Me, Myself, and I

[Monsoon]

3 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Hi, I had a terrible night last night, but I made it through, still feel crappy tho. Now I am talking with my best friend and mom so hopefully I am hopefully a little more stable now. 

Hey there,

Sorry to hear you had a terrible night. Would you like to talk about it? We are here for you. 

[Equivalent Ways]

7 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Sorry to hear you had a terrible night. Would you like to talk about it? We are here for you. 

THANK YOU @Monsoon, just that means a lot to me. I just realized a lot about myself and it was overwhelming, i was also a bit angry. I have no problem just staying in bed tho, in fact it is preferable, no ppl bugging me and quiet, which is funny. It was rough, but every time i get through smth like that I feel more connected to the reasons I am still here, and that is pretty powerful. I guess those are my thoughts on it rn, but I am going into another night here, I dont' feel at all like last night :D I'm kinda proud of myself ngl

[Monsoon]

13 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

THANK YOU @Monsoon, just that means a lot to me. I just realized a lot about myself and it was overwhelming, i was also a bit angry. I have no problem just staying in bed tho, in fact it is preferable, no ppl bugging me and quiet, which is funny. It was rough, but every time i get through smth like that I feel more connected to the reasons I am still here, and that is pretty powerful. I guess those are my thoughts on it rn, but I am going into another night here, I dont' feel at all like last night :D I'm kinda proud of myself ngl

Hey there,

It's great that you have been feeling more connected to the reasons you are still here. I'm wondering, would you like to share what those reasons are here? No pressure of course, but it might be quite powerful for you to talk about this with others. 

[Equivalent Ways]

6 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

It's great that you have been feeling more connected to the reasons you are still here. I'm wondering, would you like to share what those reasons are here? No pressure of course, but it might be quite powerful for you to talk about this with others. 

I was proud then good for me but now i feel a little like a cranky tired beetle, however, you know, I will give it a try.

1, My family and friends

2, making art

3, to try a red velvet cupcake, and go get my fav burrito at my fav place again

Idk, something like that

[Equivalent Ways]

Well this is also kinda my vent thread lol so lemme share some thoughts i guess.

I'm using my eyes a lot to see a lot of things, yet I am so tired cuz of it. I know leaning is a wonderful part of life but i get too stuck on feeling like I need to know everything

Then there is having fun.. :/ I am not trying to have fun cuz that makes me have less fun lol but I am still trying to do things I love.. But even they are overwhelming at times. It just feels hard rn. Like why are some ppl like this. I can't escape my human desire, and it causes so many problems... All my problems, I feel like a math textbook. Full of problems.. I was not a fan of math.

And yea I just feel down and stuck in my human skinsack-body with other humans and my humanity drives me a bit cray cray sometimes...

[Equivalent Ways]

So now here is the positive side cuz why not? Communication can really help us humans feel release. My eyes are a duble edged sword, they help me see the immense undeniable beauty of the world... and it is simply what I was given. Learning and questioning these things i feel is just part of my life destiny, even though I do find it challenging.

I am really proud I made it to this moment, and I am proud I am still making art too. I have not been walking in a while but I will try to do that tomorrow. Many of my stresses from my challenges can be helped a ton by this quote:

"Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference"

-AA

No doubt I do feel a little cray rn but I am trying to give myself space, time, and patience(and love)I can get though this.

Lets head bang to the metal I am listening to rn rather than my device

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

I really like what you said around how you're trying to give yourself space, time, patience, and love. We are so giving to other people that we can sometimes lose touch with the fact that we also need to give to ourselves. i'm wondering, what kinds of things do you do to give yourself all of these things? What does that look like?

[Equivalent Ways]

4 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I really like what you said around how you're trying to give yourself space, time, patience, and love. We are so giving to other people that we can sometimes lose touch with the fact that we also need to give to ourselves. i'm wondering, what kinds of things do you do to give yourself all of these things? What does that look like?

