Venting

[Emberfrost12]

I guess I just feel like I’m due to vent. So here we go!

So, I guess I’m annoyed that I have no constants in my life. Everything is changing, and I have no control over anything anymore. Not even myself, really. 
I’m also annoyed that it seems like the people I don’t interact with as much refuse to use my name and argue the use of my deadname. One of my teachers have also made jokes about how I don’t know how to spell because I ‘spell my name wrong’. 
Then there’s my mom, who claims to support me, but refuses to use they/them pronouns on anyone, and writes my gender off as “I know you don’t like wearing dresses…” I think the word she’s looking for when she says that she ‘accepts’ me is actually ‘tolerates’
It’s also annoying that the person who bullied me and the person I bullied are in the same spot, meaning that if I want to see one, I have to see the other at the same time. 
I hate how often people cancel things last minute with me. I was going to collaborate on something with someone, but they canceled right before I left, saying ‘oh sorry, something came up really fast. Some other time?’ They haven’t given me a further date, and it’s been a month. People keep doing that to me and it’s really stressful. 
I have a really strange recurring nightmare that I never have while actually asleep. The essential story is that somehow my dad dies in a car accident, my mom blames it on me and kicks me out, and I end up homeless with extra bad mental health. 
Last, I’m annoyed at how constantly off my mental health is. I can be having a great day, then realize that I’m being weighed down by something. I honestly forget how it feels to not be stressed. 

That’s it! I’m done venting. 

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

I'm glad that you can vent here. You have got quite a lot going on, and you must be feeling really overwhelmed which is totally understandable. I'm wondering, who is annoying you the most at the moment? If you could scream something in the face of that person without getting into trouble, what would you say?

[Emberfrost12]

Um, probably my teacher. She gets mad at me for the slightest of things. I’m not sure what I’d say though. 

[Monsoon]

1 hour ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Um, probably my teacher. She gets mad at me for the slightest of things. I’m not sure what I’d say though. 

That must be pretty annoying for you. How does it make you feel when she gets at you for the slightest things? 

[Emberfrost12]

I guess it feels like she's putting me down because she doesn't like me, or something like that

[Monsoon]

15 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

I guess it feels like she's putting me down because she doesn't like me, or something like that

Hey,

Yeah, I think that's how most people would feel in this situation. I'm wondering, have you spoken to her about how you're feeling? 

[Emberfrost12]

3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, I think that's how most people would feel in this situation. I'm wondering, have you spoken to her about how you're feeling? 

No, and I don’t plan to, as she does not know how to keep a conversation quiet, and it would get really awkward really fast

[Monsoon]

19 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

No, and I don’t plan to, as she does not know how to keep a conversation quiet, and it would get really awkward really fast

Hey there,

I see what you mean and that's fair enough. I'm just thinking though, do you think you can put up with this though, or is it too hurtful for you to do that? 

[Emberfrost12]

I think the main issue is that things are stacking up. If I can fix some other stuff, I should be able to handle it. I mean, I only have to deal with it for two more months

[Monsoon]

18 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

I think the main issue is that things are stacking up. If I can fix some other stuff, I should be able to handle it. I mean, I only have to deal with it for two more months

Hey there,

Ah, okay, that makes sense. What do you think you're going to do about the things that are stacking up then? 

[Emberfrost12]

5 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Ah, okay, that makes sense. What do you think you're going to do about the things that are stacking up then? 

I’m just going to try and work through it, I guess

[Monsoon]

Yeah, that's the best way to be. Face them head on :)

Would you like any help with working through them? 

[Emberfrost12]

I think I’m good, thanks 

[Monsoon]

1 hour ago, Emberfrost12 said:

I think I’m good, thanks 

Okay! If you need any support, just let us know :) 

[Emberfrost12]

Hey, I'm going to add to this because some new stuff came up. I'm...imagining things? I mean, it only happened once, but still. Also-there's kind of a big deal at my school, because a grade twelve killed himself, so that's really stressful as well. My mom and I got in a fight yesterday about my gender, and she kept on yelling that I was a girl...

