I need the right word for how I’m feeling

[TinyDinos]

I don’t know what exactly to label this as so I’ll update the label if I have to.

I need the word to describe how I’m feeling right now or else I think I might explode. It’s driving me crazy that I can’t articulate this emotional state I’m in and I need to be able to for the sake of my sanity. 

I’m numb and overly sensitive all at the same time. I’m so depressed all day it feels like I’m suffocating. Everything I had that was stable is flipped on its axis and I have nobody left. I find myself withdrawing from everybody I used to care about and faking everything in front of the people who I’m forced to interact with every day. I’m so fake and lacking substance it feels like I don’t have a personality anymore. I wish I could feel again.

I went to prom and that distracted me for the day but then the fire around me was turned up to an unbearable temperature and there’s nobody here to care for me anymore. I crave the sweet release I cannot have because I lack the opportunity to snatch it up and relish in it. 

I’m so invisible, even to my siblings who used to be able to read me like a book. Half of my parents ditched me at my most vulnerable point, but not before ripping into my soul in a way I can’t recover from. The other half criticize me or ignore what’s happening right in front of them. 

But while part of me wants to disappear forever, the other part is screaming and crying for the people who are supposed to protect me finally make me feel safe. But as usual, I’m always left alone, crying to myself like the worthless waste of space and resources I am and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

I feel ripped and shredded apart inside and I feel like on the outside I’m dulled and grey. I feel like I’m crying out loud more. I’m more whiny, demanding. I feel like an idiotic child. And yet still, nobody comes to my aid. I think they all can sense that it’s too late to help me even if they’re unconscious of it. That can be the only explanation for why everyone favors others over me. I was never the priority. 

I just wish I knew why everyone else is just loved and given time, and space, and understanding, and grace, and room to make mistakes and time to rest and friends and family and every good thing the world has to offer to balance out the bad, but I have to work so hard just to stay on my feet. 

[TinyDinos]

There’s a lot happening here so read at your own risk.

TW: Mental and Emotional Abuse, Gaslighting, Drug abuse, Neglect, Trauma and anything else I might’ve missed.

 

I’ve already posted before about my biological father and all of the BS he’s put me and my family through so far with all of the threats and emotional abuse and gaslighting and lying to our faces about a woman he had romantic relationships with. The TL;DR of it all is that he threatened my sisters and I often, saying he would punch us in the face, beat us with wires, lie to our mom to get us in trouble, etc. until he got kicked out because he was screaming at us and our cousin got scared and called his mom (she was out with our mom at the time and my dad was in charge of watching us) scared he was gonna hurt us. He then lied and gaslit my sisters and I about whether or not he was stalking our mom, the relationships with other women he had at the time and all of the abuse that we’d endured while he lived with us. Fast forward a bit and he’s with this woman we didn’t really know and treats her daughter like he’s her dad. He gets us used to them and has us acting like we’re a family. Now onto the new stuff.
 

I got really close to the lady he was seemingly together with (he lied repeatedly insisting she was just his roommate but I’ve seen texts between them from before he moved in w her asking for shower pics and her daughter calls him daddy and a bunch of other stuff but I digress). I trusted her with everything and she really seemed to get me. I overlooked all of the bad stuff bc it was like having a stepmom who was cool and she was almost like an older sister in a way and I craved that relationship I never really had bc of having to grow up so quickly. This was thrown out of the window the day I had a tough conversation with my dad about my suspicions about having depression and wanting to get screened for it and whatever (he works with mental health professionals so I was trying to get real help.) He told me that he figured I had depression all along and made me feel guilty for not being like my sisters. He then felt the need to tell me all about how he was going to move across the country and block mine and my sisters’ phone numbers so we could never find him again but only decided to stay for his gf (“roommate”) and her daughter. He then called gf into the room to confirm what he was saying and she confirmed it. I pulled away from that relationship HARD.

