I honestly don't know what's going on or what to do

[Madeleine_357]

So much has happened. First off, he's been a lot creepier. A few weeks ago, I was standing at my locker, and my friend was standing with me and he BACKS UP INTO ME AND STANDS WITH HIS BACK PRESSED AGAINST ME WHILE I'M STANDING AT MY LOCKER AND HE'S TALKING TO SOMEONE. My friend saw all of this and was standing there like "wtf" the whole time. He stood there WITHOUT MOVING AWAY for like 2 minutes. I just went about my buisness and kind was like frozen not knowing whether to move away or not. The longer I sit and think about it, the weirder it gets. Any normal person would have felt the contact and moved away. Why didn't he move away when he felt the contact? Why did he just stand there? There were other places in the hallway that he could have stood and talked to someone other than pressed against me. he stares at me a lot. What hurts is, most of my friends either A. don't believe he's being creepy and think I'm delusional, B. Don't understand, C. think i'm just obsessed with and simping over him and that this is just a crush or D. Don't care. one friend is even all of the above. My only friend who does understand, I can tell is getting sick of my rants. Even if she won't admit it. I just don't want my one or two other friends to get sick of my ranting too. The one friend who is getting sick of my ranting knows this is a big part of my life. It hurts seeing him be able to talk to other people, even people he doesn't know or people who he's never really talked to before but he doesn't talk to me. I don't get words, I get staring and listening to my conversations, and glances, and sitting right behind me on the bus, and walking like 5 feet behind me when we walk home from the bus stop. That's what I get. It hurts because it's like he talks to every single person except for me. I think he might just be scared, because maybe he thinks we'll have to have an emotional talk if we talk? idk. There have been multpile times where it's looked like he's going to come up to say something to me, but thinks better of it. It makes it worse how I'm basically on my own now, because I can't really talk to my friends about it anymore. It's like my emotions are trapped inside me and I can barely even cry to let them out. I asked my friend today if she thought I was delusional and she said "well yes and no. I don't really know. And honestly, I don't really care." then she shrugged and gave a small laugh. She pretty much just said she doesn't care at all about what I'm dealing with. Everyone's saying to drop him, but I can't until I know for sure he doesn't care about me. he's acting like he's not over it, and I'm not over it either. He wouldn't be being creepy if he didn't care. 

I'm basically like the silly, stupid side character to everyone. It's a mask, just like HE has. I just feel like if there's anyone in the world who would understand me and be there for me all the time, it would be him. I can't move on or let him go until I know whether he still cares or not. I gave him the letter, and that basically changed nothing, I asked if he wanted to come meet daisy, who's my new puppy, and he said he couldn't cause he was going to the gym, Well. Thanks. You'd rather go to the gym than see me. Alright, He's hurting me so much right now, and no one seems to care. I don't know what to do, and my one friend who might have given me advice about this like 8 months ago doesn't know now. To her, I say the same thing every rant. I'm basically alone, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to drop him. I'm not going to drop him. But I don't know what to do. The letter made my feelings (except the crush parts) very clear and I asked him to do something. If an emotional letter won't do anything, what else is there? I don't know how much longer I can sit and watch him talk with random people and not try with me and stare instead. I don't know what any of this means.

The other day his mom was walking laps around our crescent and I was sitting on my front porch, and everytime she'd walk by across the street she'd stare at me. Today I was walking my dog and she was further behind me down the street and she came up on the opposite side of the road beside me to walk to her house and I smiled waved and said hi and she did the same. His mom likes me. my brother sister and mom were coming up with ship names for me and him in the car last night, and like 30 minutes ago my brother asked if I had a bf bec he wanted to know who his future brother in law was gonna be and I asked who he thought it was gonna be and he said HIS (the guy's) name. I haven't even told any of my family I like him. I don't know what's going on. Also his brother side eyes me and eyes me everytime I see him. (Everytime I see the brother.)