[Blondie]

13 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Hey, I'm going to add to this because some new stuff came up. I'm...imagining things? I mean, it only happened once, but still. Also-there's kind of a big deal at my school, because a grade twelve killed himself, so that's really stressful as well. My mom and I got in a fight yesterday about my gender, and she kept on yelling that I was a girl...

Hi there, I'm so sorry to hear this happened - I imagine it must be a huge shock with a lot of confusing feelings. Has school put anything in place to support students?

That must be so hard hearing that from your mom when you know exactly who you are. Do you think you'll be able to have a calmer talk with her today and explain how much that hurts?

[Emberfrost12]

4 hours ago, Blondie said:

Hi there, I'm so sorry to hear this happened - I imagine it must be a huge shock with a lot of confusing feelings. Has school put anything in place to support students?

That must be so hard hearing that from your mom when you know exactly who you are. Do you think you'll be able to have a calmer talk with her today and explain how much that hurts?

Kind of? Just more people in student services. The worst part about it is that everyone is acting like nothing happened. 
 

Probably not . I’m just going to be happy that my dad is being really chill and understanding, and not push my mom further. I hate it when she cries. 

[Blondie]

20 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Kind of? Just more people in student services. The worst part about it is that everyone is acting like nothing happened. 
 

Probably not . I’m just going to be happy that my dad is being really chill and understanding, and not push my mom further. I hate it when she cries. 

I think that when we face such hard situations some people just don't know how to react and there can be a feeling of being numb - it's all kind of too big to be able to deal with such trauma. Losing someone to suicide is a very difficult and often especially difficult for younger people when it's common to think we have years ahead of us. I wonder if you might be able to suggest to student support that they are a little more proactive in reaching out and running some drop in sessions? 

I'm so glad your dad is chill.

[Emberfrost12]

2 hours ago, Blondie said:

I think that when we face such hard situations some people just don't know how to react and there can be a feeling of being numb - it's all kind of too big to be able to deal with such trauma. Losing someone to suicide is a very difficult and often especially difficult for younger people when it's common to think we have years ahead of us. I wonder if you might be able to suggest to student support that they are a little more proactive in reaching out and running some drop in sessions? 

I'm so glad your dad is chill.

I probably could have, but I’m not going to be at school for a week and by the time i get back, there will probably be no point anymore. 
 

I am too

[thesinkingsonnet]

Hi....So I saw ppl venting in here So I would also like to vent in here to make myself relieved.

My friends and classmates were very supportive when I came out. They use my pronouns correctly and they are happy that I am finally being myself. The only ppl I can't be myself is my family. You see my family is transphobic, homophobic, racist and everything that is supported by the so called society. My parents hit me for being myself or when I confront them. There was this one time when my mom threw me on the floor and choked me while putting all her weight on me. Luckily I survived but instead she broke my knee. The reason she did was that I was doing my assignment and my little sis wanted to play with me and I refused cuz I wanted to study. My parents made me hate myself my whole life. They made me so insecure that I sometimes to cut myself.  You see I used to be quiet and good child who never spoke up their feelings. Now I am trying to be a confident person and my parents can't take it. They given me trauma my whole life and honestly it's going to stay forever. Tbh I used to be like them just to fit in and then I realized that being urself is important. My parents beat me and scream at me cuz I am not a good child anymore. My parents gaslight me into making myself feel shitty.  My whole childhood I have gone with the flow. Now I have started taking actions and my parent gaslight me, beat me, scream at me, throw me like I am some garbage, say words like I am useless I am dumb I don't know how to respect elders. I don't really get it why can't younger ppl correct elders. Like learning isn't till college. 

    I am an Indian and in India it's normalized for parents to hit and scream at their children. Which gives a lot of the liberty to do whatever they want with their child and You have already read what they did to me.  A lot of children have to go through that trauma. 

I guess I am gonna end here cuz It's gonna be a novel if I vent all my trauma and childhood.

[Emberfrost12]

7 hours ago, thesinkingsonnet said:

Hi....So I saw ppl venting in here So I would also like to vent in here to make myself relieved.

