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This topic contains content which has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Suicide

Suicide. . .But I'm okayish now!


Hawthorne11    

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First of all, no I am not in immediate danger -_- however i am wondering what am i/ what i ought to be doing with my life... what am i even doin over here? like what is all this for again😅 Guess im having an insecure night, sometimes i get especially angsty around nighttime

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I mean, if we want to go all philosophy-proffessor here, we could try and figure out the meaning of life...

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1 minute ago, Equivalent Ways said:

First of all, no I am not in immediate danger -_- however i am wondering what am i/ what i ought to be doing with my life... what am i even doin over here? like what is all this for again😅 Guess im having an insecure night, sometimes i get especially angsty around nighttime

first off, i love you so much ur mi amor you’re living and even if feels like you dont have a life to live you do and you’re gonna do so much good in this world and i believe in you. ik its hard when your insecure to see the goodness in yourself, im here for you forever! 

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13 minutes ago, Solo_una_hermosa_chica said:

first off, i love you so much ur mi amor you’re living and even if feels like you dont have a life to live you do and you’re gonna do so much good in this world and i believe in you. ik its hard when your insecure to see the goodness in yourself, im here for you forever! 

awe, thank you🥲🥺 it does help uplift my spirit definitely, idk why it just seems like this low mood came out of nowhere

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16 minutes ago, AceOfSpades said:

I mean, if we want to go all philosophy-proffessor here, we could try and figure out the meaning of life...

lol, I mean i am always for that tho

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16 minutes ago, Solo_una_hermosa_chica said:

first off, i love you so much ur mi amor you’re living and even if feels like you dont have a life to live you do and you’re gonna do so much good in this world and i believe in you. ik its hard when your insecure to see the goodness in yourself, im here for you forever! 

and like even you just saying that affirms me not wanting to leave yall for anything..!

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1 minute ago, Equivalent Ways said:

oh and @Solo_una_hermosa_chica, idk if you have school tomorrow, it s ike 9 here and i dont mean to be keeping you up!

i dont have school tmr so no ur not keeping me up but thank you for being so thoughtful 

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1 minute ago, Solo_una_hermosa_chica said:

i dont have school tmr so no ur not keeping me up but thank you for being so thoughtful 

oh good good, im on independent study but i did not know what you were up to so ya💖

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1 minute ago, Equivalent Ways said:

oh good good, im on independent study but i did not know what you were up to so ya💖

my mom is letting me skip school tmr so ya but thank you 😊 

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4 minutes ago, Solo_una_hermosa_chica said:

my mom is letting me skip school tmr so ya but thank you 😊 

oh okkkkkkkkkkkkkk, what are you up too? if ya dont mind, (or it can be secret)

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1 minute ago, Equivalent Ways said:

oh okkkkkkkkkkkkkk, what are you up too? if ya dont mind, (or it can be secret)

im watching orange is the new black!! what are you up to?

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10 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

First of all, no I am not in immediate danger -_- however i am wondering what am i/ what i ought to be doing with my life... what am i even doin over here? like what is all this for again😅 Guess im having an insecure night, sometimes i get especially angsty around nighttime

Hi there, thank you for letting us know that you are not in immediate danger. Figuring out what we are/ought to be doing with our life is a tough question!! It's interesting that you said that you get especially angsty around night time. Can I ask if you know why that is? Don't feel you have to share if you don't want to. Also, I just wanted to check in and see how you are feeling now. Please know that we are here for you 

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1 hour ago, Aurora said:

Hi there, thank you for letting us know that you are not in immediate danger. Figuring out what we are/ought to be doing with our life is a tough question!! It's interesting that you said that you get especially angsty around night time. Can I ask if you know why that is? Don't feel you have to share if you don't want to. Also, I just wanted to check in and see how you are feeling now. Please know that we are here for you 

Hi and thank you Aurora❤️ Idk why I get more angst around nighttime, it’s kinda odd because it’s  so constant🧐 I feel a bit better now, after talking with friends and getting through the night. Probably something to do with how through  my life the night means that another day was coming and I did not want that often😅

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21 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Hi and thank you Aurora❤️ Idk why I get more angst around nighttime, it’s kinda odd because it’s  so constant🧐 I feel a bit better now, after talking with friends and getting through the night. Probably something to do with how through  my life the night means that another day was coming and I did not want that often😅

Of course :) Thanks for explaining a bit more what's going on for you at night. It's interesting that it's so constant and that you think it might be linked to you not wanting another day to come. Is that still the case or has that changed do you think? Also, do you mind me asking, how long you've been having these fears around nighttime? I'm glad to hear that you feel a bit better now, after talking to your friends and getting through the night. 