Then at our next visit I found a cannabis brownie in his room, and he lied about where he got it from and his gf backed him up again. I trusted them until we accidentally stumbled on a review he left online for a dispensary seven months ago, about two weeks after finding the weed brownie.

my sisters and I confronted him about it and he refused to talk unless we saw him in person. We called him a few days before we were supposed to see him to talk over the phone bc we weren’t comfortable seeing him and he hung up on my sister mid-convo and gave us the silent treatment for the next two days including the day we called. His gf promised me I could call her whenever and she would make time to talk to me and that I could call her about anything. She also ignored my calls and I haven’t heard from her since I last was over my dad said house. We called him again on the day we were supposed to see him in person and he refused to see us in person and blamed us for his anger issues, the abuse, the divorce and everything that happened to us over the years. He then yelled at me over the phone, blaming me directly for all of these things and saying everybody is gonna leave me because I’m nothing but a disrespectful kid who keeps making adult decisions and said he sleeps fine at night knowing everything he’s done to my sisters and I. I literally cried to him begging for him to actually be my dad and salvage what was left of our relationship and once he heard I was upset he dug in deeper and said I was losing all of my friends and that everybody hates me because i don’t have any redeeming qualities and to hold on to any memories I have because they’re all I have left now, he then disowned me and said I’m no longer his daughter until I apologize to him and learn to respect him and do as he says. His gf was with him the whole time and said nothing. She agrees with him.
 

I have no dad.

I have no stepmom. 

I have no friends.

I’m supposed to graduate at the end of first semester next school year, meaning that I’ll be a 16 year old high school graduate, 

im scared that I’m not gonna make it.

afterall I have nothing to lose anymore.

Edited May 4, 2023 by Sad Sprout
Fixed an autocorrect error

[Monsoon]

1 hour ago, Sad Sprout said:

I don’t know what exactly to label this as so I’ll update the label if I have to.

I need the word to describe how I’m feeling right now or else I think I might explode. It’s driving me crazy that I can’t articulate this emotional state I’m in and I need to be able to for the sake of my sanity. 

I’m numb and overly sensitive all at the same time. I’m so depressed all day it feels like I’m suffocating. Everything I had that was stable is flipped on its axis and I have nobody left. I find myself withdrawing from everybody I used to care about and faking everything in front of the people who I’m forced to interact with every day. I’m so fake and lacking substance it feels like I don’t have a personality anymore. I wish I could feel again.

I went to prom and that distracted me for the day but then the fire around me was turned up to an unbearable temperature and there’s nobody here to care for me anymore. I crave the sweet release I cannot have because I lack the opportunity to snatch it up and relish in it. 

I’m so invisible, even to my siblings who used to be able to read me like a book. Half of my parents ditched me at my most vulnerable point, but not before ripping into my soul in a way I can’t recover from. The other half criticize me or ignore what’s happening right in front of them. 

But while part of me wants to disappear forever, the other part is screaming and crying for the people who are supposed to protect me finally make me feel safe. But as usual, I’m always left alone, crying to myself like the worthless waste of space and resources I am and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

I feel ripped and shredded apart inside and I feel like on the outside I’m dulled and grey. I feel like I’m crying out loud more. I’m more whiny, demanding. I feel like an idiotic child. And yet still, nobody comes to my aid. I think they all can sense that it’s too late to help me even if they’re unconscious of it. That can be the only explanation for why everyone favors others over me. I was never the priority. 

I just wish I knew why everyone else is just loved and given time, and space, and understanding, and grace, and room to make mistakes and time to rest and friends and family and every good thing the world has to offer to balance out the bad, but I have to work so hard just to stay on my feet. 

Hey @Sad Sprout

I just wanted to check in because I can see that you posted on the thread with information if you're feeling suicidal, and also what you said here about abuse and being scared you're not going to make it. We are concerned about your safety here. We can see how much you've been through before and how much you're struggling now. So firstly, I know this might be a really direct question to ask, but I'm wondering, are you feeling safe right now? If you aren't, it's okay to share that, and we are here for you. Our main priority is your safety and we care about you. Although it might not seem like it now, remember, there is light at the end of every tunnel, and you can get through this. Just incase you need it, here is some safety information if you are in crisis: 

• A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org - you can find the one for your country and call them if you are in crisis 
• An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful
• Remember, you can always call the emergency services or go to your local emergency department at the hospital for support

Given what you said bout your father, I'm wondering, are you safe from him now, and was this ever reported? I hope to hear back from you soon. Take care and speak soon. 