[Equivalent Ways]

32 minutes ago, Madeleine_357 said:

So much has happened. First off, he's been a lot creepier. A few weeks ago, I was standing at my locker, and my friend was standing with me and he BACKS UP INTO ME AND STANDS WITH HIS BACK PRESSED AGAINST ME WHILE I'M STANDING AT MY LOCKER AND HE'S TALKING TO SOMEONE. My friend saw all of this and was standing there like "wtf" the whole time. He stood there WITHOUT MOVING AWAY for like 2 minutes. I just went about my buisness and kind was like frozen not knowing whether to move away or not. The longer I sit and think about it, the weirder it gets. Any normal person would have felt the contact and moved away. Why didn't he move away when he felt the contact? Why did he just stand there? There were other places in the hallway that he could have stood and talked to someone other than pressed against me. he stares at me a lot. What hurts is, most of my friends either A. don't believe he's being creepy and think I'm delusional, B. Don't understand, C. think i'm just obsessed with and simping over him and that this is just a crush or D. Don't care. one friend is even all of the above. My only friend who does understand, I can tell is getting sick of my rants. Even if she won't admit it. I just don't want my one or two other friends to get sick of my ranting too. The one friend who is getting sick of my ranting knows this is a big part of my life. It hurts seeing him be able to talk to other people, even people he doesn't know or people who he's never really talked to before but he doesn't talk to me. I don't get words, I get staring and listening to my conversations, and glances, and sitting right behind me on the bus, and walking like 5 feet behind me when we walk home from the bus stop. That's what I get. It hurts because it's like he talks to every single person except for me. I think he might just be scared, because maybe he thinks we'll have to have an emotional talk if we talk? idk. There have been multpile times where it's looked like he's going to come up to say something to me, but thinks better of it. It makes it worse how I'm basically on my own now, because I can't really talk to my friends about it anymore. It's like my emotions are trapped inside me and I can barely even cry to let them out. I asked my friend today if she thought I was delusional and she said "well yes and no. I don't really know. And honestly, I don't really care." then she shrugged and gave a small laugh. She pretty much just said she doesn't care at all about what I'm dealing with. Everyone's saying to drop him, but I can't until I know for sure he doesn't care about me. he's acting like he's not over it, and I'm not over it either. He wouldn't be being creepy if he didn't care. 

I'm basically like the silly, stupid side character to everyone. It's a mask, just like HE has. I just feel like if there's anyone in the world who would understand me and be there for me all the time, it would be him. I can't move on or let him go until I know whether he still cares or not. I gave him the letter, and that basically changed nothing, I asked if he wanted to come meet daisy, who's my new puppy, and he said he couldn't cause he was going to the gym, Well. Thanks. You'd rather go to the gym than see me. Alright, He's hurting me so much right now, and no one seems to care. I don't know what to do, and my one friend who might have given me advice about this like 8 months ago doesn't know now. To her, I say the same thing every rant. I'm basically alone, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to drop him. I'm not going to drop him. But I don't know what to do. The letter made my feelings (except the crush parts) very clear and I asked him to do something. If an emotional letter won't do anything, what else is there? I don't know how much longer I can sit and watch him talk with random people and not try with me and stare instead. I don't know what any of this means.

The other day his mom was walking laps around our crescent and I was sitting on my front porch, and everytime she'd walk by across the street she'd stare at me. Today I was walking my dog and she was further behind me down the street and she came up on the opposite side of the road beside me to walk to her house and I smiled waved and said hi and she did the same. His mom likes me. my brother sister and mom were coming up with ship names for me and him in the car last night, and like 30 minutes ago my brother asked if I had a bf bec he wanted to know who his future brother in law was gonna be and I asked who he thought it was gonna be and he said HIS (the guy's) name. I haven't even told any of my family I like him. I don't know what's going on. Also his brother side eyes me and eyes me everytime I see him. (Everytime I see the brother.)

oof, hi!

That is def a lot, I am impressed i read it all :D

Alright, i don't funny understand what is going on, but gfu for reaching out cuz ur not alone! I should ask u for advise sometime tbh

But anyway!! Ok I am not the best at giving advise, BUT you sound like u r being chill, yet what i suggest, is turn around, confront the guy gawd! As in talk to him. Yall obv have some stuff unsaid.

