The Coyotea’s Den

[Coyotea]

On 9/11/2023 at 6:12 AM, Duckie said:

Hi @Coyotea,

I am so sorry to hear that the binder didn't fit. Can you return it and ask for a bigger sixe?

Please don't give up. You will find a binder that fits you and that makes you feel more like yourself. Maybe you and Mouse could do some research into good brands and check what the reviews are saying. I always find it super helpful to check reviews from people that are the same size as me. There might be helpful comments there about how comfortable they are and whether the sizes come in small or big. As we all know sizes can differ majorly depending on where you shop. My point is that you will find one.

It's so nice of Mouse to try and alter it for you, and for getting it for you in the first place. They wound like a really good person to have in your life.

Bigger wouldn’t make it better, it would be worse. I’m a really really small person, and the smallest size that the brand offered didn’t bind my chest at all. I’ve been doing research for ages, and ages, the reviews were really good on this one but like I said, it didn’t fit, it was too big. It didn’t bind.

[Coyotea]

Alright, so it’s been a while. Uh, today sucked, I was forced to go on a bike ride that was freaking 15 miles, I didn’t want to go but I was forced (I have hip and knee problems, no it’s not a matter of working out it’s my genetics suck) 

Not much as been great, honestly, life sucks, a lot.

I had to get into a debate with my mom about if we should spay my kittens or not. I want them spayed, it’s literally the best option for them. But my mom doesn’t want to because she “has a feeling” oh you have a feeling do you? All of us have fucking feelings, you’re not special. And my feelings are saying “get the damn cats spayed”. She brought up something about how “oh well in Australia they put down a lot of pets” okay???? And? This is the US not Australia, and These are my kittens, you got them before I was ready, but they’re mine. You told me that they were 100% my responsibility. I don’t want to be a cat breeder, it’s not my job to supply the world with another generation of cats, I’m not comfortable with raising multiple litters of kittens, I’m not ready and I don’t want that responsibility. An it would be better for them to be fixed health wise, it can prevent certain cancers, FIV, unwanted pregnancies, prevent unwanted behavior. 
 

Anyway, my eating habits are still shit, not much news there. I almost purged but I’m ok.

Im not clean, I keep picking at my cuts so- eh…I had an argument with someone who I thought was a friend, they invalidated me and my other friends in our Asexual identities and then asked us to explain how it was a spectrum (yes it is a spectrum), the night the argument started I got uncomfortable because they were reminding me of my dad and my identity was being invalidated. I stepped away from the conversation because I was uncomfortable and on the verge of a panic attack (I did end up havin a panic attack, I relapsed that nigh and the cuts were a bit worse then normal) then when I said I was going to bed they threatened to harm themself to get me back to argue, the next morning the conflict continued and  we kept explaining but they kept swearing and saying that he haven’t explained anything.

Needless to say that person is out of my life now.

uhhhhhhh what else-

Idk that’s all I can remember right now.

Edited September 17, 2023 by Coyotea

[Coyotea]

Oh! A thing that happened, I was talking to a friend of mine and we both ended up confessing to each other that our mental health is shit, that we both SH and that we’ve both had Sui thoughts. We’re supporting each other now and we also talked about my SA and ED so it was good to finally have someone know and not have them treat me like I’m made of glass.

[Aurora]

15 hours ago, Coyotea said:

Oh! A thing that happened, I was talking to a friend of mine and we both ended up confessing to each other that our mental health is shit, that we both SH and that we’ve both had Sui thoughts. We’re supporting each other now and we also talked about my SA and ED so it was good to finally have someone know and not have them treat me like I’m made of glass.

I'm really glad to hear that you and your friend had such a good talk and that you are supporting each other now. It sounds like they really get you and you can just be yourself around them. Is that right? Finding someone who just gets us and realising that we're not alone and there are others who seem to be having similar thoughts and feelings to us can make a big difference, I find. 

I am still a bit worried about your safety though as it does sound like you have a lot going on. Have you every made a safety plan and if not, is that something you would like to hear more about? I can tell you more about it on confidential support if you like? 

[Aurora]

15 hours ago, Coyotea said:

Alright, so it’s been a while. Uh, today sucked, I was forced to go on a bike ride that was freaking 15 miles, I didn’t want to go but I was forced (I have hip and knee problems, no it’s not a matter of working out it’s my genetics suck) 

Not much as been great, honestly, life sucks, a lot.

