Digital Mentor Aurora Posted December 21, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted December 21, 2023 14 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said: It isn't so much acting childish. It's more so actually reaching the level of functioning as a child. being a child. I'm largely pretty good at adulting and being mature (to the point where people say I'm more mature than other people my age) but sometimes that part of my brain just shuts down. And then me = child. I think part of the problem is that I feel as though if I fail, everyone will hate me and I won't be able to recover and no one will love me and support me ever. So it helps that I have people now who I trust to that degree that they generate comfort and safety, because that allows me more to feel safe and like if I fail I'm going to have someone who will still love me. The problem is I haven't told the main person who I find comfort in that i find comfort in her, so she doesn't actually know. I'd love a hug from her, but I haven't actually told her either of those things because I'm afraid of crossing a boundary Hi there, I hope you don't mind me jumping in, now that Catsup has left. Can you tell me a bit more about what you mean by the level of functioning as a child. Do you maybe have any examples of things you might do? I think you've raised a really good point there about trust and safety. Maybe the feelings you've been having about wanting someone to take care of you are more about feeling like you can finally trust someone. We only really allow people to care for us if we trust them. And I get the impression that people have broken your trust in the past, which might be why you have been finding it difficult to trust others, that they will still be there for you, even if you fail. Is that right? It's great to hear though that this is slowly changing. What do you think is helping you to trust the people you mentioned? You said hat you haven't told the main person who you find comfort in as you're afraid of crossing a boundary. Do you mind me asking, what boundary that is? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emberfrost12 Posted December 21, 2023 Author Share Posted December 21, 2023 7 hours ago, Aurora said: Hi there, I hope you don't mind me jumping in, now that Catsup has left. Can you tell me a bit more about what you mean by the level of functioning as a child. Do you maybe have any examples of things you might do? I think you've raised a really good point there about trust and safety. Maybe the feelings you've been having about wanting someone to take care of you are more about feeling like you can finally trust someone. We only really allow people to care for us if we trust them. And I get the impression that people have broken your trust in the past, which might be why you have been finding it difficult to trust others, that they will still be there for you, even if you fail. Is that right? It's great to hear though that this is slowly changing. What do you think is helping you to trust the people you mentioned? You said hat you haven't told the main person who you find comfort in as you're afraid of crossing a boundary. Do you mind me asking, what boundary that is? Well, I get distracted very easily. I'm fairly easy to entertain, shorter attention span about certain things. I start doing things like hugging stuffed animals, I'll start fidgeting with my hands. I start mimicking sounds a little bit. I might start rocking, I react strongly to things that would I guess be emotions. I whine a bit if I'm scared, and I tend to want more physical contact, like hugging. If my attention focuses on something, it takes a bit of effort for someone to drag me away from it. Yeah, people have definitely broken my trust before. I think I am now trusting these people because they let me have a voice and offer validation, and I can tell they care. I don't know what boundary that is. I just don't want to cross it Well, I probably won't get to talk to you until you're back, as 3:00 pm London time is 8:00 am here. But I look forward to talking to you in a week or so! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted December 22, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted December 22, 2023 16 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said: Well, I get distracted very easily. I'm fairly easy to entertain, shorter attention span about certain things. I start doing things like hugging stuffed animals, I'll start fidgeting with my hands. I start mimicking sounds a little bit. I might start rocking, I react strongly to things that would I guess be emotions. I whine a bit if I'm scared, and I tend to want more physical contact, like hugging. If my attention focuses on something, it takes a bit of effort for someone to drag me away from it. Yeah, people have definitely broken my trust before. I think I am now trusting these people because they let me have a voice and offer validation, and I can tell they care. I don't know what boundary that is. I just don't want to cross it Well, I probably won't get to talk to you until you're back, as 3:00 pm London time is 8:00 am here. But I look forward to talking to you in a week or so! You're right. In that case I will reply