What are you thinking about right now

[Aurora]

17 hours ago, R A I N said:

She barely goes out to see people - only occasionally. Though, it's something out of her control, I guess if she had more time, she'd spend it by hanging out with people like her sisters. I don't know how to change her mind, she's pretty firm in her responses when I ask if I can go out and stuff - when she says no, it's a no. She's a bit stubborn sometimes.

That sounds tough. I can imagine this must be really frustrating for you. I'm wondering, have you tried explaining to your mum that you are feeling really lonely at the moment. And that being at home all the time is having an impact on your mental health? Maybe she doesn't realise how this is making you feel. 

Also, can I ask, what is the one thing you would most like to change in your life right now ? 

[R A I N]

8 hours ago, Aurora said:

That sounds tough. I can imagine this must be really frustrating for you. I'm wondering, have you tried explaining to your mum that you are feeling really lonely at the moment. And that being at home all the time is having an impact on your mental health? Maybe she doesn't realise how this is making you feel. 

Also, can I ask, what is the one thing you would most like to change in your life right now ? 

No, and to be honest she couldn't care less - she'll start comparing me to her. She honestly doesn't care.

Well honestly I can't even choose - I want to stop feeling lonely, that constant feeling that I'll never be somebody's number 1. I'm just there, like a nobody. I want to also get treatment for my depression. I also want to be able to have some freedom - going out with friends, going for walks, etc. I want to have a close friend where we'd always confide in each other and value each other just as much. 

[Duckie]

On 7/5/2023 at 2:43 PM, R A I N said:

She barely goes out to see people - only occasionally. Though, it's something out of her control, I guess if she had more time, she'd spend it by hanging out with people like her sisters. I don't know how to change her mind, she's pretty firm in her responses when I ask if I can go out and stuff - when she says no, it's a no. She's a bit stubborn sometimes.

Hi R A I N,

Yes, your mother does seem set in her ways. May I ask whether her sisters have children? And if so, are you in touch with them? Are they brought up as strictly?

[R A I N]

8 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi R A I N,

Yes, your mother does seem set in her ways. May I ask whether her sisters have children? And if so, are you in touch with them? Are they brought up as strictly?

Yes they do have children and not really, no. I am in touch with 1 of my many cousins but she barely gets to talk. They aren't brought up strictly, definitely not. I don't know if this makes a difference but my mum's the oldest.

[Duckie]

50 minutes ago, R A I N said:

Yes they do have children and not really, no. I am in touch with 1 of my many cousins but she barely gets to talk. They aren't brought up strictly, definitely not. I don't know if this makes a difference but my mum's the oldest.

Hi R A I N,

Thank you for your message. This does help narrow down whart the reason is for your mum to be so restrictive with you. And it makes me wonder whether you could reach out to one of her sisters and ask for advice? Maybe this sister could talk to your mum and make her listen. What do you think?

[R A I N]

28 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi R A I N,

Thank you for your message. This does help narrow down whart the reason is for your mum to be so restrictive with you. And it makes me wonder whether you could reach out to one of her sisters and ask for advice? Maybe this sister could talk to your mum and make her listen. What do you think?

I don't know how to get hold of their emails because every time we go to their house, it's somewhat a gathering and my mu's always there, meaning that there are no chances to speak with them. 

[Duckie]

6 minutes ago, R A I N said:

I don't know how to get hold of their emails because every time we go to their house, it's somewhat a gathering and my mu's always there, meaning that there are no chances to speak with them. 

Hi R A I N,

Could you maybe ask to speak to them alone or get their phone numbers?

[R A I N]

1 hour ago, Duckie said:

Hi R A I N,

Could you maybe ask to speak to them alone or get their phone numbers?

I don't even have a phone so I don't see how getting their phone numbers would help. I don't think I'll get a chance to speak to them alone and plus I've never really spoken to them about anything besides school and stuff so it isn't exactly easy to bring such dark stuff up.

[Duckie]

Just now, R A I N said:

I don't even have a phone so I don't see how getting their phone numbers would help. I don't think I'll get a chance to speak to them alone and plus I've never really spoken to them about anything besides school and stuff so it isn't exactly easy to bring such dark stuff up.

Hi R A I N,

I completely understand how you feel. It is a big step going from small talk to telling someone you're not doing well. Do you have a good relationship with them otherwise? Would you feel more comfortable emailing them if you could?

[R A I N]

6 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi R A I N,

I completely understand how you feel. It is a big step going from small talk to telling someone you're not doing well. Do you have a good relationship with them otherwise? Would you feel more comfortable emailing them if you could?

I mean, we don't necessarily have a bad relationship but it is sort of distant - I mean we live physically distant and we don't ever get a chance to talk. Yes, I would definitely email them, as it makes things easier to tell them rather than face to face. However, I'm worried about her telling my mum as it's quite a big thing to keep from her.

[Aurora]

11 hours ago, R A I N said:

I mean, we don't necessarily have a bad relationship but it is sort of distant - I mean we live physically distant and we don't ever get a chance to talk. Yes, I would definitely email them, as it makes things easier to tell them rather than face to face. However, I'm worried about her telling my mum as it's quite a big thing to keep from her.

Hi R A I N, I know what you mean. It can sometimes be easier to write to someone, rather than talk to them about it face to face. I can understand why you are concerned that she might tell your mum. Do you think it might be helpful though, if your aunt talked to your mum? Does your mum have a good relationship with her sister and do you think she might listen to her? 

