TinyDinos Posted February 21, 2023 Share Posted February 21, 2023 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Other, Trauma Click this notice to reveal the content. Feeling really anxious right now. My sister has been extra horrible today and I just overall feel drained from dealing with her. I’ve already posted before about her abusive and toxic behavior so I won’t get into that here, but the tl;dr of it is that she gets away with being a bully and nobody does anything about it because she doesn’t listen. One of my youngest sister’s friends are spending the night and my bully sister is misbehaving. I went to tell my mom since she’s the only one my sister kinda listens to, and I can hear her arguing with my stepdad. This really pushed me over the edge because it triggered me from my parents relationship before she married my stepdad. I know that my stepdad is nothing like my bio dad, and I’m not scared for my safety, but I can’t help feeling the same way I did when my dad who would threaten to hurt me lived in the house. I feel like I’m re-living the same thing and that they’re gonna divorce again even though my logic tells me that they won’t. I feel sick to my stomach and I want to cry so bad but I’m supposed to be watching the kids. I need help 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawthorne11 Posted February 21, 2023 Share Posted February 21, 2023 I'm so sorry, it sounds like you are feeling really overwhelmed. Is there a way you can get them doing something they can't get into trouble with so you can have a moment to calm down? One thing I do when I am having a panic attack is inhale for 5 secs, hold for 5 secs, exhale for 8 secs, hold for 2 secs, for 5 minutes. Do it for the full five minutes and that might help? It always works for me. I'm so sorry you feel like this, hugs to you! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TinyDinos Posted February 21, 2023 Author Share Posted February 21, 2023 53 minutes ago, AceOfSpades said: I'm so sorry, it sounds like you are feeling really overwhelmed. Is there a way you can get them doing something they can't get into trouble with so you can have a moment to calm down? One thing I do when I am having a panic attack is inhale for 5 secs, hold for 5 secs, exhale for 8 secs, hold for 2 secs, for 5 minutes. Do it for the full five minutes and that might help? It always works for me. I'm so sorry you feel like this, hugs to you! Yeah.. we’re watching a movie right now. I calmed down enough to focus on the movie for now, but I found myself stress eating so I’m kinda upset. I can’t hear my parents arguing atm but I convinced myself to do my laundry and I have to switch it to the dryer and the laundry room is by their bedroom so I’m kinda procrastinating. I feel awful about not doing it because I know how easy it should be to do something as simple as laundry but I can’t bring myself to do it. Overall feeling out of it and low motivation. I appreciate the advice though, I’ll try doing that. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TinyDinos Posted February 21, 2023 Author Share Posted February 21, 2023 I take it back. The movie is over and I can still hear the yelling from downstairs. Everybody could. My sister’s friend asked if my mom was yelling and the youngest covered it up by saying that she probably rage quit on a game that she was playing. I wish I was invisible. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TinyDinos Posted February 21, 2023 Author Share Posted February 21, 2023 I’ve just been having a bad month and I’m in a really bad mental space. I have too much going on and I need to dissociate so bad but I have too many responsibilities and not enough motivation to handle it all. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted February 21, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted February 21, 2023 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Other, Trauma Click this notice to reveal the content. 8 hours ago, TinyDinos said: Feeling really anxious right now. My sister has been extra horrible today and I just overall feel drained from dealing with her. I’ve already posted before about her abusive and toxic behavior so I won’t get into that here, but the tl;dr of it is that she gets away with being a bully and nobody does anything about it because she doesn’t listen. One of my youngest sister’s friends are spending the night and my bully sister is misbehaving. I went to tell my mom since she’s the only one my sister kinda listens to, and I can hear her arguing with my stepdad. This really pushed me over the edge because it triggered me from my parents relationship before she married my stepdad. I know that my stepdad is nothing like my bio dad, and I’m not scared for my safety, but I can’t help feeling the same way I did when my dad who would threaten to hurt me lived in the house. I feel like I’m re-living the same thing and that they’re gonna divorce again even though my logic tells me that they won’t. I feel sick to my stomach and I want to cry so bad but I’m supposed to be watching the kids. I need help Hi there, thank you for sharing what's been going on for you. I know it can be difficult to open up about stuff that's going on at home. Please know that you are not alone and this is a safe space for you. I think you might know this already but if you ever want to talk about anything confidentially then you can always sent us a message via the confidential support tab at the top of the page. From what you've been telling us it sounds like your home wasn't a safe place when your bio dad used to live with you. Is that right? It's really common to feel traumatised by an unsafe situation and like you said, your mum and stepdad arguing probably triggered a lot of the fears you had when your bio dad still lived with you. It sounds like you feel alone with your thoughts and feelings and I'm sorry that there is no one at home at the moment who can support you with this. I'm wondering, did you eve see someone eg a counsellor after your parents split up to help you process what happened. And if not, do you think is that something that might be helpful? Also, can I ask, what is the situation like at home now? It sounded like the argument went on for a long time yesterday. Do you think your Mum knows, how you feel when she and your stepdad argue like this? We're here for you MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TinyDinos Posted February 21, 2023 Author Share Posted February 21, 2023 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Other, Trauma Click this notice to reveal the content. 