By Little currant
Hi there well uhmm all my life ive always been spotted out as the ugly child ugly duckling etc from people around me been compared alot with my friends been told countless times how ugly i was had a time in highschool when the teacher asked girls to state their preferences in boys vice versa and the boys list was all about me from my dark lips to my scars along with other things then as i grew older guys would hit on me and id tell some people about it and it would always be impossible or im lieing like they meant to say it couldnt be me like im ugly why would they then my bestfriend went on to say that i was really ugly in highschool and thats why my boyfriend by then cheated on me not that matters anymore but my recent boyfriends shared a meme about how gurls look ugly without makeup and at that point it was the day i decided not to wear makeup and hangout with them (i hope i dont come off as self centered or everything is always about me) but that was what it was so recently after uni when i had been exposed to wearing makeup using filters my social media photos attracted some attention i wasnt considered ugly anymore but see i dont wear alot of makeup because i dont even look good with it when its too much and i dont photoshop or facetune my pictures because no judgment here but that would be sort of like catfishing if I changed my appearance so much so i try to keep it as original as possible but owell my brother straight up used me as an example of if u saw her picture s and met her in person shes much uglier than her photos i know i know i shouldnt be moved by peoples words or opinions but i dont know why im moved why all these thoughts come back to me why im hurt like why am i like this i feel worthless like i want to love myself i really want to but its soo hard when i dont seem to do nothing right my appearance doesnt save me like i feel like i have nothing to offer to the world and worthless…..no one understands i dont want to look like its all self pity or doubt but i cant deal with it anymore its eating me up …
Even tho people and my friends call me pretty,other kids have crushes on me,I still feel ugly.the way I look in selfies is really pretty but with the rear view camera,my face is so,,,, assymetrical and my nose is huge.and bc all my confidence is based on how I look in selfies and the mirror, that's not how other people see me is it?so it's not that I think I look hideous,it's just that I found out that all my confidence was based on how I look in mirrors and selfies but that's not how others see me and that's not how I actually look so my confidence was all fake
Sorry about the the title, but writing hi, hello or anything like that seems boring and repetitive and i'm also being honest here so...
As you can guess, my username have nothing to do with my actual name. I'm 24 years old with selective mutism, social anxiety and anxiety in general.
I also strugle with low self-esteem, trust- and abandonment issues and depression.
Because of these (and the years of constant bullying that caused most of them), i have a very hard time socializing in any form, which i'm tired of and want to change amongst many other things.
I've already got a vague plan of what i want to change and how to do it and also took steps towards the first course of action, which is ease my general anxiety. Actually i found this site during my research on that and thought - 'Ah! Why not?' - so here i am.
Nice to meet you!