I always recommend ~peaceful clarity~

':) I hope this helps but tell me if I am missing something! But I am here to listen and help, I find relationships fascinating, i'm just not good at typing lots like you haha

[Equivalent Ways]

I dont either tho lol

but what do you think?

[Monsoon]

12 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

So much has happened. First off, he's been a lot creepier. A few weeks ago, I was standing at my locker, and my friend was standing with me and he BACKS UP INTO ME AND STANDS WITH HIS BACK PRESSED AGAINST ME WHILE I'M STANDING AT MY LOCKER AND HE'S TALKING TO SOMEONE. My friend saw all of this and was standing there like "wtf" the whole time. He stood there WITHOUT MOVING AWAY for like 2 minutes. I just went about my buisness and kind was like frozen not knowing whether to move away or not. The longer I sit and think about it, the weirder it gets. Any normal person would have felt the contact and moved away. Why didn't he move away when he felt the contact? Why did he just stand there? There were other places in the hallway that he could have stood and talked to someone other than pressed against me. he stares at me a lot. What hurts is, most of my friends either A. don't believe he's being creepy and think I'm delusional, B. Don't understand, C. think i'm just obsessed with and simping over him and that this is just a crush or D. Don't care. one friend is even all of the above. My only friend who does understand, I can tell is getting sick of my rants. Even if she won't admit it. I just don't want my one or two other friends to get sick of my ranting too. The one friend who is getting sick of my ranting knows this is a big part of my life. It hurts seeing him be able to talk to other people, even people he doesn't know or people who he's never really talked to before but he doesn't talk to me. I don't get words, I get staring and listening to my conversations, and glances, and sitting right behind me on the bus, and walking like 5 feet behind me when we walk home from the bus stop. That's what I get. It hurts because it's like he talks to every single person except for me. I think he might just be scared, because maybe he thinks we'll have to have an emotional talk if we talk? idk. There have been multpile times where it's looked like he's going to come up to say something to me, but thinks better of it. It makes it worse how I'm basically on my own now, because I can't really talk to my friends about it anymore. It's like my emotions are trapped inside me and I can barely even cry to let them out. I asked my friend today if she thought I was delusional and she said "well yes and no. I don't really know. And honestly, I don't really care." then she shrugged and gave a small laugh. She pretty much just said she doesn't care at all about what I'm dealing with. Everyone's saying to drop him, but I can't until I know for sure he doesn't care about me. he's acting like he's not over it, and I'm not over it either. He wouldn't be being creepy if he didn't care. 

I'm basically like the silly, stupid side character to everyone. It's a mask, just like HE has. I just feel like if there's anyone in the world who would understand me and be there for me all the time, it would be him. I can't move on or let him go until I know whether he still cares or not. I gave him the letter, and that basically changed nothing, I asked if he wanted to come meet daisy, who's my new puppy, and he said he couldn't cause he was going to the gym, Well. Thanks. You'd rather go to the gym than see me. Alright, He's hurting me so much right now, and no one seems to care. I don't know what to do, and my one friend who might have given me advice about this like 8 months ago doesn't know now. To her, I say the same thing every rant. I'm basically alone, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to drop him. I'm not going to drop him. But I don't know what to do. The letter made my feelings (except the crush parts) very clear and I asked him to do something. If an emotional letter won't do anything, what else is there? I don't know how much longer I can sit and watch him talk with random people and not try with me and stare instead. I don't know what any of this means.

The other day his mom was walking laps around our crescent and I was sitting on my front porch, and everytime she'd walk by across the street she'd stare at me. Today I was walking my dog and she was further behind me down the street and she came up on the opposite side of the road beside me to walk to her house and I smiled waved and said hi and she did the same. His mom likes me. my brother sister and mom were coming up with ship names for me and him in the car last night, and like 30 minutes ago my brother asked if I had a bf bec he wanted to know who his future brother in law was gonna be and I asked who he thought it was gonna be and he said HIS (the guy's) name. I haven't even told any of my family I like him. I don't know what's going on. Also his brother side eyes me and eyes me everytime I see him. (Everytime I see the brother.)

