The Coyotea’s Den

[Megs-]

1 minute ago, TinyDinos said:

I was gonna say that too!!! Really proud of you Megs :)

thank you both! So so happy my phones fixed honestly:) 

[Coyotea]

Finally finished the pfp I promised for my friend! UGH it took so long and it’s not even super detailed or complicated- it’s just lack of motivation and artblock 

[TinyDinos]

Just now, Coyotea said:

Finally finished the pfp I promised for my friend! UGH it took so long and it’s not even super detailed or complicated- it’s just lack of motivation and artblock 

Wb! And I feel that lol

[Coyotea]

7 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

Wb! And I feel that lol

It’s finally done :’) I just gotta send it to xem 

[TinyDinos]

Just now, Coyotea said:

It’s finally done :’) I just gotta send it to xem 

Aw nice!!! I’m proud of you :D

[Coyotea]

I sent it to him! they just need to check zir messages now 

[Coyotea]

Fr I forgot how much I loved EPIC: The Musical 

[Megs-]

Hey hey :) nice to see you <3

[Coyotea]

Nice to see you to Megs!

[Megs-]

You too, coy <3

[Coyotea]

My parents forced us to watch a movie that was 3 hours long, I slept through most of it.

I have a splitting headache but I can’t take pain medication, I don’t trust myself not to do something stupid and it’s in my mom and dad’s bedroom. I had to eat again, and I feel awful. I just feel riddled with guilt and I feel so gross. I’d go to the bathroom and puke it up if I could but that was a over an hour ago and it wouldn’t do anything. I’m sleepy but I don’t want to sleep. 
 

And I think I’m going crazy, like- I heard a clear as day “meow” while doing dishes and I rushed to see if it was sushi, I called out, meowed back, and checked everywhere. Hope and relief and happiness were all I could feel until I found nothing. Nothing. Not a cat anywhere. Then that hope, relief and happiness were ripped away. My friend, suggested what it might be, since it’s happened before.  Many times actually (before I even had sushi.) but I don’t want it to be what they suggested. It can’t be that, I don’t want it to be that. If it is I don’t know what that will mean for me as a person, I won’t be an individual anymore.. God I sound like a lunatic. I’m probably faking this, or tricked my brain into some weird placebo effect into imaging all of it. 

[Monsoon]

5 hours ago, Coyotea said:

My parents forced us to watch a movie that was 3 hours long, I slept through most of it.

I have a splitting headache but I can’t take pain medication, I don’t trust myself not to do something stupid and it’s in my mom and dad’s bedroom. I had to eat again, and I feel awful. I just feel riddled with guilt and I feel so gross. I’d go to the bathroom and puke it up if I could but that was a over an hour ago and it wouldn’t do anything. I’m sleepy but I don’t want to sleep. 
 

And I think I’m going crazy, like- I heard a clear as day “meow” while doing dishes and I rushed to see if it was sushi, I called out, meowed back, and checked everywhere. Hope and relief and happiness were all I could feel until I found nothing. Nothing. Not a cat anywhere. Then that hope, relief and happiness were ripped away. My friend, suggested what it might be, since it’s happened before.  Many times actually (before I even had sushi.) but I don’t want it to be what they suggested. It can’t be that, I don’t want it to be that. If it is I don’t know what that will mean for me as a person, I won’t be an individual anymore.. God I sound like a lunatic. I’m probably faking this, or tricked my brain into some weird placebo effect into imaging all of it. 

Hey @Coyotea

I just wanted to check in and see how you are feeling since you posted this? It seems like you were feeling pretty low last night. I hope you're feeling a little bit better since then. I can see how much the guilt of the food has gotten to you. I'm wondering, does it always feel like this for you when you eat, or does it feel easier sometimes?

Also, I'm sorry to hear that Sushi wasn't there. I think that when you are used to hearing a noise, like a pet, your brain can sometimes trick you into hearing that it is there. I'm wondering though, have you spoken to anyone else about hearing this, like your parents, perhaps? 

[Coyotea]

8 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @Coyotea

I just wanted to check in and see how you are feeling since you posted this? It seems like you were feeling pretty low last night. I hope you're feeling a little bit better since then. I can see how much the guilt of the food has gotten to you. I'm wondering, does it always feel like this for you when you eat, or does it feel easier sometimes?