I had to get into a debate with my mom about if we should spay my kittens or not. I want them spayed, it’s literally the best option for them. But my mom doesn’t want to because she “has a feeling” oh you have a feeling do you? All of us have fucking feelings, you’re not special. And my feelings are saying “get the damn cats spayed”. She brought up something about how “oh well in Australia they put down a lot of pets” okay???? And? This is the US not Australia, and These are my kittens, you got them before I was ready, but they’re mine. You told me that they were 100% my responsibility. I don’t want to be a cat breeder, it’s not my job to supply the world with another generation of cats, I’m not comfortable with raising multiple litters of kittens, I’m not ready and I don’t want that responsibility. An it would be better for them to be fixed health wise, it can prevent certain cancers, FIV, unwanted pregnancies, prevent unwanted behavior. 
 

Anyway, my eating habits are still shit, not much news there. I almost purged but I’m ok.

Im not clean, I keep picking at my cuts so- eh…I had an argument with someone who I thought was a friend, they invalidated me and my other friends in our Asexual identities and then asked us to explain how it was a spectrum (yes it is a spectrum), the night the argument started I got uncomfortable because they were reminding me of my dad and my identity was being invalidated. I stepped away from the conversation because I was uncomfortable and on the verge of a panic attack (I did end up havin a panic attack, I relapsed that nigh and the cuts were a bit worse then normal) then when I said I was going to bed they threatened to harm themself to get me back to argue, the next morning the conflict continued and  we kept explaining but they kept swearing and saying that he haven’t explained anything.

Needless to say that person is out of my life now.

uhhhhhhh what else-

Idk that’s all I can remember right now.

Thank you for your update. You are putting up with a lot at the moment! You mentioned that you were forced to go on a bike ride even though you have hip and knee problems. Was that with your parents or your friends? How are your knees/hips doing now? I hope the aftereffects aren't too bad. 

It was interesting to read about the debate that you and your mom had about spaying your kittens. If I'm honest it sounds to me like your views are more grown up and mature compared to your moms. And when we're having a debate with our parents we often expect it to be the other way round. Have you come to a conclusion and has your mom agreed to having them spayed? 

If you want to talk a bit more about your eating habits maybe we can continue that conversation on confidential support? Do you think that would be helpful?

I'm really sorry to hear about the argument you had with the person who is out of your life now. It can be difficult to cut all ties with someone who used to be our friend but I'm glad to hear you're putting your own wellbeing first. Especially as it sounds like they were using emotional blackmail to try and keep you talking to them. That is not OK! You mentioned that you stepped away from the conversation to protect yourself and this is something they should have respected. I get the impression that this argument really got to you and maybe that's why the cuts were a bit worse than normal. I have sent you a message on confidential support so we can talk about this some more if you like. We're here for you. 

[Coyotea]

2 hours ago, Aurora said:

Thank you for your update. You are putting up with a lot at the moment! You mentioned that you were forced to go on a bike ride even though you have hip and knee problems. Was that with your parents or your friends? How are your knees/hips doing now? I hope the aftereffects aren't too bad. 

It was interesting to read about the debate that you and your mom had about spaying your kittens. If I'm honest it sounds to me like your views are more grown up and mature compared to your moms. And when we're having a debate with our parents we often expect it to be the other way round. Have you come to a conclusion and has your mom agreed to having them spayed? 

It was with my mom and brother. I’m still dealing with the after affects of the bike ride (I quite literally could not stand). It didn’t help that I’d gotten close to 3hrs of sleep the night before and I hadn’t eaten yet (I’m surprised I didn’t pass out during the ride) 

Yeah, honestly. Adults (no offense) often make themselves out to seem like “oh I know better because I’m older” or that they’re somehow automatically right or more mature. But the only thing she said was “I have a feeling.” I hate when adults use that as an arguement, it holds nothing in an argument and yet they get away with it. And you can’t base your pets medical health on just “I have a feeling”. 
The irony of this all is that my parents constantly tell me it’s okay for me to hold different views or opinions or for me to openly disagree and stuff but then they never let me, if I told them anything that conflicted with their views they’d combust.

She still wants to leave the kittens un-spayed. I still want them to be spayed. she hasn’t agreed to anything.

 

[Coyotea]

I started re-reading a fan fiction of one of my favorite fandoms, and it’s my favorite fanfic ever. I freaking love it so much, I’m on chapter 105 (there are 188 chapters). Just Ahhhhhhhhh I love it so much, it’s giving me such a mess of emotion. It’s the kind of fanfic that rips your heart out and stomps on it while also making you wish you could be the characters. 

