Is this the worst that can happen to me at this age ? And was it actually my mistake and did I stir up this drama ?

[Aurora]

14 hours ago, Tangled said:

I had a huge confrontation with him this evening....left me in tears....I got a perfect punch on my face...anyways mumma was upset I made her cry too. My brothers tried to cheer me up...they got me some ice cream...and dad ordered chicken from my favorite restaurant....not to cheer me up definitely....(mumma refused to cook so no other option.. she was unhappy with his behavior..). Getting to the question....I'm dropping this year as I  couldn't study last two years well due to pandemic and not to mention what goes in my house...I missed by 3 marks to get a perfect 90%...(happy part is ...I had my picture in my school advertisement in newspaper 3 days ago.. in last 2nd position :( )  As I told you earlier I was preparing for my college entrance that is JEE. I couldn't score well but an organization selected me for their 1 year program where they teach 30 students for free for JEE . And since JEE can actually change the course of my life and the opportunities I get after college so dropping a year for preparation is fine with me. The coaching is 6hrs away from my home. You might be feeling that I'm blaming my home environment for my failure in JEE  but it's not like that...my home environment was just a part of many reasons I couldn't succeed last time...anyways I'll be more focused this time.JEE is the toughest exam of Asia and comes in top 5 toughest exams of the world.  The top scores get to go to IITs which is a very big deal in itself.  I should have worked hard ...I'll try one more time ...and maybe when I'm away I might be able to focus well on my studies as it seems impossible at home with all this going on :)

Hi @Tangled, I'm Aurora, one of the other support mentors here at Ditch the Label. I thought I would jump in while Monsoon is away. I hope that's OK.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time at the moment. Please know that none of this is your fault and it is never OK for your father to punch you! The most important thing is that you are safe and it doesn't sound to me like you are safe when your Dad is around. Would you agree?  What do you think might happen if you reported him to the police? If you don't feel you can report him, is there maybe somewhere else you could stay in the meantime until you start your study program (other family members or friends that you trust) ? 

[Tangled]

No I'm fine. I'm safe here...until I've my mother and my brothers here. I don't usually mess with my dad and keep a check on my words so as not to get in trouble.  It's just a matter of 15 more days...then I can leave home for my coaching and apparently after a year I'll join a btech program....and when I leave my college I'll come out as financially independent ....it's just 15 more days :)

[Tangled]

And about reporting....I don't think I can ever report him . Not even when I become self reliant....he might be a bad person when it comes to my mother but he has been a dutiful father till now. I agree that he never had time for my school annual ceremonies...neither my birthday nor any other special day. Yet he always managed to fulfill his responsibilities as a father. He always paid my school fee on time...always got me required books on time...and yes he made sure we had everything to survive even if he couldn't get us a happy moment.  Something in me is not allowing me to be revengful towards him...afterall he has done he is not someone worthy of my love or affection yet he still has some soft corner in my heart...and I think he'll always stay there ...no matter how rough life goes ahead with him :(

Edited August 15, 2022 by Tangled

[Aurora]

19 hours ago, Tangled said:

And about reporting....I don't think I can ever report him . Not even when I become self reliant....he might be a bad person when it comes to my mother but he has been a dutiful father till now. I agree that he never had time for my school annual ceremonies...neither my birthday nor any other special day. Yet he always managed to fulfill his responsibilities as a father. He always paid my school fee on time...always got me required books on time...and yes he made sure we had everything to survive even if he couldn't get us a happy moment.  Something in me is not allowing me to be revengful towards him...afterall he has done he is not someone worthy of my love or affection yet he still has some soft corner in my heart...and I think he'll always stay there ...no matter how rough life goes ahead with him :(

 

It is really normal that we love our parents, no matter what they do. But please know that your feelings matter and you shouldn’t be treated like that. However, I’m glad to hear that you feel safe and that you only have 15 days left at home. The most important thing is your safety and it sounds like you have a plan as to how you can become independent from your father, which is great. I have noticed that it sometimes sounds like you blame yourself for some of the things that are going on at home, even though none of this is your fault. I’m just wondering whether all of this is having an impact on your confidence and how you see yourself as a person. What do you think?