5 hours ago, Aurora said: Hi there, thank you for sharing what's been going on for you. I know it can be difficult to open up about stuff that's going on at home. Please know that you are not alone and this is a safe space for you. I think you might know this already but if you ever want to talk about anything confidentially then you can always sent us a message via the confidential support tab at the top of the page. From what you've been telling us it sounds like your home wasn't a safe place when your bio dad used to live with you. Is that right? It's really common to feel traumatised by an unsafe situation and like you said, your mum and stepdad arguing probably triggered a lot of the fears you had when your bio dad still lived with you. It sounds like you feel alone with your thoughts and feelings and I'm sorry that there is no one at home at the moment who can support you with this. I'm wondering, did you eve see someone eg a counsellor after your parents split up to help you process what happened. And if not, do you think is that something that might be helpful? Also, can I ask, what is the situation like at home now? It sounded like the argument went on for a long time yesterday. Do you think your Mum knows, how you feel when she and your stepdad argue like this? We're here for you Yeah I do, I’ve talked on there before. Thanks for the reminder though. Yep that’s pretty true. I often find myself in situations that make me uncomfortable because it was tied to him in some way, or would remind me of bad things that would happen. There are also some fear responses that my family as a whole noticed that we’ve been doing just because we got used to having to react or behave a certain way when my bio dad was around and it’s difficult trying to change that pattern of behavior even though he’s not here anymore. A prime example of this is how I just assumed responsibility after hearing the arguing (my parents didn’t ask me to watch the kids, I just filled the role I would when my bio parents argued which was to keep my sibling as distracted as possible as to protect them from hearing it, and from arousing my fathers anger any further) even though my stepdad had never on the 2 years I’ve known him, nor do I believe he ever would, harm us at all. I never got therapy or counseling because my mom isn’t very open to the idea of having mental health challenges as a result from her own childhood, so that’s a no-go. She seems to be getting worried about me and my mental health lately because she’s noticing the little things and asking questions now, but not directly saying it, y’know? I hope to get a mental health screening soon, and possibly have the conversation then. We’re in California, so it’s morning over here now, they slept on it and to my knowledge are fine now. They usually make up fairly quickly compared to the arguments I’ve witnessed in the past. Even I was surprised by how long it went on, but I don’t know if it was over the same thing or if they were already sensitive from arguing and something little pissed them off again. My sisters and I have told her once and she apologized for making us feel that way and explained the whole “adults argue sometimes and it’s okay to disagree” bit, but it didn’t really help. I was still pretty wound up even afterwards because I was going to summer camp with my first younger sister and I was scared to leave the youngest (again out of fear from before, not because I logically think they’d hurt her). They’ve done a good job of keeping the arguments behind closed doors and it helped, but sometimes if I walk by at the wrong time or if they’re loud enough it doesn’t matter if the door is closed or not. Thanks for the reply, I really appreciate it. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Equivalent Ways Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 Hi, Dino. I did not know this was going on and I am so sorry it is. We are here for you My best advice would be to get a breath to breath! Your feelings are important messengers that need to be listened too, you deserve to feel your feelings. It is important to prioritize our own well-being so we can help others too. But sometimes it do feel like instability is painful and a circus. I am here to try my best to help MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Equivalent Ways Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 Sometimes I just wish I was a baby squirrel who could not hear nor see yet because to see clearly all the stuff in this world is o v e r w h l e m I n g. But here I am grown up, and left with wide eyes like an owl that’s a blessing and a curse. No thanks to all the people who showed me evil and nasty of the wold, but thanks to myself for staying alive and for those kind souls who show me that humans have that capability for safety and love MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TinyDinos Posted February 22, 2023 Author Share Posted February 22, 2023 1 hour ago, Equivalent Ways said: Sometimes I just wish I was a baby squirrel who could not hear nor see yet because to see clearly all the stuff in this world is o v e r w h l e m I n g. But here I am grown up, and left with wide eyes like an owl that’s a blessing and a curse. No thanks to all the people who showed me evil and nasty of the wold, but thanks to myself for staying alive and for those kind souls who show me that humans have that capability for safety and love This reminds me of my poem “Mine” that I wrote. I agree 100% MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted February 22, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted February 22, 2023 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Other, Trauma Click this notice to reveal the content. 