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This topic contains content which has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Suicide, Hate, Other, Trauma, Self-Harm, Heavy emotion, Abuse

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16 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said:

a poem👀

Yeah it’s a work in progress

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Really low mood rn

dont wanna be here

Edited by Sad Sprout
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5 minutes ago, Penguin said:
8 minutes ago, Sad Sprout said:

Really low mood rn

dont wanna be here

?

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12 minutes ago, Sad Sprout said:

Really low mood rn

dont wanna be here

rip, but like, you are wanted here 🙃 anything that would cheer you up?

Edited by Equivalent Ways
or do you just need to feel the feels?
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1 minute ago, Equivalent Ways said:

rip, but like, you are wanted here 🙃 anything that would cheer you up?

I don’t know

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I just kinda wanna poof out of existence. No plans to though unfortunately. I’m babysitting 😞

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3 minutes ago, Sad Sprout said:

I just kinda wanna poof out of existence. No plans to though unfortunately. I’m babysitting 😞

nah yoooo! I need to see u first! lol, but like before you go, before you do, don't~✨XD

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6 minutes ago, Sad Sprout said:

I just kinda wanna poof out of existence. No plans to though unfortunately. I’m babysitting 😞

oh im also babysitting my lil bro rn, he is sick :(

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2 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said:

oh im also babysitting my lil bro rn, he is sick :(

Aw, hope he gets better 

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4 minutes ago, Sad Sprout said:

Aw, hope he gets better 

me too🥺 my ma is also feelin kinda under but i know they are good healers🔥 takin it easy today

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2 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said:

me too🥺 my ma is also feelin kinda under but i know they are good healers🔥 takin it easy today

I’m hustling so I can finish my work early so hopefully I’m not as stressed out. I also have a class I’m taking over the summer so I can finish early.

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4 hours ago, Sad Sprout said:

I’m hustling so I can finish my work early so hopefully I’m not as stressed out. I also have a class I’m taking over the summer so I can finish early.

ah, still planning to finish early? I am taking a sociology class over the summer.

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5 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

ah, still planning to finish early? I am taking a sociology class over the summer.

Yes. I’m taking history

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18 hours ago, Sad Sprout said:

Really low mood rn

dont wanna be here

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling really low at the moment. I've seen your other post as well and have replied there. We're here for you

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  • 2 months later...

I don’t feel safe.. but it is what it is

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15 hours ago, Megs- said:

I don’t feel safe.. but it is what it is

I'm sorry to hear that. We have checked in with you on confidential support

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1 hour ago, Aurora said:

I'm sorry to hear that. We have checked in with you on confidential support

Thank you 

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  • 3 weeks later...
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16 hours ago, lee pole said:

tbh i am really in a bad plac right now and no matter what i do thing is changing

Heyy @lee pole, I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. I am sorry to hear that you're in a bad place. I have messaged you on confidential support. Here for you. 

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  • 3 weeks later...
This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Heavy emotion, Other, Trauma