[Coyotea]

The issue with being obsessed with a fandom in which the characters use British slang and have British accents is that my brain automatically decides to mimic it. It’s not intentional, I just pick it up. I was watching heartstopper with my friend and then afterwards I had a slight accent that I couldn’t get to go away for a while.

[Coyotea]

I’m debating on if I should change my motto on here or not. 

[Coyotea]

I don’t know if this needs a tw or not, since it’s a good thing but I am gonna be talking about scars. 
 

I just mixed together some acrylic paint into a scar-ish color and started painting scars on my arms and face because I wanna practice for a Halloween costume, it was oddly therapeutic and fun to do! Alas.. I am planning to be mothman this year instead. Next year I’ll be the character that has all these scars.

[Coyotea]

Oh fuck I think I might have ring worm but I can’t tell.

I FUCKING TOLD MY BROTHER NOT TO TOUCH ME WHEN HE STILL HAD RING WORM FUVKING HELLL

[Coyotea]

And I just got my bed sorted, now I’m going to have to do all the damn laundry and sleep on nothing save for a sheet and a pillow.

[Duckie]

5 hours ago, Coyotea said:

I started re-reading a fan fiction of one of my favorite fandoms, and it’s my favorite fanfic ever. I freaking love it so much, I’m on chapter 105 (there are 188 chapters). Just Ahhhhhhhhh I love it so much, it’s giving me such a mess of emotion. It’s the kind of fanfic that rips your heart out and stomps on it while also making you wish you could be the characters. 

Hi @Coyotea,

How are you doing?

Are your hips and knees alright after the bike ride? Sounds brutal when you're already in pain. I'm really sorry to hear that.

And gosh that sounds so annoying that all your mom gave you was "I have a feeling". Feeling doesn't trumpf common sense and unless they want a house full of neverending cats, it's the right thing to do to get them spayed. I am getting the sense she is basing a lot of her opinions around feelings rather than facts. Is that fair to say? And Australia has a problem with WILD cats, not domestic cats. The feral cats have been linked to extinction of several species; in a country where the ecosystem is already so fragile, so hence why they put them down - not because of "a feeling". So if anything that just adds to your point of not having unwanted pregnancies etc.

Tell me more about this fanfic! I love a good fanfic :) Never watched Heartstopper, but I've been told to watch it so many times now!

Oh god, is your brother receiving treatment for the ringworm? Depending on whether he's had treatment or not, he might not be contagious. But still disrespectful to touch you when you've asked him not to. Are you OK?

[Coyotea]

21 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi @Coyotea,

How are you doing?

Are your hips and knees alright after the bike ride? Sounds brutal when you're already in pain. I'm really sorry to hear that.

And gosh that sounds so annoying that all your mom gave you was "I have a feeling". Feeling doesn't trumpf common sense and unless they want a house full of neverending cats, it's the right thing to do to get them spayed. I am getting the sense she is basing a lot of her opinions around feelings rather than facts. Is that fair to say? And Australia has a problem with WILD cats, not domestic cats. The feral cats have been linked to extinction of several species; in a country where the ecosystem is already so fragile, so hence why they put them down - not because of "a feeling". So if anything that just adds to your point of not having unwanted pregnancies etc.

Tell me more about this fanfic! I love a good fanfic :) Never watched Heartstopper, but I've been told to watch it so many times now!

Oh god, is your brother receiving treatment for the ringworm? Depending on whether he's had treatment or not, he might not be contagious. But still disrespectful to touch you when you've asked him not to. Are you OK?

My knees and hips are still in pain, but at least I can stand up

Yeah, I figured as much. I knew they weren’t just killing peoples animals left an right for no reason.

The fanfic I’m reading isn’t Heartstopper (I don’t read heartstopper fanfics) It’s from The Marauders fandom, Which honestly I love, it might be my favorite fandom. The fic I’m reading follows Remus Lupin while growing up and getting his education at hogwarts, as well as gets into the war and such. Right now I’m on chapter 113. 
 

My brother has been cleared for ring worm recently, I don’t think he has it anymore, he was receiving plenty of treatment. But he thought it would be funny to try and touch my arm while he had it (also I was in the middle of cooking pasta and nearly splashed the water on myself) then when I scolded him for it he said “Oh come on! You’re being paranoid, it’s not that contagious! Plus, it will only transfer if it’s direct from the point of the infection” which I knew was bullshit. Yeah, I’m okay. It’s not bad or anything just a pain to deal with. I can try sending you a picture of what it looks like- because I don’t know if it actually is ring worm or not. 
 