to your message once I am back from my leave. It would be good to hear from you how the holidays have been for you and if you have noticed anything during that time. Have a lovely, peaceful break and I look forward to talking to you in the New Year 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emberfrost12 Posted January 3 Author Share Posted January 3 I'll have time to reply tomorrow, but I'm gonna need someone in cs MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Duckie Posted January 3 Digital Mentor Share Posted January 3 6 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said: I'll have time to reply tomorrow, but I'm gonna need someone in cs Thank you for flagging. I will get on there and reply to you right now Still catching up after my Christmas hols! Look forward to hearing from you. 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emberfrost12 Posted January 4 Author Share Posted January 4 On 1/3/2024 at 3:26 AM, Duckie said: Thank you for flagging. I will get on there and reply to you right now Still catching up after my Christmas hols! Look forward to hearing from you. K, I replied. Sorry I didn't answer yesterday, we had a last minute ski trip that came out of nowhere. (I mean, it came from my dad's day off of work, but that's beside the point) MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted January 5 Digital Mentor Share Posted January 5 On 12/21/2023 at 8:08 PM, Emberfrost12 said: Well, I get distracted very easily. I'm fairly easy to entertain, shorter attention span about certain things. I start doing things like hugging stuffed animals, I'll start fidgeting with my hands. I start mimicking sounds a little bit. I might start rocking, I react strongly to things that would I guess be emotions. I whine a bit if I'm scared, and I tend to want more physical contact, like hugging. If my attention focuses on something, it takes a bit of effort for someone to drag me away from it. Yeah, people have definitely broken my trust before. I think I am now trusting these people because they let me have a voice and offer validation, and I can tell they care. I don't know what boundary that is. I just don't want to cross it Well, I probably won't get to talk to you until you're back, as 3:00 pm London time is 8:00 am here. But I look forward to talking to you in a week or so! Hi @Emberfrost12 Happy New Year to you! I hope you enjoyed your holidays. Would you like to talk about this some more or are you good for now? I know that you're already talking to Duckie on CS so I don't want to confuse things but I'm here for you if you would like to continue this conversation. Whatever works best for you. Just let me know MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emberfrost12 Posted January 5 Author Share Posted January 5 8 hours ago, Aurora said: Hi @Emberfrost12 Happy New Year to you! I hope you enjoyed your holidays. Would you like to talk about this some more or are you good for now? I know that you're already talking to Duckie on CS so I don't want to confuse things but I'm here for you if you would like to continue this conversation. Whatever works best for you. Just let me know I'd like to talk about this some more :) MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emberfrost12 Posted January 5 Author Share Posted January 5 Aghh no one is hiring!!! At least a lot of people took my resume, though, which is good. Everyone keeps thinking I'm a university student which makes me feel like I'm somehow cheating them, but my age is on my resume, so....it'll be fine. We hope. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted January 9 Digital Mentor Share Posted January 9 On 1/5/2024 at 8:41 PM, Emberfrost12 said: Aghh no one is hiring!!! At least a lot of people took my resume, though, which is good. Everyone keeps thinking I'm a university student which makes me feel like I'm somehow cheating them, but my age is on my resume, so....it'll be fine. We hope. Oh no, that's frustrating. Good though that they took your resume. Hopefully they will contact you if something comes up. And you're definitely not cheating them - it's probably good that they think you're a university student. And as you said, your real age is on your resume. I really hope something good comes up soon!! On 1/5/2024 at 6:18 PM, Emberfrost12 said: I'd like to talk about this some more :) Of course, No problem. I'll just quote your last reply here so we can carry on there On 12/21/2023 at 8:08 PM, Emberfrost12 said: Well, I get distracted very easily. I'm fairly easy to entertain, shorter attention span about certain things. I start doing things like hugging stuffed animals, I'll start fidgeting with my hands. I start mimicking sounds a little bit. I might start rocking, I react strongly to things that would I guess be emotions. I whine a bit if I'm scared, and I tend to want more physical contact, like hugging. If my attention focuses on something, it takes a bit of effort for someone to drag me away from it. Yeah, people have definitely broken my trust before. I think I am now trusting these people because they let me have a voice and offer validation, and I can tell they care. I don't know what boundary that is. I just don't want to cross it Well, I probably won't get