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(Warning, this is a *really* long post)
I don’t even know what to write here to describe this. I just hate myself so much it hurts. I’m a failure and there’s nobody who’s gonna help me. I’m better off gone and everyone else would be better that way too. I’m such a f***ing burden I hate it. I’m stupid and idiotic and every word that could be used to say that. My mom asked me to do something simple and I failed. I crumbled because I’m a failure and I’m stupid and I’m so f***ing immature I can’t do anything. I won’t survive by myself I know it. I’m supposed to be grown up im supposed to be better and I can’t even do normal. All my mom asked for me to do was for me to use the f***ing vacuum. I’ve never used this vacuum before and asked how to use it and both my mom and stepdad reply sarcastically “just plug it in and turn it on”. I know that. I ask what to do because i don’t know how to use this vacuum, and I don’t want to break it, and I don’t want to do a bad job at cleaning what my mom asked me to clean. After a while they finally give me some instructions, and I follow it to the best of my ability and I get shouted at for doing it wrong. I ask for help and they get annoyed and tell me to try it again, and I do and have the same problem I did the first time. My stepdad gets so frustrated that he just gets up and vacuums the edges of the carpet himself. I vacuum the middle, and my mom says “oh look, you did it! Good job!” Enunciating her words in a way that sounds insincere. I just say thank you and go to put the stupid vacuum away and she tells me to use it on the hardwood floor. I say that I was just gonna sweep because it’s easier and she gives me crap about not wanting to learn, and goes in on me about how I buckled under the pressure of having to learn how to use a new vacuum and how she wants me to use the vacuum on the hardwood and for me not to use the broom. I started crying unintentionally (I hate crying in front of her because she always makes me feel bad about crying) and I hated every second of it. I told her I buckled because I didn’t want to do it wrong and she said I was overthinking it and was raising her voice at me the whole time she was speaking to me there. So I take the wretched vacuum and ask her if there’s something I have to change to use it on the wood, and she says it doesn’t matter. I try it as is (on the setting for the carpet) and my stepdad says to turn of the brush roll. I turn it off and try again and my mom stops me asking what’s wrong with the way I’m doing it now, and I look at where I was vacuuming and see there’s still some confetti or something from our arts and crafts box and I say that the vacuum wasn’t picking up all of the dirt on the floor and she gets upset asking why I didn’t stop and fix the problem and said I wasn’t putting in any effort to doing it right, and I said that it was because I was just walking forward and hadn’t had the chance to look back and check, and that I only looked because she started talking to me and asked. She shouts at me some more saying that now instead of being teachable and accepting advice I’m being defensive and making excuses. Then I said that I’m literally not getting any advice and that she’s making me nervous to mess up because every time I’ve screwed this up so far she’s yelled at me. Then she said i don’t have a reason to cry and that I wasn’t in trouble that she’s encouraging me because she believes that I can use the vacuum. I said that it feels like I’m in trouble because she keeps yelling at me about how I messed up and she’s clearly annoyed with me and she said she is annoyed because all she asked me to do was vacuum the floor almost thirty minutes ago at this point, and that’s the one thing I haven’t done. I give up because I just feel so helpless in the situation and turn back to the stupid vacuum, and I ask what to do and she tells me to change the setting (the same f***ing setting that she said didn’t matter 10 f***ing mins ago) and I change it. I try again and surprise surprise no difference. I told her it still wasn’t working, and asked what should I do. She starts yelling at me again, saying “you’re 16, almost 17. You’re almost a full grown adult. You should be able to do these things by yourself. Guess what, I’ve got news for you. You’re gonna walk out that door into the real world and nobody’s gonna coddle you, nobody’s gonna teach you how to do things. They’re all gonna expect you to figure it out by yourself and rise to the challenge. Nobody’s gonna just be nice to you just because you’re (she said my real name here). Nobody’s gonna care. What are you even gonna do when you live by yourself and you cant figure out something as simple as a vacuum? Are you just gonna leave your floors dirty?” And I said no, that when I’d buy my vacuum that I’d buy one that I’m familiar with so I wouldn’t have to figure it out. And said no, that I get what I get. And I said then I’d vacuum the carpet and sweep the tile/hardwood floors, like I said earlier. And then she snapped saying I would take the easy way out, and I said no that