Also, I'm sorry to hear that Sushi wasn't there. I think that when you are used to hearing a noise, like a pet, your brain can sometimes trick you into hearing that it is there. I'm wondering though, have you spoken to anyone else about hearing this, like your parents, perhaps? 

Sometimes it’s a bit easier but it’s rare. 
and no I haven’t really talked to anyone about this, my parents never listen to me.

[Coyotea]

Sooooo- it is 4:36PM for me and I have not eaten anything yet. Lovely day this is turning out to be. /s

[Monsoon]

15 hours ago, Coyotea said:

Sometimes it’s a bit easier but it’s rare. 
and no I haven’t really talked to anyone about this, my parents never listen to me.

Hey there,

That's good that it's easier sometimes. I'm wondering, can you tell me about one of those times? What did it feel like and why do you think it was easier? Also, I'm glad that you are able to talk with us here about the meow you heard. I'm wondering, has this kind of thing happened before, where you've heard something clear as day and then wondered if it was actually there or not? 

[Coyotea]

On 7/23/2023 at 6:37 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

That's good that it's easier sometimes. I'm wondering, can you tell me about one of those times? What did it feel like and why do you think it was easier? Also, I'm glad that you are able to talk with us here about the meow you heard. I'm wondering, has this kind of thing happened before, where you've heard something clear as day and then wondered if it was actually there or not? 

Yeah, hearing the meow has happened to me before. Many times. 
I don’t know why it felt easier, or really remember what it felt like. 

[Megs-]

Has.. she come home

[Coyotea]

Double update since I missed yesterday: On July, 23rd I went to a plaza with my friends and we went to a cafe. It’s super nice. My order was a chai tea latte (iced), we also had some chips and hummus which was good. They have a bunch of stuff you can buy there like jewelry, shirts, pants, skirts, pillows, socks. A lot of stuff. I ended up getting a necklace for a friend and two pairs of earrings for myself. Studs, both of them. A rocket and planet, and dinosaurs (if anyone can guess why I picked the dinos I’ll be very happy lol). The plaza was so EMPTY the majority of businesses were out, gone. Like- the spaces were literally all cleared out. The Barnes & Nobles was still there which was good! I ended up getting: Aristotle and Danté discover the secrets of the universe.  And now I’m tempted to add the name Aristotle to my name hoard- thoughts? I like it. Anyway over all the day was pretty good. I saw a really cool moth, and my friend (we will call her fish.) kept playing with my hands and holding them, and resting her head on my shoulder, and she kissed my fingers too . We left at like 2pm and then added back to my soulmate/p’s  house, we watched Nimona and OMG I LOVED IT! so much it was so goooooodd. My adhd has a new hyperfixation victim. Fish was picked up before we left the plaza which is sad but her mom is...well awful if I’m being honest (we both have fucked up families.) 

10/10 day, even though I almost fainted like 4 times in the morning. 
 

Today, aka July 24th. 
my dad yelled at me when I closed my door to change and then when I was taking the rest of my sheets off of my bed he came and yelled at me some more and I tried to be civil and whatever but he refused to listen if tho I told him to check the washer because THATS WHERE THE REST OF IT WAS- and then I had to yell back at him just to be heard and for him to back off. I want him to apologize, not because I actually want an apology or because I’m going to forgive him. But I want him to admit that he was in the wrong. 

[Coyotea]

I finished one of my many books today! I forgot to write that in the update for today. Yeah- I finished The Hawthorne Legacy (good book btw, i liked it.) it wasn’t as good as the first one I don’t feel…but still, it feels good to finish something. There’s one more book in its series which I was gonna buy yesterday but then decided against it since I already have so much to read and I can just get it another time. 