19 hours ago, TinyDinos said: Yeah I do, I’ve talked on there before. Thanks for the reminder though. Yep that’s pretty true. I often find myself in situations that make me uncomfortable because it was tied to him in some way, or would remind me of bad things that would happen. There are also some fear responses that my family as a whole noticed that we’ve been doing just because we got used to having to react or behave a certain way when my bio dad was around and it’s difficult trying to change that pattern of behavior even though he’s not here anymore. A prime example of this is how I just assumed responsibility after hearing the arguing (my parents didn’t ask me to watch the kids, I just filled the role I would when my bio parents argued which was to keep my sibling as distracted as possible as to protect them from hearing it, and from arousing my fathers anger any further) even though my stepdad had never on the 2 years I’ve known him, nor do I believe he ever would, harm us at all. I never got therapy or counseling because my mom isn’t very open to the idea of having mental health challenges as a result from her own childhood, so that’s a no-go. She seems to be getting worried about me and my mental health lately because she’s noticing the little things and asking questions now, but not directly saying it, y’know? I hope to get a mental health screening soon, and possibly have the conversation then. We’re in California, so it’s morning over here now, they slept on it and to my knowledge are fine now. They usually make up fairly quickly compared to the arguments I’ve witnessed in the past. Even I was surprised by how long it went on, but I don’t know if it was over the same thing or if they were already sensitive from arguing and something little pissed them off again. My sisters and I have told her once and she apologized for making us feel that way and explained the whole “adults argue sometimes and it’s okay to disagree” bit, but it didn’t really help. I was still pretty wound up even afterwards because I was going to summer camp with my first younger sister and I was scared to leave the youngest (again out of fear from before, not because I logically think they’d hurt her). They’ve done a good job of keeping the arguments behind closed doors and it helped, but sometimes if I walk by at the wrong time or if they’re loud enough it doesn’t matter if the door is closed or not. Thanks for the reply, I really appreciate it. Not at all. We're always here for you You strike me as a really reflective person and it can be really helpful to notice some of the behaviour patterns you have as a family, like you have already done. Recognising where our behaviour and responses stem from can be the first step in changing some of those behaviour patterns. Although as you said, it can be so difficult to change. Traumatic experiences often leave deep scares inside us and it will take time to process and change the behaviours that we acquired to keep us safe in those situations. It sounds like you might find it really helpful to have counselling to help you process some of those feelings and change some of the behaviour patterns you notice that are still happening. I'm sorry that your mom isn't very open to the idea. You mentioned that you might get a mental health screening soon. Do you mind telling me a bit more about that eg will that be done through school or privately and has your mom agreed to this? Please don't feel you have to answer if you don't want to. I'm glad to hear that things have settled down between your mom and your step dad and it sounds like you don't feel like you need to worried about your safety when the two of them argue (even though it does trigger some of your fears). Is that right? 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Equivalent Ways Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 7 hours ago, TinyDinos said: This reminds me of my poem “Mine” that I wrote. I agree 100% I’ll go check it out! It’s on the platform here somewhere right? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Equivalent Ways Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 (edited) im having a hard time rn with my family and some things are just overwhelming me rn and i am anxious about the future What's going on? My mom is just in a bit of a different mood today and I feel like is not really understanding me, and I know it will pass but it is just overwhelming with otherthings combined too hgh Edited February 22, 2023 by Equivalent Ways MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TinyDinos Posted February 22, 2023 Author Share Posted February 22, 2023 2 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said: im having a hard time rn with my family and some things are just overwhelming me rn and i am anxious about the future What's going on? My mom is just in a bit of a different mood today and I feel like is not really understanding me, and I know it will pass but it is just overwhelming with otherthings combined too hgh I’m sorry.. I know how that feels and I wish I could help :( MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TinyDinos Posted February 22, 2023 Author Share Posted February 22, 2023 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Other, Trauma Click this notice to reveal the content. 