Hiya. It is raining right now, and the weather makes me feel better, so i guess to start this off I try to take some breaths outside with the wet air. Breathing is the quickest(and maybe best) way for me to communicate to myself that I am allowed to just stop for a minute and pay attention to me. Naturally I am a codependent and easily gave up everything for someone else but i am trying something different(I talk about it more on my i dont care thread). I was taught to not love myself or do/know anything nice for myself, cuz I was never enough. BUT NOW here is a bit what I am up too ;) I like to make art(like I am addicted, I draw up to 6 hours a day lol~) or eat some good food, give myself space either in my room, by saying no, or by like going on a walk or smth. I aim for it to look like not intense-shadow-work self-care, but in this case instead, taking-a-bath-and-doing-something-lovley-for-myself ya know? Like I just ask myself, 'what is the best thing I could do for myself that would make me happy rn?'

idk its not easy but i am working on it :D

[Equivalent Ways]

hi, i am having trouble with nighttime angst again.. I just feel really nervous for tomorrow or even in an hour. And i know time waits for no one but the fact that the clock keeps ticking is driving me crazy!! I feel nervous about what to say or what to do that I will regret the least...

[Equivalent Ways]

Just now, Equivalent Ways said:

hi, i am having trouble with nighttime angst again.. I just feel really nervous for tomorrow or even in an hour. And i know time waits for no one but the fact that the clock keeps ticking is driving me crazy!! I feel nervous about what to say or what to do that I will regret the least...

hey, I'm sorry to hear that I wish you a peaceful night experience... but you can just take it moment by moment because things can get really overwhelming really fast. You are also allowed to just ~be~ even though that sounds really ie, it is true. There is a lot of fear about being wrong or right or regret and success and I don't mean to be making fun of what you are saying because these feelings are TRUE and VALID

[Equivalent Ways]

Just now, Equivalent Ways said:

hey, I'm sorry to hear that I wish you a peaceful night experience... but you can just take it moment by moment because things can get really overwhelming really fast. You are also allowed to just ~be~ even though that sounds really ie, it is true. There is a lot of fear about being wrong or right or regret and success and I don't mean to be making fun of what you are saying because these feelings are TRUE and VALID

Thank you for those words..even though they are just words they help me feel a bit more comforted... I am scared of making mistakes or/and hurting ppl. I am working on trusting myself though

[Equivalent Ways]

Just now, Equivalent Ways said:

Thank you for those words..even though they are just words they help me feel a bit more comforted... I am scared of making mistakes or/and hurting ppl. I am working on trusting myself though

I am glad~ because you are special to me just know that ;) please go easy on yourself

Edited March 10, 2023 by Equivalent Ways

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Sorry it has taken me a couple of days to get back to you. I can see that you have kind of been giving yourself advice and being kind to yourself in your recent comments which is nice; is that something you do often, and do you find it helpful? 
 

Also, I can see what you said about how you have been learning a lot, and I’m wondering, what things have you learnt about yourself would you say? 

[Equivalent Ways]

38 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Sorry it has taken me a couple of days to get back to you. I can see that you have kind of been giving yourself advice and being kind to yourself in your recent comments which is nice; is that something you do often, and do you find it helpful? 
 

Also, I can see what you said about how you have been learning a lot, and I’m wondering, what things have you learnt about yourself would you say? 

Hey @Monsoon, yeah i give myself advice but it has a dark side, anyway I will make a post about it after this. But it is great to have yourself as your best friend.

I have learned more about my trauma responses and how they still affect me today.. I find that my flee reaction is huge and that is something I learned and am now going to learn MORE about how to work with... I am spending an intensive construction time rn on my soul and I think that is ok?

It can be overwhelming sometimes

[Equivalent Ways]

So a question I have on this thread is about my self/moods.

I was never professionally diagnosed with bipolar disorder and almost diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but aside from this, I will only be using these labels(ironic cuz its "Ditch the Label" lol) for communication purposed because what I really want is some thoughts/advice.

Ok so i feel split often and my mood can go from ok(even good or great) to suddenly, erratically, quickly terrible mood(grumpy, sad, depressed) to extremes and it is really hard to deal with. And the interesting thing is that i go through at least 5 of these in a 24 hour cycle...

And yes i do have ~voices~ in my head, defiantly. I how how these voices came to be, yet now they are the ones who help me get through the deepest darkness(how I am here now lol) when no one else is there.. But also can cause havoc, never shut up, and cause brain slop.

These mood swings are super difficult and i have some things that help and have tried a lot of things, but, any ideas?