 

[Tangled]

I sometimes feel like I'm not that privileged enough to have a 100% perfect family. But it's completely fine. Everyone have their own struggles. And these problems only help a person grow . My home environment never had a negative impact on me...as far as I can see I'm a very normal student like others ....but a little more mature and kind than others.  I hope I can someday help someone like me ....maybe that would help me get a happy ending to my story. Now it's getting a little more smoother than last few day here at  home. You might as well see a change of tone in my words....

And about negative effects....I lost my first position at school and slipped really down on the merit list...last second ....and also I'm suffering from migraine ...but it's fine...I'm definitely heading towards a better tomorrow I guess :)

Edited August 17, 2022 by Tangled

[Aurora]

2 hours ago, Tangled said:

I sometimes feel like I'm not that privileged enough to have a 100% perfect family. But it's completely fine. Everyone have their own struggles. And these problems only help a person grow . My home environment never had a negative impact on me...as far as I can see I'm a very normal student like others ....but a little more mature and kind than others.  I hope I can someday help someone like me ....maybe that would help me get a happy ending to my story. Now it's getting a little more smoother than last few day here at  home. You might as well see a change of tone in my words....

And about negative effects....I lost my first position at school and slipped really down on the merit list...last second ....and also I'm suffering from migraine ...but it's fine...I'm definitely heading towards a better tomorrow I guess :)

I'm really glad to hear you're feeling more positive and as you said, problems do help us grow as a person.  But I also think that it is important that we feel safe at home. And I'm sorry to hear you are suffering from migraines. Do you think it's linked to what is going on at home and have you been to see a doctor about this? 

It's great that you can see that you are more mature and kind and that you want to help others. Is there anything else you like about yourself? 

[Tangled]

Yes, my family issues did contribute to this...maybe it was just worse in my mind...had other issues too..like jee as I mentioned earlier. Anyways I'm seeing a shift of perspective now. And yes apart from my nature I don't like anything about me :)

[Blondie]

1 hour ago, Tangled said:

Yes, my family issues did contribute to this...maybe it was just worse in my mind...had other issues too..like jee as I mentioned earlier. Anyways I'm seeing a shift of perspective now. And yes apart from my nature I don't like anything about me :)

Hey, I'm jumping in today to add that you sound amazing - you've made plans for your future, your friends come to you for advice. These are all wonderful qualities. 

[Tangled]

1 hour ago, Blondie said:

Hey, I'm jumping in today to add that you sound amazing - you've made plans for your future, your friends come to you for advice. These are all wonderful qualities. 

Thank you   that's really sweet of you 

[Cal_The_Oyster]

Hey @Tangled

Do you wanna know something? You inspired me to be myself and I got a Bob haircut today. Thanks to people like you I feel comfortable with my hair and face. It's people like you that make people like me feel worthy accepted and loved and I'm eternally grateful.

[Tangled]

5 hours ago, Thisboiistrans said:

Hey @Tangled

Do you wanna know something? You inspired me to be myself and I got a Bob haircut today. Thanks to people like you I feel comfortable with my hair and face. It's people like you that make people like me feel worthy accepted and loved and I'm eternally grateful.

I'm really happy for you and proud as well. I had a bad day but listening about you made me feel better... Hope you keep embracing yourself this way....so happy for you :)) and yess!! Bobs are great ! I love them....make sure you bath daily ....they look wonderful when you wash them daily.. get to work...they need high maintenance  ....

[Cal_The_Oyster]

Will do! I'm glad I made you happy

[Aurora]

On 8/17/2022 at 3:31 PM, Tangled said:

Yes, my family issues did contribute to this...maybe it was just worse in my mind...had other issues too..like jee as I mentioned earlier. Anyways I'm seeing a shift of perspective now. And yes apart from my nature I don't like anything about me :)

It's great to hear that you are seeing a shift in perspective. What are you noticing that feels more positive? And how did it feel to hear all the positive comments from the other users?