I’d use a method that I know for a fact works. She asked “what? If you get in your car one day and something doesn’t work are you gonna just walk everywhere? If your iPad stops working are you just gonna write everything down by hand instead of type?” And I said if my car stops working that I’d call someone who knows how to fix it to help me, and for my iPad that if I could write stuff down instead that I would do that or I’d use a different device until I can get it fixed. She started yelling some more about how all of my answers are avoidance or expecting someone else to do it for me, and that nobody’s gonna help me that I just have to figure it out on my own. And I told her I’m not avoiding the problem or expecting people to just do things for me, that I’m not a car mechanic, and I’m not an ipad manufacturer, I don’t know how to fix those things. And she said it doesn’t matter, that I have to use critical thinking and fix things myself instead of running away from my problems. I’m still sobbing through all of this. I try to fix the damn vacuum again, and I say to her that there’s only two settings to change on the vacuum and I already changed both to hardwood so what do I do? My stepdad finally chimes in asking what is the vacuum not picking up, and I explain. He says the vacuum just won’t pick it up, then my sister adds that I’d have to sweep it up. My mom is just staring at me expectantly and I stare back not knowing what she wants me to do. She says “look, two people just offered you a solution” and I said “but you said I wasn’t allowed to sweep. That was the first thing I tried to do before you made me use the vacuum. You said to use the vacuum, using the broom would be failing to follow instructions.” And she snapped at me that she never said I can’t use the broom, and I lost it, raising my voice now, still sobbing saying that she literally said that I have to use the vacuum  and figure it out by myself and how now I’ve been getting in trouble over not knowing how to do something and for asking for help and she yells at me “why do you keep saying you’re getting in trouble? What happened to you?” And she keeps repeating “what happened to you” and I respond every time “you keep yelling at me and scolding me” I break this cycle be saying that I literally got in trouble for asking for help on something I don’t know how to do because I don’t want to screw it up, but surprise surprise, I screwed it up because nobody would help me or show me how to do it. She replied with “you can go be mad if you want, but y’know what else you are? Ill-equipped. You were ill-equipped to rise to the challenge and meet expectations. You should be able to use a vacuum. Realize, we got this vacuum from a garage sale, and I didn’t have any instructions” and then she asks my stepdad if he had instructions and he said no and she continues “there, that’s two other people who had never used the vacuum who figured it out by themselves. But you couldn’t handle it.” And I said “that’s why I asked you for help! And instead of getting help you started yelling at me and getting annoyed with me for asking and not just already knowing how to do it.” She snapped at me saying that she already said I wasn’t in trouble or being reprimanded, how I wasn’t grounded, I wasn’t physically threatened, so she didn’t know why I keep saying I’m in trouble and I said it’s because she literally keeps yelling at me and she shouts that she already said it was encouragement and I told her that just because she says it’s encouragement doesn’t magically make it encouragement that she was just yelling at me and scolding me and telling me how I was screwing it up instead of actually helping. And then she shooed me away to finish cleaning the floor and started ignoring me, so I used the broom for the rest and just went to my room. She made it a point to interact with everyone else in the room except me, and didn’t say anything when I went to my room, and she has now started work so she will most likely continue to avoid me, as she usually does after we fight, she always goes out of her way to ignore me until she acts like everything’s normal again out of nowhere without ever apologizing, she always does that. I hate it that she’ll never say she’s sorry even when she’s wrong. She knows how triggering yelling is to me and she still does it. She knows I hate the silent treatment and she still does it. She knows I struggle with my self worth and feelings of anxiety, but she still attacks it. Now here I am, a stupid failure who can’t even use a f***ing vacuum right, and keeps letting everyone down. I don’t know how to do anything right without somebody babying me through it. I’m a leech onto successful people and I’m worthless on my own, and on top of it all I am over dramatic and sensitive. Any time something bothers me I’m either too sensitive, or blowing it out of proportion, or just plain lying. Im not worth existing or being kept alive. I tried to make up for it with my grades, but that’s never enough. Im a failure whose awful at everything after all. Even my grades are fake. I just get lucky. I shouldn’t be here.