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2 hours ago, Aurora said:

Of course :) Thanks for explaining a bit more what's going on for you at night. It's interesting that it's so constant and that you think it might be linked to you not wanting another day to come. Is that still the case or has that changed do you think? Also, do you mind me asking, how long you've been having these fears around nighttime? I'm glad to hear that you feel a bit better now, after talking to your friends and getting through the night. 

Not wanting the next day to come/fearing it is not nearly as potent as before, I am still a little scared of the unknowns and such, but I think this— these feelings have been around for at least 8 years, probably more. Yeah, as usual I am practicing self love and coping strategies. Thanks again for being involved and kind❤️ 

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19 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Not wanting the next day to come/fearing it is not nearly as potent as before, I am still a little scared of the unknowns and such, but I think this— these feelings have been around for at least 8 years, probably more. Yeah, as usual I am practicing self love and coping strategies. Thanks again for being involved and kind❤️ 

You're very welcome. And thank you for being so kind 🙂

If it's been around for such a long time then I'm wondering if there is more to it than not wanting the next day to come. What do you think? Maybe you could tell me a little bit more about the angst you experience around night time if you feel comfortable to. You can also send me a message on confidential support if you prefer. If you're happy to talk about this some more then it would be helpful to hear a bit more about how you feel, any body sensations you might experience and what thoughts you might be getting. Also, it is usually the same of different every evening? But as I said no pressure at all to talk about this if you don't want to. 

It's great that you are practicing self love and coping strategies. Do you mind me asking, if there are any that you find particularly helpful? 

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On 3/1/2023 at 4:53 AM, Aurora said:

You're very welcome. And thank you for being so kind 🙂

If it's been around for such a long time then I'm wondering if there is more to it than not wanting the next day to come. What do you think? Maybe you could tell me a little bit more about the angst you experience around night time if you feel comfortable to. You can also send me a message on confidential support if you prefer. If you're happy to talk about this some more then it would be helpful to hear a bit more about how you feel, any body sensations you might experience and what thoughts you might be getting. Also, it is usually the same of different every evening? But as I said no pressure at all to talk about this if you don't want to. 

It's great that you are practicing self love and coping strategies. Do you mind me asking, if there are any that you find particularly helpful? 

Hi, yeah I can tell you what I know about it😅 I don’t know exactly what you mean when you say it might not just be about the next day, but the angst is sometimes worse some nights while less others, but I think it happens pretty consistently each night since I was really little.

here are some of the thoughts I have around evening: 

even if you do not want the night to start, it cannot always be day, or even if you don not want to see the day, it cannot always be night(which I know sounds contrary but it’s all a weird transition feeling)

oh gosh I can’t stop time(that one can be really repetitive)

Just..quiet mind..

and some of the physical feelings: 

exhausted/restless 

sometimes jittery or tense(cuz sometimes I am flustered/nervous)

Really sad and heavy(almost in a crushing way)

And finally,  I really do find that ASMR videos help me get relaxed as well as an amber salt lamp

I hope this helps, and please let me know any of your insights⭐
 

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@Equivalent Ways U r literally awesome, never forget that!! U r loved so much by so many people, we care about u and U MATTER!!! Also, never be afraid to ask for help 😄

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2 hours ago, Melissa M said:

@Equivalent Ways U r literally awesome, never forget that!! U r loved so much by so many people, we care about u and U MATTER!!! Also, never be afraid to ask for help 😄

Dang that is really nice 🥹 I’m thankful you say that, know that it can be reversed right back to ya <3

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On 3/2/2023 at 9:36 PM, Equivalent Ways said:

Hi, yeah I can tell you what I know about it😅 I don’t know exactly what you mean when you say it might not just be about the next day, but the angst is sometimes worse some nights while less others, but I think it happens pretty consistently each night since I was really little.

here are some of the thoughts I have around evening: 

even if you do not want the night to start, it cannot always be day, or even if you don not want to see the day, it cannot always be night(which I know sounds contrary but it’s all a weird transition feeling)

oh gosh I can’t stop time(that one can be really repetitive)

Just..quiet mind..

and some of the physical feelings: 

exhausted/restless 

sometimes jittery or tense(cuz sometimes I am flustered/nervous)

Really sad and heavy(almost in a crushing way)

And finally,  I really do find that ASMR videos help me get relaxed as well as an amber salt lamp

I hope this helps, and please let me know any of your insights⭐
 

Hey there,

Thank you for explaining more about your thoughts and physical feelings around this. I'm wondering, are there any exceptions to this? By exceptions, I mean times where the angst isn't there or is less intense. If so, can you tell me more about that?