to talk to you until you're back, as 3:00 pm London time is 8:00 am here. But I look forward to talking to you in a week or so! That's fine if you don't know what the boundary is. I find with these things it's good to trust your own instincts. The boundary might be something to do with what you feel comfortable with and what allows you to feel safe. Just a thought... I think those are three really important things you've mentioned there: let you have a voice, offer you validation and you can tell they care. It's so nice that you are starting to really trust people again. When our trust has been broken it can be really difficult to fully trust someone again. But there are lots of people out there who are kind people and genuinely care about others and it sounds like you have people like that in your life . As humans we are hardwired to connect with others and trust usually plays an important part. Can I ask, why do you think trust is important to us as humans? You explained a bit more about what you mean by acting like a child. Have others around you noticed this as well and commented on it all? Also, do you mind me asking if you've noticed any triggers? Does this mainly happen at home, at school or anywhere? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emberfrost12 Posted January 9 Author Share Posted January 9 7 hours ago, Aurora said: That's fine if you don't know what the boundary is. I find with these things it's good to trust your own instincts. The boundary might be something to do with what you feel comfortable with and what allows you to feel safe. Just a thought... I think those are three really important things you've mentioned there: let you have a voice, offer you validation and you can tell they care. It's so nice that you are starting to really trust people again. When our trust has been broken it can be really difficult to fully trust someone again. But there are lots of people out there who are kind people and genuinely care about others and it sounds like you have people like that in your life . As humans we are hardwired to connect with others and trust usually plays an important part. Can I ask, why do you think trust is important to us as humans? You explained a bit more about what you mean by acting like a child. Have others around you noticed this as well and commented on it all? Also, do you mind me asking if you've noticed any triggers? Does this mainly happen at home, at school or anywhere? I imagine for survival. As all things seem to be. So that we can know who's going to keep us safe and who's going to abandon us if something heigher in the food chain comes along. So, in present terms, who's going to keep us safe, and who's going to endanger us People have noticed it, yes. I try to hide it, but my friends have definitely dealt with me at times where it becomes *super* evident. It mostly happens whenever I feel safe, especially If I've been feeling consistently unsafe before the time I am safe again MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emberfrost12 Posted January 9 Author Share Posted January 9 Also, yes, I am talking about some things with both of you, @Aurora and @Duckie, but that's intentional. I like multiple perspectives on things that aren't so black and white in terms of interpretation, you know? 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Duckie Posted January 9 Digital Mentor Share Posted January 9 12 minutes ago, Emberfrost12 said: Also, yes, I am talking about some things with both of you, @Aurora and @Duckie, but that's intentional. I like multiple perspectives on things that aren't so black and white in terms of interpretation, you know? That's OK of course. And I think that's a very mindful perspective to take. It's good to how different people interpret things MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted January 11 Digital Mentor Share Posted January 11 On 1/9/2024 at 7:34 PM, Emberfrost12 said: Also, yes, I am talking about some things with both of you, @Aurora and @Duckie, but that's intentional. I like multiple perspectives on things that aren't so black and white in terms of interpretation, you know? Absolutely! It can be really helpful to get multiple perspectives on things and it's great that you are open to this On 1/9/2024 at 7:27 PM, Emberfrost12 said: I imagine for survival. As all things seem to be. So that we can know who's going to keep us safe and who's going to abandon us if something heigher in the food chain comes along. So, in present terms, who's going to keep us safe, and who's going to endanger us People have noticed it, yes. I try to hide it, but my friends have definitely dealt with me at times where it becomes *super* evident. It mostly happens whenever I feel safe, especially If I've been feeling consistently unsafe before the time I am safe again You're absolutely right. Trust helps us to figure out, who will keep us safe. Some psychologists believe that trust is important for other things, too. For example it can make us more productive and ensure that we live together more peacefully. If we trust the people around us, we tend to share more with them, tend to cooperate more with them and we will most likely achieve more than if we were working on our own. It can also be