Hey there,

I remember that we spoke about this before and how he reacted when you gave him the letter. I know how incredibly confusing and frustrating this is for you , and your feelings about this situation are completely valid. As you said, you just need to know whether he cares or not which is completely understandable given what's going on. I'm sorry to hear that things haven't really changed, and it's a shame that your friend seems to be getting tired of the rants. I just want you to know that we won't get tired of your rants here; we are here to listen, understand, and help. 

I can see what you said about not knowing what to do now. I'm wondering, have you had advice from anyone else about this? If so, what have they said?

[Madeleine_357]

22 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I remember that we spoke about this before and how he reacted when you gave him the letter. I know how incredibly confusing and frustrating this is for you , and your feelings about this situation are completely valid. As you said, you just need to know whether he cares or not which is completely understandable given what's going on. I'm sorry to hear that things haven't really changed, and it's a shame that your friend seems to be getting tired of the rants. I just want you to know that we won't get tired of your rants here; we are here to listen, understand, and help. 

I can see what you said about not knowing what to do now. I'm wondering, have you had advice from anyone else about this? If so, what have they said?

Everyone keeps saying to let him go. No one tells me anything other than that. My one friend doesn't have advice for me anymore. I've adviced her out. No one's really given me any solid advice except "talk" or "just drop him". Talking is harder than you might think. I CAN'T drop him. Like I can't. Something always pulls me back to him, and I just can't let go. Thank you for saying my feelings are valid.

[Madeleine_357]

12 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

I dont either tho lol

but what do you think?

I don't know.  I don't know what to do that's why I'm asking people on here! I don't know what to think anymore. Everything is a jumbled mess inside my head. All the emotions go from numbing to overwhelming. Sometimes my heart actually aches and I can feel it, and other times I'm completely numb. I don't know what to think anymore.

[Madeleine_357]

12 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

oof, hi!

That is def a lot, I am impressed i read it all :D

Alright, i don't funny understand what is going on, but gfu for reaching out cuz ur not alone! I should ask u for advise sometime tbh

But anyway!! Ok I am not the best at giving advise, BUT you sound like u r being chill, yet what i suggest, is turn around, confront the guy gawd! As in talk to him. Yall obv have some stuff unsaid.

I always recommend ~peaceful clarity~

':) I hope this helps but tell me if I am missing something! But I am here to listen and help, I find relationships fascinating, i'm just not good at typing lots like you haha

If you want to further understand what's going on, you should read my past posts, cause those might help you understand. 

It's hard for me to confront him when I'm scared half to death he won't understand my feelings. I gave him a heartfelt letter (see other posts for details) and it changed nothing except he got creepier. And yes we definitely do have things unsaid, whether he wants admit to admit it or not. This isn't your normal "friends who grow apart thing". If it was that, he wouldn't be scared to talk to me. Maybe he's just scared of an emotional talk, but if he's scared of an emotional talk, it means he has emotions he's scared to communicate. Does that makes sense? Like what's the problem with talking to me if he just wants to be friends?? 

I have no opportunities to confront him! Every time I ask to hangout he's either busy or responds too late. Clearly he either just forgets to check his messages, is legitimently busy, or is avoiding 1 on 1 time with me bec he's scared of the emotional talk. Nothing is adding up and it's driving me insane.

[Equivalent Ways]

22 minutes ago, Madeleine_357 said:

I don't know.  I don't know what to do that's why I'm asking people on here! I don't know what to think anymore. Everything is a jumbled mess inside my head. All the emotions go from numbing to overwhelming. Sometimes my heart actually aches and I can feel it, and other times I'm completely numb. I don't know what to think anymore.

Ooh nuooh! I find that very relatable tho, like idk how to describe it just get it

[Madeleine_357]

3 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Ooh nuooh! I find that very relatable tho, like idk how to describe it just get it

Yeaaah. It's confusing

[Equivalent Ways]

17 minutes ago, Madeleine_357 said:

If you want to further understand what's going on, you should read my past posts, cause those might help you understand. 

