TinyDinos Posted May 4 Share Posted May 4 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Other Click this notice to reveal the content. I don’t know what exactly to label this as so I’ll update the label if I have to. I need the word to describe how I’m feeling right now or else I think I might explode. It’s driving me crazy that I can’t articulate this emotional state I’m in and I need to be able to for the sake of my sanity. I’m numb and overly sensitive all at the same time. I’m so depressed all day it feels like I’m suffocating. Everything I had that was stable is flipped on its axis and I have nobody left. I find myself withdrawing from everybody I used to care about and faking everything in front of the people who I’m forced to interact with every day. I’m so fake and lacking substance it feels like I don’t have a personality anymore. I wish I could feel again. I went to prom and that distracted me for the day but then the fire around me was turned up to an unbearable temperature and there’s nobody here to care for me anymore. I crave the sweet release I cannot have because I lack the opportunity to snatch it up and relish in it. I’m so invisible, even to my siblings who used to be able to read me like a book. Half of my parents ditched me at my most vulnerable point, but not before ripping into my soul in a way I can’t recover from. The other half criticize me or ignore what’s happening right in front of them. But while part of me wants to disappear forever, the other part is screaming and crying for the people who are supposed to protect me finally make me feel safe. But as usual, I’m always left alone, crying to myself like the worthless waste of space and resources I am and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. I feel ripped and shredded apart inside and I feel like on the outside I’m dulled and grey. I feel like I’m crying out loud more. I’m more whiny, demanding. I feel like an idiotic child. And yet still, nobody comes to my aid. I think they all can sense that it’s too late to help me even if they’re unconscious of it. That can be the only explanation for why everyone favors others over me. I was never the priority. I just wish I knew why everyone else is just loved and given time, and space, and understanding, and grace, and room to make mistakes and time to rest and friends and family and every good thing the world has to offer to balance out the bad, but I have to work so hard just to stay on my feet. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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