good for our mental health as we might open up more to others, talk about how we are feeling and know that others care about is. Is that something that you have noticed? Going back to the times you feel like you are behaving a child again. That's a really good observation you made there - that it mostly happens whenever you feel safe, after a period of feeling unsafe before. To me that makes total sense. I feel like we all have an inner child inside us and some embrace it more than others. I'm wondering whether this is your way of expressing how you are feeling at that point (safe) and by behaving in a child like manner there is a part of you that wants others to look out for you/care for you. I might be totally wrong here but this is just a thought I had. What do you think? You mentioned that your friends have definitely 'dealt with you when it becomes super evident'. How has that been for you? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emberfrost12 Posted January 12 Author Share Posted January 12 On 1/11/2024 at 3:32 AM, Aurora said: Absolutely! It can be really helpful to get multiple perspectives on things and it's great that you are open to this You're absolutely right. Trust helps us to figure out, who will keep us safe. Some psychologists believe that trust is important for other things, too. For example it can make us more productive and ensure that we live together more peacefully. If we trust the people around us, we tend to share more with them, tend to cooperate more with them and we will most likely achieve more than if we were working on our own. It can also be good for our mental health as we might open up more to others, talk about how we are feeling and know that others care about is. Is that something that you have noticed? Going back to the times you feel like you are behaving a child again. That's a really good observation you made there - that it mostly happens whenever you feel safe, after a period of feeling unsafe before. To me that makes total sense. I feel like we all have an inner child inside us and some embrace it more than others. I'm wondering whether this is your way of expressing how you are feeling at that point (safe) and by behaving in a child like manner there is a part of you that wants others to look out for you/care for you. I might be totally wrong here but this is just a thought I had. What do you think? You mentioned that your friends have definitely 'dealt with you when it becomes super evident'. How has that been for you? Okay, that makes sense. And yes, I have noticed that somewhat Maybe. And that part of me definitely wants someone to take care of me and look out for me. Having my friends deal with me has been fine, but I can tell they feel a bit weird about it and don't really know what to do/how to help MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted January 16 Digital Mentor Share Posted January 16 On 1/12/2024 at 6:21 PM, Emberfrost12 said: Okay, that makes sense. And yes, I have noticed that somewhat Maybe. And that part of me definitely wants someone to take care of me and look out for me. Having my friends deal with me has been fine, but I can tell they feel a bit weird about it and don't really know what to do/how to help Have you tried talking to them about it? Maybe you could just explain to them what you've noticed happens and ask them how they feel about it. They might not mind at all or they might have some ideas on what you could do to help the situation. What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emberfrost12 Posted January 16 Author Share Posted January 16 11 hours ago, Aurora said: Have you tried talking to them about it? Maybe you could just explain to them what you've noticed happens and ask them how they feel about it. They might not mind at all or they might have some ideas on what you could do to help the situation. What do you think? Okay, I will MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted January 18 Digital Mentor Share Posted January 18 On 1/16/2024 at 9:42 PM, Emberfrost12 said: Okay, I will I hope it goes well. If you like you can let me know what they said, No pressure though. Is there anything else you would like to talk about (regarding this or something else)? Or are you good for now? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emberfrost12 Posted January 18 Author Share Posted January 18 10 hours ago, Aurora said: I hope it goes well. If you like you can let me know what they said, No pressure though. Is there anything else you would like to talk about (regarding this or something else)? Or are you good for now? I'll tell you when I actually have an opportunity to do that I think I'm good for now MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted January 19 Digital Mentor Share Posted January 19 13 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said: I'll tell you when I actually have an opportunity to do that I think I'm good for now I hope it goes well. Your friends sound very supportive so I would imagine that they will be open to talk about it. Thanks for letting me know. We're always here if there is anything else on your mind. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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