[Equivalent Ways]

In a deep pocket, It's a contest

Of my psyche butterfly... and my stitch of a crumpled heart

Ahora, I contain a twinging thump

Of my core in my skinsack

Oh the feel seems like a challenge

Face it

Cast my stones

Roll by

The gold

[Equivalent Ways]

2 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said:

In a deep pocket, It's a contest

Of my psyche butterfly... and my stitch of a crumpled heart

Ahora, I contain a twinging thump

Of my core in my skinsack

Oh the feel seems like a challenge

Face it

Cast my stones

Roll by

The gold

There will always be another challenge, and that's ok, a little tiresome if you think of it that way though..

[Equivalent Ways]

Just now, Equivalent Ways said:

There will always be another challenge, and that's ok, a little tiresome if you think of it that way though..

Sometimes it does not feel ok tho It is ok to feel whatever i feel I suppose. I will make it through this... then onto the next

Edited March 12, 2023 by Equivalent Ways

[Equivalent Ways]

Just now, Equivalent Ways said:

Sometimes it does not feel ok tho It is ok to feel whatever i feel I suppose. I will make it through this... then onto the next

We go this way. It is always hard to see things as they arebut here WE are, right where we find ourselves right now :D

[Monsoon]

On 3/11/2023 at 6:31 PM, Equivalent Ways said:

So a question I have on this thread is about my self/moods.

I was never professionally diagnosed with bipolar disorder and almost diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but aside from this, I will only be using these labels(ironic cuz its "Ditch the Label" lol) for communication purposed because what I really want is some thoughts/advice.

Ok so i feel split often and my mood can go from ok(even good or great) to suddenly, erratically, quickly terrible mood(grumpy, sad, depressed) to extremes and it is really hard to deal with. And the interesting thing is that i go through at least 5 of these in a 24 hour cycle...

And yes i do have ~voices~ in my head, defiantly. I how how these voices came to be, yet now they are the ones who help me get through the deepest darkness(how I am here now lol) when no one else is there.. But also can cause havoc, never shut up, and cause brain slop.

These mood swings are super difficult and i have some things that help and have tried a lot of things, but, any ideas?

Hey there,

Thank you for telling me about the voices and how your moods change. I'm wondering, can you tell me more about the voices? What kinds of things do they say? Do you feel they are real people or do you see them differently? 

[Equivalent Ways]

3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Thank you for telling me about the voices and how your moods change. I'm wondering, can you tell me more about the voices? What kinds of things do they say? Do you feel they are real people or do you see them differently? 

Hey, ~the voices~ makes me feel crazy lol even through it is just an accurate statement. They are real, but exist in my mind cuz they are all mes :) 3 of them to be precise. They are me and we are we and they are themselves, so we say anything from our opinions to discussing how we should go about something…if that makes sense. Sometimes I refer to myself as we or smth hah..

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Yeah, that makes sense, thank you for explaining :)

I'm wondering, how would you describe your relationship with the voices? Do they ever tell you to do things?

[Equivalent Ways]

On 3/13/2023 at 2:45 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, that makes sense, thank you for explaining :)

I'm wondering, how would you describe your relationship with the voices? Do they ever tell you to do things?

Well, short answer yes. But basically they are me and I am them Many ppl think that 'they' tell me to do dangerous things or smth but really it's a us. Sometimes I will accidentally refer to myself as 'we' haha But just like you work on loving yourself, we are working on fully loving ourselves :)

[Monsoon]

7 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Well, short answer yes. But basically they are me and I am them Many ppl think that 'they' tell me to do dangerous things or smth but really it's a us. Sometimes I will accidentally refer to myself as 'we' haha But just like you work on loving yourself, we are working on fully loving ourselves :)

Hey there,

That's good to hear you're working on fully loving yourselves :)

I'm wondering, can you tell me about the things they tell you to do? Also, have you spoken to anyone else about them yet? 

[Equivalent Ways]

5 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

That's good to hear you're working on fully loving yourselves :)

I'm wondering, can you tell me about the things they tell you to do? Also, have you spoken to anyone else about them yet? 

Well it’s a once again, not a what they tell me what to do, but a what we decide to do linda thing and we decide everything that any wine has to decide on a normal basis ya know? Everything from what we should eat to wether we should kill ourselves or not. We decided not btw