 

[TinyDinos]

8 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @Sad Sprout

I just wanted to check in because I can see that you posted on the thread with information if you're feeling suicidal, and also what you said here about abuse and being scared you're not going to make it. We are concerned about your safety here. We can see how much you've been through before and how much you're struggling now. So firstly, I know this might be a really direct question to ask, but I'm wondering, are you feeling safe right now? If you aren't, it's okay to share that, and we are here for you. Our main priority is your safety and we care about you. Although it might not seem like it now, remember, there is light at the end of every tunnel, and you can get through this. Just incase you need it, here is some safety information if you are in crisis: 

• A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org - you can find the one for your country and call them if you are in crisis 
• An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful
• Remember, you can always call the emergency services or go to your local emergency department at the hospital for support

Given what you said bout your father, I'm wondering, are you safe from him now, and was this ever reported? I hope to hear back from you soon. Take care and speak soon. 

Hey @Monsoon.

I’ve been in such a bad head space for the past few weeks between all of this, my sisters struggling because of the situation, things being really tense and awkward in my relationship(?) (I don’t really know what to call it but it’s slightly more than friends I guess?) and feeling really lonely but wanting to be left alone because of my lack of energy these days. I know it’s my fault that all of that stuff is happening but it’s all really getting to me. I got really suicidal yesterday and a couple times at the heat of the arguments with my dad, but obviously I haven’t gone through with it. I just think about it a lot. Or I suppose the better word is “mull” over it. I’m doing my best to stick it through because im so close to being done with school and stuff but I’m scared because I’m losing interest in that too. I literally have like two classes left to finish up for the next four weeks and then two classes next school year and I’m done. I guess it’s accurate to say that I feel conflicted over it. I think that means that I won’t off myself soon (I believe that if I were really ready to do it, I wouldn’t care what other people think anymore and I would be at peace towards giving up on what I’ve worked for my entire life thus far. I appreciate you, as always, and I’m sorry about the rant.
 

Yeah my mom has full custody. She has since the divorce was finalized in Dec. of 2020 but he was kicked out of the house in Oct. of 2020 (they had filed for divorce way before he moved out he was just still living with us until he could find a place to live and they were in separate rooms). After my mom found out about the dispensary review and we mentioned the cannabis brownie (we didn’t tell her initially because I had trusted my dad’s explanation for why it was there and would’ve never guessed that he’d be using them) we weren’t allowed to go to his house anymore, but we could see him in public. The issue with the whole thing is that I live in California and weed is legal here so theres really nothing we can report. As far as reporting the abuse goes, the verbal threats were put on the case for the divorce but none of the emotional things were reported to court nor any of the stuff that happened afterwards.

[TinyDinos]

I think I’m struggling more than ever now with all of the stuff with my dad because it makes me hate myself so much more. I don’t think of myself as a very insecure person when it comes to my appearance, I think I’m pretty comfortable with what I wear, what I look like, etc. (as long as I’m not showing off a bunch of skin I’m good pretty much, I just like to dress to cover up because it’s comforting.)

but I can’t help but see him all over me. My face looks like his. I got my eyes from him. My hair is from his side of the family. My skin is lighter than my moms because of him. Even minuscule things like my hands and feet are shaped like his rather than my moms. Worst yet, the way I think is just like him. He’s told me before that we argue so much because I think like him and that’s what makes us butt heads. Everyone who knows my dad knows my thinking patterns and the way I interpret information are like him. Even my last name is his and it makes me hate myself so much.