Edited by TinyDinos
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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Heavy emotion, Other, Trauma

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10 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

(Warning, this is a *really* long post)
I don’t even know what to write here to describe this. I just hate myself so much it hurts. I’m a failure and there’s nobody who’s gonna help me. I’m better off gone and everyone else would be better that way too. I’m such a f***ing burden I hate it. I’m stupid and idiotic and every word that could be used to say that. My mom asked me to do something simple and I failed. I crumbled because I’m a failure and I’m stupid and I’m so f***ing immature I can’t do anything. I won’t survive by myself I know it. I’m supposed to be grown up im supposed to be better and I can’t even do normal. All my mom asked for me to do was for me to use the f***ing vacuum. I’ve never used this vacuum before and asked how to use it and both my mom and stepdad reply sarcastically “just plug it in and turn it on”. I know that. I ask what to do because i don’t know how to use this vacuum, and I don’t want to break it, and I don’t want to do a bad job at cleaning what my mom asked me to clean. After a while they finally give me some instructions, and I follow it to the best of my ability and I get shouted at for doing it wrong. I ask for help and they get annoyed and tell me to try it again, and I do and have the same problem I did the first time. My stepdad gets so frustrated that he just gets up and vacuums the edges of the carpet himself. I vacuum the middle, and my mom says “oh look, you did it! Good job!” Enunciating her words in a way that sounds insincere. I just say thank you and go to put the stupid vacuum away and she tells me to use it on the hardwood floor. I say that I was just gonna sweep because it’s easier and she gives me crap about not wanting to learn, and goes in on me about how I buckled under the pressure of having to learn how to use a new vacuum and how she wants me to use the vacuum on the hardwood and for me not to use the broom. I started crying unintentionally (I hate crying in front of her because she always makes me feel bad about crying) and I hated every second of it. I told her I buckled because I didn’t want to do it wrong and she said I was overthinking it and was raising her voice at me the whole time she was speaking to me there. So I take the wretched vacuum and ask her if there’s something I have to change to use it on the wood, and she says it doesn’t matter. I try it as is (on the setting for the carpet) and my stepdad says to turn of the brush roll. I turn it off and try again and my mom stops me asking what’s wrong with the way I’m doing it now, and I look at where I was vacuuming and see there’s still some confetti or something from our arts and crafts box and I say that the vacuum wasn’t picking up all of the dirt on the floor and she gets upset asking why I didn’t stop and fix the problem and said I wasn’t putting in any effort to doing it right, and I said that it was because I was just walking forward and hadn’t had the chance to look back and check, and that I only looked because she started talking to me and asked. She shouts at me some more saying that now instead of being teachable and accepting advice I’m being defensive and making excuses. Then I said that I’m literally not getting any advice and that she’s making me nervous to mess up because every time I’ve screwed this up so far she’s yelled at me. Then she said i don’t have a reason to cry and that I wasn’t in trouble that she’s encouraging me because she believes that I can use the vacuum. I said that it feels like I’m in trouble because she keeps yelling at me about how I messed up and she’s clearly annoyed with me and she said she is annoyed because all she asked me to do was vacuum the floor almost thirty minutes ago at this point, and that’s the one thing I haven’t done. I give up because I just feel so helpless in the situation and turn back to the stupid vacuum, and I ask what to do and she tells me to change the setting (the same f***ing setting that she said didn’t matter 10 f***ing mins ago) and I change it. I try again and surprise surprise no difference. I told her it still wasn’t working, and asked what should I do. She starts yelling at me again, saying “you’re 16, almost 17. You’re almost a full grown adult. You should be able to do these things by yourself. Guess what, I’ve got news for you. You’re gonna walk out that door into the real world and nobody’s gonna coddle you, nobody’s gonna teach you how to do things. They’re all gonna expect you to figure it out by yourself and rise to the challenge. Nobody’s gonna just be nice to you just because you’re (she said my real name here). Nobody’s gonna care. What are you even gonna do when you live by yourself and you cant figure out something as simple as a vacuum? Are you just gonna leave your floors dirty?” And I said no, that when I’d buy my vacuum that I’d buy one that I’m familiar with so I wouldn’t have to figure it out. And said no, that I get what I get. And I said then I’d vacuum the carpet and sweep the tile/hardwood