You sound like a very kind, helpful and caring person and it's lovely to have you as part of our community! 

[Tangled]

2 hours ago, Aurora said:

It's great to hear that you are seeing a shift in perspective. What are you noticing that feels more positive? And how did it feel to hear all the positive comments from the other users?

You sound like a very kind, helpful and caring person and it's lovely to have you as part of our community! 

Thanks I've already dropped this year and I've  joined an institution which is currently functioning online. And the best part is that I'm already performing really well in my studies and feels like if I keep preparing with this speed I might get IIT. Teachers usually make me answer the questions that others cannot and students also reach out to me for their doubts.  It's turning really positive now. I have something to tell you...  on 17th we had our annual felicitation ceremony for the 12th and 10th graders. Received a huge shield. One of my classmates needed some help so I ended up sharing my number.  I never talked to him in school but he seemed really nice in texts. As I happened to mention my migraine to one of my teachers he heard it....he told me that he has been suffering from migraine since three and a half year. I never thought I could hear something like this from such a cool dude like him... he is the most popular guy of our class...active in everything....always cracking jokes ...and he carries this positive aura with him that would make you feel like he is the happiest person on this entire planet. So, out of eagerness I asked him how he manages such an attitude with a mental illness...definitely he also must have some issues with his life that landed him with this illness....yet he behaves in a totally different way. He suggested me not to keep any expectations from anyone and be social. Seems like he is more lonely than I'm ...yet he is so different.  He is a carefree person...he rarely attends classes....is always at odds with teachers and still manages to be a straight A student.... His perspective about life was so different than mine...although life was equally unfair with both of us ....but he managed to grow out of the storms and he has grown so stronger that he can survive any storm now..... I actually felt relieved to talk to him and also mentioned how I thought him to be a total brat....he told me that he always thought that I was a very positive person with a perfect life as perfect as my school life.... we wondered how everyone can have two sides and sometimes one side so worse than the other..... we mask....we hide our feelings....everything....we never let ourselves be vulnerable....but as soon as we fall down we always get someone nicer to hold us....we should sometimes allow us to be ourselves...it's completely fine not to have a perfect life...no one does :)) 

[Cal_The_Oyster]

2 hours ago, Tangled said:

Thanks I've already dropped this year and I've  joined an institution which is currently functioning online. And the best part is that I'm already performing really well in my studies and feels like if I keep preparing with this speed I might get IIT. Teachers usually make me answer the questions that others cannot and students also reach out to me for their doubts.  It's turning really positive now. I have something to tell you...  on 17th we had our annual felicitation ceremony for the 12th and 10th graders. Received a huge shield. One of my classmates needed some help so I ended up sharing my number.  I never talked to him in school but he seemed really nice in texts. As I happened to mention my migraine to one of my teachers he heard it....he told me that he has been suffering from migraine since three and a half year. I never thought I could hear something like this from such a cool dude like him... he is the most popular guy of our class...active in everything....always cracking jokes ...and he carries this positive aura with him that would make you feel like he is the happiest person on this entire planet. So, out of eagerness I asked him how he manages such an attitude with a mental illness...definitely he also must have some issues with his life that landed him with this illness....yet he behaves in a totally different way. He suggested me not to keep any expectations from anyone and be social. Seems like he is more lonely than I'm ...yet he is so different.  He is a carefree person...he rarely attends classes....is always at odds with teachers and still manages to be a straight A student.... His perspective about life was so different than mine...although life was equally unfair with both of us ....but he managed to grow out of the storms and he has grown so stronger that he can survive any storm now..... I actually felt relieved to talk to him and also mentioned how I thought him to be a total brat....he told me that he always thought that I was a very positive person with a perfect life as perfect as my school life.... we wondered how everyone can have two sides and sometimes one side so worse than the other..... we mask....we hide our feelings....everything....we never let ourselves be vulnerable....but as soon as we fall down we always get someone nicer to hold us....we should sometimes allow us to be ourselves...it's completely fine not to have a perfect life...no one does :)) 

Well said

[Tangled]

35 minutes ago, Thisboiistrans said:

Well said

 thanks dear

[Cal_The_Oyster]

You're welcome. It feels strangely nice to be called dear lol.