I hate having my identity being intertwined with the one person I hate the most. I hate everything he’s touched because he just corrupts it. I hate carrying that inside of me. Sharing genetic code with a person like that. I don’t wanna be like him and im so scared that the person he is, is who im destined to become. I hate it all so much.

[TinyDinos]

@Monsoon I replied to your message but it has to be moderated.

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

I can see it now, thank you. I really appreciate all the detail you've gone into, and I will definitely talk about this with you more if you like. However, I am just wondering right now, would you say you are safe, or have you made a plan to harm yourself? It's okay to tell us if you have, and we just want to make sure you are safe, and if not, to help you get support. We are here for you and we care. 

[TinyDinos]

6 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I can see it now, thank you. I really appreciate all the detail you've gone into, and I will definitely talk about this with you more if you like. However, I am just wondering right now, would you say you are safe, or have you made a plan to harm yourself? It's okay to tell us if you have, and we just want to make sure you are safe, and if not, to help you get support. We are here for you and we care. 

Yeah no worries. I think that’s really one of the best things to come out of this platform for me. In real life if I told anybody about what my dad was doing they’d defend him or say “oh I know your dad and he’d never do that” or “you probably deserve it, if you behaved he wouldn’t have gotten mad in the first place” or just feel sorry for me without actually helping. It’s so different being taken seriously by someone other than only like, my sisters, mom, and stepdad who have all seen it firsthand.

Im still invested in finishing school. I really want to finish because I’m so proud of the work I’ve put in to make it this far (especially because all of the divorce stuff happened during COVID, which was during my freshmen year of high school :/) I feel like I’ve worked to hard to give up now, but every now and again I start withdrawing again and caring less and less about my future.. I’ll keep you updated because I have no idea how things are gonna play out.

I’m also actively talking with my mom about changing my last name too. She’s fine with it and im looking at changing it to my stepdad’s last name. Either way I do NOT wanna be stuck with the one I currently have and I think that’s what’s nagging at me the most other than the heavy stuff right now.

[TinyDinos]

I replied, it just needs moderation again.

[Equivalent Ways]

um, heyyyyy sprout ':) you sure as he11 got a lot going on, glad you have some here to express it tho (bout d@mn time gurl, i know it takes strength and energy but gawd you just need to let loose sometimes)

here, imma get back to this post when i have more time to type

[TinyDinos]

7 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said:

um, heyyyyy sprout ':) you sure as he11 got a lot going on, glad you have some here to express it tho (bout d@mn time gurl, i know it takes strength and energy but gawd you just need to let loose sometimes)

here, imma get back to this post when i have more time to type

Yeah ig. You got me laughing tho w your sassiness lol. I’m trying my best honestly. It’s too much to deal with and I don’t like dumping on people so I usually wait until the last minute unfortunately

sorry I’ve been gone for so long :(

[Equivalent Ways]

1 hour ago, Sad Sprout said:

Yeah ig. You got me laughing tho w your sassiness lol. I’m trying my best honestly. It’s too much to deal with and I don’t like dumping on people so I usually wait until the last minute unfortunately

sorry I’ve been gone for so long :(

you are welcome Yes, i know you are doing your best :) You don't need no fake around here tho.

i get the not wanting to dump thing, and no one person if your landfill, however this place is a composter round here

[Equivalent Ways]

 

you are welcome Yes, i know you are doing your best :) You don't need no fake around here tho.

i get the not wanting to dump thing, and no one person if your landfill, however this place is a composter round here

 

Edited May 4, 2023 by Equivalent Ways
reposted cuz of moderation and my impatience lol

[TinyDinos]

Just now, Equivalent Ways said:

you are welcome Yes, i know you are doing your best :) You don't need no fake around here tho.

i get the not wanting to dump thing, and no one person if your landfill, however this place is a composter round here

I still feel compelled to cover everything up because of past experiences. Probably won’t change anytime soon either.