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7 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Thank you for explaining more about your thoughts and physical feelings around this. I'm wondering, are there any exceptions to this? By exceptions, I mean times where the angst isn't there or is less intense. If so, can you tell me more about that?

Yeah, I’m cool with sharing this stuff I suppose. Might as well since I might get some help with it too. Surely there are exceptions, I just can’t think of many right now 😅 but sometimes when I have something really solid and simple that I am looking forward too and have confidence in for the next day, the angst is a little less loud cuz I am also excited, but it is also erratic in the way that because I am excited it might actually be worse that night😓But also, times like tonight, or just most of the time, it is pretty nasty. I just don’t really know how/what I am gonna do for the night, for sleep, and the next morning🥺 this can bog me down so much that it messes up my night routine and eating, but both of those are there to help counteract with this.. if that makes sense. And it’s not like I really want to end things, it is just a lot of pain..? I’m still piecing this stuff together🙏🏽🤍

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10 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Yeah, I’m cool with sharing this stuff I suppose. Might as well since I might get some help with it too. Surely there are exceptions, I just can’t think of many right now 😅 but sometimes when I have something really solid and simple that I am looking forward too and have confidence in for the next day, the angst is a little less loud cuz I am also excited, but it is also erratic in the way that because I am excited it might actually be worse that night😓But also, times like tonight, or just most of the time, it is pretty nasty. I just don’t really know how/what I am gonna do for the night, for sleep, and the next morning🥺 this can bog me down so much that it messes up my night routine and eating, but both of those are there to help counteract with this.. if that makes sense. And it’s not like I really want to end things, it is just a lot of pain..? I’m still piecing this stuff together🙏🏽🤍

Hey there,

Yeah, it does sound like there is a lot of pain, but I am glad you are able to be so open with us here; it's also great that you want to move forward and that motivation will take you a long way on your journey :)

Just to make sure I understand then, most nights, you get this angsty feeling which can then really disrupt your wellbeing, and it can be difficult to know how to cope with those feelings. I can see that the ASMR videos and amber salt lamp help you to relax. I'm wondering, have you ever tried to work with those tricky thoughts and make them into ones that are more kind? If not, we can definitely help you with that if you like? A lot of our challenging feelings can come from negative thoughts, especially with anxiety, so it's really helpful to think about how we could maybe have more helpful ways of thinking to then improve our emotional health. 

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3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, it does sound like there is a lot of pain, but I am glad you are able to be so open with us here; it's also great that you want to move forward and that motivation will take you a long way on your journey :)

Just to make sure I understand then, most nights, you get this angsty feeling which can then really disrupt your wellbeing, and it can be difficult to know how to cope with those feelings. I can see that the ASMR videos and amber salt lamp help you to relax. I'm wondering, have you ever tried to work with those tricky thoughts and make them into ones that are more kind? If not, we can definitely help you with that if you like? A lot of our challenging feelings can come from negative thoughts, especially with anxiety, so it's really helpful to think about how we could maybe have more helpful ways of thinking to then improve our emotional health. 

Yeah that sounds about right. I would love any tips on helping my overall mindset becoming a healthier place and my thoughts too. I try to practice affirmations and journaling, but is there something I can say to myself during the day/night that can help? Because after a lot of experimenting, I like to have the thoughts over for tea to discuss where they are from and why they are here :) So I have the awareness, and a little bit of action taking, but I still want to continue to follow through even if it is just enough to get me to eat dinner and go to sleep before midnight. 
I would love to hear some thoughts 🤲🏽

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18 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Yeah that sounds about right. I would love any tips on helping my overall mindset becoming a healthier place and my thoughts too. I try to practice affirmations and journaling, but is there something I can say to myself during the day/night that can help? Because after a lot of experimenting, I like to have the thoughts over for tea to discuss where they are from and why they are here :) So I have the awareness, and a little bit of action taking, but I still want to continue to follow through even if it is just enough to get me to eat dinner and go to sleep before midnight. 
I would love to hear some thoughts 🤲🏽

Hey there,

Sure thing; we can help you with that :)

I'm wondering, can you start by giving me a few examples of some of the negative thoughts you have during those times?

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