It's hard for me to confront him when I'm scared half to death he won't understand my feelings. I gave him a heartfelt letter (see other posts for details) and it changed nothing except he got creepier. And yes we definitely do have things unsaid, whether he wants admit to admit it or not. This isn't your normal "friends who grow apart thing". If it was that, he wouldn't be scared to talk to me. Maybe he's just scared of an emotional talk, but if he's scared of an emotional talk, it means he has emotions he's scared to communicate. Does that makes sense? Like what's the problem with talking to me if he just wants to be friends?? 

I have no opportunities to confront him! Every time I ask to hangout he's either busy or responds too late. Clearly he either just forgets to check his messages, is legitimently busy, or is avoiding 1 on 1 time with me bec he's scared of the emotional talk. Nothing is adding up and it's driving me insane.

Oooh I see! Ah and you have other posts too? Okok

I don’t like it when I get mixed messages and stuff does not add up, it’s very jumbling. 
I mean, I know human relationships are really complex.. I will have to go gather more info on this case ‘:-)

Ah, it does sound like you are doing things right tho.. I mean as much as you can, it just sounds like a weird situation

Edited May 20, 2023 by Equivalent Ways
Thinks

[Madeleine_357]

32 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Oooh I see! Ah and you have other posts too? Okok

I don’t like it when I get mixed messages and stuff does not add up, it’s very jumbling. 
I mean, I know human relationships are really complex.. I will have to go gather more info on this case ‘:-)

Ah, it does sound like you are doing things right tho.. I mean as much as you can, it just sounds like a weird situation

You went back and read all the posts? wow I'm impressed. There's like maybe 3 or 4 others.   And yes it is a very weird situation lol :)

[Equivalent Ways]

Just now, Madeleine_357 said:

You went back and read all the posts? wow I'm impressed. There's like maybe 3 or 4 others.   And yes it is a very weird situation lol :)

no lol XD I was just sharing one more thought before i went and looked at them, there is no way I can read that fast

[Madeleine_357]

2 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said:

no lol XD I was just sharing one more thought before i went and looked at them, there is no way I can read that fast

Ohhhhh lol that makes sense. Well good luck reading them. I would start with the first one which is gonna be like all the way at the bottom of my activity feed and work your way up from there. Or however you are gonna find the posts. I would just try and read them in order of when I posted them. :)

[Equivalent Ways]

3 minutes ago, Madeleine_357 said:

Ohhhhh lol that makes sense. Well good luck reading them. I would start with the first one which is gonna be like all the way at the bottom of my activity feed and work your way up from there. Or however you are gonna find the posts. I would just try and read them in order of when I posted them. :)

ah yes that would make sense, I will look at the dates and such :) I read sooo slowly yo

[Madeleine_357]

2 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

ah yes that would make sense, I will look at the dates and such :) I read sooo slowly yo

lolll no it's ok take your time

[Monsoon]

7 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

Everyone keeps saying to let him go. No one tells me anything other than that. My one friend doesn't have advice for me anymore. I've adviced her out. No one's really given me any solid advice except "talk" or "just drop him". Talking is harder than you might think. I CAN'T drop him. Like I can't. Something always pulls me back to him, and I just can't let go. Thank you for saying my feelings are valid.

Hey there,

Yeah, your feelings are absolutely valid. I get what you are saying about how you can't drop him and why talking is hard. However, in life, sometimes the hard route is the one to be taken, whether it get us the result we want or not. Do you know what I mean? What do you think?

[Madeleine_357]

2 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, your feelings are absolutely valid. I get what you are saying about how you can't drop him and why talking is hard. However, in life, sometimes the hard route is the one to be taken, whether it get us the result we want or not. Do you know what I mean? What do you think?

Yes. I understand what you're saying. It's just hard to find opportunities to talk when every time I ask to hangout he either gives a reason or an excuse why he can't or he answers too late. He's always around people at school, and there's just never an opportunity. Even if I did find a chance to talk to him. More than likely he'd pretend to be clueless and avoid the talk about feelings an emotions. Hence why it would be hard to even have the discussion. 

[Madeleine_357]

8 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

ah yes that would make sense, I will look at the dates and such :) I read sooo slowly yo

Be warned it's a lot of reading.

[Equivalent Ways]

Ok, so i have a better picture now... I think i read all the posts..in order!

The main cause of problems with/between humans is ~misunderstandings~, so that might be part of it, almost like a kink in the garden hose somewhere.