[Equivalent Ways]

2 minutes ago, Sad Sprout said:

I still feel compelled to cover everything up because of past experiences. Probably won’t change anytime soon either.

well i was saying you dont NEED to cover it up, but it is still your choice, and its hard work too ':) I believe in you but am also here to help how I can. change is inevitable(think whatever u want lol) but it just depends what u want to do ig

[Equivalent Ways]

well i was saying you dont NEED to cover it up, but it is still your choice, and its hard work too ':) I believe in you but am also here to help how I can. change is inevitable(think whatever u want lol) but it just depends what u want to do ig

[Equivalent Ways]

well, you dont NEED to cover it up, but it is still your cho ice, and its hard work too ':) I believe in you but am also here to help how I can. cha nge is ~ine vita ble~(think what ever u want lol) but it just depends what u want to do ig

[Equivalent Ways]

oh gerd i just posted 3 times and it still gets moderated

[Equivalent Ways]

5 minutes ago, Sad Sprout said:

I still feel compelled to cover everything up because of past experiences. Probably won’t change anytime soon either.

Lemme rephrase my moderated stuff lol, its natural to still feel compelled, it is hard to suddenly stop ':) i get it, just saying that you dont n e e d to~ to be cared for around here, you can feel whatever feels u feelin.

[TinyDinos]

ig. I just still feel bad about it and I can’t help it. Then I feel bad for feeling bad. Get the cycle I’m stuck in now?

[Equivalent Ways]

4 hours ago, Sad Sprout said:

ig. I just still feel bad about it and I can’t help it. Then I feel bad for feeling bad. Get the cycle I’m stuck in now?

i get upset.. then I am even more upset cuz im upset, and then I am upset about how I am thinking about how i am upset that I am upset ._.

[Aurora]

On 5/4/2023 at 7:20 AM, Sad Sprout said:

There’s a lot happening here so read at your own risk.

TW: Mental and Emotional Abuse, Gaslighting, Drug abuse, Neglect, Trauma and anything else I might’ve missed.

I’ve already posted before about my biological father and all of the BS he’s put me and my family through so far with all of the threats and emotional abuse and gaslighting and lying to our faces about a woman he had romantic relationships with. The TL;DR of it all is that he threatened my sisters and I often, saying he would punch us in the face, beat us with wires, lie to our mom to get us in trouble, etc. until he got kicked out because he was screaming at us and our cousin got scared and called his mom (she was out with our mom at the time and my dad was in charge of watching us) scared he was gonna hurt us. He then lied and gaslit my sisters and I about whether or not he was stalking our mom, the relationships with other women he had at the time and all of the abuse that we’d endured while he lived with us. Fast forward a bit and he’s with this woman we didn’t really know and treats her daughter like he’s her dad. He gets us used to them and has us acting like we’re a family. Now onto the new stuff.
 

I got really close to the lady he was seemingly together with (he lied repeatedly insisting she was just his roommate but I’ve seen texts between them from before he moved in w her asking for shower pics and her daughter calls him daddy and a bunch of other stuff but I digress). I trusted her with everything and she really seemed to get me. I overlooked all of the bad stuff bc it was like having a stepmom who was cool and she was almost like an older sister in a way and I craved that relationship I never really had bc of having to grow up so quickly. This was thrown out of the window the day I had a tough conversation with my dad about my suspicions about having depression and wanting to get screened for it and whatever (he works with mental health professionals so I was trying to get real help.) He told me that he figured I had depression all along and made me feel guilty for not being like my sisters. He then felt the need to tell me all about how he was going to move across the country and block mine and my sisters’ phone numbers so we could never find him again but only decided to stay for his gf (“roommate”) and her daughter. He then called gf into the room to confirm what he was saying and she confirmed it. I pulled away from that relationship HARD.