6 hours ago, Aurora said: Not at all. We're always here for you You strike me as a really reflective person and it can be really helpful to notice some of the behaviour patterns you have as a family, like you have already done. Recognising where our behaviour and responses stem from can be the first step in changing some of those behaviour patterns. Although as you said, it can be so difficult to change. Traumatic experiences often leave deep scares inside us and it will take time to process and change the behaviours that we acquired to keep us safe in those situations. It sounds like you might find it really helpful to have counselling to help you process some of those feelings and change some of the behaviour patterns you notice that are still happening. I'm sorry that your mom isn't very open to the idea. You mentioned that you might get a mental health screening soon. Do you mind telling me a bit more about that eg will that be done through school or privately and has your mom agreed to this? Please don't feel you have to answer if you don't want to. I'm glad to hear that things have settled down between your mom and your step dad and it sounds like you don't feel like you need to worried about your safety when the two of them argue (even though it does trigger some of your fears). Is that right? Yeah. Reflective is a positive way of putting it and I like that. I tend to think of it as over analytical but I normally think negatively so I guess I didn’t think about using a word with a positive connotation, so thank you for that. That makes sense, and I’m trying to figure out at least most of the triggers we have as a whole but for now even the ones I understand are difficult to avoid. I am. I live in the US and when you go in for a physical exam, they make you do a mental health screening so I’d get it through my doctor and my mom doesn’t have to approve it. I’m homeschooled . Yeah you’re correct about that. I think it’s just a habit at this point to be pessimistic because I had to protect people before, and now I don’t if that makes sense? They’ve been good though, and I was outside all day yesterday and I think that helped with my mental health so I’m doing good today MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Equivalent Ways Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 30 minutes ago, TinyDinos said: I’m sorry.. I know how that feels and I wish I could help :( Thanks, that nice of you<3 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Equivalent Ways Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Other, Trauma Click this notice to reveal the content. Just now, TinyDinos said: Yeah. Reflective is a positive way of putting it and I like that. I tend to think of it as over analytical but I normally think negatively so I guess I didn’t think about using a word with a positive connotation, so thank you for that. That makes sense, and I’m trying to figure out at least most of the triggers we have as a whole but for now even the ones I understand are difficult to avoid. I am. I live in the US and when you go in for a physical exam, they make you do a mental health screening so I’d get it through my doctor and my mom doesn’t have to approve it. I’m homeschooled . Yeah you’re correct about that. I think it’s just a habit at this point to be pessimistic because I had to protect people before, and now I don’t if that makes sense? They’ve been good though, and I was outside all day yesterday and I think that helped with my mental health so I’m doing good today You are doing such a great job 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TinyDinos Posted February 22, 2023 Author Share Posted February 22, 2023 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Other, Trauma Click this notice to reveal the content. 5 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said: You are doing such a great job Thank you so much that means a lot MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Equivalent Ways Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Other, Trauma Click this notice to reveal the content. 1 minute ago, TinyDinos said: Thank you so much that means a lot Yeah of course ️️ MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Equivalent Ways Posted February 23, 2023 Share Posted February 23, 2023 (edited) Just had a really awful nightmare 🫠✌ I’m kinda terrified rn I am also really tired but i know if I go back to bed another one will come rolling.. like, that was so stressful Edited February 23, 2023 by Equivalent Ways MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawthorne11 Posted February 23, 2023 Share Posted February 23, 2023 Ah, that's not fun. I know the feeling, nightmares suck. 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Equivalent Ways Posted February 23, 2023 Share Posted February 23, 2023 48 minutes ago, AceOfSpades said: Ah, that's not fun. I know the feeling, nightmares suck. Yeah, thanks. I am up now but the feeling still lingers... MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Luie Posted February 23, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted February 23, 2023 58 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said: Yeah, thanks. I am up now but the feeling still lingers... Heyy @Equivalent Ways, sorry to hear about your nightmare, would you like to talk about it or try and head to bed? Here for you. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Equivalent Ways Posted February 23, 2023 Share Posted February 23, 2023 1 hour ago, Luie said: Heyy @Equivalent Ways, sorry to hear about your nightmare, would you like to talk about it or try and head to bed? Here for you. Thank you Luie, I appreciate that. It's just scary, filled with gore, and suggestive. However, I can tell that it was a dream and not real because i normally zap awake and see i am not in that world. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Luie Posted February 23, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted February 23, 2023 3 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said: Thank you Luie, I appreciate that. It's just scary, filled with gore, and suggestive. However, I can tell that it was a dream and not real because i normally zap awake and see i am not in that world. That's good to know, I can totally imagine how scary that must've been, if you get these often and want to speak more about it just send through a request on Confidential support, happy to see how I can help you further if needed MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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