[Duckie]

9 hours ago, Coyotea said:

Double update since I missed yesterday: On July, 23rd I went to a plaza with my friends and we went to a cafe. It’s super nice. My order was a chai tea latte (iced), we also had some chips and hummus which was good. They have a bunch of stuff you can buy there like jewelry, shirts, pants, skirts, pillows, socks. A lot of stuff. I ended up getting a necklace for a friend and two pairs of earrings for myself. Studs, both of them. A rocket and planet, and dinosaurs (if anyone can guess why I picked the dinos I’ll be very happy lol). The plaza was so EMPTY the majority of businesses were out, gone. Like- the spaces were literally all cleared out. The Barnes & Nobles was still there which was good! I ended up getting: Aristotle and Danté discover the secrets of the universe.  And now I’m tempted to add the name Aristotle to my name hoard- thoughts? I like it. Anyway over all the day was pretty good. I saw a really cool moth, and my friend (we will call her fish.) kept playing with my hands and holding them, and resting her head on my shoulder, and she kissed my fingers too . We left at like 2pm and then added back to my soulmate/p’s  house, we watched Nimona and OMG I LOVED IT! so much it was so goooooodd. My adhd has a new hyperfixation victim. Fish was picked up before we left the plaza which is sad but her mom is...well awful if I’m being honest (we both have fucked up families.) 

10/10 day, even though I almost fainted like 4 times in the morning. 
 

Today, aka July 24th. 
my dad yelled at me when I closed my door to change and then when I was taking the rest of my sheets off of my bed he came and yelled at me some more and I tried to be civil and whatever but he refused to listen if tho I told him to check the washer because THATS WHERE THE REST OF IT WAS- and then I had to yell back at him just to be heard and for him to back off. I want him to apologize, not because I actually want an apology or because I’m going to forgive him. But I want him to admit that he was in the wrong. 

Hi @Coyotea,

Sounds like you had a really good day! I have never had an iced chai tea latte before! Never thought to order that not hot! Need to try that.

So sorry to hear that your dad yelled at you. Sounds uncalled for. Maybe he wasn't in a good place at that moment. How are things between you know? Are you OK?

[Coyotea]

1 hour ago, Duckie said:

Hi @Coyotea,

Sounds like you had a really good day! I have never had an iced chai tea latte before! Never thought to order that not hot! Need to try that.

So sorry to hear that your dad yelled at you. Sounds uncalled for. Maybe he wasn't in a good place at that moment. How are things between you know? Are you OK?

No, he does this all the time, he’s an alcoholic too which doesn’t help at all. He has always been like this. There is no “not in a good place at the moment” with him. I’m fine now, I think. That yelling made my anxiety rocket and so I was shaking the entire time after (happens a lot after stuff like this happens,  makes it hard to do things because of how violent the shaking can get.) and it definitely spurred on my SH urges but, I managed to stay clean.

[Coyotea]

12 hours ago, Megs- said:

Has.. she come home

She has not. :(

[Megs-]

6 minutes ago, Coyotea said:

She has not. :(

I’m so so sorry, Coyodean. Sending my love to you, I’m here for you <3

[Duckie]

9 minutes ago, Coyotea said:

No, he does this all the time, he’s an alcoholic too which doesn’t help at all. He has always been like this. There is no “not in a good place at the moment” with him. I’m fine now, I think. That yelling made my anxiety rocket and so I was shaking the entire time after (happens a lot after stuff like this happens,  makes it hard to do things because of how violent the shaking can get.) and it definitely spurred on my SH urges but, I managed to stay clean.

Hi @Coyotea,

I'm really sorry to hear that. That sounds really difficult. It sounds like stuff like this happens a lot at home, and I can see that this makes you really on edge at times. Is that fair to say? Well done for managing without sh. Did you find any helpful ways of coping with your dad's outburst? Do you have someone you can talk to about his behaviour and how it is affecting your mental health? I really hope it didn't spoil you day too much. It sounds like you had a wonderful time out with your friends earlier.

Would you like to talk about this on confidential chat?

[Coyotea]

12 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi @Coyotea,

I'm really sorry to hear that. That sounds really difficult. It sounds like stuff like this happens a lot at home, and I can see that this makes you really on edge at times. Is that fair to say? Well done for managing without sh. Did you find any helpful ways of coping with your dad's outburst? Do you have someone you can talk to about his behaviour and how it is affecting your mental health? I really hope it didn't spoil you day too much. It sounds like you had a wonderful time out with your friends earlier.

Would you like to talk about this on confidential chat?

Yeah that’s fair to say. And uh, not really, I just waited for the anxiety to leave. (This time at least.) 

I don’t have anyone to talk to about this, my mom already knows but she’s busy all the time and avoids the topic.

im okay, thanks for the offer though.