Then at our next visit I found a cannabis brownie in his room, and he lied about where he got it from and his gf backed him up again. I trusted them until we accidentally stumbled on a review he left online for a dispensary seven months ago, about two weeks after finding the weed brownie.

my sisters and I confronted him about it and he refused to talk unless we saw him in person. We called him a few days before we were supposed to see him to talk over the phone bc we weren’t comfortable seeing him and he hung up on my sister mid-convo and gave us the silent treatment for the next two days including the day we called. His gf promised me I could call her whenever and she would make time to talk to me and that I could call her about anything. She also ignored my calls and I haven’t heard from her since I last was over my dad said house. We called him again on the day we were supposed to see him in person and he refused to see us in person and blamed us for his anger issues, the abuse, the divorce and everything that happened to us over the years. He then yelled at me over the phone, blaming me directly for all of these things and saying everybody is gonna leave me because I’m nothing but a disrespectful kid who keeps making adult decisions and said he sleeps fine at night knowing everything he’s done to my sisters and I. I literally cried to him begging for him to actually be my dad and salvage what was left of our relationship and once he heard I was upset he dug in deeper and said I was losing all of my friends and that everybody hates me because i don’t have any redeeming qualities and to hold on to any memories I have because they’re all I have left now, he then disowned me and said I’m no longer his daughter until I apologize to him and learn to respect him and do as he says. His gf was with him the whole time and said nothing. She agrees with him.
 

I have no dad.

I have no stepmom. 

I have no friends.

I’m supposed to graduate at the end of first semester next school year, meaning that I’ll be a 16 year old high school graduate, 

im scared that I’m not gonna make it.

afterall I have nothing to lose anymore.

Hi there, welcome back. Thanks so much for sharing what's been going on for you. I'm really sorry that you've had to deal with all this. After everything you told us I can understand why the situation with your Dad is having such an impact on your emotional wellbeing. You have a lot to deal with and it doesn't sound like you have that much support around you. Is that right? Please know though that our emotional wellbeing changes all the time and you won't always feel  like this. 

As Monsoon already said, we care about you and your safety is the most important thing. Thank you for letting us know that you are feeling safe for now. Can I check with you though, are you still seeing your Dad and if so do you feel safe around him? By safe I don't just mean in a physical sense but also emotionally? I know you mentioned that your mom doesn't allow you to go to his house anymore and that you can only see him in public. I'm wondering if that's enough to keep you safe. What do you think?

19 hours ago, Sad Sprout said:

I think I’m struggling more than ever now with all of the stuff with my dad because it makes me hate myself so much more. I don’t think of myself as a very insecure person when it comes to my appearance, I think I’m pretty comfortable with what I wear, what I look like, etc. (as long as I’m not showing off a bunch of skin I’m good pretty much, I just like to dress to cover up because it’s comforting.)

but I can’t help but see him all over me. My face looks like his. I got my eyes from him. My hair is from his side of the family. My skin is lighter than my moms because of him. Even minuscule things like my hands and feet are shaped like his rather than my moms. Worst yet, the way I think is just like him. He’s told me before that we argue so much because I think like him and that’s what makes us butt heads. Everyone who knows my dad knows my thinking patterns and the way I interpret information are like him. Even my last name is his and it makes me hate myself so much.

I hate having my identity being intertwined with the one person I hate the most. I hate everything he’s touched because he just corrupts it. I hate carrying that inside of me. Sharing genetic code with a person like that. I don’t wanna be like him and im so scared that the person he is, is who im destined to become. I hate it all so much.

l noticed how the relationship with your Dad really seems to be impacting on how you see yourself. Again I wanted to thank you for sharing this with us. I know it can be really difficult to talk about and open up about our own identity and how we feel about ourself.  You mentioned that you're scared that the person he is is the person you are destined to become. I'm wondering, if you imagine one of your friends telling you what you've told us - what advice would you give to your friend? 

Please know that you are not alone with this and we are all here to support you. 

[TinyDinos]

9 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi there, welcome back. Thanks so much for sharing what's been going on for you. I'm really sorry that you've had to deal with all this. After everything you told us I can understand why the situation with your Dad is having such an impact on your emotional wellbeing. You have a lot to deal with and it doesn't sound like you have that much support around you. Is that right? Please know though that our emotional wellbeing changes all the time and you won't always feel  like this. 