[Tangled]

1 hour ago, Thisboiistrans said:

You're welcome. It feels strangely nice to be called dear lol.

yes it does sound nice to me too...

[Cal_The_Oyster]

Hehe 

How are things?

[Tangled]

2 hours ago, Thisboiistrans said:

Hehe 

How are things?

About my home? It's much better....or maybe I've adjusted a little bit...my dad still says he's a loyal person everyone has shifted to normal days...except for me. The drama is on hold as my youngest brother has been tested covid positive  :(  I'll be leaving in less than 10 days...(I'm not allowed to carry electronic devices)...see you all after a year now...I'm happy and sad at the same time...I found you all....you all are so wonderful and super nice but we didn't get much time to connect....hope I would have found you all a little bit early... 

 

So about you...how are things at your home? And what about your future ? Do you have any goals? Like what do you want to become when you grow taller ? Well I guess we belong to different countries! Right?....so our future plans might be different....here in my country academics are everything and children are pressurized right from  the kindergarten to be a top performer ...how are things in your state? 

[Cal_The_Oyster]

26 minutes ago, Tangled said:

So about you...how are things at your home? And what about your future ? Do you have any goals? Like what do you want to become when you grow taller ? Well I guess we belong to different countries! Right?....so our future plans might be different....here in my country academics are everything and children are pressurized right from  the kindergarten to be a top performer ...how are things in your state? 

Great at home. I'm thinking of working with kids in a nursery setting. Things in my state are fine. I think we both live on other sides of the world. Think Europe I cant go into specifics but yeah.

[Cal_The_Oyster]

28 minutes ago, Tangled said:

'll be leaving in less than 10 days...(I'm not allowed to carry electronic devices)...see you all after a year now...I'm happy and sad at the same time...I found you all....you all are so wonderful and super nice but we didn't get much time to connect....hope I would have found you all a little bit early

I dont know if I'll be on here either. Actually even though we didnt get much time to connect as you say, I still feel influenced (in a good way) one hell of a deal. I wish we'd met earlier too.

[Tangled]

35 minutes ago, Thisboiistrans said:

I dont know if I'll be on here either. Actually even though we didnt get much time to connect as you say, I still feel influenced (in a good way) one hell of a deal. I wish we'd met earlier too.

That's actually a regret that I'll carry to my grave

37 minutes ago, Thisboiistrans said:

Great at home. I'm thinking of working with kids in a nursery setting. Things in my state are fine. I think we both live on other sides of the world. Think Europe I cant go into specifics but yeah.

Aren't you quite lil to work right now ? According to my country standards....but yeah we actually live in totally different worlds. Always do the things that please you ! I also love kids...they are just full of life and innocence...they are sometimes hard to handle but with love and patience you can definitely be on good terms with them... I wish you very best of luck for your future and hope you find tremendous happiness in whatever you do :))

[Cal_The_Oyster]

14 hours ago, Tangled said:

Aren't you quite lil to work right now ? According to my country standards....but yeah we actually live in totally different worlds. Always do the things that please you ! I also love kids...they are just full of life and innocence...they are sometimes hard to handle but with love and patience you can definitely be on good terms with them... I wish you very best of luck for your future and hope you find tremendous happiness in whatever you do :)

Oh no I don't mean Right now I mean later on when I receive my qualifications. Always had an affinity fir kids and yeah I agree they definitely are innocent. Thanks for everything sending you love.

[Tangled]

9 minutes ago, Thisboiistrans said:

Oh no I don't mean Right now I mean later on when I receive my qualifications. Always had an affinity fir kids and yeah I agree they definitely are innocent. Thanks for everything sending you love.

Good luck for your future and sending you lots of love from this side too