thinking about her, I love her like I don't know how to describe it, because words wouldn't be enough, I say it a lot, you've probably seen me say it a lot but with her, I can't get her out of my head, and I checked up on her through posts she puts on this thing I talk to her on, and I just feel worse, the reason I ended it In the first place was because everyone was on my case, they slammed the relationship saying that the girl isn't who she says she is, yet they know what I'm like when it comes to these things, they know I over think and yet that's what they kept saying, they were probably were trying to protect me, but you could see from a distance how much I loved this girl, nothing has even come close, I just feel So awful because I've been with two people since then, Jae and Sam who you've both seen our messages but it feels like I'm playing with their hearts because I'm still in love with her. 

I've been meaning to message said girl, but I just can't bring myself to, one, I'm scared, two, I don't think she'll care anymore, I feel awful it feels like all I do in these relationships is hurt people because I can't just stay in one place with one person because either everyone else has something to say about how it should be, which is what happened with said girl in the first place, they all scared me into doing something I regret doing, everyday I regret listening to them  she probably won't care enough to look at this but to her, I'm sorry, to Jae and Sam, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I failed you as your bf, I'm sorry I'm the worst person in the world, and especially to her, I'm sorry I can't help you with your problems, I'm such a burden and nothing is working, all my thoughts always somehow return to her, I hate myself 

Hi @Blc, thank you for sharing this with me. Please don't feel like a burden for having feelings. We all have them and we sometimes get influenced by others and make rash decisions. Sometimes it's important to just let things develop over time and to not rush into or out of things. It's good to be mindful about potentially hurting other people, but it sounds to me like you might have hurt yourself as well. Am I right in thinking this? Are you safe right now?

[Blc]

 

Feeling incredibly lonely not sure why 

[Monsoon]

1 hour ago, Blc said:

Feeling incredibly lonely not sure why 

Hey @Blc

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling lonely. We all go through this at some point and it's really helpful to talk it through. I can see what you said about how you're not sure why. I'm wondering, can you tell me more? What is the feeling like and when did it start for you?

[Blc]

Just now, Monsoon said:

Hey @Blc

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling lonely. We all go through this at some point and it's really helpful to talk it through. I can see what you said about how you're not sure why. I'm wondering, can you tell me more? What is the feeling like and when did it start for you?

Idk it's a constant feeling and it doesn't stop and I don't know how to stop it it really sucks 

[Monsoon]

20 minutes ago, Blc said:

Idk it's a constant feeling and it doesn't stop and I don't know how to stop it it really sucks 

Hey there,

That sounds exhausting with it being constant. How have you been coping with it? I can imagine it really bothers you, but it really does show how strong you are to be able to put up with it. I'm wondering,  on a scale of 1-10, where would you place that feeling? 1=not lonely at all and 10=extremely lonely. Take care and speak soon. 

[Blc]

I think it's a definite ten, I mean I've got friends, but I don't even tell them half of the time, I have family but I don't tell them at all, and with relationships, I don't tell them that it feels like I'm lying to everybody, and recently I've discovered that I'm starting to gain feelings for my best friend again which adds to the confusion I'm feeling right now, it's weird because I'm in love with the girl I was talking about yesterday, but I'm starting to crush on my best friend again, and ever since I ended it with thar girl, I've just felt so alone it was my fault in the first place ik it is, I've accepted that it is, things are going to hell and back In my head it sucks 

[Duckie]

2 hours ago, Blc said:

I think it's a definite ten, I mean I've got friends, but I don't even tell them half of the time, I have family but I don't tell them at all, and with relationships, I don't tell them that it feels like I'm lying to everybody, and recently I've discovered that I'm starting to gain feelings for my best friend again which adds to the confusion I'm feeling right now, it's weird because I'm in love with the girl I was talking about yesterday, but I'm starting to crush on my best friend again, and ever since I ended it with thar girl, I've just felt so alone it was my fault in the first place ik it is, I've accepted that it is, things are going to hell and back In my head it sucks 

Hi Blc, thank you so much for sharing this with us. This sounds really stressful for you. There's definitely a difference between feeling lonely and being alone and it can be so difficult to talk about things. You are doing so well. Would you be comfortable walking me through what you feel you should be sharing with friends and family, that you feel you are not currently sharing? Do you feel what you're sharing is enough or is this based on something someone has said? 

[Blc]

Losing all motivation, don't want to be here anymore 

[Aurora]

10 hours ago, Blc said:

Losing all motivation, don't want to be here anymore 

Hi there, thanks for opening up about how you are feeling right now. Do you want to tell me a bit more about what's going on? 

You mentioned that you don't want to be here anymore. I might be reading too much into this but I just wanted to see if you are feeling safe right now? It's OK to say if you're not. The more you tell us about how you're feeling the better we can support you. As you know we're not always online so in case you ever need it, here is some safety information for the UK (I can remember you saying that you live in the UK - please correct me if I'm wrong). If you ever feel like you are in crisis then you can reach out to the following: 

 

 

• The Samaritans: 116 123 (24/7 service) 
• An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful
• You can also  text SHOUT to 85258 when you are struggling, and a trained crisis volunteer will text you back. This is great if you find talking on the phone challenging, and it’s completely free 24/7
• Remember, you can always call the emergency services or go to your local emergency department at the hospital for support

I know it might not feel like this right now but please remember that our wellbeing changes all the time and you won't always feel like this. You will feel better again. We're here for you in the meantime.