My friends and classmates were very supportive when I came out. They use my pronouns correctly and they are happy that I am finally being myself. The only ppl I can't be myself is my family. You see my family is transphobic, homophobic, racist and everything that is supported by the so called society. My parents hit me for being myself or when I confront them. There was this one time when my mom threw me on the floor and choked me while putting all her weight on me. Luckily I survived but instead she broke my knee. The reason she did was that I was doing my assignment and my little sis wanted to play with me and I refused cuz I wanted to study. My parents made me hate myself my whole life. They made me so insecure that I sometimes to cut myself.  You see I used to be quiet and good child who never spoke up their feelings. Now I am trying to be a confident person and my parents can't take it. They given me trauma my whole life and honestly it's going to stay forever. Tbh I used to be like them just to fit in and then I realized that being urself is important. My parents beat me and scream at me cuz I am not a good child anymore. My parents gaslight me into making myself feel shitty.  My whole childhood I have gone with the flow. Now I have started taking actions and my parent gaslight me, beat me, scream at me, throw me like I am some garbage, say words like I am useless I am dumb I don't know how to respect elders. I don't really get it why can't younger ppl correct elders. Like learning isn't till college. 

    I am an Indian and in India it's normalized for parents to hit and scream at their children. Which gives a lot of the liberty to do whatever they want with their child and You have already read what they did to me.  A lot of children have to go through that trauma. 

I guess I am gonna end here cuz It's gonna be a novel if I vent all my trauma and childhood.

That sounds really tough. I’m going to tag in @Monsoon and @Blondie to help you out. I really hope that something can change and things get better. 

[Monsoon]

On 5/11/2022 at 3:07 PM, Emberfrost12 said:

I probably could have, but I’m not going to be at school for a week and by the time i get back, there will probably be no point anymore. 
 

I am too

Hey there,

Can I ask, why do you feel like there will probably be no point? 

[Monsoon]

11 hours ago, thesinkingsonnet said:

Hi....So I saw ppl venting in here So I would also like to vent in here to make myself relieved.

My friends and classmates were very supportive when I came out. They use my pronouns correctly and they are happy that I am finally being myself. The only ppl I can't be myself is my family. You see my family is transphobic, homophobic, racist and everything that is supported by the so called society. My parents hit me for being myself or when I confront them. There was this one time when my mom threw me on the floor and choked me while putting all her weight on me. Luckily I survived but instead she broke my knee. The reason she did was that I was doing my assignment and my little sis wanted to play with me and I refused cuz I wanted to study. My parents made me hate myself my whole life. They made me so insecure that I sometimes to cut myself.  You see I used to be quiet and good child who never spoke up their feelings. Now I am trying to be a confident person and my parents can't take it. They given me trauma my whole life and honestly it's going to stay forever. Tbh I used to be like them just to fit in and then I realized that being urself is important. My parents beat me and scream at me cuz I am not a good child anymore. My parents gaslight me into making myself feel shitty.  My whole childhood I have gone with the flow. Now I have started taking actions and my parent gaslight me, beat me, scream at me, throw me like I am some garbage, say words like I am useless I am dumb I don't know how to respect elders. I don't really get it why can't younger ppl correct elders. Like learning isn't till college. 

    I am an Indian and in India it's normalized for parents to hit and scream at their children. Which gives a lot of the liberty to do whatever they want with their child and You have already read what they did to me.  A lot of children have to go through that trauma. 

I guess I am gonna end here cuz It's gonna be a novel if I vent all my trauma and childhood.

Hey,

Thank you for opening up to us about this.

i just want you to know that I have sent you a message to check in. I hope to hear back from you soon. Take care.

 

[thesinkingsonnet]

3 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

That sounds really tough. I’m going to tag in @Monsoon and @Blondie to help you out. I really hope that something can change and things get better. 

It can if I move out from my house which can't be done under the age of 18. Everything here can be done after the age of 18 which seems irrelevant to me. I want emancipation but no law for children is here. Only laws for child protection is here

[Emberfrost12]

8 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Can I ask, why do you feel like there will probably be no point? 

People move on REALLY FAST in my school for some reason. As in, the next day from when it happened, everyone wanted to just move on and pretended it never happened.