floors, like I said earlier. And then she snapped saying I would take the easy way out, and I said no that I’d use a method that I know for a fact works. She asked “what? If you get in your car one day and something doesn’t work are you gonna just walk everywhere? If your iPad stops working are you just gonna write everything down by hand instead of type?” And I said if my car stops working that I’d call someone who knows how to fix it to help me, and for my iPad that if I could write stuff down instead that I would do that or I’d use a different device until I can get it fixed. She started yelling some more about how all of my answers are avoidance or expecting someone else to do it for me, and that nobody’s gonna help me that I just have to figure it out on my own. And I told her I’m not avoiding the problem or expecting people to just do things for me, that I’m not a car mechanic, and I’m not an ipad manufacturer, I don’t know how to fix those things. And she said it doesn’t matter, that I have to use critical thinking and fix things myself instead of running away from my problems. I’m still sobbing through all of this. I try to fix the damn vacuum again, and I say to her that there’s only two settings to change on the vacuum and I already changed both to hardwood so what do I do? My stepdad finally chimes in asking what is the vacuum not picking up, and I explain. He says the vacuum just won’t pick it up, then my sister adds that I’d have to sweep it up. My mom is just staring at me expectantly and I stare back not knowing what she wants me to do. She says “look, two people just offered you a solution” and I said “but you said I wasn’t allowed to sweep. That was the first thing I tried to do before you made me use the vacuum. You said to use the vacuum, using the broom would be failing to follow instructions.” And she snapped at me that she never said I can’t use the broom, and I lost it, raising my voice now, still sobbing saying that she literally said that I have to use the vacuum  and figure it out by myself and how now I’ve been getting in trouble over not knowing how to do something and for asking for help and she yells at me “why do you keep saying you’re getting in trouble? What happened to you?” And she keeps repeating “what happened to you” and I respond every time “you keep yelling at me and scolding me” I break this cycle be saying that I literally got in trouble for asking for help on something I don’t know how to do because I don’t want to screw it up, but surprise surprise, I screwed it up because nobody would help me or show me how to do it. She replied with “you can go be mad if you want, but y’know what else you are? Ill-equipped. You were ill-equipped to rise to the challenge and meet expectations. You should be able to use a vacuum. Realize, we got this vacuum from a garage sale, and I didn’t have any instructions” and then she asks my stepdad if he had instructions and he said no and she continues “there, that’s two other people who had never used the vacuum who figured it out by themselves. But you couldn’t handle it.” And I said “that’s why I asked you for help! And instead of getting help you started yelling at me and getting annoyed with me for asking and not just already knowing how to do it.” She snapped at me saying that she already said I wasn’t in trouble or being reprimanded, how I wasn’t grounded, I wasn’t physically threatened, so she didn’t know why I keep saying I’m in trouble and I said it’s because she literally keeps yelling at me and she shouts that she already said it was encouragement and I told her that just because she says it’s encouragement doesn’t magically make it encouragement that she was just yelling at me and scolding me and telling me how I was screwing it up instead of actually helping. And then she shooed me away to finish cleaning the floor and started ignoring me, so I used the broom for the rest and just went to my room. She made it a point to interact with everyone else in the room except me, and didn’t say anything when I went to my room, and she has now started work so she will most likely continue to avoid me, as she usually does after we fight, she always goes out of her way to ignore me until she acts like everything’s normal again out of nowhere without ever apologizing, she always does that. I hate it that she’ll never say she’s sorry even when she’s wrong. She knows how triggering yelling is to me and she still does it. She knows I hate the silent treatment and she still does it. She knows I struggle with my self worth and feelings of anxiety, but she still attacks it. Now here I am, a stupid failure who can’t even use a f***ing vacuum right, and keeps letting everyone down. I don’t know how to do anything right without somebody babying me through it. I’m a leech onto successful people and I’m worthless on my own, and on top of it all I am over dramatic and sensitive. Any time something bothers me I’m either too sensitive, or blowing it out of proportion, or just plain lying. Im not worth existing or being kept alive. I tried to make up for it with my grades, but that’s never enough. Im a failure whose awful at everything after all. Even my grades are fake. I just get lucky. I shouldn’t be here.