And, you know. The name “ring worm” always bothered me, it’s a fungal infection not a parasite. There’s nothing wormy about it.

Edited September 18, 2023 by Coyotea

[Duckie]

1 minute ago, Coyotea said:

My knees and hips are still in pain, but at least I can stand up

Yeah, I figured as much. I knew they weren’t just killing peoples animals left an right for no reason.

The fanfic I’m reading isn’t Heartstopper (I don’t read heartstopper fanfics) It’s from The Marauders fandom, Which honestly I love, it might be my favorite fandom. The fic I’m reading follows Remus Lupin while growing up and getting his education at hogwarts, as well as gets into the war and such. Right now I’m on chapter 113. 
 

My brother has been cleared for ring worm, I don’t think he has it anymore, he was receiving plenty of treatment. But he thought it would be funny to try and touch my arm while he had it (also I was in the middle of cooking pasta and nearly splashed the water on myself) then when I scolded him for it he said “Oh come on! You’re being paranoid, it’s not that contagious! Plus, it will only transfer if it’s direct from the point of the infection” which I knew was bullshit. Yeah, I’m okay. It’s not bad or anything just a pain to deal with. I can try sending you a picture of what it looks like- because I don’t know if it actually is ring worm or not. 
 

And, you know. The name “ring worm” always bothered me, it’s a fungal infection not a parasite. There’s nothing wormy about it.

Hi @Coyotea,

I'm really pleased that you can stand up OK. How's walking and stuff now? Sorry that you're still in pain. What would you say is good for your legs and hips? Is horseback riding gentler on your joints?

I know right! You really can't compare Australia to any other countries like that.

I'm gonna read that. I love a good HP fanfic. I lost a bet to a friend and ended up reading My Immortal - worst fanfic ever, so I can defo do with some good ones. 

That's good at least that your brother is cleared from the fungal infection (I agree it is a better term - sounds more medical but also I am incredibly afraid of worms). It IS that contagious! Really doesn't have to be direct skin to skin with the rash, because that would barely make it worth treating, so that's simply not true. Bit of a jerk move of him to sneak up on you just to mess with you. Sounds like he got what was coming for him. Never mess with someone who's by the stove. Why are you always the most mature one in your household? 

[Coyotea]

1 minute ago, Duckie said:

Hi @Coyotea,

I'm really pleased that you can stand up OK. How's walking and stuff now? Sorry that you're still in pain. What would you say is good for your legs and hips? Is horseback riding gentler on your joints?

I know right! You really can't compare Australia to any other countries like that.

I'm gonna read that. I love a good HP fanfic. I lost a bet to a friend and ended up reading My Immortal - worst fanfic ever, so I can defo do with some good ones. 

That's good at least that your brother is cleared from the fungal infection (I agree it is a better term - sounds more medical but also I am incredibly afraid of worms). It IS that contagious! Really doesn't have to be direct skin to skin with the rash, because that would barely make it worth treating, so that's simply not true. Bit of a jerk move of him to sneak up on you just to mess with you. Sounds like he got what was coming for him. Never mess with someone who's by the stove. Why are you always the most mature one in your household? 

The fanfic is called All The Young Dudes By MsKingBean Found on Ao3). It’s rather sad, ripped my heart out and made me cry, also gave me a lovely existential crisis Still my favorite though.

I don’t know if horseback riding is gentler on my joints, it definitely doesn’t do this kind of damage to me.

I don’t know why my family is so immature, maybe it’s trauma and having had to group up faster. 
I yelled at him for that too, I nearly burned myself with boiling water, . I’ve had enough burns in my life I don’t want more.

[Coyotea]

I got yelled at..for cheese.

CHEESE!

asshole was fucking drunk too. And he wonders why I don’t want to be around him.

[Duckie]

13 hours ago, Coyotea said:

The fanfic is called All The Young Dudes By MsKingBean Found on Ao3). It’s rather sad, ripped my heart out and made me cry, also gave me a lovely existential crisis Still my favorite though.

I don’t know if horseback riding is gentler on my joints, it definitely doesn’t do this kind of damage to me.

I don’t know why my family is so immature, maybe it’s trauma and having had to group up faster. 
I yelled at him for that too, I nearly burned myself with boiling water, . I’ve had enough burns in my life I don’t want more.