Or maybe you could be putting too much pressure on yourself. Lots of labels internal and external, and stressing yourself too much can make the way forward seem much harder. Have you considered trying to relax and let him do his thing..as long as he is not directly harming you..? (tbh when he back-locker-pinned you, that was a little strange )

idk I hope i am not just spewing crap, lemme know if there is still something that would make my advise more relevant And good luck, Ms.Madeleine

[Monsoon]

15 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

Yes. I understand what you're saying. It's just hard to find opportunities to talk when every time I ask to hangout he either gives a reason or an excuse why he can't or he answers too late. He's always around people at school, and there's just never an opportunity. Even if I did find a chance to talk to him. More than likely he'd pretend to be clueless and avoid the talk about feelings an emotions. Hence why it would be hard to even have the discussion. 

Hey there,

Yeah, that does sound tricky. He is really giving you a lot of mixed signals which is super confusing and I can imagine it's messing with your head. I know this has been going on for a while now, and I'm just wondering, how would you say this is impacting you emotionally? What is your experience of it? 

[Madeleine_357]

8 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, that does sound tricky. He is really giving you a lot of mixed signals which is super confusing and I can imagine it's messing with your head. I know this has been going on for a while now, and I'm just wondering, how would you say this is impacting you emotionally? What is your experience of it? 

I would say this has a pretty decent impact on me emotionally. Seeing him talk to my friend right in front of me and not saying anything to me for example (which actually happened) would put me in a sad mood for a majority of the morning, but I'd hide it. I'm not quite sure what you mean by "what is your experience of it"

[Madeleine_357]

23 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Ok, so i have a better picture now... I think i read all the posts..in order!

The main cause of problems with/between humans is ~misunderstandings~, so that might be part of it, almost like a kink in the garden hose somewhere.

Or maybe you could be putting too much pressure on yourself. Lots of labels internal and external, and stressing yourself too much can make the way forward seem much harder. Have you considered trying to relax and let him do his thing..as long as he is not directly harming you..? (tbh when he back-locker-pinned you, that was a little strange )

idk I hope i am not just spewing crap, lemme know if there is still something that would make my advise more relevant And good luck, Ms.Madeleine

at least you agree the locker thing was weird. What do you mean by letting him do his own thing? And yes misunderstandings is DEFINENTLY part of it. no doubt about that.

[Equivalent Ways]

1 hour ago, Madeleine_357 said:

at least you agree the locker thing was weird. What do you mean by letting him do his own thing? And yes misunderstandings is DEFINENTLY part of it. no doubt about that.

Ah haha I mean, idk just like how you are focusing on your feelings rn, just let him do his sorting too(if that makes sense..)

like idk, you can’t change him or the outside circumstances

Edit: how do I know what you can and cannot do? Lol, idk can you? 

Edited May 22, 2023 by Equivalent Ways

[Monsoon]

17 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

I would say this has a pretty decent impact on me emotionally. Seeing him talk to my friend right in front of me and not saying anything to me for example (which actually happened) would put me in a sad mood for a majority of the morning, but I'd hide it. I'm not quite sure what you mean by "what is your experience of it"

Hey there,

Yeah, so when I ask what is your experience of it, I'm basically wondering how it affects the way you feel, that kind of thing (which you have already answered). Your feelings are completely valid and totally reasonable given the situation you're in. I'm wondering, would you like us to give you advice on things you could do, or are you just here to vent and let it all out, or both? It would be good to know just so we are on the same page in terms of supporting you. We want to help you in whatever way would be good for you, so just let us know. Take care. 

[Madeleine_357]

12 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Ah haha I mean, idk just like how you are focusing on your feelings rn, just let him do his sorting too(if that makes sense..)

like idk, you can’t change him or the outside circumstances

Edit: how do I know what you can and cannot do? Lol, idk can you? 

Well I mean this has been going on for a while. He's had a lot of time to sort things out, and I've been as patient as I can be to wait for him to do something. At this point I think he's just scared to talk to me, but I don't know why. This has been going on for over 9 months now. So you can see why I'm frustrated and don't know what to do anymore.