Hi @TinyDinos, I'm really glad you have come here and let us know what happened. I find that having arguments or a fights with family member are usually the worst, because we all tend to fall into the same patterns/behaviours (even if we don't want to) and some of it can be really triggering - like you said. You went into a lot of detail when you explained what happened and I'm wondering if it helped to let it all out? How are you feeling now? 

I did notice that you said at the beginning and at the end of your post that you're better off gone and that you shouldn't be here. Before we talk about anything else you said, I just wanted to check in with you and make sure you're safe. Your safety is the most important thing to us and we want to make sure you're OK. I'm not sure if you have this information to hand already but here is some safety information. If you feel like you are in crisis then you can reach out to the following: 

 

UK - The Samaritans: 116 123 (24/7 service)

USA - The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - 988 (This is a free service that operates 24/7. You can call or text)  https://988lifeline.org/

A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org - you can find the one for your country and call them if you are in crisis 

An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful

You can also always call the emergency services or go to your local emergency department at the hospital for support

I really hope things have settled down a bit. We're here for you!

 

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9 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi @TinyDinos, I'm really glad you have come here and let us know what happened. I find that having arguments or a fights with family member are usually the worst, because we all tend to fall into the same patterns/behaviours (even if we don't want to) and some of it can be really triggering - like you said. You went into a lot of detail when you explained what happened and I'm wondering if it helped to let it all out? How are you feeling now? 

I did notice that you said at the beginning and at the end of your post that you're better off gone and that you shouldn't be here. Before we talk about anything else you said, I just wanted to check in with you and make sure you're safe. Your safety is the most important thing to us and we want to make sure you're OK. I'm not sure if you have this information to hand already but here is some safety information. If you feel like you are in crisis then you can reach out to the following: 

UK - The Samaritans: 116 123 (24/7 service)

USA - The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - 988 (This is a free service that operates 24/7. You can call or text)  https://988lifeline.org/

A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org - you can find the one for your country and call them if you are in crisis 

An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful

You can also always call the emergency services or go to your local emergency department at the hospital for support

I really hope things have settled down a bit. We're here for you!

Hey. I’m glad this place exists because I don’t have anywhere else to go. Im sorry about the long post. I can usually get it somewhat cohesive and a readable length but I wasn’t thinking yesterday. I was kind of on autopilot and just got on here because I needed to get my words down onto something without being interrupted. I was just cornered and torn down over and over again yesterday and my mental health is feeling it. I wound up napping for like four hours midday and then slept until 9 today. I would’ve stayed asleep longer but it’s my day to take care of the dogs. I’m just tired now. I put off doing schoolwork yesterday though because of my mental health and now I’ve got a bunch to do since I also missed working on Tuesday bc I had a dentist appt. And then worked all day teaching, so I’m a little bit stressed. 

i do feel like a burden, and those feelings aren’t new to me, I’m aware of just how much it takes to keep me alive and how those resources could be used if I weren’t here. I don’t particularly want to be here per se, but I don’t necessarily want to go really. I don’t have plans to end anything nor do I have plans of how I would even do it if I decided to, but that’s neither here nor there. What I’m trying to say I guess is that I’ll be fine, I’m just really out of it for now. I’ll keep you posted though. What got me really bad is how my fears were realized and kinda thrown in my face yesterday and it really hurt coming from someone who said they’d uplift me and teach me and be a guide and shelter no matter what.. again. I already have gone through this kind of stuff before with a bunch of family members on my bio dad’s side, but I’d grown to expect that from them. Getting that from my mom.. it hurt so much worse than any of those times with my bio dad. She doesn’t believe in me either. I’m supposed to have this all figured out. I’m failing at simple things and that must mean I’m not trying hard enough. I’ve been told since forever that I’m smart and I’m gonna go places and I’m above average and gifted and all that, and now I’m doing worse than people younger than me. Other people my age don’t struggle the way I am. There’s something wrong with me. That’s what makes me wanna leave all of this behind and stop letting other people down, and stop having to try to be like anyone or even like myself. No more trying. Realistically though? I know it isn’t that easy, nothing for me is. I just gotta muck through it I guess.

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3 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

Hey. I’m glad this place exists because I don’t have anywhere else to go. Im sorry about the long post. I can usually get it somewhat cohesive and a readable length but I wasn’t thinking yesterday. I was kind of on autopilot and just got on here because I needed to get my words down onto something without being interrupted. I was just cornered and torn down over and over again yesterday and my mental health is feeling it. I wound up napping for like four hours midday and then slept until 9 today. I would’ve stayed asleep longer but it’s my day to take care of the dogs. I’m just tired now. I put off doing schoolwork yesterday though because of my mental health and now I’ve got a bunch to do since I also missed working on Tuesday bc I had a dentist appt. And then worked all day teaching, so I’m a little bit stressed. 