[R A I N]

8 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi R A I N, I know what you mean. It can sometimes be easier to write to someone, rather than talk to them about it face to face. I can understand why you are concerned that she might tell your mum. Do you think it might be helpful though, if your aunt talked to your mum? Does your mum have a good relationship with her sister and do you think she might listen to her? 

My mum does have good relationships with her sisters but I don't want my mum to turn around n say why'd u tell ur aunt for? why'd u get her involved?

[Luie]

25 minutes ago, R A I N said:

My mum does have good relationships with her sisters but I don't want my mum to turn around n say why'd u tell ur aunt for? why'd u get her involved?

That does sound tricky, but I want to check with you, do you feel you can trust your aunt enough to get her involved? 

[R A I N]

1 hour ago, Luie said:

That does sound tricky, but I want to check with you, do you feel you can trust your aunt enough to get her involved? 

I think so, but I just don't want her to involve my mum

[Duckie]

1 hour ago, R A I N said:

I think so, but I just don't want her to involve my mum

Hi R A I N,

If you described the situation to your auntie and how it would affect your already restricted home life if your mum knew you had spoken... and if you then asked your auntie to please not involve your mum, do you think she might do as you've asked? What are your thoughts?

[R A I N]

19 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi R A I N,

If you described the situation to your auntie and how it would affect your already restricted home life if your mum knew you had spoken... and if you then asked your auntie to please not involve your mum, do you think she might do as you've asked? What are your thoughts?

I really don't know. Like I feel like I can trust her n she'll understand me but there's always that risk that she might feel she can't keep it away from my mum.

[Duckie]

27 minutes ago, R A I N said:

I really don't know. Like I feel like I can trust her n she'll understand me but there's always that risk that she might feel she can't keep it away from my mum.

Hi,

What if she promised not to share anything with your mum. You say you feel like you can trust her and maybe she could give you some useful advise? I completely understand that you feel hesitant, because you know the repercussions are incredibly hard on you. Is it worth mentioning to your auntie what's happened in the past and what might happen to you if she finds out you've spoken? It might make her understand where you're coming from. What do you think?

[R A I N]

51 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi,

What if she promised not to share anything with your mum. You say you feel like you can trust her and maybe she could give you some useful advise? I completely understand that you feel hesitant, because you know the repercussions are incredibly hard on you. Is it worth mentioning to your auntie what's happened in the past and what might happen to you if she finds out you've spoken? It might make her understand where you're coming from. What do you think?

Maybe, but i won't be seeing her anytime soon. Plus I don't ever get the chance to privately ask for her email

[Duckie]

13 hours ago, R A I N said:

Maybe, but i won't be seeing her anytime soon. Plus I don't ever get the chance to privately ask for her email

Is there a way to get the email off your mum or dad's phone or is this too risky?

Maybe next time you see her you could ask her for her email and give an excuse that you would like her to look at a CV for a work application or ask questions about her line of work. I realise both of these questions are quite grown up, but if asked in front of your mum and your auntie, your mum might approve of it for this reason and appreciate that you asked in front of her. It is a bit of a white lie, but it might start out as that. What do you think?

[R A I N]

8 hours ago, Duckie said:

Is there a way to get the email off your mum or dad's phone or is this too risky?

Maybe next time you see her you could ask her for her email and give an excuse that you would like her to look at a CV for a work application or ask questions about her line of work. I realise both of these questions are quite grown up, but if asked in front of your mum and your auntie, your mum might approve of it for this reason and appreciate that you asked in front of her. It is a bit of a white lie, but it might start out as that. What do you think?

I highly doubt they email each other as they usually text. Hmm, I could maybe try that next time I see her.

[Aurora]

On 7/12/2023 at 7:49 PM, R A I N said:

I highly doubt they email each other as they usually text. Hmm, I could maybe try that next time I see her.

Do you know, when you'll next see her? f you feel comfortable to, then please let us know, how it goes. I get the impression that your aunty might be able to give you some helpful advice as she knows your mum well. 

[R A I N]

2 hours ago, Aurora said:

Do you know, when you'll next see her? f you feel comfortable to, then please let us know, how it goes. I get the impression that your aunty might be able to give you some helpful advice as she knows your mum well. 

I have no idea when I'll see her next. But i'll try n keep in touch - plus, if i just happen to get her email bc i found it somewhere, do i just start emailing her about everything? Like i have no idea where to start or whether to tell her abt my sh. She might tell my mum.

[Aurora]

On 7/14/2023 at 11:45 AM, R A I N said:

I have no idea when I'll see her next. But i'll try n keep in touch - plus, if i just happen to get her email bc i found it somewhere, do i just start emailing her about everything? Like i have no idea where to start or whether to tell her abt my sh. She might tell my mum.

Those are some important questions and it's good to think about this before you email her. I get the sense that you would prefer to not tell her everything straight away. Is that right? I would trust your instincts there. Maybe you could just start off by saying that you have been feeling really low recently and that you would like to talk to someone about it. You could then mention that you would prefer it if she didn't tell your mum about it as you're worried about how she might react and ask her if this is something she could do. How does that sound? 

[R A I N]

4 hours ago, Aurora said:

Those are some important questions and it's good to think about this before you email her. I get the sense that you would prefer to not tell her everything straight away. Is that right? I would trust your instincts there. Maybe you could just start off by saying that you have been feeling really low recently and that you would like to talk to someone about it. You could then mention that you would prefer it if she didn't tell your mum about it as you're worried about how she might react and ask her if this is something she could do. How does that sound? 

forget it, my mum found out i relapsed yesterday

[Duckie]

5 hours ago, R A I N said:

forget it, my mum found out i relapsed yesterday

Are you OK? Did she take something away from you this time?