As Monsoon already said, we care about you and your safety is the most important thing. Thank you for letting us know that you are feeling safe for now. Can I check with you though, are you still seeing your Dad and if so do you feel safe around him? By safe I don't just mean in a physical sense but also emotionally? I know you mentioned that your mom doesn't allow you to go to his house anymore and that you can only see him in public. I'm wondering if that's enough to keep you safe. What do you think?

l noticed how the relationship with your Dad really seems to be impacting on how you see yourself. Again I wanted to thank you for sharing this with us. I know it can be really difficult to talk about and open up about our own identity and how we feel about ourself.  You mentioned that you're scared that the person he is is the person you are destined to become. I'm wondering, if you imagine one of your friends telling you what you've told us - what advice would you give to your friend? 

Please know that you are not alone with this and we are all here to support you. 

Yeah that’s right. I don’t really have much support, and it’s not like my mom doesn’t care, it’s more like the best she can do is tell me that she’s sorry that it happened and that things went this way. I know she’s just as stuck as I am and it sucks. I’m not seeing my dad because he refused to see my sisters and I in person, and followed up with disowning me. So I haven’t even heard from him since this all happened a few weeks ago. Basically no, I’m not seeing him in person, nor are my sisters. I don’t think that being in public would stop him if he wanted to hurt us, but it gives me more peace of mind that the only way to get to my house from there isn’t through him like how it was at his house.

Yeah and it kinda sucks. I find that the things I liked most about myself are directly connected to him and it hurts so badly. I’d probably tell them that they are the only person who makes decisions for themselves, and that it is unfortunate that they went through something so rough, but they can make the most of a bad situation and look at the type of person their abuser is and work extra hard to stay away from those behaviors in their own lives. 
Unfortunately though I know that doesn’t stop the intrusive thoughts from happening or being believable :(

Thank you for all of your support

[Equivalent Ways]

1 hour ago, Sad Sprout said:

Yeah that’s right. I don’t really have much support, and it’s not like my mom doesn’t care, it’s more like the best she can do is tell me that she’s sorry that it happened and that things went this way. I know she’s just as stuck as I am and it sucks. I’m not seeing my dad because he refused to see my sisters and I in person, and followed up with disowning me. So I haven’t even heard from him since this all happened a few weeks ago. Basically no, I’m not seeing him in person, nor are my sisters. I don’t think that being in public would stop him if he wanted to hurt us, but it gives me more peace of mind that the only way to get to my house from there isn’t through him like how it was at his house.

Yeah and it kinda sucks. I find that the things I liked most about myself are directly connected to him and it hurts so badly. I’d probably tell them that they are the only person who makes decisions for themselves, and that it is unfortunate that they went through something so rough, but they can make the most of a bad situation and look at the type of person their abuser is and work extra hard to stay away from those behaviors in their own lives. 
Unfortunately though I know that doesn’t stop the intrusive thoughts from happening or being believable :(

Thank you for all of your support

I am really sorry Dino that you lived through that it's fricked up thats for sure.

I am glad tho, that you have you (lol that makes no sense) but like you(intelligence, strength, kindness, bravery, i could go on for a while but i would need a dictionary! have that in your being, its amazing really

What is it that you love/loved about yourself that you feel belongs to someone else now?

Daggnit now I am just angry that anyone ever hurt you/could hurt you

Rip i am not great with words at all, but you have ppl who are here for ya

[TinyDinos]

3 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

I am really sorry Dino that you lived through that it's fricked up thats for sure.

I am glad tho, that you have you (lol that makes no sense) but like you(intelligence, strength, kindness, bravery, i could go on for a while but i would need a dictionary! have that in your being, its amazing really

What is it that you love/loved about yourself that you feel belongs to someone else now?

Daggnit now I am just angry that anyone ever hurt you/could hurt you

Rip i am not great with words at all, but you have ppl who are here for ya

Thank you so much for the kind words Ways

pretty much everything. My hair, eyes, skin tone, everything looks like him. Even the way I talk and think people compare to him :(