i do feel like a burden, and those feelings aren’t new to me, I’m aware of just how much it takes to keep me alive and how those resources could be used if I weren’t here. I don’t particularly want to be here per se, but I don’t necessarily want to go really. I don’t have plans to end anything nor do I have plans of how I would even do it if I decided to, but that’s neither here nor there. What I’m trying to say I guess is that I’ll be fine, I’m just really out of it for now. I’ll keep you posted though. What got me really bad is how my fears were realized and kinda thrown in my face yesterday and it really hurt coming from someone who said they’d uplift me and teach me and be a guide and shelter no matter what.. again. I already have gone through this kind of stuff before with a bunch of family members on my bio dad’s side, but I’d grown to expect that from them. Getting that from my mom.. it hurt so much worse than any of those times with my bio dad. She doesn’t believe in me either. I’m supposed to have this all figured out. I’m failing at simple things and that must mean I’m not trying hard enough. I’ve been told since forever that I’m smart and I’m gonna go places and I’m above average and gifted and all that, and now I’m doing worse than people younger than me. Other people my age don’t struggle the way I am. There’s something wrong with me. That’s what makes me wanna leave all of this behind and stop letting other people down, and stop having to try to be like anyone or even like myself. No more trying. Realistically though? I know it isn’t that easy, nothing for me is. I just gotta muck through it I guess.

Hey @TinyDinos 

Thanks so much for letting us know that you're safe. I wanted to let you know that @Aurora will be back online tomorrow morning to pick up with you again.

I also wanted to let you know that I'm very glad you are here and that we will do all we can to support you through this - you deserve support and you are not a burden even though I know those feelings are very real.

Meanwhile if things get really tough - please do make use of the crisis resources we shared with you. 

We're here for you.

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6 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

Hey. I’m glad this place exists because I don’t have anywhere else to go. Im sorry about the long post. I can usually get it somewhat cohesive and a readable length but I wasn’t thinking yesterday. I was kind of on autopilot and just got on here because I needed to get my words down onto something without being interrupted. I was just cornered and torn down over and over again yesterday and my mental health is feeling it. I wound up napping for like four hours midday and then slept until 9 today. I would’ve stayed asleep longer but it’s my day to take care of the dogs. I’m just tired now. I put off doing schoolwork yesterday though because of my mental health and now I’ve got a bunch to do since I also missed working on Tuesday bc I had a dentist appt. And then worked all day teaching, so I’m a little bit stressed. 

i do feel like a burden, and those feelings aren’t new to me, I’m aware of just how much it takes to keep me alive and how those resources could be used if I weren’t here. I don’t particularly want to be here per se, but I don’t necessarily want to go really. I don’t have plans to end anything nor do I have plans of how I would even do it if I decided to, but that’s neither here nor there. What I’m trying to say I guess is that I’ll be fine, I’m just really out of it for now. I’ll keep you posted though. What got me really bad is how my fears were realized and kinda thrown in my face yesterday and it really hurt coming from someone who said they’d uplift me and teach me and be a guide and shelter no matter what.. again. I already have gone through this kind of stuff before with a bunch of family members on my bio dad’s side, but I’d grown to expect that from them. Getting that from my mom.. it hurt so much worse than any of those times with my bio dad. She doesn’t believe in me either. I’m supposed to have this all figured out. I’m failing at simple things and that must mean I’m not trying hard enough. I’ve been told since forever that I’m smart and I’m gonna go places and I’m above average and gifted and all that, and now I’m doing worse than people younger than me. Other people my age don’t struggle the way I am. There’s something wrong with me. That’s what makes me wanna leave all of this behind and stop letting other people down, and stop having to try to be like anyone or even like myself. No more trying. Realistically though? I know it isn’t that easy, nothing for me is. I just gotta muck through it I guess.

Hey TinyDinos.

It might not mean much, but I'm usually available on weekdays if you do want to talk. I kind of went/go through those kinds of things with my parents, so...feel free to shoot me a message. <3

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4 hours ago, Blondie said:

Hey @TinyDinos 

Thanks so much for letting us know that you're safe. I wanted to let you know that @Aurora will be back online tomorrow morning to pick up with you again.

I also wanted to let you know that I'm very glad you are here and that we will do all we can to support you through this - you deserve support and you are not a burden even though I know those feelings are very real.

Meanwhile if things get really tough - please do make use of the crisis resources we shared with you. 

We're here for you.

Thank you for your reply.. I’ll keep the resources shared in mind thank you 🙏🏽 

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