Oh yeah, like the David Bowie song!  I will defo read it. I know it's weird but I actually really appreciate when something can make me feel intense and sometimes uncomfortable feelings. There's just something magical about it. Will read All The Young Dudes this week :) thanks for the tip!

I wonder if there are some kind of exercises of physio you could do that could help strengthen your joint rather than make it more painful for you. Did you manage to find a new stable BTW? Is the old one still open?

9 hours ago, Coyotea said:

I got yelled at..for cheese.

CHEESE!

asshole was fucking drunk too. And he wonders why I don’t want to be around him.

What happened with the cheese? Regardless it sounds completely unreasonable of him to argue about. What happened?

[Coyotea]

16 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Oh yeah, like the David Bowie song!  I will defo read it. I know it's weird but I actually really appreciate when something can make me feel intense and sometimes uncomfortable feelings. There's just something magical about it. Will read All The Young Dudes this week :) thanks for the tip!

I wonder if there are some kind of exercises of physio you could do that could help strengthen your joint rather than make it more painful for you. Did you manage to find a new stable BTW? Is the old one still open?

What happened with the cheese? Regardless it sounds completely unreasonable of him to argue about. What happened?

Mhm, it’s based off of the David Bowie song! It’s pretty much fanon (fan canon) that the marauders love david Bowie’s music and a few other band like Led Zeppelin 

I don’t know. And the old stable closed, I’m a a new one but I don’t like it.

as for what happened with the cheese, I was trying to get some cheese out of the packet and ripped, I was trying to get it and all the ripped pieces out but then my dad yelled at me to “JUST PULL IT OUT”

[Duckie]

6 minutes ago, Coyotea said:

Mhm, it’s based off of the David Bowie song! It’s pretty much fanon (fan canon) that the marauders love david Bowie’s music and a few other band like Led Zeppelin 

I don’t know. And the old stable closed, I’m a a new one but I don’t like it.

as for what happened with the cheese, I was trying to get some cheese out of the packet and ripped, I was trying to get it and all the ripped pieces out but then my dad yelled at me to “JUST PULL IT OUT”

I have started reading it. I can really tell the author's done their research, which is nice to see! :)

Sorry to hear you don't like the new stables. What is it you don't like about it? Have you found a favourite horse there yet?

That just sounds uncalled for. Who cares how you open the cheese... I guess he was feeling stressed about something. Doesn't make it right or anything, but you know what they say - feelings need direction. And sometimes all people do is misdirect them. Did he calm down afterwards? Are you OK?

[Coyotea]

25 minutes ago, Duckie said:

I have started reading it. I can really tell the author's done their research, which is nice to see! :)

Sorry to hear you don't like the new stables. What is it you don't like about it? Have you found a favourite horse there yet?

That just sounds uncalled for. Who cares how you open the cheese... I guess he was feeling stressed about something. Doesn't make it right or anything, but you know what they say - feelings need direction. And sometimes all people do is misdirect them. Did he calm down afterwards? Are you OK?

I don’t like the trainer at my new stables, she’s pretty much un-teaching me everything I learned about riding. I’ve only ridden one horse there so far, I didn’t like it.

It wasn’t because he was stressed, it’s because he was drunk. He’s always unreasonable and it’s worse when he drinks. I told him not to yell at me and he gave me a poor apology. I’m fine, just have a bit more hate for my family. 

[Coyotea]

You would think that after going to bed early I’d be less tired. In fact it’s the opposite, I feel worse, my headache is worse too. I have riding today too, isn’t that fun? /sar 

[Coyotea]

However on a more positive note, I’ve got my Halloween costume planned. There are only two things I need to buy. And, I’ve also got two options for phone cases picked out, as well as new headphones, still have to ask to buy them but it shouldn’t be too much trouble, they don’t cost a lot and I’ve got plenty of allowance saved up anyway.

[Hazard]

On 9/18/2023 at 9:28 AM, Coyotea said:

I started re-reading a fan fiction of one of my favorite fandoms, and it’s my favorite fanfic ever. I freaking love it so much, I’m on chapter 105 (there are 188 chapters). Just Ahhhhhhhhh I love it so much, it’s giving me such a mess of emotion. It’s the kind of fanfic that rips your heart out and stomps on it while also making you wish you could be the characters. 

I’m on chapter 124 :)

[Coyotea]

1 hour ago, Emberfrost12 said:

I’m on chapter 124 :)

Ayyyyyyyy another ATYD fan! (My peoplleeeeeee) :D